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I decided to change my avatar tonight, in honor of Toby.  He's the toad who has spent so much time with me this summer. One morning, I came outside to find Toby sitting backwards in the cab of th

Day 13:  8/8/20 – Enjoying being sober.  How about that?   

Day 11:  8/6/20 – Compliant.  Not amazing ... but productive.

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@Brewer5 I am turning 40 next month and I agree with you, it has been the freaking hard things that have molded me into the person I am.  The hard things have made me appreciate the nicer things.  I can’t control the ups and downs that life throw my way but I can control my attitude and learning to live above it all.  To no longer see myself as a victim but as more than a survivor. I am a Thriver! I am learning to as you put it “live each day to its fullest”

such great thoughts and wisdom.  

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13 hours ago, Amy_Michigan said:

I remember back in 2014 I wrote a message to a moderator that hurt my feelings and I demanded that she delete my whole30 log and and told her I was leaving the site because of how she made me feel.  LOL. I was more dramatic at that age.

@Amy_Michigan I am laughing with you ... not AT you, of course.  But seriously, can you imagine what all these moderators have seen and dealt with over the years?

I think it's very interesting that at least a few of us who have gathered here, in this one spot, have been around that long.  I'm glad.  :) 

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Day 5 yesterday (I think ...) ~ and it's always a good sign when I have to go back and look at where I left off.  That means I'm not really thinking about "Whole 30" ... I'm not counting down the days until the end, you know?  I'm just living my life and eating W30 food ~ and it's fine.  

Most of the time, I really do like having the simplified options.  Instead of considering every restaurant in town and trying to decide what sounds good, I'm often opening up the freezer and choosing from one of my frozen meal options:  "Let's see ... no, I don't want that one right now, it's spicy ... that one has too many potatoes ... ah, yes - that one tastes like something Italian - let's do that!"  

So I can think about and do so many other things.  Whole 30 no longer means that you've devoted your entire month to the blankety-blank kitchen.

I mean, honestly.  As much as I am not a fan of Walmart ... I'd like to hug the people who came up with these recipes.  And ~ whatever anyone's feelings about Melissa may be ~ I'll just say, I think she's a freaking genius.  I've read some articles recently - spurred by @BabyBear recommending the new book - and my gut feeling is that some of them were written by:  just, really unhappy people.  

When you're in a generally happy place, I think you can look at the success of another person and be inspired by it, instead of feeling the need to pick it apart and tear it down.

My boss recently told me a story about a woman who was a single mom and CEO of a company, who had put an ad out for help with her child(ren).  She said people online were bashing her, because the ad listed so many requirements.  But, according to my boss, the pay she was offering was unbelievable.  Whomever ended up with this role was going to be well-compensated for it.  But people said she was basically paying someone else to be the mother.

Here's my thing:  ...AND?   ...SO?

Tell me how it's better for a child to have a mother who does not pursue her dreams, who trudges through each day trying to do it all, all by herself?  And probably feels like shit and is tired all the time.  She most likely doesn't resent the child ... but she does resent all of the other daily BS that holds her back from spending quality time with her child.

---

My point is simply this:  Each of us has our own journey ~ and no one else can walk it for us.  There are certain parts of ourselves that will not change.  So we really should stop trying to work against them.  Amazing things happen when we focus on maximizing our strengths.  

My sister loves to cook ~ she loves to spend time in the kitchen.  She loves to create new recipes.  She shows love to her family through food.

I hate spending time in my kitchen.  It's not my thing.  My husband threw some kick-ass Butcher Box frozen steaks in the air fryer last night, while I sat here and intently worked on a cover letter for an intriguing new position I'd found.  I was excited about doing that -- and if I'd have had to stop in the middle and go make supper for everyone -- umm, yeah, I'd have probably been pissed off and resentful about it.  My husband doesn't mind cooking and taking care of the kitchen, so {shrug} I let him do it.

---

Our oldest son is 18, and will be graduating high school this year and moving on to college.  He has a serious girlfriend.  They are just starting out in life.

We had a conversation a couple of weeks ago ~ and I found myself saying this to him:  

"Each of us are writing our own story.  One of these days, people will gather at your funeral, and they will sum up your life, in just a few short paragraphs.  What do you want them to say about you?"

