Sweet Pea's Sweet SugarFree Life

[Pea]

Hi there.

About me: 57 years old, will be 58 in July. I'm a newly-retired physician, and I'm a caregiver to my disabled adult son (22) and increasingly, to my parents, ages 83 and 85. I live with my hubby, my two sons (younger son is 21 and attending university), and one cat, the stupidest cat in America. But sweet.

My list of ills includes a bout of Lyme Disease and Bartonella, treated with antibiotics and (mostly) resolved; three major operations in 5 years, two on my cervical spine. Spinal autoimmune arthritis related to Crohn's Disease, fatigue, poor stress tolerance, poor sleep.

I started the whole30 with the autoimmune protocol mid-March, and plan on making it at least a whole45 by joining in with new April 1st starters. I'll probably need to do this for quite a while to get the results I aspire to.

Starting markers I'm following:

weight: 199lbs.

waist: 39 inches

fasting am blood glucose: 100

At age 52, I was in the best shape of my life. (See below) Then I got Lyme disease, had two cervical spine fusions, ran out of gas, gained 60 lbs. and now first feel well enough to aspire to vibrant health again.

http://www1.snapfish.com/snapfish/slideshow/AlbumID=6470907015/PictureID=335905234015/a=7657967_7657967/otsc=SHR/otsi=SPIClink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/

This is my journal of my way back to myself. To a better, more vibrant, more alive me. It's my time.

Pea

[KayJay]

I may piggy back on the April folks as well, I'm just done with 31 days and want to go 60 or more. Down 10 lbs on eating habits alone! Ready to add movement back into my daily routines. Feel fantastic.

I'm fifty. What did you do before to get so fit? What do you plan to do this time, when that time comes? I have adrenal fatigue issues, so overdoing anything is out for me. Slow and steady is what makes it!

[Pea]

Kayjay, exercise is a big dilemma for me. Back then, I did spin classes 2 or 3 times a week and Crossfit, and did long-distance recreational cycling. So there was a lot of heavy lifting in that protocol. After my second spine operation, it was like everything came to a screaming halt.

One of my vows to myself is not to do any exercise just for its results----I have to be enjoying the activity on some level. I really like dancing and yoga. I've tried and enjoyed Zumba Gold, African dancing, and chair yoga. Also dance classes at a local studio just for women over 50. So my goal is to work up to some kind of class every weekday, or take a nice long walk if no class.

Some days, if I go to the market and schlepp the bundles, it's enough activity. Fortunately, those days are getting fewer in number.

Pea

[Pea]

Plan for today:

I need to shop! I'm off to the local coop and Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's helps a lot with my SAD family. I buy frozen bags of things like polenta or rice with vegetables that is at least made just from real food. That way I can serve them the starches and grains they demand without actually having to fuss much with it myself. That cuts down on my cravings. I serve the fish, meat or fowl, a raw veggie dish (slaw or salad) and cooked veggies, along with their frozen grain dish. It isn't the macaroni and cheese they adore, but it keeps peace in the house and keeps them from ordering pizza in!

I had leftover lamb slices cooked in spinach with coconut oil, coconut milk, and curry paste for brekkie. Yummy! This is could be my Breakfast of Champions because I love the porridge-y way the spinach turns creamy. It's easy enough to throw leftover cooked meat or fish into the thing. I have some lovely halibut fillet that I might make in this curried spinach preparation for tonight. Easy enough to serve with white rice for the non-paleo family. I'm not tempted by rice at all.

My goal for exercise today is to walk gently for 20 minutes. I am post-back-spasm and need to take it a little easy!

I also signed up for the whole30 daily email. I truly intend to do this right, my health depends on it.

Pea

[Pea]

Lunch is yummy: kale salad with pomegranate seeds, onion, avocado, lactofermented ginger carrots, and leftover turkey.

I went to the market(s) and came home with a whole chicken, a bag of shrimp, some fruit, lots of frozen veggies, most organic, and some ghee. Also vegan pesto (no cheese) as a topper for my veggies. I know I can make pesto, but I've been under the gun and it's just good to have some flavor booster on hand.

So far, so good.....the end of April will be my whole45.

