Ali's Feel-Good, Gain Control, Marathon-training Whole 30

[Alisonlcarver]

SNE, Brewer, and Art--

You are all right and I know it. (Darnit! )

I would like to be able to bake something like a paleo treat and indulge in that every now and then but I'm not sure how I would do with it. First and most importantly, there's the issue with sugars and while I do think maple syrup, raw honey, and molasses are superior to refined white sugar I do also agree that sugar is sugar is sugar when it gets broken down. And of course the psychological impact of table sugar vs. maple syrup vs. honey has got to be the same for the brain. Second, there is the issue with nuts. Using almond flour would only increase the potential disastrous outcome of my reintro of treats.

SNE--I like your thoughts about eating a treat a few times a year during special occasions. I guess I would have to trust myself to figure out when those ocassions are.

Seriously you guys, I come from a very recent history of baking 3-4 times A WEEK. All different things. And of course I would try them all. I wouldn't have the whole cake or anything, but I would have a few servings of each before taking it to work to get rid of it. It started a few years ago when I realized that I didn't have a lot of go-to recipes, so I started baking. And looking up recipes. And I got really good. And of course you can't create a new recipe and not try it. So it became a bit of a hobby/habit/obsession, and baking is one thing that I love to do, but also one thing that I know doesn't help me be healthy, happy, or in control of what I eat. It's a hard habit to break. Even when I don't eat the foods, it's a hard habit to break. During my Whole 30 I started out by not baking because the temptations would make me feel deprived. I baked once to enter cookies into a competition in early December, but then told myself to stop again. I didn't listen. It's tough especially in December, when there are so many fun and yummy things to bake. I know I am not helping myself or my cravings when I do bake. In addition to not indulging in sugar or treats perhaps I should stop baking. Doing the Whole 30 has shown me that by not eating sugar or treats, I do not crave them or feel deprived without them and know that I am better when I don't eat them. I remember the effects sugar had on me. It's addictive, makes me want more no matter how much I eat, makes me dehydrated and bloated and makes sleep difficult, makes me feel tired, and makes me feel out of control and regretful. And I wouldn't feel like myself for 2 entire days after eating sugary treats.

Seriously. Two. Whole. Days.

Now that I am thinking about it, I'm thinking that eating sugar AND baking (paleo or not) is not a good idea for me. Not only is the sugar addictive, but the act of baking and looking up recipes (food porn) is also addictive. And before anyone suggests that it's a fun hobby and it's OK to bake if I don't eat it, I will go ahead and say that although baking CAN BE a fun hobby for some, I can get very into it and a little obsessed. I have previously made myself stop baking and it was hard at first (who has ever heard of baking withdrawal?!) but after a week or two of not baking, it got easier and I didn't want to bake. I was also forcing myself to not look up recipes either, and that helped a lot!

Ok, well I think I know what I need to do. I hope nobody thinks I'm super crazy or have some major problems because I'm addicted to sugar and baking. I really appreciate everyone's help and honesty! I am so glad to get different perspectives, because I can be a self-enabler, coming up with all sorts of rationalizing reasons why paleo baking is good. I'm sneaky like that.

Well, I'm glad I didn't buy any almond flour or coconut sugar at the store earlier. That would have been $15 wasted (seriously, that stuff is expensive!)

[Alisonlcarver]

Oh, and another reason to not eat sugar or bake is that I know it will not help me train for a marathon. I can't imagine running even 3 miles in a sugar hangover, much less 12 miles!

There are so many reasons to avoid sugar. But even though I know all of the negative effects sugar has on me, I am afraid I am going to miss out on treats or feel deprived.

Advice on how to not feel deprived or like I am 'missing out' on dessert psychologically? I have always had a sweet tooth, always. It's hard for me to think that I will never be able to have sugary treats again. I know it's one day at a time, but it kindof makes me sad that I won't be eating chocolate chip cookies or baking. Steer me right, y'all, because although I've had a breakthrough about eating sugar and baking, I'm still struggling with this. I want to let it go. Maybe it will get easier over time.

[Brewer5]

I'll be back.    You're making some great progress, here.  Don't do anything crazy while I'm gone!  

