Starting my first W30 on April 1!

[SugarcubeOD]

I have started to put weight back on and I don't like it.  I can't bring Steve back; my mom can't be cured of the leukemia; I can't change my sister.  Being thin is the only thing that I have the power to do so I feel like I need to gain better control of my food to become thinner. However, I do know that being too thin won't bring Steve back or fix other areas in my life. I apologize if my words trigger anyone.  I know my mind is screwed up.  We all need to remember that Whole 30 is about becoming healthier and improving one's relationship with food; it is not about weight.

Hello darling!

I second Katie's sentiment that I think you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for... sometimes when we are in the midst of the struggle, it's all we can see but it can be helpful to rely on those around you who are seeing the big picture... 

Are you in any kind of grief counselling?  You don't have to answer that publicly or at all, but if you're not, I would recommend it.  You have some huge stuff going on right now and no one is expected to know how to deal with it alone... As women, we're programmed by society to not ask for help, to always appear like we know what we're doing...that is stupid.  There is no manual and no course to go to to know how to deal with the very special and complex circumstances that you have right now and there are people out there that can help you.  I would worry that without keeping it in check, you're going to end up with some pretty unhealthy eating arrangements because it's the only thing you feel you can control... Just food for thought... asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign of courage!

 

The good news is that feline cuddles are scientifically proven to be healing!  Take advantage of that!

[Alexislock27]

Laurie - I can't even imagine the pain you are going through. But know this: you ARE strong. You are still here and still trying. You wouldn't be posting at all if you weren't. I'm not qualified to give advice as I myself have spent many a day unable to get out of bed. But know that you are not alone and there are many people out there who feel your pain. It definitely helps to talk to someone. Not necessarily a therapist or counselor, but other people who have lost loved ones close to them. I agree with Sugarcube, if you can find grief counseling or a group that has gone through similar situations, it helps knowing there are other people who are going through the same thing or people who have gone through it and come out the other side and willing to help you get through it. And then you can do the same for others. Of course nothing will bring Steve back, as you said, but you are still here and still living and I'm sure he loved/loves you and would want you to keep trying...And if thats not enough motivation, do it for your kitties! They also love you and will always be there for you! My feline friends have been gotten me through many bad times:)

 

Hutlifr - thank you so much for your words. Definitely inspirational and I hope to be where you are someday. 

 

That being said, I am REALLY struggling these past few days. I love my job and my coworkers but they are NOT making this easier for me. Not on purpose mind you but this is the norm at my office. Two birthday celebrations this week (like we HAVE to celebrate every single birthday) and its not just let's get a cake. Every celebration is a day long potluck. Everyone brings something in and its left out alllll day. It's torture. I thought it would get easier to pass on sweets but I feel like its getting harder and my cravings are getting stronger and I'm afraid I will cave. Which makes me think I'm doing something wrong. Also, I got sick last night. Woke up twice in the middle of the night to throw up. Not sure if it's a stomach bug or food poisoning but either way I'm sure its not helping my "healing process". So I stayed home from work today and am feeling somewhat better. I made eggs and a baked sweet potato for breakfast/lunch and my stomach seems to be handling it ok. But I can't help thinking my body is rejecting all this healthy food and demanding chips and oreos. (I know thats ridiculous, but oh how I want an oreo) The first week I felt completely satisfied after eating and felt full and satiated. This week, I feel uneasy and nauseous after eating. Maybe its because I do have a bug, but whatever the reason, it's definitely discouraging:( Is that normal? Has anyone else experienced this on week 2? Maybe not the getting sick part, but the not feeling satiated and madly craving everything. I didn't have the "kill all the things" stage (because frankly I always feel like that), but its more of an "eat all the things" stage...

[SugarcubeOD]

And if thats not enough motivation, do it for your kitties! They also love you and will always be there for you! My feline friends have been gotten me through many bad times:)

It's astounding how many people I talk to feel like they wouldn't be where they are today without their cats (well... pets... but I'm a kitty person).  When I left an abusive relationship, sometimes the only reason I could get out of bed was because the kitty was hungry... and now, still dealing with the effects of that relationship years later, when I don't get up for my alarm on weekdays because I feel like I can't, he's right there pawing my face and making an issue until I get up... we should NOT discount the amazingness that is our kitty cats and Laurie, sometimes you might only be getting out of bed to feed them and change their litterbox and if that's how it is... that's okay... lots and lots of us have been there and we're here for you!