Pea

[Pea]

_{Dinner tonight was more curried spinach/turkey stuff. Had a couple avocado slices and some blueberries with coconut milk. I was so tired today I couldn't figure out whether I needed to exercise or rest. Hopefully, my alternative care doc will help me figure this out.}

_{I have tomorrow's food planned out in my mind: more curried spinach for breakfast with lamb this time; lunch will be leftover kale salad and sardines; dinner will be ground beef cooked with onions and a couple of veggies.}

_{Exercise plan is to attend Zumba Gold --- it's a lower intensity 45 min. Zumba session. It's a lot of fun. Hopefully this will give me more energy.}

_Pea

[Pea]

^{Had a stupid scare this morning. My phone rang, I saw it was my parents', and then I couldn't get to it in time. No message. I called back and nobody picked up. I thought the worst (given that my dad just had a heart attack 3 weeks ago) and drove over to their house (just a few minutes' drive) to make sure they were ok. They were, of course, and sorry they scared me. Not their fault. I'm jumpy. Which is something I am hoping this wholeLIFE of mine will fix.}

^{When I say whole life, I say it meaning I don't ever intend to eat any kind of junk on any kind of regular basis. I am trying to set myself to doing this as long as it takes to feel better, which, considering how crummy I feel now, is likely to Be.Some.Time.}

^{I had set the intention of taking Zumba Gold (Zumba Lite) this morning but I missed it because of the phone call. I need to relax. I need to lower my physiologic tone---I can feel myself so jacked up and coiled tight like a spring. I've just been through so damned much these past 5 years. I've aged. Just look at my profile pic and compare that to the snapfish photo in the link in my first post. It saddens me.}

^{BUT....I have to look forward, not to the past. I need some things for myself. I need space. I need time. I need peace. And I need mental stimulation.}

^{I know that a good life is built upon a succession of good moments. And all we given, ever, really is the moment in front of us. With that said....I am going to take myself for a walk. A nice, gentle, loving, awake and aware little walk.}

^{B: curried mixed vegetables with lamb in coconut milk}

^{L: (planned) kale salad with pomegranate seeds, sardines, blueberries and coconut milk}

^{D: Ground beef something-or-other. Be back later to report.}

^Pea

[Pea]

Just bought myself a fitbit! (And one for my older son, too.) We both need help getting our asses in gear and I think this will help!

I'm not hungry but I will eat my kale salad and sardines...))

[dukunbayi]

^{---I can feel myself so jacked up and coiled tight like a spring. I've just been through so damned much these past 5 years. I've aged. Just look at my profile pic and compare that to the snapfish photo in the link in my first post. It saddens me.}

Wow Pea,

I felt that description all the way down to my toes. It's not a good place to be.

I have a similar photo of myself in top form at age 42. A divorce, a stressful job, foot surgery... and it whittled away.

We can get back there! You are so in the right place! How great that you have the time to build the "succession of small moments" back to yourself. I love that!

[Pea]

dunkunbayi, thanks for stopping by and commenting. It's so nice to have company on this journey! I hope we both nurture healing for ourselves.

I just sautéed my beautiful organic, local grassfed ground beef with a lot of onions, some spices, a few brussel sprouts and spinach. Ate 2 cups of this stuff with a quarter of an avocado. I am so satisfied. I might have a cup of sleepytime tea tonight while----I confess----I watch DANCE MOMS. I can't help it, I must watch! Don't hold it against me!

Tomorrow, if I sleep well enough, I will try to make Zumba Gold and then chair yoga classes. Then I have an appointment with my health coach/alternative care doc. Have to take my dad to see the cardiologist in the afternoon. Busy day. I will eat the leftover ground beef stuff for brekkie.

Pea

[Pea]

I am officially All Messed Up.

This morning my younger son called my cell phone at 7:30 in the morning after leaving for college. I tried calling him back, but he didn't pick up. I got nutsy cuckoo and called him back SIX TIMES in a panic, imagining that he had been in a car accident. I couldn't think of any reason he would be calling me otherwise. I had the dim awareness that my reaction was nutsy cuckoo, but I couldn't help it.

I had the same reaction a couple of days ago when my dad called me and I couldn't get to the phone on time, then nobody picked up when I called back, and no message was left. I got in the car and scooted over there.