The answer to that will be different for each of us ~ and I don't think any of them are wrong.  But I want my kids to live their lives purposefully.  Write your own story.  Don't let others write it for you.

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@Brewer5 so much truth and fuel for thought in your post!  Thank you!  I would add just because your story doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had planned or envisioned doesn’t mean it’s the wrong story or a bad story.  I know my life story so many people “messed” it up.  I had to learn I couldn’t control what others did to me but I could control how I responded to that.  I’ve made it through some pitch black dark days.  The kind of dark ness that sucks the very oxygen from your lungs.  I struggled and clawed my way out of a pit I was left in for 10 years.  Just this past year I feel like the clouds have finally gave way and I’m finally basking in the sunshine of life.  Is my story what I had pictured in my youth, No! But I am stronger and more fierce when it comes to writing my own story even when the plot twist.

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1 hour ago, Brewer5 said:

When you're in a generally happy place, I think you can look at the success of another person and be inspired by it, instead of feeling the need to pick it apart and tear it down.

I use this as one of my gauges to see how I'm doing mentally. When I find myself thinking jealous thoughts or resentful thoughts or SNARKY thoughts...I know I need to focus on myself for a bit. I turned 50 last year and I really wanted to turn 50 on a positive note, which I did. And now I want to maintain and thrive in this second part of things so I've been doing lots of questioning on what makes me feel good at the end of the day or what am I proud of over the last week, month, year.  And then there's regular life and I'm still me, but I'm more compassionate AND I'm healthier and I like who I see when I look in the mirror. I'm in process and I'm enjoying the process.

I'm not loving the Walmart frozen meals, but I'm sure appreciating that they are in my freezer and available when I don't have anything else. And their existence means that other companies are going to pick up that ball and run with it and who won't benefit from frozen meals that are a little less processed as an option.

I'm also not thinking about the 30 days - well, I enjoy the daily counting of days, but at Day30, not much will change - some feta on my salad, some dairy in a recipe, rice...the things that don't take me down the slippery slope.  I think I like the 30 days because it makes me clean up my act past the timeframe long enough to break out of the addictions that pull me down.

Also, yay for spouses that like to cook!

 

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2 hours ago, BabyBear said:

@Brewer5 so much truth and fuel for thought in your post!  Thank you!  I would add just because your story doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had planned or envisioned doesn’t mean it’s the wrong story or a bad story.  I know my life story so many people “messed” it up.  I had to learn I couldn’t control what others did to me but I could control how I responded to that.  I’ve made it through some pitch black dark days.  The kind of dark ness that sucks the very oxygen from your lungs.  I struggled and clawed my way out of a pit I was left in for 10 years.  Just this past year I feel like the clouds have finally gave way and I’m finally basking in the sunshine of life.  Is my story what I had pictured in my youth, No! But I am stronger and more fierce when it comes to writing my own story even when the plot twist.

Yes ... I don't mean that we get to control every aspect of our story.  

In fact, in that particular conversation ~ we were discussing my husband's job ... and his outright refusal to picture any other story for himself than the one he chose at the age of 18.  He could choose a different story ... he really could.  Especially now that I am an RN, our kids are all older, and I'm in a good place to be able to help with much of the financial needs.

Nope.  Not happening.  

So I was telling our son ... figure out what is important to you, what is really important, right now while you guys are just starting out.  Put together a list of values, priorities.  Evaluate, and continue to re-evaluate.  Because at some point, you may find yourself making choices in a way that does NOT line up with what was once important to you.  Then it's time to stop and take stock:  Wait, what am I doing?  Why am I doing it?  Does it even make me happy?  And -- is it in line with what is fundamentally important to me?

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3 minutes ago, Brewer5 said:

figure out what is important to you, what is really important, right now while you guys are just starting out.  Put together a list of values, priorities.  Evaluate, and continue to re-evaluate.  Because at some point, you may find yourself making choices in a way that does NOT line up with what was once important to you.  Then it's time to stop and take stock:  Wait, what am I doing?  Why am I doing it?  Does it even make me happy?  And -- is it in line with what is fundamentally important to me?

