PamAgain

[GFChris]

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.

 

With everything going on right now, I wonder if it would help you to make this a modified Whole30 instead of follow-the-rules-every-meal-every-day-for-30-consecutive-days Whole30? When you started this go-around, you said your goals were to reduce the sugar and nut butters, and transition to more meal eating instead of snacking.  I'm just curious if a modified Whole30 mindset, focusing on those goals, would help you more at the present time? 

 

Also, do you have any stress management and/or mindfulness practices that help you to be in the moment?  That may also serve you well now, to take things one at a time, and minimize spiraling into all the what-ifs.

[PamH]

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.

 

With everything going on right now, I wonder if it would help you to make this a modified Whole30 instead of follow-the-rules-every-meal-every-day-for-30-consecutive-days Whole30? When you started this go-around, you said your goals were to reduce the sugar and nut butters, and transition to more meal eating instead of snacking.  I'm just curious if a modified Whole30 mindset, focusing on those goals, would help you more at the present time? 

 

Also, do you have any stress management and/or mindfulness practices that help you to be in the moment?  That may also serve you well now, to take things one at a time, and minimize spiraling into all the what-ifs.

Would it be bad to say today I've already done that?  I hesitated to mention modifying the Whole30 because I've seen some harsh comments from Moderators/advanced members when people bend the rules.  I was just going to stop posting what I ate to avoid commentary and just focus on myself and my goal.  Thank you for bringing it up.  I must have been noticeably cranky.  

 

Stress management is talk therapy, exercise, work (if you can believe it!) and my sugar elimination.  It really does make a difference with my moods.  

 

I read my post and came to the conclusion that this isn't the forum to air those personal issues.  Focus on getting rid of sugar and write about positives.  Dwelling is not helpful.

 

Thanks!

 

So:

 

Breakfast:  chicken breast with sautéed zucchini and yellow squash

 

Lunch:  shredded turkey breast from enchiladas (deli gave me the filling before they stuffed the tortillas), apple, coconut rice with raisins

 

Drank some extra decaf and 32 oz water/unsweetened kombucha over the day.

 

Snack:  2T sunflower seed butter

 

I will cop to my modifications to keep track of what I eat so I can notice any patterns if problems develop.  Ate some white rice and some cheese (most likely) that was in the turkey breast filling.  Did eat coconut milk in the rice dish but it was a side dish not a dessert so no sugar.  No strange mouth tingling with the coconut today.  I wonder if the packaging from the coconut cream is behind it?  It is that aluminum lined carton.  I often wonder about that stuff… metallic 

 

NO sugar!  Yay, me.

[GFChris]

It's fine to do a modified Whole30 if that's what currently works for you. Will move this thread to the post Whole30 log section, which is the home for such threads.

[PamH]

I've moved!

 

Been switched from Whole30 log to PostWhole30 log since I'm quickly learning the strict Whole30 isn't for me.  Not sure if it is poor timing or just that I don't fit this type of food restriction/elimination approach?  Only time will tell.  I did very well with an 80/20 Paleo approach to eating, but that damn sugar just keeps taking over.  If I go back to Paleo, I will make sure I don't spend a lot of time "paleofying" desserts and baked goods.   They are really no different as far as my dependence on sugar goes.  Coconut sugar is what white sugar is as far as my body goes…

 

So,  finished my day off with a ton of red kuri squash, a small amount of tuna fish and some almonds.  Not the best end to the day, but I ate quite a bit of  protein earlier so I don't mind.

 

I sort of feel like I'm being put into the corner for not sticking to the Whole30, but I get it is just a way to keep the forum organized.  It is my problem if I feel like I failed, really.  I don't think I really do…

 

Oops.  Forgot to add that I went to the gym.  Spent an hour on the elliptical.  Felt good to sweat.  I was more tired than usually but I'm just happy I made the time to go.  I wish I lived in a climate where I could be outdoors year round:  biking and hiking and walking.  I'm not too fond of begin in the frigid weather.  I clench my jaw when I'm cold and that and the wind give me headaches.  Boo.  Usually I stay active 5 days a week year round; been that way since age 20. Boy, have I noticed my strength and stamina decreasing over the past 5 years along with some muscle mass loss and fat redistribution.  Frustrating.

