Post-45, still learning. W30#2 Planned for 3/15-4/14

[Terez]

I tried Lindt 85% yesterday. I usually get 90% but the store was out. What a surprise. The 90% is definitely mellower.

[Jessica M.]

Yep, the bar I have is Lindt. Very bitter. Notice I am still eating it. Shocking that it is still in my fridge. Surely if it was milk chocolate or a Hershey's Special Dark, it would be gone, gone, gone.

[Jessica M.]

Yesterday's food was all over the place and heavy on the carbs. My main goal is weight loss, so I don't know what the heck I am doing. Nearing my typical 8-weeks-in-punk-out-zone, so need to prep more and get control.

Saturday 2/23:

Breakfast: 2 eggs plus spinach cooked in clarified butter. Coffee with coconut milk. 2 Now Super Enzymes. Baked muffins for the family and really wanted somme. Had a banana and a square of 85% dark chocolate to avoid the pumpkin chocolate chip whole wheat muffins.

Lunch: Stomach was still bad. No interest in lunch when feeding the kids around 1pm. Had about 6-8 blueberries when picking out small ones for my daughter (her preference). Went shopping and was overwhelmed. The more I read about nutrition, the more difficult shopping is. Things I would have bought 2 months ago without thinking I can not in good conscience buy. Two women struck up conversations with me. 1 about maple syrup and 1 about organic eggs. I do not talk to people. I am shy-slash-cautious in person and much more friendly online. From growing up in NYC? Always like,"what do you want? Why're you talking to me? Back off!" (July 1st is 10 years in Florida, I need to chill.) Anyway, came back from the store and had a slice of roast beef. Then the last of the greek yogurt with a bunch of strawberries and 1 teaspoon (measuring spoon not silverware) of organic sugar. Three enzymes this time. Tag team cleaned with the family all the rest of the afternoon (first saturday without soccer in months). Tummy was feeling better afterwards. Activity or enzymes or both? Both, probably.

Dinner: All over the place. Got a late start. Baked a plantain into chips and split that with DH. Cooked chicken sausages with spinach and garlic in them, plus 2 small hamburgers (DS won't eat the sausage, will barely eat a burger)— I had 1 sausage and small burger. Made brown rice and corn for DD and DH (what once seemed healthy, now not so much). Carrots for DS, last of the week's spaghetti squash cooked in clarified butter for myself. Baked some sweet potato "chips" in the oven, sprayed with olive oil and sprinkled with salt. Ate way too many of these avoiding my FAVORITE snack of buttered popcorn, which I made the kids for "movie night." Three enzyme tablets with dinner also. Realized I did not take my anxiety med in the morning. Stomach was better. Is that why I ate so much of the sweet potato? Maybe it's "better" to feel sick, less likely to overeat. Of course that's not better. But snacking with movies is so engrained in my behavior. I'd stopped it during the Whole45 and here I am, at it again. Sigh. Should have just had 1 small sweet potato on my dinner plate. My BCP and my generic Lexapro. Hurting but not going to take the usual ibuprofen or Aleve while taking the digestive enzymes.

Sunday 2/24:

Breakfast: 2 eggs and big fistful of broccoli slaw cooked in clarified butter. 2 mugs of coffee each with 1 Tbsp organic heavy cream and 2 teaspoons of organic sugar. Trying to lay off the coconut for a few days. Plus, $3 a can wasn't working for me this week. Funds are low. Need a lot less of the cream. But, if it is constipating, I'll have to just put it in the coffee center at work and do without. My mouth and my head want sweet coffee. My brain says "you are trying to lose weight here! Don't add it back!" then my mouth says,"You used to put 5 splendas or three big scoops of sugar in the coffee, two teensy teaspoons is wayyyy better!" then the coffee is not very sweet and I think, why did I bother. But it was still pretty good. I missed cream. Well, not so much cream as "Sugar Free Nonfat Hazelnut Coffee Mate"... so...? Also had three of the Now enzymes.

