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V.G. Clairisch

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I am new! I am on day 5 of my first W30. So, as you can tell per the "timeline"- I am a dragon and I will kill all the things right now. My enthusiasm is gone. But it's okay, because I am as committed as I was on day 1 and I love how good I'm feeling. I started this because my weight has fluctuated in a 30-lb range for the last 5 years and I need to get down past that and back to a healthy weight, and the only way to do it is to break my massive, uncontrollable addiction to eating instead of embracing emotion. This isn't to say I'm a disingenuous or cowardly person- on the contrary. But I have used food as a crutch to help me feel better until I'm willing to deal with negative feelings (including boredom). Another part of my problem is that my body has never had all the nutrients it needs, since I grew up extremely poor and with a mother who hated cooking. I have always loved cooking, and learned how to eat healthier as an adult, but I've never made it completely past the "if you want it, eat it now or it'll be gone" mentality of my childhood. I don't want my kids to grow up that way, and I'm so embarrassed when my husband and I go out to eat and he orders salad while I order a burger (with all the fatty, sugary trimmings) and fries. It's time to change; time to teach my body what good food tastes like, how good nutrition feels, and treat it like the temple I know it to be instead of a grub hub.

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Thanks for sharing V.G.  I understand what you say about eating for boredom.  On long work commutes, I used to do a lot of drive-thru eating for just that.  Eventually I was diagnosed with mild depression.  And food was there when the depression got worse.  I couldn't feel anything, no emotion, and food was an attempt to feel something, anything, good or bad.  Eventually, I got on the right meds and things got better, but my bad food strategy stayed.  

W30 is part of my exploration to turn things around, body & mind.

If you haven't already, ask you doctor to test for depression.

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12 hours ago, V.G. Clairisch said:

I am new! I am on day 5 of my first W30. So, as you can tell per the "timeline"- I am a dragon and I will kill all the things right now. My enthusiasm is gone. But it's okay, because I am as committed as I was on day 1 and I love how good I'm feeling. I started this because my weight has fluctuated in a 30-lb range for the last 5 years and I need to get down past that and back to a healthy weight, and the only way to do it is to break my massive, uncontrollable addiction to eating instead of embracing emotion. This isn't to say I'm a disingenuous or cowardly person- on the contrary. But I have used food as a crutch to help me feel better until I'm willing to deal with negative feelings (including boredom). Another part of my problem is that my body has never had all the nutrients it needs, since I grew up extremely poor and with a mother who hated cooking. I have always loved cooking, and learned how to eat healthier as an adult, but I've never made it completely past the "if you want it, eat it now or it'll be gone" mentality of my childhood. I don't want my kids to grow up that way, and I'm so embarrassed when my husband and I go out to eat and he orders salad while I order a burger (with all the fatty, sugary trimmings) and fries. It's time to change; time to teach my body what good food tastes like, how good nutrition feels, and treat it like the temple I know it to be instead of a grub hub.

so I just want to touch on the burger and fries vs salad thing... if your husband WANTS a salad and you WANT (like really want, not using it for another purpose) a burger and fries, there's no sense in comparing yourself and then talking down to yourself because you made a different decision as he did... this might be further along in your recovery, but part of it is owning your choices and if that burger and fatty fries is worth it to you in that moment, then salad and hubby be damned... you can't live your life doing and being what other people think you should do and be... I know that's deep for a food program but these are the thoughts and feelings that come up and this is a great place to explore those thoughts and feelings around food and how it relates to other aspects of your life because you're in common company.

Good luck on the rest of your w30 and if you need any help with meal tweaking or troubleshooting, definitely let us know!

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7 hours ago, T2Andrew said:

 Eventually, I got on the right meds and things got better, but my bad food strategy stayed.  

W30 is part of my exploration to turn things around, body & mind.

If you haven't already, ask you doctor to test for depression.

This is exactly me too! I was diagnosed with chronic depression (it's chemical, not situational) when I was 18 and spent my 20's on and off of meds. Finally, after my third son was born (I have four), I realized that I really need meds and will most likely always need meds, and I was going to stop thinking negatively of myself for needing that help. Since doing that, I started making a ton of personal changes and these eating habits are the last thing that needs changing. As I've been journaling every day with this challenge, I have realized that all of the reasons I developed bad food addictions have already been taken care of, and that's empowering me to change the addictions themselves.

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2 hours ago, SugarcubeOD said:

 this might be further along in your recovery, but part of it is owning your choices and if that burger and fatty fries is worth it to you in that moment, then salad and hubby be damned... you can't live your life doing and being what other people think you should do and be... I know that's deep for a food program but these are the thoughts and feelings that come up and this is a great place to explore those thoughts and feelings around food and how it relates to other aspects of your life because you're in common company.

XD! This is very true. I have always hated dieting because it doesn't do enough to encourage you to address the non-physical reasons you eat the way you do, and because they promote themselves as a quick fix. I have been a very outspoken opposer of almost every diet. So believe me when I say that the reason I chose to do Whole30 is because it allows and encourages the dieter to deal with the deeper stuff. And it's funny that you mentioned "using the food for another purpose", because the very situation I was thinking of when I wrote that was that my husband and I went out one day and he got a gorgeous salad, and I wanted a salad from the menu but my mind said "Don't get rabbit food, you're at a restaurant, you can make that at home." And I really didn't want the burger and fries- it was tasty, of course, but I left feeling just as unsatisfied as when I sat down.

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19 hours ago, V.G. Clairisch said:

I am new! I am on day 5 of my first W30. So, as you can tell per the "timeline"- I am a dragon and I will kill all the things right now. My enthusiasm is gone. But it's okay, because I am as committed as I was on day 1 and I love how good I'm feeling. 

Lemme tell you. Today is my day 31. I was the biggest skeptic on the planet, but my wife really wanted to do this. How could you lose weight and get healthier by eating fat and meat right? I lost 9 pounds and my blood pressure dropped ten points on both systolic and diastolic to 107/70. It’s worth it. It’s worth the 30 days. And I TOTALLY had a couple of burger and fries days in the mix. Pan fried some patties, drained; julienned some potatoes, tossed in olive oil and baked them; ate with tessamaes ketchup and a salad or broccoli. Was very satisfying and compliant. You can still have things you like or are craving like that, just don’t go crazy.

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56 minutes ago, HazelSkye said:

 You can still have things you like or are craving like that, just don’t go crazy.

That is such a great point, thank you! I can't remember which article it was that I read it in, but I saw one place where it said that you don't have to get rid of all bad habits and all comfort foods right away, just worry about getting good nutrition and staying compliant and working through the process. I'm really working on this, since guilting myself is another function of my "food-borne illness" (see what I did there?).

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