[SugarcubeOD]

That being said, I am REALLY struggling these past few days. I love my job and my coworkers but they are NOT making this easier for me. Not on purpose mind you but this is the norm at my office. Two birthday celebrations this week (like we HAVE to celebrate every single birthday) and its not just let's get a cake. Every celebration is a day long potluck. Everyone brings something in and its left out alllll day. It's torture. I thought it would get easier to pass on sweets but I feel like its getting harder and my cravings are getting stronger and I'm afraid I will cave. Which makes me think I'm doing something wrong. Also, I got sick last night. Woke up twice in the middle of the night to throw up. Not sure if it's a stomach bug or food poisoning but either way I'm sure its not helping my "healing process". So I stayed home from work today and am feeling somewhat better. I made eggs and a baked sweet potato for breakfast/lunch and my stomach seems to be handling it ok. But I can't help thinking my body is rejecting all this healthy food and demanding chips and oreos. (I know thats ridiculous, but oh how I want an oreo) The first week I felt completely satisfied after eating and felt full and satiated. This week, I feel uneasy and nauseous after eating. Maybe its because I do have a bug, but whatever the reason, it's definitely discouraging:( Is that normal? Has anyone else experienced this on week 2? Maybe not the getting sick part, but the not feeling satiated and madly craving everything. I didn't have the "kill all the things" stage (because frankly I always feel like that), but its more of an "eat all the things" stage...

Okay... the oreo is not going to taste good... believe me... your tastes will have changed enough already that it doesn't taste like you remember it... 

As far as feeling unwell after eating, I would chalk that up to a stomach bug... if you haven't changed what you're eating then that's likely what it is.

If you want, list a few days of meals including portion sizes and what veggies/fats you're eating and we can take a look and see if there are some tweaks that might help you feel better 

[Alexislock27]

Welp, I'm off the wagon gang. In my defense, I DO have a stomach bug. Half of my office is out sick with it, and all of their spouses and significant others as well. And as I haven't eaten anything they have eaten in the last 2 weeks, I think that discounts food poisoning. I have a house full of yummy healthy food and none of it sounded appetizing to me last night. All of it was making me cringe and the smell was making me want to puke, my body was screaming for bread. So I made 2 english muffins (with ghee, not butter at least!) and had my husband get me chicken corn soup. My tummy was satisfied with that. Still not 100% today and decided to take another day to rest. I had toast and 2 hard-boiled eggs for breakfast this morning. My husband is adamant about me getting back on the wagon. I never would have though he'd be this gung ho about me doing this but I love how supportive he's been and now I want to do it for him and me. And I'm 99.9% sure had I not gotten sick, I would have been feeling the tiger blood by now or close to it. So I decided to start over again tomorrow on Day 1. I already have the prep in place and know what to do. Sucks that the last 11 days went to waste, but I feel like I need to start at day 1 again to do it right. So I guess I don't really qualify for this thread anymore, but I like you guys so I'm going to keep posting and rooting for you guys to stay strong! On the plus side, the old me (11 days ago me) would have never been this optimistic after getting sick. The old me would have taken this as a sign to give up and conceded myself a failure. The new me wants to try again. AND the new me woke up this morning BEFORE my alarm clock. That has never happened to me before. This is a whole new world for me. (Aladdin starts playing in my head) Love you guys. 

[Determined Ann]

Hi Alexis, congratulations on getting right back on board.  I'm sorry you got sick, but I'm super happy you aren't letting this distract you.  I think I'll probably go more than 30 days because I think I'm a little behind everyone in terms of what I'm feeling - not feeling extra energy or fewer aches and pains yet.  So I'll be right there with you past the 30 day mark.   I think my responses just take a little longer to develop.  

My brother in law (who lives with us) is doing this with me and he confessed last night that he got on the scale and had lost a LOT of weight.  So now the scale is calling my name!  I think I'll resist the temptation because I don't want to be discouraged.  

Overall, I think it's going well.  I'll be tested over the next several days as there is a multi day event that runs through the weekend that includes lots of food and drink.  I'm planning in advance how to manage the events, the only concern I have is a brunch that I have to attend on Sunday.  I'll eat my regular breakfast before the event and I'm hoping they have fresh fruit so I can eat something with the rest of the group.  

Have a great day everyone and keep up the good work!