Neck and back are still bad. Tummy is less bad. Hurting but not going to take the usual ibuprofen or Aleve while taking the digestive enzymes. Woke up THREE times in the night thinking I had to get up, had to tell myself I didn't have Sunday yet. Easing into the day. Hubby's neck is messed up too. We are such a pair. Need to start prepping for the Feb15-March14 Whole 30 which I am "dragging" him along for. He'll eat whatever I make, at least at home. WE shall see.

Decided today, thinking of Weight Watchers, that no cheese is preferable to low fat cheese. Just a random thought. Going to take my generic Welbutrin and get started on my water drinking. Work is always so much better for water drinking, at home I tend to forget.

[Nadia B]

3$ a can? Are you for real?! That's ungodly. 1L Aroy-d pack is 4 at my supermarket...

[Derval]

3$ a can? Are you for real?! That's ungodly. 1L Aroy-d pack is 4 at my supermarket...

mine works out at 2.62usd for 400ml can

Hope you are feeling better soon jessica

[Jessica M.]

Thank you, Derval. Yep, $2.89, $2.99 for the can. If I permanently switch to coconut milk in my coffee, I'll have to join a bulk shopping club or order from Amazon (I love Amazon for everything else, why not food?).

Head and neck got worse and worse yesterday. Ran errands and did some cooking but didn't get everything done. Eventually hubby went and got me some Zyrtec-D and told me he'd get dinner for the kids (nope, none of my cooking was for dinner), and sent me to go lie down. Took 3 ibuprophen also. I'll just have to not take the digestive enzymes till I am feeling better. Laid on the heating pad a while. Dozed on and off for like 2 hours. Got up and the kids weren't fed yet and it was 8pm (bedtime is supposed to be 8:30 on school nights) and everyone was making a ton of noise. Hubby shooed me away. Zyrtec is supposed to be 12 hours but it hadn't made a dent so I took another one. Woke up to the loudest emptying of the dishwasher ever around midnight. Took the pork out of the slow cooker and washed that, took 2 Aleve. Had a banana. Went back to bed. Hubby rubbed my neck for a while so he has been forgiven for the noise.

Today, Monday 2/25:

Breakfast: 2 wedges of sausage crust quiche a la PaleOMG. Good but not the most awesome sausage. Need a better brand. Would have had one wedge but no dinner was catching up to me. Handful of baby carrots. Coffee with 2 teaspoons organic sugar and 1 Tbsp of organic cream. More coffee with cream at work (no sugar).

Lunch: Didn't pack anything up, but managed to grab the 1/2 avocado that was left. Went to the grocery store by here to look for the buy one get one free baby spinach they were out of at my local store. Bought raw cashews and an apple. That's all I really felt like having for lunch, but I put the apple away for later (heading to coach after work). Had a handful of the cashews because I wanted crunch. Had a vacuum packed salmon in my desk for emergencies, put the avocado and salmon on top of plate of spinach. Salt and pepper. Feeling cruddy. LOADS better thank yesterday, but snappy and cranky and just want nuts and fruit. ACTUALLY, this grocery store usually has a small salad for sale that is just walnuts, apple, and raisins. That's what I want, though they were out of it. Good thing, because it's just a sugar bomb. Looked at their deviled eggs, but the thought of mayo put me off AND there was about 20 ingredients including corn syrup and stuff. Meh. Not whole30/Whole45 any more, but not wanting all THAT.

Not looking forward to the rest of my day. Sigh.

~Jess, the complainer

[Krista Billows Rodriguez]

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, I hope you feel better soon

[Jessica M.]

Thank you, Krista.

[Jessica M.]

Noticed yesterday and today my non stop yawning thing is back (had been less; is worse today) and so is my sweaty head without exertion. Common thing to both days: coffee with heavy cream. Last night I also went overboard an had 4 cookies. Had planned to have two, before those flavors were gone. Had four. Not eight but still.

So. I suppose I will nix the cream a couple of days and see if I feel better. It could be cookies I guess, but I didn't have anything like that Sunday or till Monday night and was yawning/sweating in the morning.

Come to think of it, I usually yawn most pre-lunch and I usually have most of my dairy at breakfast pre-Whole 45: cottage cheese, yogurt, string cheese, etc with fruit). Maybe dairy has been a problem for a long time and I didn't notice.