[Alisonlcarver]

Brewer, don't leave me! :)

[SimpleNotEasy]

I hear you, Ali. The thought of "never again" is just a bit daunting. My mind is also rebelling a bit against such restriction. I worry that if I say "never" that such black and white thinking will send me over the edge into binge-ville and that I will wake up one day a month later weighing 100 lbs more. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but you get my drift, right? 

 

I wonder whether you could channel your energy into cooking delicious paleo food - I'm talking meats and vegetables here? Become the next Melissa Joulwan or Sarah Fragoso or whoever? Or at least just make meals that rock for you and your husband. Just a thought.

[Alisonlcarver]

More thoughts as they are coming to me...

I got to thinking about why would I think paleo baking is ok, since I know I should avoid sugar like the plague. One of the reasons I have even started to think about paleo baking is because today is Day 30. For some reason, there is just a very different feeling associated with the Whole 30 vs. post-Whole 30. It's like a switch is flicked on Day 31, and the mentality or mindset just feels different to me. Instead of thinking about creating template meals of protein, veggies, and fat, I start to think 'what can I eat today?' A few days ago I posted about possible reintro items I am missing/reintro-considering and there were four, two of which I will not be reintroducing because they are trigger foods. One of these foods that I would like to eat but which I will not reintro was sugar. So why would I think that eating honey, maple syrup, or other natural sugars would be better? Maybe it was my compromise--I would still be able to bake and indulge, but wouldn't technically be eating sugar. Is eating sugar worth the consequences?--no. So why would eating these natural sugars be worth the consequences? They are still sugars. They still provide the same psychological effects as sugar. They are still not healthy. They still make up dessert. So why would I eat these natural sugars if sugar is decidedly not worth the consequences? I am coming to the conclusion that even these natural sugars and paleo baked goods are still not a healthy or better option, and that I should refrain from these foods too. The main reason for my thinking was that today is Day 30, and I was bargaining to be able to eat a dessert again soon.

[Alisonlcarver]

 I wonder whether you could channel your energy into cooking delicious paleo food - I'm talking meats and vegetables here? Become the next Melissa Joulwan or Sarah Fragoso or whoever? Or at least just make meals that rock for you and your husband. Just a thought.

Yes, that is what I will do. Instead of baking I will find new yummy Whole 30-approved and Paleo recipes to try out. Thanks!

[Brewer5]

Advice on how to not feel deprived or like I am 'missing out' on dessert psychologically? I have always had a sweet tooth, always. It's hard for me to think that I will never be able to have sugary treats again. I know it's one day at a time, but it kindof makes me sad that I won't be eating chocolate chip cookies or baking. Steer me right, y'all, because although I've had a breakthrough about eating sugar and baking, I'm still struggling with this. I want to let it go. Maybe it will get easier over time.

 

I want you to really open your mind for a minute.  I want you to picture that your addiction to sugary treats is exactly the same as my addiction to cigarettes was, a few years ago.

 

Preposterous?  ...Hardly.  It's exactly the same.

 

Those cookies make you feel good for about a few minutes.  Then guess what?  You start to feel like crap... and at the same time, you want more.

 

Really think about why it makes you "sad" to go without these things.  No really, I mean it:  WHY?  ...Do you have any reasonable explanation?  

 

You don't.  Because it's ALL about what is going on in your brain, and until you can truly look at it and see it for what it is:  All you have is the feelings.

 

This is literally about re-training your brain.  You don't tell yourself you "can't" have anything.  You can have whatever you want, whenever you want.  You choose not to consume something that makes you feel out of control and addicted.  You choose it every day, every meal, every snack... you take it one temptation at a time.  

 

I am here to tell you:  It gets easier.  It gets to the point where it is no longer a struggle.  But you have to want it.  You have to choose it.  And you have to own it.  You're not following anyone else's rules -- you are deciding to make your own.  And that is where you truly find freedom.