[amberino21]

Pam, don't think of being moved as failing - you're coping really well with a lot of stresses, and sticking pretty close to a whole 30. This just gives you a bit of "give" in those moments where you may just want to enjoy a meal out or at someone's house and not care that they put butter in it. Or not have someone suggesting that your meals don't fit the template. Sometimes a slight relaxation can be good for your mind

It's also a way to benefit others starting their own journey - I think there's so much info out there that keeping the "whole 30 log" section as whole 30 as possible stops any confusion as to what people should or shouldn't be doing.

[PamH]

Pam, don't think of being moved as failing - you're coping really well with a lot of stresses, and sticking pretty close to a whole 30. This just gives you a bit of "give" in those moments where you may just want to enjoy a meal out or at someone's house and not care that they put butter in it. Or not have someone suggesting that your meals don't fit the template. Sometimes a slight relaxation can be good for your mind

It's also a way to benefit others starting their own journey - I think there's so much info out there that keeping the "whole 30 log" section as whole 30 as possible stops any confusion as to what people should or shouldn't be doing.

thanks.  I appreciate it.  I don't feel like a failure, but I'm a stubborn girl whose first reaction is to think "I can stay where I want".     Takes me a moment to realize it is just part of the website and not an affront against my efforts.  Yes, I can be my own worst enemy for a moment or two.  Part of what keeps me going over the years.  

 

All in all, I feel confident that I will move past the sugar and practice what I've been preaching literally for over a decade.  I'm that healthy girl.  That organic treehugger.  That health freak that friends and family poke fun at or seek advice from… and all along I've lived at times on chocolate covered almonds and tons of exercise.  Really not good at all!

 

This is the THIRD year in a row I have no eaten caramel apples.  This is the season where I would eat 3-4 a week.  The big ones that make me skip meals or head out for 2 hour cardio sessions to ease the guilt.  I do miss them so!  One day I will be able to enjoy just a slice and be good with it.  If anyone wants to know, Amy's in Cedarburg, WI makes really really perfect apples!  

[amberino21]

I see elements of me in what you write, so you're not alone

And what are caramel apples? We have toffee apples -apples with sticks covered in crunchy toffee, like a giant round lollipop. They aren't a popular thing, I think I had one once but didn't like the "toffee". In San Francisco I remember having a similar thing but with stickier, almost caramel sauce with nuts or choc bits stuck to it....are either of those what you mean?

[vkanders]

You haven't been put in a corner - we have lots of fun over here. Welcome!

[PamH]

I see elements of me in what you write, so you're not alone

And what are caramel apples? We have toffee apples -apples with sticks covered in crunchy toffee, like a giant round lollipop. They aren't a popular thing, I think I had one once but didn't like the "toffee". In San Francisco I remember having a similar thing but with stickier, almost caramel sauce with nuts or choc bits stuck to it....are either of those what you mean?

Ah, forgot I have to teach you how some Americans eat.     Take one apple, put it on a stick.  Dunk it in melted caramel and roll it in nuts or sugar or chocolate chips or M&Ms, etc.  If you are really up for it, you dunk it is caramel and then dunk it in chocolate, roll it in nuts and then drizzle with white chocolate!  So the one in San Fran is what I love!  Utter disappointment when the apple inside is gross, though.

[amberino21]

Ah, forgot I have to teach you how some Americans eat. Take one apple, put it on a stick. Dunk it in melted caramel and roll it in nuts or sugar or chocolate chips or M&Ms, etc. If you are really up for it, you dunk it is caramel and then dunk it in chocolate, roll it in nuts and then drizzle with white chocolate! So the one in San Fran is what I love! Utter disappointment when the apple inside is gross, though.

