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Guest bfree11

Day FOURTY (of healthy eating) 

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, mixed greens, 1 hot dog, cherries & blueberries, 1/2 orange bell pepper, black coffee

Lunch: Millet & Flaxseed pita pocket, salad with goat cheese, chicken, balsamic vinaigrette, kombucha

Dinner: ate the rest of my lunch, about 8 black bean tortilla chips, s'mores quest bar

Exercise: Rest day after 6 intense days of yoga in a row

 

Today was a weird food day.

 

When I went into the kitchen to make my breakfast, I saw the S'mores Quest bar that I bought last night at the grocery store sitting on my counter. For a moment I thought about just grabbing that for breakfast and hitting the road. But then I thought about the fact that I still needed to eat some veggies and I forced myself not to be lazy.

 

After making my salad for lunch, my Chef de Cuisine at work asked me if I'd be willing to make a list of everything on our menus that is Whole 30 approved. He's been hearing me talk about Whole 30 for 40 days now and also said he keeps hearing customers talk about it. I was so excited! We're going to start advertising our Whole 30 approved offerings now!

 

I ate my breakfast around 10am and I ate lunch at 2:45pm, but I had to stop eating my lunch to go to a meeting at 3pm. I put the 2nd half of my pita pocket and my salad in the fridge and went to my meeting. At around 5:30, I was still working and decided that I wanted to finish my lunch. I'm not sure why. I don't think I was really that hungry, it was more that I didn't like that I had unfinished food in the fridge. I probably should have just went home and made dinner, but I didn't, I ate more of my lunch. After a little while, I had no appetite and I threw the rest away.

 

My good friend at work offered me some black bean tortilla chips. It was my first time having chips. They were a pretty clean, organic brand. After I had about 8 chips, I asked him to take them away. He told me no, and said that I am strong enough to have self-control. He was right. I put them down in front of me and moved on. I forgot all about them after a minute or two. I'm not used to eating bread and it's pretty filling. The pita pockets are about 5 inches wide and are made at a local bakery. They have no preservatives, gluten, or weird chemicals that I can't pronounce. They come in a pack of 6 and I have to admit that I felt slightly tempted to eat more than one. I bought them at work and then brought the rest of the pack home. When I really think about these pita pockets being a temptation, I realize that it's completely my choice if I want to let them be or not. I'm strong enough to acknowledge that I'm having tempting thoughts, and then just move on with my day. 

 

I got home around 7:30 and it felt weird not to cook dinner, but I had pretty much just ate the rest of my salad. At around 8pm, I started thinking about the damn Quest bar. I wanted it and I ate it. I don't feel badly about it because I know that calorically, it didn't put me over the edge today and it was a better choice than getting a pizza, ice cream, or digging into that jar of almond butter. However, I feel confident that I no longer wish to buy protein bars. It's hard to not think of them as a treat and I don't enjoy having to deal with fighting the temptation to indulge when it could be easily avoided. I'm not crazy about the fact that I currently have almond butter and pita bread in my refrigerator either. As soon as I finished the Quest bar, I almost just automatically got up to raid the fridge and keep snacking. I noticed that I had some cravings on my drive home from work too. I wanted to get a pizza. I think it was because I was feeling tired and a little lonely. There's also something about Fridays that makes me want to celebrate with food. 

 

All I can do is acknowledge that I still get cravings, refuse to give into them, and learn from my mistakes. No more Quest bars, but I think it's good that this almond butter and pita bread is in my house. I know I won't actually allow myself to go off the deep end, and it's good practice for staying true to my new, healthy behaviors. 

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Guest bfree11

Day 41 (of Healthy Eating)

 

Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 hotdog, mixed greens, cherries & blueberries

Lunch: ground beef, avocado, mixed greens, pita pocket, 1/2 bell pepper, 2 pickle slices, kombucha

Dinner: steak, roasted butternut squash and & broccoli, blueberries, grapes, nectarine slice, beet chips and spinach & kale chips, hummus, la croix lime sparkling water

Exercise: Hot Flow Yoga (omg.)

 

For breakfast, I had one egg less than usual because I was going straight to yoga and didn't want to feel too full. This was my first time going to a Hot Flow class. Usually I go to Hot Hatha classes, which aren't as intense. Here's the Class Description for Hot Flow: "This is power vinyasa with the heat on. In hot flow, you get rode hard and put away wet. This class is sweaty, challenging, and never the same twice. “Hot Enough” is in the eye of the beholder, but we think you hot lovers are going to like our quiet, radiant heaters toasting you up *just* right. Come get acclimated to your Florida environs while burning off calories and toxins. You will leave in the best of yoga stupors. Drive carefully."