[littleg]

Heavy going ons in this log

 

I was listening to a podcast with Jack Trempey on it a while ago (he wrote Rational Recovery).  A woman called in about wanting to quit smoking and Jack kept saying to her "how does the thought of never smoking again make you feel?" and she just didn't get it... she would say "oh, I don't know if I can" and all other sorts of things but she wouldn't answer the darn question.  For any addict, thinking about giving up his addiction *should* make him feel sad.  Your "lower brain" - the addicted part (your cerebral cortex - upper brain - *knows* that your addiction is bad) should be fighting like crazy to get you to keep your addiction because that is where the pleasure comes from.  So of course there is a sense of sadness to it - bye bye instant pleasure.  But your rational brain realizes that giving up the addiction makes sense - so there should also be a sense of hope/relief when you think about never "X-ing" again.  

 

Brewer have your read Trempey's stuff?  A lot of what you say sounds like his ideas, the only difference would be that you don't make a choice every meal, day, etc.  You make that choice just once - you will "never" have X again and then that is it (thus the sadness that comes with that choice).  Goodbye debates with yourself, bargaining, etc.  The same way that most of us don't wake up and say "I will NOT hit myself with a pipe repeatedly today" (because that habit is not wired into our brains) we just go about our days, never thinking about refraining from hitting ourselves with pipes.  So eventually, as you let that habit go - by simply just NOT doing it - it becomes easier and perhaps eventually effortless to not do it anymore.  

[Alisonlcarver]

Heavy going ons in this log

 

I was listening to a podcast with Jack Trempey on it a while ago (he wrote Rational Recovery).  A woman called in about wanting to quit smoking and Jack kept saying to her "how does the thought of never smoking again make you feel?" and she just didn't get it... she would say "oh, I don't know if I can" and all other sorts of things but she wouldn't answer the darn question.  For any addict, thinking about giving up his addiction *should* make him feel sad.  Your "lower brain" - the addicted part (your cerebral cortex - upper brain - *knows* that your addiction is bad) should be fighting like crazy to get you to keep your addiction because that is where the pleasure comes from.  So of course there is a sense of sadness to it - bye bye instant pleasure.  But your rational brain realizes that giving up the addiction makes sense - so there should also be a sense of hope/relief when you think about never "X-ing" again.

So you're saying I need a lobotomy?

That makes total sense, littleg. Thank you. It's so true. Part of me *knows* that sugar is bad and why would I ever want to eat it anymore, but part of me is so resistant. I was only focusing on the sad feelings of never eating sugar again, but now that you mention the hope/relief I see that I have been feeling that way as well. It would be such a relief to never eat sugar again, to get to the point where I am not addicted and don't crave it or want it around all the time. Such a relief! That is what I need to be focusing on then!

[Alisonlcarver]

I want you to really open your mind for a minute.  I want you to picture that your addiction to sugary treats is exactly the same as my addiction to cigarettes was, a few years ago.

 

Preposterous?  ...Hardly.  It's exactly the same.

 

Those cookies make you feel good for about a few minutes.  Then guess what?  You start to feel like crap... and at the same time, you want more.

 

Really think about why it makes you "sad" to go without these things.  No really, I mean it:  WHY?  ...Do you have any reasonable explanation?  

 

You don't.  Because it's ALL about what is going on in your brain, and until you can truly look at it and see it for what it is:  All you have is the feelings.

 

This is literally about re-training your brain.  You don't tell yourself you "can't" have anything.  You can have whatever you want, whenever you want.  You choose not to consume something that makes you feel out of control and addicted.  You choose it every day, every meal, every snack... you take it one temptation at a time.  

 

I am here to tell you:  It gets easier.  It gets to the point where it is no longer a struggle.  But you have to want it.  You have to choose it.  And you have to own it.  You're not following anyone else's rules -- you are deciding to make your own.  And that is where you truly find freedom.

Brewer, I have never thought about an addiction to sugar as the same as an addiction to cigarettes. I have never smoked before so don't understand the addiction, but my sister did and she said it was the hardest thing that she ever did to give it up. She would take things one day at a time, and it did get easier for her to not smoke over time. Now she doesn't crave smoking, but immediately after she quit cold turkey, the urges were strong. And it took years to get over it. I get it.

Your point about cookies making me feel but at the same time making me want more is spot on. Yes, that is what they do. The reason why I would like to continue eating them is because they taste good, that's the only reason. But I know that the temporary pleasure will ALWAYS give way to lack of control, wanting more, regret, and all of the other negative things I have enumerated time and time again in this log. I know that. You are right.