Apples are always disappointing when the inside is bad. But your caramel covered one sounds delicious. Caramel made with almond butter, dates, sea salt, and a bit of coconut oil would work...yes?

I remember having a bad day, but having a craving for an apple. I was having such a bad day I wasn't thinking rationally and literally picked up every apple in the shop trying to work out whether it would be nice enough. There were tears. And no apple, because I couldn't face the disappointment of it being different to how I expected.

[PamH]

Apples are always disappointing when the inside is bad. But your caramel covered one sounds delicious. Caramel made with almond butter, dates, sea salt, and a bit of coconut oil would work...yes?

I remember having a bad day, but having a craving for an apple. I was having such a bad day I wasn't thinking rationally and literally picked up every apple in the shop trying to work out whether it would be nice enough. There were tears. And no apple, because I couldn't face the disappointment of it being different to how I expected.

I have always wanted to know:  Is that you in your avatar?  

[amberino21]

I have always wanted to know: Is that you in your avatar?

Yes! Although I don't look like that right now. That was maybe a few weeks before or after comps last year. Currently have more BF and have a lot more muscle as we've taken over a year off to grow - soon we'll be stripping the fat off for next years comps!

[PamH]

This is DAY ONE of my modified Whole30

 

For those who stumbled upon my log, my name is Pam.  I'm 48 and this is my 3rd attempt to complete a Whole30 in 2013.  My first started in late March.  I actually put together 56 compliant days out of 60, but never could string 30 days in a row.  The 2 week mark always led to a day of sugar.  It usually started with lack of sleep the night before, but I am trying to figure out what that 14 day mark is such a pattern.  I'm starting to think it is psychological, which is why I've decided to march on over (at moderator's suggestion) to Post Whole30 to do a modified version of the plan.

 

Sugar.  That is my nemesis.  It has been that way for decades.  I am an eating disorder child of the 1980s that never quite defeated the mindset or behavior.  I've managed to snag a comfortable life and I feel quite blessed to have so many options.  I've also decided that the second half of my life just has to be more settled and happy than the first half.  Conquering this sugar is the first step.  Unlike in my teens, twenties and thirties, I now really feel the effects of not taking care of myself.  Perimenopause is a bitch.

 

So, this morning I'm having my crio bru with ghee.  I'm meeting a dear friend for breakfast so I am waiting to eat.  It will be over 2 hours since I got out of bed before I eat anything which I know isn't the best practice.  I'm trying!

 

My modified plan is going to be this:  I will still primarily keep Whole30, but I won't stress out if I eat some food with dairy inside (not a big bowl of yogurt, mind you) or maybe even small amounts of gluten.  I have been 90% gluten free for several years to that isn't too big of a project for me.  I don't plan on indulging over the holidays either.  I am still avoiding all sugars (except milk sugar, obviously).  No maple syrup, coconut sugar, white sugar, brown sugar, etc.

 

The stress in my life is pretty high right now.  I think being so restrictive isn't helping.  Each day I avoid the chocolate and the baked goods is another day where I honestly wake up feeling pretty damn good.  My mood is stabilizing.

 

Here's to Day One!

[PamH]

Yes! Although I don't look like that right now. That was maybe a few weeks before or after comps last year. Currently have more BF and have a lot more muscle as we've taken over a year off to grow - soon we'll be stripping the fat off for next years comps!

My upper body looked similar a year ago, but my lower body is genetically WAY too heavy to get much definition.  Makes me frustrated.  I'm quite small (5'3"; 115-120lbs) but hold it all in my legs.  I look awesome in clothing; not too much in shorts or undies anymore.  lol

[PamH]

Day One:

 

Breakfast:  egg white omelet with spinach/mushrooms.  Ordered without cheese but it came with cheese.  I can't ask them to toss it in the garbage so I ate it.  Being a great restaurant, it wasn't loaded with cheese anyway.  Passed on the potatoes or toast.  Had a small bowl of mixed fruit.