 

Phew. Let me tell you, it was tough. Tons of arm work and core work in a room well over 100 degrees. I was nestled in between 2 handsome, athletic men, which made me want to work hard and "show them" that I'm not just some lazy, fat girl. I'm not proud of these negative thoughts I have about myself, and the funny thing is, I watched these men throughout class and NOT ONCE did either of them stare at me. They were focused on their own practice, on their own mat, as they should. The shirt I chose to wear is starting to get baggy on me and as it became drenched with sweat, it felt like it was weighing me down. I wanted to take it off so badly! I looked around the room and most girls were in sports bras and all the men were shirtless. I went back and forth in my head so many times. Could I really do it? What would people think? Am I even allowed to take my shirt off if I'm not skinny? Are there rules? Finally, I just freaking did it. I instantly felt my body cooling down, and as I looked around the room to find all the people laughing at me, I was surprised to find no one. Not a single person even flinched. They were busy with their yoga practice. I smiled, and then returned back to my practice, with a little more confidence than I started with.

 

Dinner was tough. I went to my friend's house to eat dinner and watch fireworks. She's trying to eat healthy too, so she bought steak, veggies to roast, some fruit, and some sparkling water. She asked me to pick up hummus and anything else I felt like bringing. I grabbed the hummus, then saw all the chips next to it. I thought it would be nice to bring something to dip in the hummus and it was the 4th of July after all, so why not loosen up and have a couple chips? Well, the answer (at least for me) it turns out, is that there's no such thing as "a couple chips!" I got the cleanest ones I could find, but once we opened them, I could not stop. I could hardly eat my dinner because I ate so many damn chips. There was a bowl of fruit in front of me and I went to town on that too. Yikes.

 

The worst part was, I wasn't even hungry to begin with. I was pigging out because I felt like it. These were bad behaviors from the past coming back and stomping all over my progress. I was disappointed in myself, especially because I'm the one who brought the chips. All I can do is learn from this. Chips are not my friend, Stay away! Rationally speaking, I didn't completely blow it. There are worse things I could have eaten, of course. But, on my drive home, I just felt "fat" and I felt like I haven't made enough progress with weight loss in these 41 days. 

 

This got me thinking about my diet and if there are any tweaks I should be making. One thing I've noticed is that I rarely get hungry. When I eat, it's because it's been 5 or 6 hours since my last meal, so I feel like I probably should. I don't want to do the opposite and eat too little though, because hunger will make me vulnerable to cravings and snacking. I'm going to try to SLIGHTLY reduce my portion sizes this week and see if that helps.

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Guest bfree11

Day 41 (of Healthy Eating)

 

Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 hotdog, mixed greens, cherries & blueberries

Lunch: ground beef, avocado, mixed greens, pita pocket, 1/2 bell pepper, 2 pickle slices, kombucha

Dinner: steak, roasted butternut squash and & broccoli, blueberries, grapes, nectarine slice, beet chips and spinach & kale chips, hummus, la croix lime sparkling water

Exercise: Hot Flow Yoga (omg.)

 

For breakfast, I had one egg less than usual because I was going straight to yoga and didn't want to feel too full. This was my first time going to a Hot Flow class. Usually I go to Hot Hatha classes, which aren't as intense. Here's the Class Description for Hot Flow: "This is power vinyasa with the heat on. In hot flow, you get rode hard and put away wet. This class is sweaty, challenging, and never the same twice. “Hot Enough” is in the eye of the beholder, but we think you hot lovers are going to like our quiet, radiant heaters toasting you up *just* right. Come get acclimated to your Florida environs while burning off calories and toxins. You will leave in the best of yoga stupors. Drive carefully."