[Jg2213]

Hello,

This is my first post on this site.  I started on March 28th, I know there is a group but I've been reading this one...  Feel like things are going well, but I do sometimes have a couple eggs between breakfast and lunch due to the schedule I'm on and handful of carrots when I get home from work and sometimes an apple before bed, but I figure it could be worse..  I don't eat nuts so for fat I'm having lots of avocado, ghee and olive oil.  So far so good..half way there and will extend some if not most of the habits beyond 30 days.  I do miss wine, but after a couple glasses I didn't care what I ate so it was a problem.  When I reintroduce it I plan on saving it for weekends.

 

I like reading everyone's experiences, keeps me motivated!

[SugarcubeOD]

 Sucks that the last 11 days went to waste, but I feel like I need to start at day 1 again to do it right. So I guess I don't really qualify for this thread anymore, but I like you guys so I'm going to keep posting and rooting for you guys to stay strong! On the plus side, the old me (11 days ago me) would have never been this optimistic after getting sick. The old me would have taken this as a sign to give up and conceded myself a failure. The new me wants to try again. AND the new me woke up this morning BEFORE my alarm clock. That has never happened to me before. This is a whole new world for me. (Aladdin starts playing in my head) Love you guys. 

Um... the last 11 days definitely did not go to waste!  In the same paragraph you said that, you outline exactly why it was not wasteful!  Look how much you've learned, how much you've grown and changed in only 11 days!

Also you should pretty quickly be right back to how good you were feeling at day 11... no carb flu or dragging energy or kill all the things... 

I dont' see that as a waste and neither should you! 

[katieblue]

"On the plus side, the old me (11 days ago me) would have never been this optimistic after getting sick. The old me would have taken this as a sign to give up and conceded myself a failure." What Sugarcube said, Alexis, that right there ALONE tells you that the past 11 days were NOT a waste!! You just gave an example of how you've grown and your mindset is already changing. That's a big victory and it's awesome that you got right back on! I hope that you're feeling better, and of course stay here on this board! We're all in it together regardless of the start date.

 

Hey Jg2213, welcome aboard!! Same goes for you.

[Leanna]

Day 13!! Hi Everyone!   It seems there have been some extra challenges for everyone these last couple of days.  I can say that I am sick of eggs, tired of having to prepare food for myself in advance and generally not enjoying the clean up and planning.  Every time I put a couple of extra meals together my husband thinks they look and taste amazing..... so.... when I open the fridge stuff is missing. I have managed to stay on the plan, but I do seem to have the equivalent of at least one extra meal per day.  Handful of nuts, banana, or a hard boiled egg.  They are all on the food list, but more snacking than sitting down to eat a meal......

 

I still want to get on the scale.  Luckily my husband has it hidden somewhere!!!

Have any of you ordered the pre made meals?

[SugarcubeOD]

but I do seem to have the equivalent of at least one extra meal per day.  Handful of nuts, banana, or a hard boiled egg.  They are all on the food list, but more snacking than sitting down to eat a meal......

This is not ideal.  If you are hungry between meals, which is fine, we ask that you eat a mini meal of either protein and fat, protein and veg or fat and veg... not fruit and nuts on their own... are you eating these because you're legit hungry or because you're bored, uncomfortable etc...?

[Leanna]

I try to have a protein every eat, but I'm getting tired of eggs and chicken breast.  I don't usually have fruit and nuts by themselves. I do try to make a mini meal when possible.  The snacking normally happens before or after a hike or walk.  I'm shoring it up better.

Thanks!

[Alexislock27]

So Day 1 again, back to work and back to eating only whole 30 foods. Pretty successful day I would say. Stomach seems better and I'm not grossed out by my food and I haven't been hungry all day. Energy has been pretty consistent. Kind of surprised how quickly I bounced back. But happy! So you were right sugarcube! I pretty much feel like I'm picking up where I left off. Hopefully that continues. And I'm HYPER-sanitizing things at work now, because I am NOT getting sick again!! Wash your hands people!! Hope everyone is having a good week!

[Laurie]

I may not post much but I will be reading.  I'm staying compliant with the food which is very easy for me.  I really don't have any desire to put unhealthy food into my body.  I can't get the 3 meals and no snacking right or the timing of the meals.  Honestly, the last few days I did not even try.

 

I must be aware of the eating disorder monster. She has been speaking to me a lot lately and wants to be my best friend.  It is beyond important to me that everything remain the same as it was before Steve died which means a thinner me.

 

Alexis - my plan is to continue on for more than 30 days so I will be here with you.