This is clearly something like a PTSD symptom: the phone too often in my life has these kinds of calls. (I will not enumerate except to say that my father's heart attack 3 weeks ago was the most recent.) I am traumatized.

I am in a funny-fatigue place: I can't tell whether I am fatigued and need to rest or sluggish and need to exercise. I see my health coach this morning and I hope he is able to suggest something to me.

It is difficult for me to acknowledge how crappy I feel. I aspire to be, and have been for most of my adult life, positive, resilient, hardworking, and open-hearted. The truth of it all is that I feel depleted, gived-out, traumatized, beaten-up, used-up and flat out of gas, and very UNresilient. Like there isn't any stretch left to the stretch pants, yanno?

I dream of what used to be called The Rest Cure. You know, sent away from all life's demands to a place, say, like this:

http://www.hsl.virgi...deau_porch2.jpg

Of course, if I could design my own personalized rest cure, it would be as follows: a single cottage with one bedroom, a great library, and wee kitchen, on the ocean somewhere along the Atlantic coast, or perhaps the Georgia Sea Islands. I wouldn't have to do anything: housekeeping and all whole30 approved meals supplied. The pantry full of herbal teas and Gerolsteiner mineral water. There would be a wraparound porch, with one side facing the ocean and the other a gorgeous beach garden, with those shrubby little rose bushes that love the salt and sand, and waving beach grasses and big puffy, deep blue hydrangeas, the old-fashioned kind that turn into little trees. The air would be scented with salt and sea life and the sweetness of the roses. Sleeping at night would be a pleasure, with the sound of the surf and the scent of the sea wafting in the open windows. It would be cool, and a light quilt would be a welcome comfort.

I would wake in the morning in my own time, savor my breakfast, delivered to me on a tray. Rich, fine coffee, black. Something yummy and pretty to look at. I finish, and take my first walk of the day along the (empty) beach. (Of course nobody else is enjoying this paradise. It's a fantasy!) Everything soothes me: the rhythmic washing of the waves, the cries of gulls, the deep, rich salty humus, the pretty seashells scattered like treasures along the line of last night's high tide marks. Times goes by, I'm not keeping track. There are no appointments. No crises. Nobody's needs to tend to, except my own. I walk, I stop and sit on the hard-packed moist sand, near the water's edge, and just breathe and watch and be. When the spirit moves me, I walk some more, until I'm tired and cannot soak in any more sea goodness. I head back to the cottage, to sit on the garden-side porch and read, and sip herbal tea, and doze. Lather, rinse, repeat. Multiple dips in the surf, naps on the hot sand in late afternoon, lots of sun, rest, longer and longer walks each day as many days as I need, until I start to feel full, as if pregnant and ready to deliver, full of myself, ready to give birth to my own best and health-filled self.

My rest cure setting would look like this:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_cEkfkzJ1eC8/TOi_ob3cxHI/AAAAAAAAACA/BG3DCzzEKac/s1600/new-england_beach-cottage.jpg

[pjena]

Trader Joe's helps a lot with my SAD family. I buy frozen bags of things like polenta or rice with vegetables that is at least made just from real food. That way I can serve them the starches and grains they demand without actually having to fuss much with it myself. That cuts down on my cravings. I serve the fish, meat or fowl, a raw veggie dish (slaw or salad) and cooked veggies, along with their frozen grain dish. It isn't the macaroni and cheese they adore, but it keeps peace in the house and keeps them from ordering pizza in!

Good idea! Toast works to keep the peace in my SAD family, too.

[pjena]

It is difficult for me to acknowledge how crappy I feel. I aspire to be, and have been for most of my adult life, positive, resilient, hardworking, and open-hearted. The truth of it all is that I feel depleted, gived-out, traumatized, beaten-up, used-up and flat out of gas, and very UNresilient. Like there isn't any stretch left to the stretch pants, yanno?

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad! Any way you can get your "rest cure"?

[Emma]

It's amazing how easily our bodies can fall apart on us and you've had a lot of very intense stressors - and continue to! I'm curious what you noticed regarding inflammation. I read your post yesterday and looked at your photo on snapfish and I found myself thinking about you throughout the day. That our bodies can be in such bad shape, but were once in better shape (mine wasn't ever in as great as yours), kinda helps me think maybe it could happen again. I'm 44 and all my efforts to exercise over the last year are constantly aggravated by tendonitis. It's obnoxious and the frequency of it lets me know that something in my diet might be exacerbating it. Your Rest Cure sounds very needed and as I read it, I realized how unresilient I've been feeling. I've been slogging along doing a good job working and parenting, but without finesse or energy or enthusiasm. I love that you're two weeks ahead in this process because I'm pretty certain I'll enjoy reading your insights and rooting for you from two weeks back.