 

Phew. Let me tell you, it was tough. Tons of arm work and core work in a room well over 100 degrees. I was nestled in between 2 handsome, athletic men, which made me want to work hard and "show them" that I'm not just some lazy, fat girl. I'm not proud of these negative thoughts I have about myself, and the funny thing is, I watched these men throughout class and NOT ONCE did either of them stare at me. They were focused on their own practice, on their own mat, as they should. The shirt I chose to wear is starting to get baggy on me and as it became drenched with sweat, it felt like it was weighing me down. I wanted to take it off so badly! I looked around the room and most girls were in sports bras and all the men were shirtless. I went back and forth in my head so many times. Could I really do it? What would people think? Am I even allowed to take my shirt off if I'm not skinny? Are there rules? Finally, I just freaking did it. I instantly felt my body cooling down, and as I looked around the room to find all the people laughing at me, I was surprised to find no one. Not a single person even flinched. They were busy with their yoga practice. I smiled, and then returned back to my practice, with a little more confidence than I started with.

 

Dinner was tough. I went to my friend's house to eat dinner and watch fireworks. She's trying to eat healthy too, so she bought steak, veggies to roast, some fruit, and some sparkling water. She asked me to pick up hummus and anything else I felt like bringing. I grabbed the hummus, then saw all the chips next to it. I thought it would be nice to bring something to dip in the hummus and it was the 4th of July after all, so why not loosen up and have a couple chips? Well, the answer (at least for me) it turns out, is that there's no such thing as "a couple chips!" I got the cleanest ones I could find, but once we opened them, I could not stop. I could hardly eat my dinner because I ate so many damn chips. There was a bowl of fruit in front of me and I went to town on that too. Yikes.

 

The worst part was, I wasn't even hungry to begin with. I was pigging out because I felt like it. These were bad behaviors from the past coming back and stomping all over my progress. I was disappointed in myself, especially because I'm the one who brought the chips. All I can do is learn from this. Chips are not my friend, Stay away! Rationally speaking, I didn't completely blow it. There are worse things I could have eaten, of course. But, on my drive home, I just felt "fat" and I felt like I haven't made enough progress with weight loss in these 41 days. 

 

This got me thinking about my diet and if there are any tweaks I should be making. One thing I've noticed is that I rarely get hungry. When I eat, it's because it's been 5 or 6 hours since my last meal, so I feel like I probably should. I don't want to do the opposite and eat too little though, because hunger will make me vulnerable to cravings and snacking. I'm going to try to SLIGHTLY reduce my portion sizes this week and see if that helps.

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Day 42 (of Healthy Eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, mixed veggies, cherries & blueberries, black coffee

Lunch: kale slaw, baked almond chicken, pesto zucchini, kombucha

Dinner: The rest of my lunch in a millet & flaxseed gluten-free pita pocket, 1/2 yellow bell pepper

Exercise: Rest Day

 

I weighed myself this afternoon. I was talking to a friend about our goal weights and how much more we had to lose, and then I just got up and weighed myself. I wanted to know how much I weighed so I could figure out how much more I want to lose. I thought for a brief second about how damaging stepping on that scale could potentially be if I didn't like the number I saw, but I figured, it's been 12 days since my last weigh-in, so of course I've lost some weight, right?

 

WRONG. 

 

According to the scale, I am exactly the same weight I was 12 days ago. 174.6 lb. This made me sad. It made me begin questioning all the work I've put in.

 

It made me wonder the following things:

Did I accidentally sleep walked and ate a bunch of mozzarella sticks and ice cream or something?

How is this possible?!

Are my portions just too big?

Is it because I had a pita pocket?

Was it the chips I ate?

What's wrong with me?

Am I going to be fat forever?

 

Then I reeled it in and remembered that it's just a number, it was in the afternoon with slightly wet hair and food in my belly, and maybe it was just a punishment for cheating and weighing myself too early. At the same time, if I'm really doing great things for my body with diet and exercise, that number should be dropping! Regardless, it truly doesn't matter. Tomorrow is a new day and I have a choice. I can eat 3 clean meals when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, or I can start slowly trickling down a negative path of shame and disappointment and stuff my face with cupcakes. I think I'm going to go with the first choice. 

 

One of the biggest struggles I've had in my life with eating is finishing everything on my plate. It is ridiculously hard for me to throw away food or save food for later. I want it all. This week, I want to actively work on stopping when I'm full. That might mean that I have to throw some food away or save it for later, and that's going to have to be okay. Even though I'm eating pretty squeaky clean, my portion sizes may be slightly too big. I don't, however, want to start eating meals that are so small that I have to keep eating every few hours. I'm going to work on finding that balance. 