I love this. I may even throw it on my to-do list today to write up on the wall for all of us to consider. We talk a lot in our house about what we want for our kids in school and our own selves, but I think I need to get it in print up on the wall for me to see and refer to.

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3 hours ago, Brewer5 said:

figure out what is important to you, what is really important, right now while you guys are just starting out.  Put together a list of values, priorities.  Evaluate, and continue to re-evaluate.

Yes yes yes!  I knew this before my story was turned inside out, and it was anchoring point for me.  Knowing the very core things that I would never compromise is what helped me climb out of that pit.  One of those was I would homeschool my children, which led me down one of the craziest adventures as a single mom.  They told me it couldn’t be done but where there’s a will there’s a way.  I also knew my number that I had to be offered in my field to work outside of the home.  I’m glad I did because I had a lot of tempting offers, but knowing my number and my reasonings behind that number made it easy to turn down those offers.  You don’t know what life will throw at you but you can truly know yourself and what you want out of life and then throw everything you’ve got at that.

ah good stuff for a young person to internalize now before the distractions get louder than their own thoughts.

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Day 6 coming to a close ...

Man, I had "a moment" again this afternoon.  Craving that damn Lindt bar in the cabinet.  It isn't even that good!  I bought those when we could not find Sno-caps ANYWHERE on movie night.  The caramel inside had a very artificial taste.  I know this.  Yet ~ still, it screams to me.  Ridiculous.

I did have my husband bring me an RX bar from the store ... chocolate sea salt ... and that took care of it.  :rolleyes:

I'm going to just go throw the Lindt bar in the trash right now.  It cost like $1.  It's not worth the temptation.

Today was good & productive.  We are finally going to do a cash-out refinance on our house and do some much-needed home improvements.  So I spent a lot of time moving furniture, etc.  I love that.  I love being active!  Winter just doesn't offer as much opportunity.  So I'm glad we are starting some inside projects.

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47 minutes ago, Brewer5 said:

Day 6 coming to a close ...

Man, I had "a moment" again this afternoon.  Craving that damn Lindt bar in the cabinet.  It isn't even that good!  I bought those when we could not find Sno-caps ANYWHERE on movie night.  The caramel inside had a very artificial taste.  I know this.  Yet ~ still, it screams to me.  Ridiculous.

I did have my husband bring me an RX bar from the store ... chocolate sea salt ... and that took care of it.  :rolleyes:

I'm going to just go throw the Lindt bar in the trash right now.  It cost like $1.  It's not worth the temptation.

Today was good & productive.  We are finally going to do a cash-out refinance on our house and do some much-needed home improvements.  So I spent a lot of time moving furniture, etc.  I love that.  I love being active!  Winter just doesn't offer as much opportunity.  So I'm glad we are starting some inside projects.

You had a Lindt bar you kept thinking about, and I have a dark chocolate bar in my cupboard calling my name :) I think about it at least once a day.  I should be like you and throw it away, but maybe I'll try to make a dessert for my kids and use it somehow that way.  It is an 88% dark chocolate Endangered Species bar that my husband got for me when I told him that I need a constantantly replenished supply of dark chocolate in the house for my sanity.  So cool that you have some home projects you are looking forward to.  I love how those sorts of things can be a good distraction from constantly thinking about food on the whole30. 

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9 hours ago, Amy_Michigan said:

when I told him that I need a constantantly replenished supply of dark chocolate in the house for my sanity.

My husband has heard this before.  Then ~ next thing he knows ~ he's hearing, "whatever you do, don't buy me any dark chocolate!"  :lol:

It's one of those things I had a real problem limiting in the past.  I'd eat an entire 90% bar all at once, then have heart palpitations and rushing trips to the bathroom.  I haven't done that in a long time.  I either avoid it altogether -- or, if I decide to try it again for some reason, I buy the small individually-wrapped squares.  It doesn't take long before I remember: "Yeah, that's why I stopped eating dark chocolate."

---

I think one of the biggest successes I've had since I returned here at the end of December is conquering the Diet Mt. Dew addiction.  