[Pea]

EandK Family, thank you for your comments.

I got into that great shape over a period of about 4 years, starting at age 48. I just started exercising more regularly. It started with spin classes and working with a personal trainer on a weight circuit. Eventually, I got into doing Crossfit, and it was sort of at that peak that the kettlebell photo was taken. Right after that, I got sick with Lyme Disease, had my two spine operations, the tons of life stress I don't care to recall...the whole nine yards of cortisol-raising, belly-fat depositing, sleep-interrupting stress. Eating paleo was a big part of that high vitality.

I do absolutely believe it is possible to reverse un-well-ness. If I didn't believe it, I wouldn't be doing this!

How I know I have inflammation: I have an autoimmune condition that causes spinal arthritis, that's what caused the mechanical problems necessitating my two spine surgeries. I know when it flares because I get back pain, especially across my sacrum and into the sacroiliac joints. It's tender and I often get sciatica like pains.

Everything *I* know to do to date----ie, primal/paleo eating---has been insufficient to return me to vibrant wellness. So I started working with chiropractor who is deep into nutrition and functional wellness, and he essentially started me off on a whole30 diet. So here I am. You can totally remake your body. Almost every cell in your body will replace itself, so you can build almost a whole new body given enough time and enough of the proper conditions!

pjena, thanks for your comments---I can't take that rest cure as imagined quite yet, but my husband and I are planning a week long sea getaway in September, when our summer business closes. (We own a summer drive-in restaurant. Fun. Also, we serve organic grassfed burgers, so I don't worry about what to eat!)

I am going to head over to the Y for a bit to just walk the track. I feel well enough today to want to move...

Oh, and my health coach wants me to eat 5 smaller meals a day. He says it's important to keep blood sugar from going down and causing a cortisol spike. I plan on eating at 8am, noon, 3pm, 6pm and 9pm.

meal #1: ground grassfed beef, small orange

meal #2:: coconut yogurt with almond butter and coconut chips

meal #3: grassfed ground beef with kale salad

meal #4: baby back ribs in homemade chipotle BBQ sauce, 1/2 sweet potato

meal#5: coconut yogurt with almond butter

[Krista Billows Rodriguez]

You've really been through a lot in the past few years! I love that you're confident that you can undo the damage and begin again-and I totally agree. The chronic stress you've been under, and continue with, makes it that much harder but you've got an advantage, you're aware of your stress and inflammation and taking steps to address it. So many people go through life feeling like crap but not connecting the dots between health, wellness and nutrition and even if they do refusing to take the next step and make changes. The fear of change can be paralyzing. I'm glad to see some sweet potato on your menu, that was one thought that occurred to me when you said you felt fatigued, adding in some good starchy veggies could help. Good luck on this journey Pea!

[Pea]

Thank you, Krista...

[KayJay]

Pea, I so feel your fatigue and frustration. I was nowhere near fit but on my way several years ago, feeling really good about myself and my weight loss, then after taking a different job and burning out from it, my Vitamin D deficiency tossed me on my assets and I've been climbing the long, hard road upward ever since. Doing my Whole30 last month brought back my energy and mental wellness, so I have hope!

One thing I learned through my illness, and was forced to acknowledge to myself, is that I have a lifetime of workaholic tendencies and it's okay to dial things back. It's okay to listen to my body, because it's trying to tell me what it needs. My mind wants to be the way I was, but that wasn't healthy for me, either. So my body decided to shut down because I wouldn't take a hint! I know that's very different from having health influenced from outside forces, but it's still my reality, that I can't do what other people do with ease, I can't be what I used to be. It is what it is. Hard to accept, but accept it I must, while doing what I can to heal.

Meditation made a huge difference in my challenges. Maybe that's a way to find your rest cure until you can have it physically.

