Help supporting my Whole30 partner

[monkeynosebest]

Hi,

 My boyfriend and I started our Whole30 on July 6th. I read It Starts With Food and most of The Whole30. He didn't read either book and is just going along in good faith, and because I do the cooking so he has to go with it by default. When I tell him why we can't eat this or that he usually tells me that it's contrary to the things that he was told in his younger body building days. We have been doing pretty well but I have a hard time finding ways to keep him positive and from slipping. I think beer is going to be his hardest challenge as the days go on. We didn't eat that bad at home before we started (don't keep snacks or sweets in the house, ate veggies and meat for dinner, I don't bake), but when we went out to eat we would go over board and he would have several beers. Prior to me moving here he ate a lot of pizza and subs too so pizza may be a big challenge for him. Any suggestions on how to encourage him when he is feeling temptation creep in? I myself get cravings for dinner rolls and biscuits which is strange because we don't eat a lot of bread either, but I've managed to subside with an egg or something.

[ladyshanny]

Hey Monkey!  This is a pretty common concern actually. Basically you can give him the resources and he either chooses to read them or he doesn't.  He either chooses to embrace what it's about and trust the process for 30 days or he doesn't.  There really isn't anything in the way of "support" that you can do to make someone do something that they either don't believe in or don't want to do.  And trying to make that happen for him is going to detract from what you are doing for yourself.

 

Whole30 is a pretty personal journey and while it's nice to have buddies to do it along with, you do just have to let people float their own boat.  Lead by example, answer questions as they come up but mostly just focus on what YOU need to do.  Anything beyond that is crazy-making and could end up leading to fights, resentment and upset.  

 

Make sense?

[fmr_sailor]

Hey Monkey! This is a pretty common concern actually. Basically you can give him the resources and he either chooses to read them or he doesn't. He either chooses to embrace what it's about and trust the process for 30 days or he doesn't. There really isn't anything in the way of "support" that you can do to make someone do something that they either don't believe in or don't want to do. And trying to make that happen for him is going to detract from what you are doing for yourself.

Whole30 is a pretty personal journey and while it's nice to have buddies to do it along with, you do just have to let people float their own boat. Lead by example, answer questions as they come up but mostly just focus on what YOU need to do. Anything beyond that is crazy-making and could end up leading to fights, resentment and upset.

Make sense?

Well said!

[MeadowLily]

As Melissa and Dallas say....remember that you have to do this for you. 

 

It's not fair to expect anyone else to do the same unless they are also doing it for them...  If you are fortunate, they will support you in all of your efforts.  But even then, that's something we can't take for granted.  

 

You can still eat together but as the days march on...it just may not be the same stuff. Having the entire family on board with all of the new stuff (rules and food) is not something we always have control over. 

 

If we press in too much...it can lead to a bunch of secret eating when you're not around. 

[MeGA"gardener"]

Hi there Monkeynosebest

Idk if he's still bodybuilding ...but that's something completely off the table with my husband who is still lifting ..way off

He feels awful when he has beer it weakens him

So he avoids it As far as pizza is out I make it from scratch and I haven't made it lately When he does eat it has only one or two 4x4 " pcs

It's bread dough technically so it's gut disruptive

You need to keep doing your compliant thing as you are and not worry about his binge or it may derail you He could be a bit more supportive and avoid it for a few weeks I understand the dilemma

Good luck you'll find support here

[J9er]

My husband is also doing this with me and and has not done the research etc. He is going to start reading the book this weekend because of the same things you were saying. He wants to understand, but needs to read the print so to speak. Sounds like your partner needs the science behind what he's doing. Just like he learned about lifting and eating for that purpose he needs to understand the purpose behind this way of eating now.

As others have said, he is going to do what he's going to do. But this is for YOU. And if he chooses to continue he will reap the rewards. You can't do it for him he has to want to do it for himself.

[monkeynosebest]

This is all great feedback! Thank you! This weekend that was kind of how things went. I eventually said I'm not going to give up on myself and stick to the rules but if he was free to eat or do whatever he wanted. He has been supportive of my mission, with a few jokes of "is it time for mac and cheese?" But he knows that this is important to me. MEGA gardener he stopped bodybuilding when he decided to go back to school but I do believe when he was doing it heavily he stopped drinking. He has been a good sport with not eating or doing these off plan things at home. And the last thing I want to do is make him do secret eating when I'm not around.

 

I appreciate all the feedback! It helps me keep myself in check too and knowing m human-limits of control. You can't control another person's decisions, even if it is out of concern for their health. It is up to them to want to do this. All I can do is focus on my own journey!