Dinner last night wound up being some jicama with my first stab at home made mayo-- didn't like either; spinach with butter, hamburger. Plus those cookies. Good news is, they are almost all gone so no more temptation.

Breakfast today: 10 raw cashews while I fed the kids, wedge of meat crust quiche and 4 strawberries on my drive, 2 cups if coffee with 3 Tbsp cream between them. Gassy yawning, bloated, overheated. Sigh.

Lunch was kind of thrown together last night, but the last of the ground beef cooked with some mushrooms and baby spinach. I will have that soon.

Dinner is a mystery.

Forgot... told myself either cream or sugar not both (had tried a small amount the past few days). Just cream is not so great. Not heavy cream anyway, coats my throat in an icky way. I actually prefer coconut milk. SHOCKER!!!!!!

[Nadia B]

Ouch for not feeling much better. Yawning is usually caused by lack of oxygen. Is there a possibility you can have a short walk when this yawning thing starts?

[Jessica M.]

Hi Nadia! I try to get up and at least go around the office. With me it seems to be more bloat related or something? The worse I feel the worse I breathe. I need to try going outside. I also have a non stop burping thing I do when I am stressed or not feeling well. I'm all kinds of quirky.

[Nadia B]

That's no good It might be totally coming from stress as yawning is you body's way of relieving tension too. Breathing problems might come along with food sensitivities, try to have a little overview of what foods you eat might be affecting you this way. At last if it doesn't go away consider seeing a doctor? Fingers crossed you will be fine very soon.

[Jessica M.]

Thanks, Nadia. Today I am still yawning, but less. Neck/back is messed up, but less. Remembered my Zyrtec-D this morning, and brought some for later, so may avoid another crazy headache. Chiropractor tomorrow, thank God, because I could use some time on the decompression table. I need one of those puppies for home. I would sleep on it. I would live on it.

Dinner last night wound up being the slow cooked pork ribs I made on Sunday. They came out so-so. I'd put some green chile paste and fish sauce in there, chicken broth, spices. Came out a bit bland and way too much liquid. But, I roasted some butternut squash, and it was fine. DH likes butternut squash if I get it crispy. Kids had eaten earlier, so they were ok (they would not have liked either). Of course, I was hungry by the time I got home from work so I was eating while I was waiting for the squash to cook (cook, already! Brown! Brown!). Wound up having 2 handfuls of raw cashews, a banana and a square of dark chocolate. I guess I could consider it out of order dessert, but I just should not have had it. Should have taken the dogs out or something while I waited, but my head/neck were killing me and I just wanted to sit while the family was all at basketball practice. I went with them last week but couldn't hack it this week. And I ran laundry while I sat, so it was semi-productive.

Breakfast today: 1 wedge of the meat crust quiche. 1 banana and a handful of raw cashews. Too many bananas. I'm not even hungry in the morning yet. Still eating just because it's time to eat. Thus, the planned #2 Whole 30. I'm eating better, differently, but still too much and too often. My system is still screwy. I am metabolically deranged. From all that "supernormally stimulating" food. See? I read the book. I like those terms even if I don't like that they perfectly describe ME. When I got to work, avoided my cream and had a coffee with coconut milk. Will have to make another one now (post lunch), since I have to go coach my team later. Last rehearsals before the regional competition. They are a wreck and I can't do anything about it. This same team (5/7 of them anyway) were #1 last year for their problem/division and we went to State. They are creative but being lazy and it kills me. Saturday night it will alllllllll be over. I might have to celebrate.

Lunch: Butternut squash (baked with spices and olive oil), pork rib meat, baby spinach wilted on top. Water, water, water all day. I don't need to write that, do I? Work days I drink water like a fish. It's like my one good habit.

Do not want to go coach. Sigh. At least it means leaving work early. Thank God my job is flexible and they have let me add hours to other days to leave early on Odyssey of the Mind or Brownies days. May be able to go back to working normal hours after the competition, except the 2 Mondays a month I take my DD to Brownies (girl scouts). I might be able to work in some me time. Thinking of a yoga class. Veggie lady is back on the grid, so looking forward to seeing what's in my box later, and hoping it's not potatoes and tomatoes, since I forgot to ask her to skip those for me.

[Jessica M.]