That began early in 2017, when I went back to college.  I remember clearly ... buying one from the vending machine at school, to have in class.  It was a "treat".  And I started to really look forward to it ... because, of course, I didn't keep that stuff in the house!  :rolleyes:

Now, there's some REAL psychoanalysis stuff that could happen (--> right here <--) but for now I will just say, this turned into an addiction for me ... which lasted throughout most of 2017, 2018, and 2019.  Three years.  Three years of putting artificial sweeteners, dyes, and a list of other unsavory items into my body -- and, by the end of that time -- like water.

It's not that I'm stupid, or that I don't know any better.  In fact, in this case, I will say that my self-education worked against me.  Because, you see, I've read all about the amino acid phenylalanine, and I know exactly what it does for my brain.  It's an antidepressant, among other things.

So my husband heard:  "Please make sure there is ALWAYS a supply of Diet Dew in the fridge."

And occasionally he'd hear:  "I have GOT to get off the Diet Dew.  Whatever you do, do NOT buy any more."

Then he'd hear:  "We don't have any Diet Dew here.  Please, please bring me one on your way home from work.  Please."

---

I've been drinking black coffee and sparkling water.  I really don't care if it's flavored or not ~ there are just times when I still really do like to have the carbonation.

And I don't feel depressed.  Sure, I have days that I feel worse than others - like when the sun does not come out at all.  But in general ... I feel pretty good.  And note:  I am saying that in FEBRUARY.  :huh:

So what has changed since I thought I "needed" Diet Mt. Dew to get through my days and function like a normal person?  

...Well, a lot has changed.  It isn't JUST coming back to Whole 30.  But I think coming back to Whole 30 was the impetus for a lot of other really good things.  And I think I knew that deep down for quite awhile, before I returned.

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3 hours ago, Brewer5 said:

And I don't feel depressed.  Sure, I have days that I feel worse than others - like when the sun does not come out at all.  But in general ... I feel pretty good.  And note:  I am saying that in FEBRUARY.  :huh:

I related a lot to the back and forth grocery instructions to my husband.  The depression thing is hard to gauge for me.  Some days I don't know if I have anxiety from SAD or just being unhappy at my job.  When I think of how my body feels after 10 days on the whole30, it feels pretty great.  I feel a bit of an Eeyore cloud over me on cloudy days, but my body feels fine, and my head feels pretty clear.  As for feeling more energy, and acting on that energy...well, that is still something I am still working on.  I could go home and lay in my bed all day.  I don't know if that is my lupus, my SAD, or just me being lazy.  I hate that I always have to think about who I should blame- myself or my diagnoses.  My doctor says it's not me, but she doesn't really even know me.  

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4 minutes ago, Amy_Michigan said:

I related a lot to the back and forth grocery instructions to my husband.  The depression thing is hard to gauge for me.  Some days I don't know if I have anxiety from SAD or just being unhappy at my job.  When I think of how my body feels after 10 days on the whole30, it feels pretty great.  I feel a bit of an Eeyore cloud over me on cloudy days, but my body feels fine, and my head feels pretty clear.  As for feeling more energy, and acting on that energy...well, that is still something I am still working on.  I could go home and lay in my bed all day.  I don't know if that is my lupus, my SAD, or just me being lazy.  I hate that I always have to think about who I should blame- myself or my diagnoses.  My doctor says it's not me, but she doesn't really even know me.  

I don't really even know you, either ~ but I will confidently say it is not "just you being lazy".  I don't believe laziness is even a real thing.  What appears to some as laziness is a symptom of something bigger ... and I don't think anyone is going to change my mind on that.

---

Let's think in terms of nature:

If we see a bird who remains on the ground as we approach, we almost immediately and instinctively know there is something wrong with that bird.  It is not acting on its primal instinct to flee -- because it can't.

We are aware that if we see a possum or a raccoon out in the broad daylight -- it is most likely sick.  Yes, it could be starving (which is sickness), and yes, it could be fleeing because something just invaded its home ... but the bottom line is this:  If a nocturnal animal is out in the daytime ~ something is up.

If I get out the dog treats, and one of my dogs remained lying on the floor ... that would immediately set off alarm bells in my head.

---

So, I ask you:  Have you always wanted to lie in bed all day?  Always?

That's a rhetorical question.  As children, we ran, and laughed, and played.  We used our imaginations.  We had fun.  