I do control what I eat. I do choose every day what I eat. I can eat whatever I want to eat; I just make healthy choices and refrain from the bad stuff. On Christmas my stepdad kept asking me "Can you have this?" to any type of food like cheese, candy, etc. and I said well it's not on my diet but I was thinking "Well of course I CAN have that food, but I just choose not to eat it because it makes me feel bad so although I can have it, I choose not to eat it. I am better without it." I need to have this mentality with sugar, and remember this.

Thank you for the words of wisdom about things getting better and easier. Before bed last night while I was having a heart to heart with myself, I told my husband that I am not going to bake anymore and he was completely fine with it. (I know I'm biased but I have the best husband in the world. ) I now realize that even paleo baking with better-than ingredients (compared to using sugar, butter, white flour, etc.) is still not best practice, ESPECIALLY FOR ME, a person who struggles with sugar. I knew before yesterday that I should not bake and use sugar, but was still holding on to the possibility of paleo baking. Until last night. I now know that paleo baking is still sugar, and I should refrain from even doing that. It will only serve to increase my sweet tooth, and might be a gateway to going back to sugar. (OMG the addiction analogies are getting out of control.)

I have decided (drumroll please)...

No more sugar, no paleo treats, no baking.

And you know what, it's a relief. Just like littleg said.

I will focus my kitchen efforts on Whole 30 and Paleo cooking. Thanks, SNE.

I would like to eat regular ketchup again though. I will not buy the kind with HFCS, but if it is sweetened with cane syrup or cane sugar, that's ok, right?

[Alisonlcarver]

Ok, well here it is, DAY 31!!!!! :)

I am going to spend some time today writing down my thoughts. I want to write down what went right, what went wrong, what I can do better, my NSVs, and what I plan to do from here on out.

This may take some time.

I do want to say thank you to all of my friends. I am so glad to have gotten to make this journey with you. It has been more fun, and I have appreciated the input and the feedback that I have gotten. I have had a lot of self growth over the past 30 days, and your contribution has helped me along the way. So thank you to GGG, littleg, SimpleNotEasy, ArtFossil, and Brewer5.

[Brewer5]

littleg, I have not read his stuff. I have read several other books about the brain and the nature of addiction.

The ones that finally helped me quit smoking for good was Allen Carr's book -- The Easy Way to a Stop Smoking -- and at the time, they had even made a little DS game that went with it. It had questions to answer and little games to play each day.

Much of what is said in that book and game applies to food, as well. He was really good at making you look at things *in a different light*.

The part you said about hope/relief -- YES -- that is what I meant about peace and food freedom. Having the struggle be gone. Where it's no longer an issue.

In the beginning -- it IS a choice you have to make one meal or snack at a time. You have to battle those sugar cravings and urges to binge, JUST like they pop up for a cigarette. You have made a forever decision -- because you never want to go back to how you were feeling -- but it does take a shift in thinking that takes a little while to become effortless.

I never crave a cigarette anymore. And I know I will never go back. It is different than every other time in my life that I've quit, because I finally got to the point where I fully understood what was going on and could see it for what it really was.

A big part, in any of this, is being able to take that addictive behavior out, put it down on your dining room table, and really examine it. No one wants to admit that they are not in control of their own decisions -- that makes us feel bad. But you HAVE to. That is a key step in being able to take that power back, and hold your head high because you have conquered the addiction.

[Alisonlcarver]

I have been eating nothing but real food for the past 30 days. Nothing artificial, nothing sweetened, nothing non-food.

If I reintro ketchup which has some form of added sweetener, will this be ok? The two negative aspects to adding back in sweetened ketchup are that it is not real actual health-promoting food since it contains added sweetener, and since it has sugar added it might wake up my sugar dragon. That being said, I highly doubt ketchup is going to make me want a cookie, but it's still possible I guess.

I have been feeling so good (and to be honest, maybe a little smug) about the foods I have been eating during the Whole 30. If I add back in sweetened ketchup, I will not be 100% clean. I'm probably making too big of a deal about it--it's only ketchup after all. I want to think through all of my reintro decisions though before I eat it, because I want to be absolutely sure I'm ok with it before I put it back on my list of things I am eating.

