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Invited to dinner at friend's from another country


katyroq

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Hey all, I just have a situation that I'd like to get your opinions and advice on.

I was invited to a dear friend and former colleague's home this weekend for dinner. The family is from Southeast Asia and cooks delicious traditional food. Because of the cultural differences, I do not think it is appropriate to bring up my current dietary restrictions. It would be rude to either bring my own food or not eat their food, and I really would like to spend some time with them.

I am thinking most of the food will be "sort-of" compliant. They eat a lot of rice with veggies/meats/sauces and fruit for dessert. So maybe I could skip the rice and try to avoid beans but eat plenty of meats/veggies. I'm sure there could be non-compliant oils and sugar in things, but it wouldn't be overall disasterous.

Also, it will be day 21 (or day 25 if you count the first 4 days I did before one day I knew I would have to skip). I have been perfectly complian thus far, and I'm already seeing some great benefits!

I am wondering your thoughts. Will it hurt to have a "semi-compliant" meal at this stage?

Thanks!

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I actually would have made it for another night claiming other plans but that's me. You don't have much choice at this point but to do your best. At least you know there won't be gluten or dairy, but there will be sugar and cornstarch. Or you could just relax and call it a whole 24 and dive back in for a Whole 7-14 to fully get the sugar and cornstarch out of your system before you re-introduce things. Not sure how picking through your food and avoiding the rice will be received, but you know them so hopefully can make the best choice for you. Good luck and enjoy.

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This is too late for you, Katyroq, but just want to mention it for others reading this thread.

When a friend invited me to dinner during my Whole30, I said I'd love to see her but I'm impossible to cook for right now because of the food elimination protocol I'm on, and could we get together after mid-February instead. She replied that she was sure she could manage to put together a meal around my protocol.

So I gave her a short description of how I'm eating, and she proposed a menu. I gave her my tweaks on the menu (with apologies for being so picky, and appreciation for her flexibility). When we got close to the date of our dinner, she asked if I wanted to bring my own salad dressing. She makes her own dressing with oil and vinegar, so I told her that hers would be fine.

I offered to provide ghee for cooking and my homemade bone broth for the soup. She had already made (and froze) the soup in advance so we just skipped that course. I brought my jar of ghee and she used it to cook, as well as to season the vegetables.

While she was making the salad dressing, she brought out her jar of seasoning for me to read the ingredients label before she added it to her dressing. She served sparkling water to which I added kombucha that I brought. After the meal she brought me a plate with an orange (and a knife to peel it with).

Basically it turned into her willingly making a meal that was W30 compliant. It was her choosing to accommodate me, not me asking her to cook differently for me.

Anyway, by declining and giving the reason ("I'm on a food elimination protocol and it's hard to cook for me right now") plus proposing a date when I would be eating "normally" again -- I was being truthful with my friend. I didn't expect her to offer to accommodate my food plan but I was delighted that she did. I would have been fine with waiting to get together after my reintroductions were over.

It would be a bit different if there were a special occasion involved (if the date couldn't be changed) but I think I would handle it similarly -- either to decline with the reason being that I wouldn't want to give the host the extra work of accommodating me, or else ask if the host would hate me forever if I brought my own food to the event even though they're already going to be making a wonderful meal.

My two cents' worth...

Terez

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I don't think avoiding rice is going to be hard or insulting. Why don't you offer to bring something with you, as a "just in case" out for you?

Thanks, Renee. You're right, it shouldn't be bad to avoid the rice, and the dish I bring will certainly be compliant :)

I actually would have made it for another night claiming other plans but that's me. You don't have much choice at this point but to do your best. At least you know there won't be gluten or dairy, but there will be sugar and cornstarch. Or you could just relax and call it a whole 24 and dive back in for a Whole 7-14 to fully get the sugar and cornstarch out of your system before you re-introduce things. Not sure how picking through your food and avoiding the rice will be received, but you know them so hopefully can make the best choice for you. Good luck and enjoy.

Thanks. Unfortunately, this is a get-together for my entire lab, and I was not consulted about the date (nor was I aware of it until today, and we haven't all gotten together since fall 2011, so it's kind of a big deal). I like your idea of extending the Whole30 for a week or 2 afterward to get rid of anything non-compliant before re-introducing.

This is too late for you, Katyroq, but just want to mention it for others reading this thread. When a friend invited me to dinner during my Whole30, I said I'd love to see her but I'm impossible to cook for right now because of the food elimination protocol I'm on, and could we get together after mid-February instead. She replied that she was sure she could manage to put together a meal around my protocol. So I gave her a short description of how I'm eating, and she proposed a menu. I gave her my tweaks on the menu (with apologies for being so picky, and appreciation for her flexibility). When we got close to the date of our dinner, she asked if I wanted to bring my own salad dressing. She makes her own dressing with oil and vinegar, so I told her that hers would be fine. I offered to provide ghee for cooking and my homemade bone broth for the soup. She had already made (and froze) the soup in advance so we just skipped that course. I brought my jar of ghee and she used it to cook, as well as to season the vegetables. While she was making the salad dressing, she brought out her jar of seasoning for me to read the ingredients label before she added it to her dressing. She served sparkling water to which I added kombucha that I brought. After the meal she brought me a plate with an orange (and a knife to peel it with). Basically it turned into her willingly making a meal that was W30 compliant. It was her choosing to accommodate me, not me asking her to cook differently for me. Anyway, by declining and giving the reason ("I'm on a food elimination protocol and it's hard to cook for me right now") plus proposing a date when I would be eating "normally" again -- I was being truthful with my friend. I didn't expect her to offer to accommodate my food plan but I was delighted that she did. I would have been fine with waiting to get together after my reintroductions were over. It would be a bit different if there were a special occasion involved (if the date couldn't be changed) but I think I would handle it similarly -- either to decline with the reason being that I wouldn't want to give the host the extra work of accommodating me, or else ask if the host would hate me forever if I brought my own food to the event even though they're already going to be making a wonderful meal. My two cents' worth... Terez

Terez, this sounds like a fabulous friend! I'm glad it worked out for you. Like I said above, I didn't have any say in the date for this dinner, and certainly not in the specifics of the food preparation. I agree with your approach above - it's polite, truthful, etc. My main issue here is the cultural one since this family is not American and something seen as "rejecting" food can be very insulting.

I guess this is my struggle here. I am committed to the Whole30, and I love what it's doing for my health. Culturally, I think it would be impossible to assure that food is compliant without being rude, but I could definitely turn down the invitation. I guess it becomes a question of the greater benefit. Are the health benefits going to outweigh the opportunity for catching up with these dear friends who I rarely see? I think ultimately I would feel selfish and sad if I were sitting at home eating compliant food when I could be enjoying their company while eating alltogether not-that-bad food.

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Do you know where in asia they are from? Bringing extra food is not usually rude, you could bring a curry or something to share and just eat that. Seafood is often very popular as a sharing dish (prawns/shrimp, scallops).

Noncompliant ingredients are often not avoidable in asian dishes, sugar, cornflour, fish sauce, msg, rice addivites (fish balls, fish cake), soy.

If you eat beforehand you won't be hungry.

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