In high school and college, we could (most likely ~ I realize I am generalizing) eat what we now realize was total shit ... yet we could still manage to go out and have fun with our friends, or go out on a date and enjoy it.

If I see a human who wants to -- or feels like they need to -- lie in bed all day, I absolutely do not think "lazy".  Humans were not designed/wired to be "lazy".  

It is the absolutely ridiculous disconnect we have with nature, and the completely artificial, man-made "normal" lifestyle we as humans have set up for ourselves ~ all in the name of Progress.  If you look at how rapidly things have changed in recent years ... yet the makeup and the fundamental needs of humans has not ... surely you will see why conditions like anxiety and depression are being diagnosed at an all-time high.

@Amy_Michigan ~ I am not pinning blame on you, nor am I saying that you should (or should not) lie in bed all day.  I am simply giving you my perspective, in hopes that you will see that you really are on a good path ... you are peeling back layers of your own onion.  Love yourself through this, show yourself grace.  Think about what those fundamental needs of humans are -- the ones we can see, as evidenced throughout history -- and take stock of whether yours are being met.

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8 hours ago, Brewer5 said:

If you look at how rapidly things have changed in recent years ... yet the makeup and the fundamental needs of humanhas not ... surely you will see why conditions like anxiety and depression are being diagnosed at an all-time high.

Yes, I agree with this.  Also living in a city, away from relatives that I would love to take daily walks with outdoors like I did in high school, or go skiing with my friends.  I actually haven’t skied since before I had my kids and before I was even pregnant, so 8 years ago now.  It is so sad. Your posts are really inspiring to me.  With kids it’s like..”okay...one day at a time”.  But really it shouldn’t be like that.  Otherwise my 30s will pass right by me.  I can be a good mom and still do things I enjoy.  Or, to apply to others, we can all slow our lives down and do fulfilling activities if we choose to.  That is probably one reason, besides lupus and SAD, that I hold myself back.  Just feeling like I have obligations, and even when I’m procrastinating, I’m not using that time wisely to do things I like to do.  Watching Netflix doesn’t count lol.

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Also, I have to say, you remind me so much of my aunt.  She  has always been wise beyond her years, which I think you are!  She is my godmother, a piano teacher, a religious class teacher, an RN, a farmer, gardener, a summer camp nurse, and taught me how to ski, kayak, and repel off of cliffs.  She was 30 when she asked if I wanted to move in with her (I was almost 14).  lived with her a couple of years.  She was a home health nurse when I lived with her, and would go to the beach between patients.  We camped on mountains and on the beach and went on backpacking trips.  Now she collects honey from bees, milks cows and prepares meals from slaughtered poultry and animals, cans food from her garden, and works at a doctors office.  She is older than you, but I feel like you see the world differently than most people (like she does), so I hope you take it as a compliment.

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8 hours ago, Amy_Michigan said:

Also, I have to say, you remind me so much of my aunt.  She  has always been wise beyond her years, which I think you are!  She is my godmother, a piano teacher, a religious class teacher, an RN, a farmer, gardener, a summer camp nurse, and taught me how to ski, kayak, and repel off of cliffs.  She was 30 when she asked if I wanted to move in with her (I was almost 14).  lived with her a couple of years.  She was a home health nurse when I lived with her, and would go to the beach between patients.  We camped on mountains and on the beach and went on backpacking trips.  Now she collects honey from bees, milks cows and prepares meals from slaughtered poultry and animals, cans food from her garden, and works at a doctors office.  She is older than you, but I feel like you see the world differently than most people (like she does), so I hope you take it as a compliment.

And I wish I had a "love" button.

Your aunt sounds like a wonderful person.  I think we would get along just great.  And I think anyone who is blessed to be related to her should be taking full advantage of her company.  Are you still close to her -- in location, and in connection?

If you are still physically located where you can spend time with her ... please, reach out and do that more often.  I know, (I know!) you are busy with work and kids and life.  But I really feel that this is an effort which would pay off greatly for your overall wellbeing.

