Post W30 - cravings and the psychology of all of it

[katyroq]

A quick recap: I finished my W30 at the beginning of February and focused on reintroduction for the next couple weeks. I felt SO great and loved the results! Overall I found I'm sensitive to pretty much all grains, white potatoes, corn - starchy, carb-full stuff. I can feel my blood sugar rise, then drop, then I get very anxious. The grains bother my stomach a little bit as well. But it's mostly the anxiety that is the problem. Dairy is fine, but I have no desire for it. Same with legumes, although my stomach does not like peanut butter at all! Overall, I don't crave carbs/dairy/legumes, and if I do eat them, i do not really enjoy them.

However, CHOCOLATE! That is the one thing I can't get enough of. It's "dark" chocolate, but not the healthy, high % cocoa kind. I have always been pretty self-controlled about sweets but I seem VERY out of control right now. I can't help eating all the chocolate in my possession...

Let me make it clear that I am not craving sweets in general, but gooey, chocolatey brownies or cake. Maybe it's because I was at a work function and ate chocolate cake. Even though it didn't taste amazing at the time, I ate it all because of the texture (I LOVE certain textures).

Then I made some "healthy" brownies (almost paleo) and I couldn't stop eating them!

I guess I am rambling, but I'm concerned about the psychology of all of this.

I know that I love eating W30. Good food, tasty, healthy, and it keeps me from the crazy sugar swings I'm used to. However, I'm really struggling wtih almost forcing myself to eat badly. I will eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner completely compliant. But I'll eat a few chocolates through the afternoon, then after dinner go crazy with whatever chocolate/peanut butter/or random carbs I can find.

Maybe to punish myself? Maybe I'm afraid of how hard it is to maintain the kind of eating I want to and need to for optimum health. It's like I'm determined to eat everything I had put in the back of my pantry, and I'm determined to enjoy it, even though I don't really enjoy it (Except for chocolate!) and I know what negative effects I'll feel.

Ironically, I finally got the book ISWF (I've been on a waiting list from the library since Jan) and it makes SO much sense to read all the science (I'm a biochemistry person, so loving the details). So I eat NON compliant food while reading the book every evening!!!!

I have the knowledge (From the book), the experience (From the January W30) to support that this way of eating is good for my body. Why am I forcing myself to eat food I don't want and isn't good for me. I'm okay with 90% compliant plus some chocolate (but not tons of sugar...), but it doesn't feel simple, like I can relax into that lifestyle right now...

Just wanted to share and see if anyone has any input!

[Xandra]

I'm right there with you. I had a bender recently that proved I still can't off-road occasionally with sugar, even when everything else in my eating pattern is healthy.

I have learned to talk to my brain, to tell it that it's the dopamine talking when I think of the memories of eating sweet treats. I have resolved to find some new associations to certain activities that remind me of old junk food.

I have made a mental list of all the cons associated with the junk, including feeling susceptible to illness (I have 3 kids all in different schools and while we get every bug going around, we also bounce back within a day or two, or in my case, I got over a stomach bug in 5 hours. I need that level of immunity strength, but after the bender I started to feel a new cold coming on, and frankly, it scared the stuffing out of me). The pros list is quite short: it tastes good and gets me high. Big whoop.

And when all else fails, I burst the pity party. "Oh boo hoo, you mean I don't get to eat brownies for breakfast, I have to eat all this healthy stuff instead that half the world would kill to have access to?" I mean really, I feel so petty for complaining and just need to get over it.

I've also found this woman's blog (http://itsyahztime.blogspot.com/p/weight-loss-photo-album.html I think someone here posted it?) to be very inspirational, particulary this:

"I don't feel that I can motivate anyone. "A need or desire" must drive you "to ACT." I cannot do that for you. You can only do that yourself. You feel a need and desire to change your eating habits and/or start to move, and you take that first step.

The first step you take doesn't mean, "Oh, I'm going to start exercising and eating right." If it does, then the first time you don't get your expected results, you will stop. The first step means, "I'm going to do this, and nothing* is going to stop me from moving in this forward direction." I say nothing with an asterisk because there will be some circumstances that occur that may cause some need to "rearrange." But, my question to you is, how do you handle it? How do you handle life's speedbumps?

I've had many speedbumps. Scheduling conflicts. Negativity. Doubting Thomas and Murphy's Law. Illness. Exhausting. Laziness. Boredom. Jealousy. Romance. Break Ups. Trips. Food. Temptations. Family Obligations. Work. I've seen myself get derailed once during this process. I felt myself slipping. Luckily, I was able to recognize it, manage it as needed, and got myself back on track and moving in a forward direction.

Your success in any endeavor will depend on how you handle your speedbumps, and where you decide to prioritize your health and well-being. It will take planning and dedication, and no half-assed efforts. You can't let outside factors take control of your forward momentum. Take a minute and just think. What is important to you? Where does your health and well-being lie on your priority list? Don't let life speedbumps take you out. Take a minute. Slow down. And roll over those bad boys. Never Stop your forward momentum."