[johnson.renee84]

I have tried posting about 10 different times and keep getting an error message... I have been reading along however and I am so proud of all of you and your journey so far. As for me, I am back from my visit home to see my family and more than ready to jump into my whole30. I have also been looking for a mental health counselor as I was very aware this trip how much I stress eat around my dad especially. My official start date will be this Sunday 4/17 that will give me tomorrow to shop/meal plan/prep etc. so I will be here with those of you going longer than 30 days... That is if I can post without error messages!

[Leanna]

Hi Everyone! Day 15!! My plan today is to only eat 3 meals today. So far that is my biggest challenge. I find that I get full quickly when I sit down to have my meals and then I am hungry about 2 hours later. Any suggestions? I don't want to stuff myself during meals, but I absolutely HATE being hungry. I have done the "Wait 15 minutes" to see if I'm just craving something or if I am bored. I'm hungry!! There's no doubt. Today I am going to tolerate being hungry and we will see how that goes.

I feel incredible otherwise. Joint problems, GONE. Reflux, greatly improved, Mood, Better!! Weight? It's a mystery and the scale is a great temptation for me. I normally weigh myself every Saturday morning, so that will be awkward once again.....

[Hutlifr]

I may not post much but I will be reading.  I'm staying compliant with the food which is very easy for me.  I really don't have any desire to put unhealthy food into my body.  I can't get the 3 meals and no snacking right or the timing of the meals.  Honestly, the last few days I did not even try.

 

I must be aware of the eating disorder monster. She has been speaking to me a lot lately and wants to be my best friend.  It is beyond important to me that everything remain the same as it was before Steve died which means a thinner me.

 

Alexis - my plan is to continue on for more than 30 days so I will be here with you.

Laurie, at my end, the sleeping disorder monster is visiting. It puts my whole schedule out of whack. Wake up like at noon, and I can't fit in three meals within the hours left on the clock, and respecting the hours of rest in between meals and going to bed. I am thinking of you daily, and wondering what you are up to...

I am going to stick to this thread to support you all...

[Laurie]

Hutlifr - I'll try to get another email to you this weekend.  Today I hit rock bottom. I took more Xanax than I have ever taken; I am sure it was a safe amount.   I know that wasn't a very bright idea - but it calmed me down and I slept much of the day. 

[katieblue]

Hey, everyone - I hear your struggles, and I just want to remind you that you're all doing absolutely amazing work. I know we all have the individual demons we're battling, but the fact is - you're all still here. You're all still fighting. So you might be having trouble sleeping, or eating, or coping with depression, but you know what? You're having trouble because you know you deserve better. You're on a mission to get better. And you'll get there. Don't quit. You can do it.

[Hutlifr]

Hutlifr - I'll try to get another email to you this weekend.  Today I hit rock bottom. I took more Xanax than I have ever taken; I am sure it was a safe amount.   I know that wasn't a very bright idea - but it calmed me down and I slept much of the day.

I know exactly where you are and how you feel... One day, you will be able to flip the coin over... Right now, it's too heavy, but believe me, every coin has a flip side... We need to talk soon... Til then strong hugs

[Hutlifr]

How is everybody doing?

[Alexislock27]

Hey all, I made it through another weekend with no cheating. I even hosted a brunch for some friends I haven't seen in a while and managed to stay whole 30 compliant by making sweet potato hash (which was a big hit) and eggs and bacon (with cheese on the side for everyone else). They brought bagels and cream cheese but I was content with my whole 30 food! So now I'm on my day 5 for the second time and feeling fantastic. The only trouble I'm still having is work and people bringing in food. I don't feel like I'm craving things until I see or smell it. Otherwise I am loving the food I'm eating and experimenting with different recipes and spices and flavors and actually enjoy cooking! I always dreaded it before. I still hate washing dishes, but it's totally worth it for a healthy home cooked meal. For the first time I feel like I'm eating food to actual fuel my body, not just because it tastes good and I'm hungry. My blood sugar has been steady, I don't feel overstuffed after I eat, and I don't get hungry like an hour later. And on top of all that, I thought I would dread having to start all over, but I'm actually really psyched to have another 25 days of eating like this. If I feel this good now, I can only imagine how great I will feel come day 30. 