We get a HUGE (huge) surge of dopamine from spending time with others who make us feel good.  And we do not realize how disconnected we have become from the outside world, from our extended family ... and we, as mothers, literally forget who we were for awhile.  We assume this new role -- and boy, are we proud of it -- "Mother".  It's fun at first -- I mean, so much fun -- and we give ourselves, 100% and so willingly ~ because what bigger job could there be than to be Mother to a completely new being?

And we are bonded with that child through all of the glorious chemicals that surge through both of us when we breastfeed.  And even if we don't breastfeed -- we are bonded with that child through the surges of dopamine (that's a neurotransmitter largely associated with "reward", in case anyone doesn't know).  First smile, rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking ... I mean, the list goes on.  And each one is an Achievement for Mother, too.  It's a shit job ... I mean, both literally and figuratively.  Lol.  But we are all too eager to take it on.

And while all of this is going on ... we DO lose touch with that part of ourselves that we were before we were Mother.

There is a church sign down the road from here, where they had a message one day, and it has really stuck with me.  And it does not matter to me whether you believe in God or not ... it can be applied to other people in your life ~ and I have done that in my mind regularly lately.  It said:

If God seems far away ... who moved?

Man.  So simple, yet so powerful.

My husband seems far away sometimes.  I moved.

My kids seem far away sometimes.  They moved.

---

If your aunt seems far away to you ... I can almost guarantee that you moved, and that she did not.  

I have a niece who is 13 years younger than me, and she spent a lot of time at our house growing up.  She went on family vacations with us.  She now has a husband and kids of her own, and they moved about two hours away, and they are "busy" just like everyone else.  But I really enjoy her company when I do get to see her.  I love her kids so much, even though they don't know me very well.  I love my niece and her husband and her kids in a way they probably don't really understand.  And I think it's probably the same with your aunt.

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Ha, yesterday was Day 7 and I almost forgot to post about it!  :lol:

All is good.  Had some funny stories from Lowe's ... don't have time to post about them right now.  

I've decided to do the flooring in this house by myself.  Do you think I'm feeling better?

Some may think I'm crazy.  I say:  I'M BACK.

My mom was like, "well you know, there's such-and-such installer down on such-and-such street" and I'm like, yeah mom, I think I'm gonna do it myself.  Then she's like (etc etc) and I'm like, yeah mom, I think I'm gonna do it myself.  Then she's like (etc etc) and I'm like, yeah mom, I think I'm just going to do it myself.  That is what I'm telling you.  Lol.  There's more.  But alas ... today I must go to work.

Everybody have a great day!

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48 minutes ago, Brewer5 said:

Your aunt sounds like a wonderful person.  I think we would get along just great.  And I think anyone who is blessed to be related to her should be taking full advantage of her company.  Are you still close to her -- in location, and in connection?

If you are still physically located where you can spend time with her ... please, reach out and do that more often.  I know, (I know!) you are busy with work and kids and life.  But I really feel that this is an effort which would pay off greatly for your overall wellbeing.

I visit 2-3x a year - not nearly enough!  

59 minutes ago, Brewer5 said:

If God seems far away ... who moved?

LOVE this.  Thank you for sharing!  That is great that you are feeling so good on the W30 and ready to take a chance and do some new things yourself.  Every time I read things like this, my motivation increases even more to keep going with healthy eating.  I'm feeling really optimistic.  And part of that is from your positive energy!  

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Day 8 yesterday ~ and, nothing much to report as far as food goes.  I love how, in the beginning (of any new journaling/getting back to basics with food), the posts ARE more focused on food for me ... and as time goes on, it gravitates more toward experiences and, as @Amy_Michigan said, sharing that positive energy I am feeling.

I think when I first posted here again ~ some people might have been like, "Like an Onion ... wtf is this ... weirdo ..."  LOL.  I knew exactly what I meant at the time I first posted ... I knew that the real me was hiding under several layers of bullshit that I had either piled on myself or allowed to be piled on by others.  I knew it was time to find my voice again ... to peel - and dig deeply, if needed - to cut out the bad parts of this onion and be rid of them.  And, as we all know when cutting onions ... I knew there would be some stinging and tears.  

But man... when you start to get past some of that ugly and rotten stuff... the inside of that onion can be SO worth the work.