[Moluv]

Spring is coming- what about another w30? It could help you get some perspective on this issue.

[JJB]

I'm afraid I might be on the same path. I also finished my W30 in Feb, and dug out the dark chocolate I had lingering from December. I used to be perfectly content with 1 square, I think because it's not very sweet (86%). Now each time I've grabbed the bar, I've had 4 squares. Honestly it doesn't taste any different or better than before, so I'm not sure why I went crazy with it. Thankfully those 2 bars are gone and I don't plan to buy any more. Unfortunately, it's Easter candy season. That's always the worst for me. There are a few that I just can't seem to stay away from. I ended up buying them yesterday and really pigging out. I definitely need to get back on track and not allow myself to buy anymore candy. I definitely still have some mental thing going on that's allowing or encouraging me to do this (possibly self-sabotage or punishment, as you mentioned). Hope we can both figure this out before we are derailed for too long!

[megmac]

Any specific item that I can't eat with brakes is just simply out of the question for me. I'm just sayin...

Back away from the chocolate! It's not for you!

[katyroq]

@Xandra - Thanks for the encouragement and the blog link - I'm going to have to check it out!

@Moluv - Yep, I've been thinking about another Whole30. But I'm a bit hesitant. I know I can follow the rules, it's the "riding my own bike" that I'm having trouble with. What happens once the next W30 is over...?

@JJB - So glad you can relate (okay not really but it makes me feel less crazy!). It always helps to know I'm not alone! Good luck to you in figuring yours out.

@megmac - Interesting...and I hate to admit that you're probably right! I hate the thought of chocolate being out right now, partly out of my desperation for it (!) and partly because I mean, it's the only non-compliant thing I even WANT.

Thanks for all your comments & suggestions. I haven't been around this site much since ending the W30 - maybe part of my problem is not having the support and secretly wondering if I am crazy. My roommate thinks I'm wack-o, that I'm "imagining" how much better (or worse) I feel based on food, and that it's crazy to try to have the kind of lifestyle I want...

Any ideas on finding support (other than here)? Or maybe I just need to get over having someone make fun of my food choices, or myself being "upset" when I can't eat compliant due to a work event or something...

[megmac]

I know what you mean. My chocolate is wine. It's the only thing I really want to add back and the only thing I really can't. And I still have to learn that lesson once a month or so.

[Roz Griffiths]

as a fellow chocolate binger/sugarholic, i recently read "The Sweet Poison Quit Plan" by David Gillespie & found it quite useful. Although i found his suggestions for ice cream & cake recipes using powdered glucose instead of sugar a bit worrying, his take on how you feel when giving up sugar really hit home with me - feeling vaguely hungry & anxious, a "bit empty" etc., those times when diet swots tell you to just have a glass of water (which doesn't work for me!)

I found a brilliant recipe for paleo chocolate chip cookies in "Make it Paleo", but since my family just eat regular biscuits, making a batch was basically a licence for EATING the batch... d'oh

[Moluv]

Your roommate doesn't know what he/she is talking about. YOU do. You are not crazy. Chocolate can be a gut irritant (it's got a similar molecular structure to gluten), and it's addictive. Your body is a complex biological orchestra and when you put chocolate into it, it wrecks our system. Your biological impulses drive the craving for more. Trust, I know this feeling all too well and I view chocolate with trepidation. I won't even make that chocolate chili from well fed everybody's always talking about. I just think that your second w30 will take you into deeper understanding of your body and how things affect you. It's not weird to choose not to eat things at social functions either. Just because it might make someone uncomfortable doesn't mean you are not planting the seed of curiosity about their own food choices, and that is a good thing.

[melbournegirl]

Katy, well done on your honesty and analysis, it will help you figure out the right solution for you even if it takes a awhile. Just an observation, maybe you need to do another wloe30 or 50 or?

I followed my first whole30 pretty much straight after with this 100. I now don't have any negative feelings whatsoever when other people eat or offer me treats .. I don't see these as real food and am happy to say... No thanks it makes me sick!. I have adjusted to meals without grains (was dairy and grain free already) and have no desire to change back. I have lots of recipes I enjoy and no longer feel deprived. I have meals that are healthy but I view as comfort foods and am happy to turn to those if I am feeling a bit bored or just want something different. I was very addicted to office treats and free foods so am really happy to have overcome this.

So maybe you just need more time?

[mary-t]

Katy, I just made a post very similar to yours. So I'm glad that I'm not crazy either. There is comfort in knowing that you're not the only one who's struggling with an issue (whatever it might be for each person). I know that just writing the post and making it public made me feel better. Hope that you manage to kick the chocolate out of your diet (at least until you feel like you can control the quantity). I hope to do the same.