 

That being said, I have some questions for you Whole 30 veterans. I cut back on my coffee consumption, and some days don't even have one cup. BUT I am training to run a 10K at the end of May. My go to before a run has always been coffee. Now I am trying to eat a little protein (hard boiled eggs) and either fat or carbs (nuts or fruit) before my run but I still feel like I need that extra kick in the butt after a long day of work. I have tried to get up before work to run, but that has consistently been a failure. I have never had a problem falling asleep at night, but after reading "It Starts With Food" I'm worried that my late in the day caffeine consumption is disrupting my sleep and that that's one of the reasons why I have always struggled with fatigue. The book states to not have coffee after noon, but I honestly don't feel like I need a caffeine boost in the morning anymore, but it definitely helps me get through a workout. What are your thoughts? Before I got the stomach bug, I was attempting to exercise caffeine free, but my progress was minimal. I want to feel the tiger blood, not a caffeine high...but I also want to up my performance. 

 

Ok question #2: I discovered La Croix (I think that's what it's called) flavored seltzer water, no sugar, no sweetners, no sodium, whole 30 compliant. No calories, no fat, nothing in it but carbonated water and natural flavoring. My husband got a case of beer this weekend. When he would crack open a beer, I would crack open a seltzer. In other words I was replacing my drinking beer with seltzer water. And started to feel guilty like I was doing something wrong. I know it's just water, but does that go against whole 30 recommendations if I'm drinking seltzer like its beer. Obviously it's not going to affect me like beer will, but it definitely took place of the habit. Am I overthinking it? 

 

Thanks guys for listening to me ramble. Hope everyone is doing well too!

[SugarcubeOD]

Hey there!

To answer your first question, you should be doing protein and fat for your workouts... that should give you the boost you need. Fruit is going to give your body easy sugar to burn, which we don't want when we're trying to become fat adapted... I would say to power through with the protein/fat pre workout and leave the late day coffee alone... I bet within a week you'll feel better... Don't forget to do your post workout fuel too which is lean protein and starchy carbs (still no fruit). That will help you recover better/faster which means your following workouts should be easier...

The sparkly water... hate to say it but if you're treating it like beer (everytime he cracks one, I crack one), you should probably set it aside for now. Sure it's only water, but it's not really water, it's flavored bubbly water that you're using as what seems like a crutch to get around beer... is it compliant? yes. Is it in your best interest? Not really... sorry

[Laurie]

There is very little activity on our thread.  We were in the middle of the send page; I needed to bring us back to page 1 so that everyone could easily find us.

 

I probably should change up my food and add more starchy veggies and more fat.  For starchy veggies - I only eat carrots.  For fat - I do not add extra sources - just eat the fat that naturally occurs in food such as salmon and eggs.  There are many healthy whole 30 foods that would have no affect on other people but, for me, they are foods with no brakes.   Another issue - many foods (fodmaps) give me stomach aches. I have IBS.  This limits my choices which is fine with me; I don't mind eating the same foods all the time. However, to  be honest, I am not sure I want to add additional foods.  This is where the eating disorder is coming out.  Actually, she is also coming out in a few other ways - those behaviors are not physically unhealthy but I know they are not normal.

 

My mom told me I look too thin and should stop my "30 whatever" (I guess she doesn't know the correct name).  She said I should be eating ice cream and high calorie foods.  That is not going to happen.  I really believe in the lifestyle. However, I know you can do W30 without losing weight because the first time I did it I gained weight. I never weighed myself but I know I gained because of how my clothes fit.

 

My body is currently "off ".  I have experienced these problems before - it is affecting my skin (papular prurigo - very itchy lesions, I have tons of scars from this), head and stomach.  The head (and probably the stomach) is due to medication (mental health) withdrawal.   Doctor knows I went off of these; I did not feel they were beneficial.  Usually one tapers off these types of drugs but I was not experiencing withdrawal and I was not on those drugs for a long time so my doctor thought I would be okay. The withdrawal kicked in later.  My choice is to deal with the withdrawal.  It's not pleasant but it will go away.  I am still on some meds that help.

 

Yesterday, I lost it at the grocery store.  I felt like I was in a fog; I can't even explain the feeling.  This fog was due to Steve.  I have a feeling I looked "out of it" because the cashier made a comment to me - something like, "honey, are you okay; you look like something is wrong".  Well, the tears started to flow.  I was so embarrassed.  I explained my situation and she was really nice but I felt like a jerk.

 

What's up with everyone?  It is quiet here.  I would love to know how everyone is doing.

[Laurie]

To add to my post above (it was too late to edit it), I do eat nuts/nut butter but not too often - it's one of those foods with no brakes.  I would love to eat nut butters every day but that certainly would not improve my relationship with food.