So. Friday was not great. Not terrible but not great. Breakfast and lunch were grazing on ok things. Afternoon latte heading to volunteer for "Read Across America" at DH/DD's school. Lara bar at 4 pm at Target b/c I was starving. We took the kids with us to a Bon Jovi concert. Ran late, hit traffic, missed meeting folks for dinner—bought junk in the arena to eat. I got a hamburger and put mayo on it. Ate half the bun and some of DS's fries. So hungry when we got home I ate a banana, then ate several globs of peanut butter with chocolate chips. Groan.

Saturday was the "Odyssey of the Mind" regional tournament so I was out and about all day and anxious. Just totally gave up. Breakfast was grabbed at Starbucks—a venti coffee to which I added cream and sugar in the raw. Protein box which had a little roll thing (wheat), cheese (dairy), peanut butter, hard boiled egg (ok) and fruit (ok). Hubby ran to get us all lunch from the grocery store. Not wanting to think too hard I went back to old habits and had him get me a roast beef and cheese sandwich (crunchy french bread), and he brought me a Coke Zero, so really back to old habits on that. After the awards I had to go to a meeting and had a Lara bar. I am going to stop buying those. Too convenient and too snacky. By dinner, my son wanted celebratory McDonald's and I was so stressed and emotional and frustrated I just got it for all of us and said to hell with it and had fries, coke, Quarter Pounder, the whole thing. Then we made popcorn with butter and had movie night and I had some of that too (my favorite) but it was making me sick on top of the other junk so I stopped. So, ugh.

The frustration is going to sound stupid: the team I coach came in First Place and now we move on to State competition. These kids have been lazy and disrespectful all year, my son included. The same kids were great last year. Three of them ganged up on me with their parents a couple of weeks ago and I started crying and couldn't stop—they were saying I was too bossy, basically, but I was just keeping them on task. This group is all from the gifted program and they were first last year and they were phoning it in. Everything sucks. They do NOT deserve to be first. And just because the other teams did worse doesn't mean they did their best (far from it) and now they will be MORE full of themselves. I can't take it. I don't know if I can coach them between now and State (April 6). Their coordinator/former teacher will have to do it. I can chaperone or something. I can't take the attitude. And I am still pissed at the three and their parents for making me cry, I don't like to cry. Especially with relative strangers. So... old habits, unbroken habits of comfort food and easy food.

Sunday/Monday/Today, mostly on track. Still using cream in my coffee some. Sugar yesterday. But bought some coconut creamer at my newly discovered Whole Foods. Realized it has carrageenan. So, have to finish that or pitch it before my next Whole 30. I am thinking my hubby won't really be able to do it with me. He still looks at me like I have two heads when I say no waffles and no cereal for breakfasts. We'll see. Thinking of starting the 11th instead of the 15th. One of my favorite friends and her brother are starting then. At least I can compare notes/gripes with them if my hubby isn't on board. If I'm going to State with the team though, it will likely wind up being a "Whole 25", since we'll be away at a college/hotel and eating out. I will at least be there as a parent if not as coach, so it's a given.

Need to begin writing better food/symptom logs for myself and my son. Took him for a physical yesterday and had them draw blood to test for food/environmental allergies. Before I go on for 600 words, I'll just say I am worried about his slow growth and restricted diet (beyond picky, possibly a sensory thing I overlooked in his younger years). He's 10. As a baby and toddler he was always 90-95th percentile for height and weight, now he's 25th percentile. I'm wondering if he has a gluten intolerance or even Celiac, a lot of his symptoms jive with my recent reading. My baby. My daughter has shot past him in height now and she is 23 months younger. So, looking for any glaring issues before I randomly remove things from his already sparse diet.

[Krista Billows Rodriguez]

Friday sounds like a really rough ride, I think it's not uncommon though, to veer off course, even if for only one day. But you recognize it and you've picked yourself up and are moving on.

Sorry the kids were brats! I cannot stand the snotty attitudes I see in my son's school and the rampant disrespect for teachers. I volunteer weekly in the 3/4 classroom and see first hand the effects of the overall lack of respect we see in our society. Volunteers are saints and they should be cherished and appreciated at every opportunity!