[Pea]

Kayjay, you got the heart of the matter. I used to meditate regularly, beginning at the height of all the stress a few years ago. I didn't feel like I had a disease, I felt like I simply had more life than I could healthfully handle, and I wasn't going to take antidepressants or antianxiety meds, which I know any shrink worth her salt would have prescribed in a heartbeat. It helped a great deal, but in the past year, my practice has kind of fizzled away.

I didn't sleep well AT ALL last night. I mean, worse than usual. I checked the label of the coconut yogurt I ate yesterday, and it's got sugar in it!!!! As well as carrageenan and other sh*t. Needless to say, I am not eating any more of that.

Food plan for today:

meal 1: 2 eggs, bacon, 1/4 sweet potato, dab sauerkraut

meal 2: ground beef with small orange

meal 3: turkey wing, spinach

meal 4: pork rib, spinach

meal 5: apple slices with almond butter

Exercise plan for today:

Yesterday, I walked for 30 minutes. Felt good but I had a slight increase in back pain. This morning, I have an ache in left buttock along the sciatic nerve. I will be careful. Plan today is take a lovely, low-paced dance class for women 60+ years old. They let me in even though I am not yet 60. I love this class---it's fun, it's creative, it's challenging and...did I say FUN?

I seem to be gravitating to dance as my activity of choice. No more heavy weight lifting for this gal....I wouldn't mind being fit like a dancer!

Pea

[Pea]

Just want to say that I LOVED LOVED LOVED my dance class today. Such joy! So much fun! I am rearranging my schedule so that I can attend twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays.

Sticking to the meal template today, no nasty coconut yogurt, FEH.

Feeling much more hopeful today.

Pea

[Emma]

Just want to say that I LOVED LOVED LOVED my dance class today. Such joy! So much fun! I am rearranging my schedule

Anything where you type LOVED LOVED LOVED has got to be a wonderful thing. About thirteen years ago I started going to line dance classes once a week. I was horrible and stiff and had no rhythm, but I'd go home and write the exact same words you did. And thankfully, I was surrounded by people who encouraged me and supported me and didn't mind that I was so off-beat until the time came where I finally got it. I love dancing. And I never do it these days! What's up with THAT! Glad you enjoyed your class. Maybe I'll crank up the music and boogie with my kids while we make our dinner.

[Pea]

*singing* Let's da-ance....Let's da-ance...tonIIIIIIIIIIIIIght......................

Got a call from my primary care doc's nurse today. She says the boatload of labs my functional medicine doc ordered show that I am hyperthyroid. (Which might explain why I am feeling so anxious, jittery, and have insomnia.) I suspect it might be the kelp I have been adding to my (no iodine) sea salt. But I have had thyroid issues in the past.

In any case, I see both my primary and FM doc in two weeks.

Plan for today:

meal 1: ground beef mixed with sweet potato and brussel sprouts

meal 2: small organic apple, 1 hard boiled egg

meal 3: sardines, sauerkraut, lactofermented ginger carrots

meal 4: chicken, acorn squash stuffed with spinach

meal 5: a few slices of organic apple with almond butter

Activity: Walk, some light work with strength training.

[Jinkse21]

Hi Pea! I love your posts and I just had to say...I want to live in your cottage too!

Have a GREAT day!!

[Pea]

Thanks, jinske!

I realized after researching low iodine diet that I can't eat seafood, fish, ANYTHING made with iodized salt.

Seeing my primary care doc on Thursday coming because I really am uncomfortable with the jitters. Have to see what I can do.....

I'm really gonna need that island!

[Emma]

*singing* Let's da-ance....Let's da-ance...tonIIIIIIIIIIIIIght......................

meal 1: ground beef mixed with sweet potato and brussel sprouts

meal 2: small organic apple, 1 hard boiled egg

meal 3: sardines, sauerkraut, lactofermented ginger carrots

meal 4: chicken, acorn squash stuffed with spinach

meal 5: a few slices of organic apple with almond butter

Activity: Walk, some light work with strength training.

Oh my gosh - I can't believe I just read your meal plan and thought it sounded good - especially your meal three portion! A week ago I think I might have rolled my eyes and now it just sounds plain old good (except for the brussel sprouts - I still haven't discovered a love for them just yet). Hope the seafood restriction doesn't have to last - sardines are deelicious.