 

I struggle to not continue eating once I start.  I find I have to keep myself busy for the hour or two following a meal so I don't continue grazing.  Do I not have a satiety button?  Is the calibration off?

 

Lunch:  Ate a large (fatty) portion of pot roast with maybe 2c sautéed zucchini/onion.  Drank lots o' water

 

Gym for an hour; mostly cardio.  Ran quite a few errands and am busy doing ALL of the laundry in anticipation of tearing up the laundry room on Monday for a new tile floor.  Laundry will be out of service for a week due to the holidays and workers needing to be with their families.

 

Dinner is going to be light.  I feel better when I eat the majority of my fat and calories before 4PM.  Much better.  So far, I've inhaled quite a bit of protein.  

 

Dinner:  simple dinner of leftover squash and tuna.  No added fat.

[vkanders]

Day One:

 

Breakfast:  egg white omelet with spinach/mushrooms.  Ordered without cheese but it came with cheese.  I can't ask them to toss it in the garbage so I ate it.  Being a great restaurant, it wasn't loaded with cheese anyway.  Passed on the potatoes or toast.  Had a small bowl of mixed fruit.

 

I struggle to not continue eating once I start.  I find I have to keep myself busy for the hour or two following a meal so I don't continue grazing.  Do I not have a satiety button?  Is the calibration off?

I have the same issue at night, I think it's a habit issue. And a hard one to break.

[amberino21]

My upper body looked similar a year ago, but my lower body is genetically WAY too heavy to get much definition. Makes me frustrated. I'm quite small (5'3"; 115-120lbs) but hold it all in my legs. I look awesome in clothing; not too much in shorts or undies anymore. lol

No, no it's not. I don't believe in "big boned", "heavy set", or genetics to a point. You can make your body what you want if you want it enough.

I'm 5ft5. I used to be 180lbs...and "big boned", and "heavy set" and "take after my (large/overweight) dad".

[PamH]

No, no it's not. I don't believe in "big boned", "heavy set", or genetics to a point. You can make your body what you want if you want it enough.

I'm 5ft5. I used to be 180lbs...and "big boned", and "heavy set" and "take after my (large/overweight) dad".

I agree, to a point.  I have been underweight before, too, and my body type is just larger on the bottom.  Fat dispersement or whatever you want to call it.  I will *never* have thin, shapely, well defined legs and I'm done killing myself trying.  There are different body types.  Take 10 women that are all 5'3" and 120lbs and you will see 10 different bodies.  Big boobs, little boobs, large calves, small calves, flat belly, little pooch,  big butt, flat butt, thicker knees, thinner legs.  It is what it is.  My girlfriend at the same weight can wear jeggings and I cannot (oh, I cannot!) and I can wear a sports bra without back fat and she cannot (oh, she cannot!).

 

I can stay in shape and healthy at a healthy weight, but I need to give up the dream that I need to look like you to be happy.     No offense meant to you at all!  My comfort weight is 115… I'm about 5lbs away based on how my clothes fit today.  That was the weight I settled into nicely when I first went Paleo in 2012.

 

I do think I need to reduce the amount of fat I am eating.  I jumped to ghee and coconut oil and very fatting cuts of meat to keep full and away from sugar.  I am pretty sure that is behind my growing behind.  hah

[vkanders]

I agree, to a point.  I have been underweight before, too, and my body type is just larger on the bottom.  Fat dispersement or whatever you want to call it.  I will *never* have thin, shapely, well defined legs and I'm done killing myself trying.  There are different body types.  Take 10 women that are all 5'3" and 120lbs and you will see 10 different bodies.  Big boobs, little boobs, large calves, small calves, flat belly, little pooch,  big butt, flat butt, thicker knees, thinner legs.  It is what it is.  My girlfriend at the same weight can wear jeggings and I cannot (oh, I cannot!) and I can wear a sports bra without back fat and she cannot (oh, she cannot!).