[Brewer5]

Alison, 2 more things:

1) You may not enjoy my thoughts on ketchup, but here they are, anyway. If I really loved ketchup and just felt that I had to have it, I would find a Whole 30 recipe for it -- is there such a thing? Because, again, sugar is sugar is sugar. It's not the puréed tomatoes that you enjoy so much. It's the sugar that's added to it. ..That sneaky little dude -- here he is again!

I say this because I have convinced myself in the past that I could go to the movies & have popcorn and candy. Which was all fine and dandy, until the next day I wanted Mexican food (LOTS of tortilla chips) ... And donut holes? ...what the heck? Our family has been gluten-free for 3 years... Where does this stuff come from? Oh yeah, and the next day I wanted fried rice etc from Panda Express.

May sound silly but only you can decide if your sugary ketchup is causing you to crave more sugar. Be aware. It happens.

2) I was thinking of you as I licked the beaters from the deviled egg filling last night. That tasted as glorious to me as any cake batter EVER could. I hope you can get to that point someday. My thought was exactly what Sara said -- learn new things in the kitchen. Become the Master of Deviled Eggs. Recreate yourself. Make a new title. People do it every day.

[Brewer5]

We posted around the same time. You are really on a roll.

It is NOT "just ketchup"... And it is that part of your brain that will get you into trouble.

Have you seen That Sugar Film? ...Oh, you gotta. Just have to. It's free on Amazon Prime right now, if you have it.

[SimpleNotEasy]

littleg, I have not read his stuff. I have read several other books about the brain and the nature of addiction.

The ones that finally helped me quit smoking for good was Allen Carr's book -- The Easy Way to a Stop Smoking -- and at the time, they had even made a little DS game that went with it. It had questions to answer and little games to play each day.

Much of what is said in that book and game applies to food, as well. He was really good at making you look at things *in a different light*.

The part you said about hope/relief -- YES -- that is what I meant about peace and food freedom. Having the struggle be gone. Where it's no longer an issue.

In the beginning -- it IS a choice you have to make one meal or snack at a time. You have to battle those sugar cravings and urges to binge, JUST like they pop up for a cigarette. You have made a forever decision -- because you never want to go back to how you were feeling -- but it does take a shift in thinking that takes a little while to become effortless.

I never crave a cigarette anymore. And I know I will never go back. It is different than every other time in my life that I've quit, because I finally got to the point where I fully understood what was going on and could see it for what it really was.

A big part, in any of this, is being able to take that addictive behavior out, put it down on your dining room table, and really examine it. No one wants to admit that they are not in control of their own decisions -- that makes us feel bad. But you HAVE to. That is a key step in being able to take that power back, and hold your head high because you have conquered the addiction.

 

The good news is that we have a little jump start on the shift in thinking since we have 30 days of doing something different under our belts.

 

It's true - I have resisted admitting that I have a true problem with sugar and processed carbs (same thing in the end, right?). But I think this Whole 30 is helping me to get to the point of facing it.

[Brewer5]

You guys are at a beautiful fork in the road, at the end of a Whole 30, and I have wandered down the wrong path THREE times in your shoes.

That's why I am standing in my kitchen typing on my tiny, old phone, instead of finishing my deviled eggs.

I'm saying "CHOOSE DOOR #2!"

..."Noooo! Not THAT one! Door number TWO!"

[SimpleNotEasy]

You guys are at a beautiful fork in the road, at the end of a Whole 30, and I have wandered down the wrong path THREE times in your shoes.

That's why I am standing in my kitchen typing on my tiny, old phone, instead of finishing my deviled eggs.

I'm saying "CHOOSE DOOR #2!"

..."Noooo! Not THAT one! Door number TWO!"

 

Thank you, Brewer, for having this conversation with Ali and me. Your honest and candid words have helped me to face the truth about what is going on with me and I am definitely choosing door #2. I've been at this fork in the road before, too, and this time, with greater honesty and courage, I am moving forward to a different place. 

