Victoriaplek Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Ok, so I went to a business meeting yesterday - It was a 2 hour drive and my team there was so happy that I was coming that the host baked a special cake for me. I tried to explain Whole30 and she literally teared up and was so hurt that I wasn't going to eat her home made cake! I felt TERRIBLE and I caved....and the room CHEERED when I ate it and inside I was feeling like such a loser! This was only day 5 for me. Then it got worse. I felt SO bad for FAILING that when I got home my husband took me out to dinner and yes....I thought I have failed anyway, I may as well.... have a glass of wine to sooth my disappointment! Woke up this morning feeling yucky physically and WORSE mentally! How SHOULD I have handled it?? Let the lovely lady cry??? ARGH!! HELP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Oh honey that sucks! My go-to is to say i have a good allergy or sensitivity. For me this is true, but no one needs to know exactly what my sensitivities are. In case of a cake just saying 'I'm sorry, but i can't have gluten' should be sufficient. I can't believe they cheered, that is some disordered behavior on their part! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeadowLily Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 The "Pusher" can be Grandmaw, coworkers, clients, friends or strangers. Never let anybody take control of your nutritional decisions. Ever. By staying strong you will gain respect. You have to stand your ground and be firm. Don't lie or tell fibs, it will come back to bite you in the rearend. Always tell the truth. Don't make up imaginary medical conditions, you'll lose trust from others and it will make you feel like a fraud. Just stand up and call it like it is. You don't have to go into a big lengthy excuse. Shorter is better. Tell them you're not touching that food or that drink for 30 days or you're not touching it anymore. Period. They don't have to live in your body. The alcoholic goes through this all of the time but they absolutely have to remain strong for their recovery. Be nice but super firm with the "Pusher". I wouldn't give two hoots who cries over a cake and I can guarantee you that no one would ever do this to me. It you can't get the Pusher to stop, you have to avoid them in the future. Alcoholics and those who are in any kind of recovery program, including the food addict, like me....we learn that as part of making recovery stick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirbz Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I'm not going to lie, I probably would have done the same thing. This is important but so are other people's feelings and I'm not sure I could have handled someone crying in response to my choices. However, here are some thoughts as to how this could have maybe been avoided. I would have a different "what/why are you doing" response for people I don't know well and who may push back than for those who are close friends or family. I think your explanation for people you don't know well should invite less questions and should have a bit more urgency and consequence. It shouldn't be a lie or dishonest in any way but you most likely have a very legitimate health-related reason that you're doing this and something you're looking to fix. For me I would say "I've been feeling really exhausted lately so I'm on a strict nutrition regimen to help me get my energy back. Unfortunately, it doesn't allow for any flexibility if I'm going to be successful and feel better." I would hope that most people wouldn't be offended by that! For friends, I don't mind questions and may just say "I'm doing a 30-day dietary reset to become more healthy and to better understand how different foods affect me." I'd also look to immediately divert attention away from me as soon as possible. In your situation, perhaps provide your brief explanation but then something like "Even though I can't eat this, can I cut the cake and hand it out to everyone because this looks delicious and everyone should have an opportunity to enjoy it!?" I'm not an expert but just my two cents... I hope maybe that helps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaplek Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Oh my gosh you guys! This is great stuff! I am going to LOVE this community! This is really going to help me be PREPARED the next time this happens....I just simply wasn't. OK....back to day 1 for me.... had a great breakfast! (I'm in China!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaplek Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 PS - I love the term "Pusher" I think if I see them that way it will give me strength to fight it better...nicely, but fight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators SugarcubeOD Posted March 23, 2017 Moderators Share Posted March 23, 2017 One thing to add to this conversation... if someone that is not your grandmother makes a choice to make something 'for you' that isn't your grandmother's famous cake, and they CRY when you say no thank you, do not take that on. Seriously, that has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with their own issues. You can be polite, you can hug them and say how much you appreciate it and you can cut the cake, serve the cake, clean up the cake and thank the host again for making the cake but you do not need to eat the cake. No one should ever pull crap like that to guilt you into eating, drinking, smoking, shooting anything. EVER! GAWWWW! This is one of those things that get under my skin.... LIke MeadowLily, no one would ever try pulling that with me... and next time they won't with you either Also, cheering when someone gets bullied into the eating, drinking, smoking, shooting whatever-ing is seriously messed up... Who puts that much stock in what someone else puts in their mouth?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 In my case, it's not lying to say I have allergies. when I was doing the whole 30 I would say I was doing an elimination diet to test for food sensitivities. No one ever questioned that. I'm sorry you encountered something different. You said you are in China, maybe there is a cultural aspect to preparing and serving food we Westerners are missing here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaplek Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Hi all, Again, so appreciative of your comments. I do think the cheering was more for the lady and her cake getting eaten and not about me failing my diet...but it still made me feel bad. And yes, I do think there was a cultural aspect - the lady is actually from Turkey and cooking and food is a very big deal and it was probably much more offensive to her that I tried to decline that it would have been to another American who has posted likely been exposed to people having a gazillion eating programs! But even with all this, I do need to learn to be true to myself and what my goals are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 big hugs. I had this a lot with my mum, she would make me treats and I would find it really hard to say no as I know she's put a lot of effort into it. I got her on my side and now she loves cooking out of the w30 book and well fed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriaplek Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 I am so glad I decided to post....I will have all of you in my head CHEERING ME ON should this ever happen again - you all have been so encouraging!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CGallagher Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I think it was probably definitely a cultural thing with the cake. I have a daughter in South Korea and if someone there gives you any type of food it is a sign of respect. Out of respect for the giver, you eat what was offered if at all possible. To not do so is a sign of disrespect. These cultural differences are hard. I probably would have had a bite or two and then said I was too full and asked to take the rest "for later". And promptly started my Whole30 over the next day! It would have been better than feeling I had disrespected someone. I know, by breaking my Whole30 I would have disrespected myself but sometimes I feel you just have to suck it up, based on the situation. And then pay the consequences for that behavior. I know many (or most) others disagree with me but you just have to do what you feel is right in any given situation and move on accordingly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeadowLily Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Eating for international relations. Keeping the peace. I believe I could still get away with standing my ground. That's probably one advantage I have being an authentic paleo american. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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