 

I can stay in shape and healthy at a healthy weight, but I need to give up the dream that I need to look like you to be happy.     No offense meant to you at all!  My comfort weight is 115… I'm about 5lbs away based on how my clothes fit today.  That was the weight I settled into nicely when I first went Paleo in 2012.

 

I do think I need to reduce the amount of fat I am eating.  I jumped to ghee and coconut oil and very fatting cuts of meat to keep full and away from sugar.  I am pretty sure that is behind my growing behind.  hah

Yes, I agree with this. I can't make my pelvis smaller. Or my wrists. I actually AM big boned. I've been thin enough that I can't sleep because my hipbones are digging into the mattress, but was still wearing a size 4 because my pelvis is just that big. No amount of dieting will change that.

[PamH]

Day Two Modified

 

Today I travel 12 hours in a car to transport Canyon the pit bull to her new home in Colorado!  She is being adopted by a friend of a friend from our local humane society.  My friend has never done transport before so I said I'd tag along.  Not great timing as far as Whole30 goes!  Traveling today means minimal stops along the way since Miss Canyon is a powerful girl and I don't want to lose her.  Better to just mush through the 6 hour drive to Des Moines (I say 5 but I am not the driver.  haha).  I'm packing a few things to eat but my girlfriend said she was sent a huge care package of treats from the grateful adopters:  buckeyes (peanut butter/chocolate), licorice, cookies.  I'm not modified that way, so I will have to decline.  Then the entire conversation about why I'm not going to eat any of that stuff probably will make her glassy eyed and crash the car.  Maybe I should be driving.

 

So, I am packing fruit, kombucha, nuts and a lara bar for desperation.  Trying the banana bread version instead of the coconut or the one with the cocoa powder.  I completely forgot to buy the Epic bar (meat) and I don't have time to make the brisket before I go.  This will be interesting.  Once we drop off the dog we will stop for dinner so I can eat something less snacky.  Big breakfast before I go will help.

 

Off to hit the treadmill.  Too cold to walk outside (below freezing in November!).  

 

THIS will be a challenge for me.  Stuck in close proximity to chocolate and licorice (only candy I really like; I hope it is red because I can resist red) and wanting to join in the fun of eating treats and laughing.  Social eating is the worst.  My GF is far from a health nut but she is a great listener and will respect my choices.  That is good.

 

Feeling like a good person today.  I love to volunteer.  Love it.

 

SO:  I was able to stay 99% compliant despite being on the road.  The food choices were pitiful, so I opted for a lot of whole30 snacks.

 

½ c raw macadamia, raw pecan, raw almond and dried papaya

1.5 compliant Lara bars

1 NOT compliant banana/nut dried thing (had coconut syrup to bind)

green grapes

apple

kombucha

Starbucks coffee with a small amount of whole milk

1 small compliant breakfast sausage (home made so no added sugar)

1 bite of a shortbread cookie WHICH I STOPPED EATING BECAUSE IT WAS TOO SWEET AND I WANTED TO STOP

 

That last entry is huge.  Too sweet?  Since when?  Palate is reworking itself.  I love it.  Even the banana/nut thing was overly sweet but I was so desperate.  I didn't want to eat deli meat and we did not stop for a meal anywhere.  It was just easier to power through and chalk it up to a lower calorie day in the car.  I am proud of myself for what I had to work with…

[PamH]

Day Three Modified

 

Woke up too early!  Only 6 hours of sleep and I have to work tonight, too.  Argh.  Played it smart and ate the fried egg my daughter left behind on the plate.  I didn't ask my husband if it was fried in butter, but my guess is he used olive oil because he is a cardiac patient (takes statins) and avoids fats like the plague at times.  