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Amy, I won't tag you here again, because I know you're already here ... but I wanted to say that I saw you tagged me in your journal yesterday, and I did read the post when it showed up in my email.  As I kept reading, I started thinking, "Dang, this is long... she doesn't usually post things this long in my journal..."  :lol: and then I was like:  OH!  This is in her journal!  Lol.

I'm glad you tagged me.  Because it was great to read more detail about what's going on in your life, and because I honestly have not been traveling outside of my own journal at this point.  So I had a moment where I felt a little bit like an asshole ... and I wanted to apologize to you, and others who have been here daily to offer your support and kind words along my journey.  It means a lot.  I've been on a tiny carnivore group in the past, where it got to the point that it just felt like I was talking to myself all the time ... and that gets old pretty quickly.

So again, I'm sorry that I haven't "ventured out" more to support others.  There is a longer, more complicated reason for that ... but also a very basic reason ... and it's not that I'm just an asshole.  

I assume that we're all familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs ... but if anyone isn't, please google it now.  Not just because it's important to my next point, but because I think it is important for all of us to have as a tool in the back of our minds, as we think about ourselves and what is going on in our lives.

I am still in the bottom two layers of Physiological needs and Safety needs for much of my time.  

That is not to say that I'm not also floating up to those higher levels at times -- most certainly, I am.  But my two bottom levels are not concrete right now ... they just aren't.  And they haven't been since my entire world got turned upside down in the Fall of 2016.

So I'm still going to stay here and post, because I have to for now ~ but yes, please continue to tag me if there's something you want me to see.  I do care.

And on that note -- I want to share something I discovered a few months ago.  It's 100% legit ... I can assure that I am a researcher, and I would never steer anyone in a direction unless I knew it was a good one.  Maybe you already know about this -- (FYI I do not read the news, watch TV/commercials, or partake in social media, so I really don't know what is common knowledge these days) -- it's a site called Flex Jobs.  I'm not even going to post a link, because I don't want anyone to think I'm somehow profiting from this.  I'm not.  Just check it out, if you haven't already.  I think it's pretty freakin cool.  The status quo of the workplace is changing.  My boss's husband is a mechanical engineer for 20+ years, and they have now joined the site and have been checking out opportunities for him, too, since I told them about it.

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As always ~ to anyone out there reading ~ I wish you a beautiful day!  :)

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:) Beautiful day to you.

As for your onion title - I loved it! I thought, "Ahhhh, heaven, another person who speaks in metaphors!" I once heard a trauma counselor refer to an onion as similar to talking about traumas and each time you talk about it, you get closer to the inside, but it takes a lot of layers. Onions are cool things. 

 

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I've quite enjoyed reading @Brewer5 and @Emma's metaphor posts on this log.  It stretches my brain a little and makes me re-read sometimes, but I appreciate learning/looking at things in a different way.  Thanks for the idea about the jobs website.  I heard about it from my web-designer brother in law once, but I completely forgot about it.  Would love working from home in my comfy space.

And don't worry.  I think we all are doing these logs for ourselves- our own personal reflection to help us get through the ups and downs of the whole30 and life in general.  If people happen to read them, it provides an extra connection we might have for motivation to keep coming back on the days we need it, but not the true intention of the log.  That's the way I feel anyway.  

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What you don’t visit my log? Ha ha just kidding.  There is so much wisdom in knowing where you are and what you need and then giving yourself space for just that rather then trying to cater to everyone.  I’m a pleaser and learning to set boundaries for my own health and well being and stick to them was hard.  I hope you have a lovely day no matter the outside circumstances.  

Oh and you get a rick flair woooooooo day 8. You go girl!

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Thanks, ladies!  :wub:

Day 9 yesterday ... and @BabyBear had me thinking a little bit this morning about the psychological effect of choosing to eat at Qdoba this Friday, and start my numbering all over again.

It went a little bit like this:

  • Google to find out who Ric Flair is
  • Realize that possibly everyone but me knows who Ric Flair is
  • Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that I didn't know who Ric Flair is
  • Have a moment of thankfulness for the reference, because now I know who Ric Flair is.
  • Realize that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me
  • Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me
  • Have a moment of thankfulness for W30, because I think that's a pretty good place to be.
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