The grandmother and sweets

[msssjenna]

We are currently on Day 17. Me and my husband, and my kids eat compliant at home (still get SAD food at daycare). I first asked my mom to do it with me, and she said she coudlnt give up sugar/alcohol. Fine, I didnt force her.

I recently have been pushing about getting my kids to be limited with grains and sweets. I'm working with daycare now and its definitely not someting to happen overnight. My mom/stepdad get my 2 older boys every Thursday night - a way to allow my husband and I a date night. They feed them junk (hot dogs/grilled cheese and chips, followed by "fun" treats like marshmellows, popsicles, etc). Since starting Whole30 I have asked my mom if she is willing to change what she feeds them. Basically, she told me no. They dont want to 'force' the kids to eat regular meals, and they like to make them happy.

Tonight she is coming over and is insisting on bringing a special 'treat' for the boys. She first said ice cream and politely declined saying I was already going to make dessert. She then said "Well I might still need to bring them something, maybe some gummy candies."

How do I get her to understand that her presence is enough? My boys love their Nana and I dont want them to look at her to bring bad treats every time. Why cant she bring a non-food item? How do I get my mom to understand that I dont want these items given to my kids, at least not in my house. I dont want to hurt her feelings, but I dont know where to go from here.

[pjena]

I think you have two issues here. One is that Grandma feels the need to bring a treat every time she sees the kids and you don't want the kids to feel like they always get something from her. The other is that the treat is usually junk food and she doesn't follow your wishes regarding feeding your kids. I think both are valid concerns.

My mom usually brings a treat when she visits, but it's bubbles in the summer or leggos in the winter or something like that. I had some of your concerns about the kids associating visits from Grandma with getting stuff, but eventually, I just let it go. It makes my mom happy. I also am much more lenient on food and tv and bedtime when the kids are visiting Grandma. But, she lives out of town and doesn't see them weekly. It's maybe once a month or less. So, I agree with you that Grandma should follow your rules.

Maybe deal with one at a time? Suggest some non-food treats she can bring when she visits and maybe some non perfect but better options for fun Grandma food when they visit her. Baby steps?

I wish I had better advice. Good luck!

[msssjenna]

Yes well I am very fortunate I live so close to my family, my mom gets to see them every week. Thats why I feel treats are not needed.

She came over for dinner last night (I made a Whole30 meal for her ) and she brought 2 jumbo marshmellows for the boys. I made sure they ate their dinner before allowing them to have them. I then was the one who had to struggle with getting them to bed. Argh.

[eating4balance]

_{Wow. That's got to be tough. Have you explained to her how your children act when they get processed food and sugars? My grandma is the same way. She just wants to give us things, but we don't really eat that way anymore. It took a few months, but it has finally slowed down and she now asks before bringing anything over. Maybe you could explain that the food isn't why your children want to be with her. It's just the company that's important. Perhaps the next time they are going over you could bring a few paleo-friendly cookbooks and show her some recipes that the kids have been wanting to try but you just "haven't had time" to make yet May not be entirely truthful, either way though it sounds like you're going to have to cater to her feelings to get what you need. Nothing wrong with that! Especially if it really is helping with your kids behavior. That's great that you can already tell a difference this far in!}

[paleoamy]

We live next door to my in laws, and about 5 mintues away from 3 other sets of grandparents so I feel your struggle.  Following this thread for ideas/suggestions.

 

[Madabout_riley]

I think there's only one other way around this. If your mom won't listen, talk to your boys. Educate them on the effects of processed foods. Maybe they'll stop taking it from grandma, or better yet, they'll tell her directly they don't want that stuff anymore. I know kids are easier and teenagers are much harder but I think that's your best bet, unless you're not opposed to being stern with grandma (which is the route in would take... HAHA!)

[opt-out]

I don't understand it either.  Why would my mother/father want my child - their grandchild to be unhealthy and to struggle with food like I have my whole life.  I think it's the way they show love.  It's how they showed me love and they don't know any other way.  I ask them for specific things I want..like fruit in the cookie jar before we come over.  No wheat because my husband and I have problems with wheat and our child is high risk.  Toys instead of food when they come over with a treat.  I just got into a huge fight with my dad yesterday because he was giving my son a bite of his chocolate cake     Why? Why? Why is it so hard to not give him poison to eat?

[lbosmer]

I TOTALLY feel your PAIN!!!! I live very close to my parents and my son stays over there at least one night a week. It unnerves me that she won't listen to me. Her idea is, he is at my house, and I have my own rules...deal with it.

 

I also struggle on a daily basis with my child's nanny (70yo set in her ways). She has been with him since he has been 1 month old (he is now 2.5). We didn't start eating this way until about a year ago so for the beginning of my child's life there were no strict rules. Now it is so hard to get her to change. I tell her "I really would like for him to eat this (insert good food) and not that (insert bad food)" She is always like "Okay, yeah, sure...whatever you say" I grocery shop and show her all the stuff I want him to eat. Then I get home and find half eaten MoonPies (which she obviously buys for him because I haven't eaten a MoonPie in like 10 years) or she will bring him a buttered biscuit from the Piggly Wiggly for breakfast. It's not like that every SINGLE day but it probably happens once a week. I will remain persistent about my wishes but after a year of trying to get her to listen to me I just have to chalk it up as "you win some you lose some". I just hope and pray that he will learn from his mom and dad as he grows older and make the proper food choices. Yes, I could "fire" her but she has become part of the family and my son adores her. Not worth it to me. I know some of you would argue but I will just make sure that when he's with us he will eat right.

[Mom2A&M]

When I was young, my cousin was not allowed sugar/ junk food to eat. When I would play at her house we would sneak vitamin c chewables because that was the only sweet in the house. When she played at my house she was a ravenous animal and hardly left the kitchen....searching and overloading on treats (our house was loaded!). ....just a little funny story.

But seriously, it's not whole365 remember, some less healthy foods are just a part of life. Maybe work on limiting how often they are given so g-ma can still bring something once a month instead of once a week.

[MrsStick]

The thing that bugs me about these stories is that, if there were life-threatening allergies at stake, would they feed the kids that? Risk anaphylactic shock? No! But these behavioral changes due to foods, or mild problems, they treat as if they're nothing. 

 

For me, gluten in non-trace quantities gives me stabbing stomachaches for anywhere from half an hour to several hours after eating it. Okay, I'm learning to navigate the waters on that. But when I'm at my mom's house (visited a few weeks ago), she spent the whole time making things for breakfast like pancakes and french toast and feeding my dad, husband, and herself. It wouldn't be until I came down and asked what she was making that she would have any glimmer of recognition that I couldn't eat it. Same thing for the cake for dessert. 

 

That said, my parents are very much SAD eaters. I say that, meaning both meanings there - sad, and standard. We were on vacation with them and my in-laws a few weeks ago, and one of the dinners my mom made for her, my dad, and my brother were the following (apparently it's from Pintrest, so it's okay to eat):

 

1. Apply mayo to hot dog buns and put them in a baking dish

2. Put hot dogs in buns

3. Smother the whole thing with relish, canned chili, chopped onions, cheese, and other condiments you want

4. Bake

 

...um, no. Needless to say, we ate at the in-laws' house and had homemade gluten-free cilantro meatloaf, coleslaw, potatoes, etc. I was one of 2 need-to-be-gluten-free people there, and the ones that made the meatloaf are trying to be just because. So yay!