 

Drinking a bunch of ½ caff coffee while cooking a grass fed brisket before work!  Another smart choice:  preparing compliant foods ahead of time. It is going to be a busy week.  

 

Feeling so good about yesterday.  I got home at 1:30am and was pretty hungry.  All I saw in the fridge was food I know I should not eat.  All I saw in the pantry were more nuts and dried fruits and nut butters.  In the past, I would have sat down to a huge bowl of nuts, seeds, dried fruit, coconut chips, chocolate chips and eaten for 30 minutes without thinking.  Instead, I went to bed.  Recognizing fatigue and thirst for what they are, and not eating, is another goal I have for myself outside of the sugar battle.

 

Lunch:  medium size sweet potato with 1T ghee, salt and cinnamon plus little of the brisket before I returned it to the dutch oven to get fork tender.  Oh, this is good!  

 

To anyone who has not invested in grass fed beef:  it really is wonderful.  Just a different taste and texture in my opinion.  What I find is that the fat on the fattier cuts does not taste bad.  

 

Early dinner before work:  maybe 1/3 lb brisket with 1 large roasted carrot bunch of onions

 

Went to the organic sunutbutter with a spoon. I do it without thinking.  Stopped myself short of 1T, though.

 

Spent 45 mins on the elliptical and did 15 mins of weights.  good day

 

Had some 'comfort food' tonight at 10PM.  I don't like to eat this late, but I am happy that I gravitated toward mashed potatoes rather than chocolate chips!  Big step for me.  Yes, these are not Whole30 compliant but they are also not sugar!    Probably had 2/3 cup all warm and friendly.

[PamH]

I am embarking on a Squats mission!

 

I miss Burpees and squats.  They are so great for my rear.  I have pelvic organ prolapse (happened a year ago) and I have to be careful of my posture and the movements I do so I don't exacerbate the condition.  I've been able to get my situation back under control over the past 13 months to the point where I rarely feel any prolapse.  That meant I had to severely scale back my weight lifting and ab workouts.  Planking is very bothersome so it is out.  What a drag.  I was good at it.  

 

I feel like a dork, but I am starting out in front of our hallway mirror.  I hope nobody comes to the door to visit.  I want to pay attention to posture and do this right.  Some say I should stay away from squats but I really like what they can do for my physique and you can do them anywhere.

[PamH]

Day Four Modified

 

Learned something today:  I am not ready for baked goods no matter how they are sweetened.  

 

I ate an AWESOME Zen muffin today at work.  They are oat muffins sweetened with only fruit juice and whatever fruit is the muffin flavor of the day.  Today's was raspberry.  Just the notion of eating a muffin was too much.  I started to want to eat more and go closer to whatever was sugar laden around me.  Very interesting.  It was almost immediate.  And, they tasted so very sweet.  

 

Breakfast:

 

crio bru with 1t ghee and a pear.  Maybe 20 roasted cashews.  Needed to save brisket for dinner and had no time to make omelet.  The snow today made for a long work commute so I had to leave earlier than expected.

 

Lunch:  

 

Large chicken breast with skin and that above muffin.  Drank ½ bottle of kombucha cut with water at work.  Unsweetened.

 

Snack:

 

A few slices of beef and pork.  Maybe 3 oz

 

Dinner:  left over brisket with spaghetti squash.  Too much squash.  Ugh.  Maybe 1T ghee and salt/pepper

 

I plan on getting an hour power walk in on the treadmill after dinner.  I hope I can fit it in.  Between helping my son with homework, cleaning up after the carpenters and the fact I've gotten little sleep the past two nights I'm not sure I'll do it.  I know I can't work out tomorrow so this is my chance.

[PamH]

I. Am. Human.  

 

Why is this so difficult?  Face first in sugar again.

 

Marital woes.

[Derek`]

Sorry to hear it, Pam.  I completely understand.  I've been there too repeatedly the past few weeks.  binging on sugar too much.  Hope things get better for you