kshacklett Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ok, I need some advice on an upcoming meal with my inlaws. I picked January for my Whole30 because there were absolutely no family events planned where I would have to "explain myself". However, my mother-in-law emailed that she wants to have a birthday dinner for my husband's brother. Deep down, I'm desperately hoping it will be at a restaurant, because that would be so much easier to plan out in advance. However, assuming it is at her house, I need a plan. There is 0% chance I can just eat whole30 options from what she serves; they are very Standard-American-Diet type people - strawberries are topped with splenda, most foods enter their house already prepared, very rarely eat vegetables, etc. So, I figure I have 2 choices - let her know my diet, and see what she comes up with for me, or bring my own food. I'm leaning towards bringing my own meal - but either way, it's going to turn into a huge family (judgemental) discussion about my diet. Trying to make the best of a stressful situation here - any advice? *also, if I bring my own meal, do I let her know this ahead of time, or just show up with it ready to pop in the microwave? I don't want to look like I'm being sneaky, but I also don't want to look like I'm asking her to make a separate meal for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Della Nova Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I would definitely suggest being upfront and honest with her as soon as possible. The earlier you let them know, the better. Just do it very politely, explain the Whole30 in simple terms (no processed foods, higher intake of veg, etc.). After you've explained your situation, offer to prepare your own meal in advance. That way it's clear to her that you don't expect her to make a separate meal. Make it also clear that your intention of preparing your own meal isn't meant to insult her or her cooking, it's just to serve your dietary constraints. If you make your own meal to throw in the microwave and have given advanced notice, all should be good. I hope everything works out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan W Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ugh...tough situation. I have a tough time dealing with foods that are totally out of my control. My close friends all know of my "cave dweller" eating habits. When there is an invite that involves food, they tell me what's on the menu and I usually bring a W30 dish that everyone will enjoy eating. Shepherds pie and chocolate chili are 2 of the recent favorites. Do you have a comfortable enough relationship with your MIL to offer to bring some yummy (read compliant) food? I definitely think you should tell her about the special challenge you are in the middle of. If and when they start grilling you, speak about all the good stuff you eat and less about what you choose not to eat. Is your husband on board and does he have your back? Hopefully so. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kshacklett Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Haha, my in-laws are still amazed that I've gotten my husband to eat vegetables (funny how when you don't just say "ok honey, I'll make you mac and cheese and chicken nuggets for every meal", people actually eat what you put in front of them). So while my husband has enjoyed every last whole30 dinner (which becomes our lunches the next day), he's not on board at all. He has a long way to go before he'd even consider something like this, but at least he eats what I cook (and enjoys it!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erinnalea Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I have had a lot of challenges and frustrations with my in laws in this regard, so I can sympathize with you! I finally just told my MIL that I know she cares about me and would gladly accommodate me under any circumstance (this is questionable of course, but it preserved the relationship), but that to ease the burden for her I would bring one or two dishes that I knew I would enjoy so she could focus on just enjoying her family rather than worrying about whether she'd done right by me. She now compliments my cooking, which is pretty amazing considering that I am really not that great a cook! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NMR Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Man - some of you have tough families! I just went to a family gathering where there was pizza, chips, onion dip, crackers and olive cream cheese spread. The only thing I could eat was a small side salad. I knew this was going to be the case and had a big bowl of chocolate chili (W30 compliant) before I went there to make sure I was full enough to resist the temptations. I agree with others - if you can't eat something before hand and you'll be there for hours before dinner, you could not even bring up the diet and just let her know that you'd love to make a dish to share (and just so happens to be whole30 friendly) or just tell her you are changing your eating habits and you obviously don't expect her to accommodate you, so you'd be happy to bring something to share with everyone. For me, the awkwardness of you heating up your own little dish SCREAMS, I'm on a special diet, whereas if you brought something everyone is eating, and just left off other things, people would barely notice and therefore not hassle you for your way of eating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirsteen Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Wot everyone else has said. My father absolutely goes off the deep end at any mention of 'diet'. According to him, if everyone ate a balanced diet we'd have no problems. Trouble is his idea of a balanced diet is totally, grain, sugar and carb heavy. I explained this to him as an 'elimination protocol'. I explained I'd been having digestive problems and this was a regime I had to follow exactly for 30 days to eliminate all problematical foods and then I'd be reintroducing them to see which was giving me problems. (Actually I kinda tend to stick to W30 but that's neither here nor there). This avoided the whole 'You're so stubborn you won't even break your diet for one day' scenario. By making it about my digestive problems, it also avoided any hint of criticising his diet and kept everyone happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aberrantatavia Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 This can be a tough one, but I agree with what everyone else said. I'd bring something everyone can enjoy and doesn't seem "weird". Although I'm really fortunate to have friends and relatives that understand most of the time, there is the occasional work event that I catch flack for. Most of my friends and relatives will simply invite me somewhere and the standard joke is "I'm sure there is some grass in the front yard we can find for you to gnaw on". Sometimes when you make light of it rather than make it as serious as it is, people are a little more receptive. Or at least they don't know what to say. Lol Good luck. Oh, and I always spend a lot of time steering the conversation away from food... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim Christensen Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Be honest. Offer to bring a giant salad for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kshacklett Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 So it turns out we're going out to dinner, so I'm mostly off the hook as far as being worried about offending people (we're still newlyweds, I'm sure I'll get over it lol). I'm sure my diet will come up, since I won't be eating tortilla chips before the meal or birthday cake afterwards, but this will at least be significantly easier. Thanks everyone for all your advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsStick Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 In-laws can be tricky. I love mine to death, but am not looking forward to six months from now, when they, my husband and I, my sister and her husband, my aunt/uncle-in law, brothers in law, grandparents-in-law, and my parents and brother will all be staying in 3 halves of duplexes for a beach week trip. Granted, that's WAY down the road, so hopefully I'll have conquered my dragons, etc., but I will still be trying to avoid a lot of my trigger foods (sugar, grains, bad cooking oils, etc.). We'll also have two vegetarians there, as well as my mostly-low-carb FIL. This might get interesting... Maybe I'll just offer to help cook stuff and try to use paleo recipes each meal? But what about the night they only want spaghetti? Maybe I'll bring my julienne peeler, hahaha... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ Paleo Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 Hi, I hoped everything worked out for you with the family dinner! I have this problem all the time with family and friends. When I go to a gathering at a friend's or family's house, I always offer to bring food, that way I know there will be one or two dishes that I CAN eat. When we went to stay with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law at Thanksgiving, they were so worried that I offered to bring a lot of my own foods (wasn't really necessary but they felt more at ease about the whole thing) and offered to cook a good bit. Once I showed them what I was doing, they felt more comfortable. This past summer we went on vacation with several other families where each family would host dinner each night. Since I had no idea if there might be something I could eat, I would make a huge salad (with protein) that I would eat just in case. Everything worked out fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abur0418 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Ugh I am worried about this issue. It's always been an issue and they try to shove food down my throat and act judgemental when I won't eat something. Usually I can get away with eating the meat and/or veggies she's prepared. However now on whole 30 I have to be more selective because of hidden ingredients. Dreading our trip home next weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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