 

Ali, let's link arms with each other and Brewer and littleg and our other friends here who want the same and step forward together! <3

[Alisonlcarver]

Thank you, Brewer, for having this conversation with Ali and me. Your honest and candid words have helped me to face the truth about what is going on with me and I am definitely choosing door #2. I've been at this fork in the road before, too, and this time, with greater honesty and courage, I am moving forward to a different place. 

 

Ali, let's link arms with each other and Brewer and littleg and our other friends here who want the same and step forward together! <3

Ok, I'm in. Door #2 it is! No more sugar, not in any form. No baked goods, no paleo treats, nothing with sugar in it.

I, too, have been at these crossroads before, and it's an opportunity to choose the healthy, in control, feel good path! Let's take the opportunity and do the best we can!

As a side note, I checked the nutrition label for my ketchup that does not contain HFCS. It contains "organic sugar" as the sweetener. Yea, that's healthier...

[Alisonlcarver]

Day 31 M1: 3 cage-free scrambled eggs in 1 tsp. bacon grease (sugar-free), roasted butternut squash (roasted in coconut oil with salt and cinnamon), homemade ketchup, 2 pieces sugar-free bacon, 2 cups crio Bru (I've only had one cup so far, but know I'll get a second one to drink while I watch Harry Potter. It's on all weekend long on ABC Family!), at 9:30am

I thought about having a tangerine or pear with breakfast, but I feel better with more stable blood sugars when I don't eat fruit at M1. Eating fruit at M2 or M3 has a different effect on me, but starting the day off with the inclusion of fruit/sugar doesn't yield best results for me.

Nothing reintroduced yet...

[littleg]

Picturing all of us - a la Wizard of Oz linked arms and skipping towards door #2

 

And I just wanted to say Ali you'll have to fight me for Best Husband award  But maybe I'll concede *if* you give me all the new recipes you come up with.  I need some good veggie recipes - hint, hint.  

 

And lastly - it must have been ode to bacon day today.  Check out my Christmas present in there... fancy shmancy salt grinder - no more plastic ground into all of my meals anymore

 

[Alisonlcarver]

Picturing all of us - a la Wizard of Oz linked arms and skipping towards door #2

 

And I just wanted to say Ali you'll have to fight me for Best Husband award  But maybe I'll concede *if* you give me all the new recipes you come up with.  I need some good veggie recipes - hint, hint.  

 

And lastly - it must have been ode to bacon day today.  Check out my Christmas present in there... fancy shmancy salt grinder - no more plastic ground into all of my meals anymore

 

Littleg--I love hearing from women who believe their husband is #1. I wish the same for all marriages. That is so great for you!

Now we only need to decide who is the Tin Man, who is the Scarecrow, and who is the Cowardly Lion...

What recipes do you want? I'm an open (recipe) book! I've got roasted broccoli with bacon or prosciutto, roasted mixed vegetables, roasted tomatoes, kickin' collard greens (I'm making these today), roasted butternut squash...I think the taste of roasting vegetables is far superior compared to steaming, but sometimes steaming is just easier and quicker.

That is a sweet salt grinder! You could open a restaurant with that thing! What kind of salts do you use? I understand there are all kinds!! Peppercorns too--maybe I will get a fancy pants pepper and salt grinder set!

[ArtFossil]

As a side note, I checked the nutrition label for my ketchup that does not contain HFCS. It contains "organic sugar" as the sweetener. Yea, that's healthier...

Alison, if you enjoy making your own catsup, carry on, but if you ever need a break, Tessamae has a six pack that's discounted. I gave it to myself for Christmas. I don't mind encountering sugar in catsup in the wild (and I rarely eat out) but I prefer the non sugar version.

http://www.tessemaes.com/collections/all/products/ketchup-6-pack

It's also part of the staples I have stocked at work/my studio.

[Alisonlcarver]

Alison, if you enjoy making your own catsup, carry on, but if you ever need a break, Tessamae has a six pack that's discounted. I gave it to myself for Christmas. I don't mind encountering sugar in catsup in the wild (and I rarely eat out) but I prefer the non sugar version. http://www.tessemaes.com/collections/all/products/ketchup-6-pack

It's also part of the staples I have stocked at work/my studio.

Thanks, and free shipping on bulk orders right now! Just bought myself a 6-pack! That takes care of that sugar issue!