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Guest bfree11

Day 42 (of Healthy Eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, mixed veggies, cherries & blueberries, black coffee

Lunch: kale slaw, baked almond chicken, pesto zucchini, kombucha

Dinner: The rest of my lunch in a millet & flaxseed gluten-free pita pocket, 1/2 yellow bell pepper

Exercise: Rest Day

 

I weighed myself this afternoon. I was talking to a friend about our goal weights and how much more we had to lose, and then I just got up and weighed myself. I wanted to know how much I weighed so I could figure out how much more I want to lose. I thought for a brief second about how damaging stepping on that scale could potentially be if I didn't like the number I saw, but I figured, it's been 12 days since my last weigh-in, so of course I've lost some weight, right?

 

WRONG. 

 

According to the scale, I am exactly the same weight I was 12 days ago. 174.6 lb. This made me sad. It made me begin questioning all the work I've put in.

 

It made me wonder the following things:

Did I accidentally sleep walked and ate a bunch of mozzarella sticks and ice cream or something?

How is this possible?!

Are my portions just too big?

Is it because I had a pita pocket?

Was it the chips I ate?

What's wrong with me?

Am I going to be fat forever?

 

Then I reeled it in and remembered that it's just a number, it was in the afternoon with slightly wet hair and food in my belly, and maybe it was just a punishment for cheating and weighing myself too early. At the same time, if I'm really doing great things for my body with diet and exercise, that number should be dropping! Regardless, it truly doesn't matter. Tomorrow is a new day and I have a choice. I can eat 3 clean meals when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, or I can start slowly trickling down a negative path of shame and disappointment and stuff my face with cupcakes. I think I'm going to go with the first choice. 

 

One of the biggest struggles I've had in my life with eating is finishing everything on my plate. It is ridiculously hard for me to throw away food or save food for later. I want it all. This week, I want to actively work on stopping when I'm full. That might mean that I have to throw some food away or save it for later, and that's going to have to be okay. Even though I'm eating pretty squeaky clean, my portion sizes may be slightly too big. I don't, however, want to start eating meals that are so small that I have to keep eating every few hours. I'm going to work on finding that balance. 

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The scale can be so evil! Things to keep in mind - other than all the good stuff you already know: you have some awesome non-scale victories to remember. Like your yoga practice - thing about how strong you feel. Muscle weighs a lot more than fat, so that might be part of it. Time of day, time of month, all that stuff factors in. Focus on your clothes - they are more reliable. Focus on how clean and light you feel. The non-scale victories are really the ones that count. And what comes off slowly is much more likely to stay off. You are treating your body with love and respect - keep at it! :)

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The scale can be so evil! Things to keep in mind - other than all the good stuff you already know: you have some awesome non-scale victories to remember. Like your yoga practice - thing about how strong you feel. Muscle weighs a lot more than fat, so that might be part of it. Time of day, time of month, all that stuff factors in. Focus on your clothes - they are more reliable. Focus on how clean and light you feel. The non-scale victories are really the ones that count. And what comes off slowly is much more likely to stay off. You are treating your body with love and respect - keep at it! :)

Thank you, Karen. You're so right. The scale is so destructive! I'm going to just keep on truckin' and forget about the damn scale!

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Day 43 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 1 egg, mixed greens, broccoli, cherries & blueberries, kombucha

Lunch: Chicken nori wrap (seaweed, rice, veggies, chicken, tiny bit of sweet soy sauce), kombucha

Dinner: millet & flaxseed gluten-free pita pocket, ground beef, mixed greens, avocado, pickle slices

Exercise: Hot Hatha Yoga

 

My goal going into this week was to try to eat a little less at each meal. I find that I'm never hungry, so I'm hoping that by eating a little less, I'll start to feel hunger at meal times. Looking at my breakfast this morning, I probably should've reduced fruit rather than protein, but I wanted my meal to be less filling so that I'd have an appetite at lunch.

 

I still wasn't super hungry at lunch. I ordered a nori wrap because it allows me to get fat, protein, and veggies in, and still feel like a treat! Let's face it, food is more fun in a wrap. The problem though, is the rice. After today, I've officially decided to exclusively order riceless nori wraps from now on. The rice is just so filling and makes me feel bloated. It doesn't give me stomach issues, but the full/bloated feeling is making me feel like rice isn't worth it to me. A little rice is fine, but I guess the amount inside the nori wrap is just too much for me. So here's what happened: I got halfway through my nori wrap and took a break. I didn't feel full yet, but I also didn't feel hungry either. I picked it back up and kept eating. Then I put it down again and I felt F-U-L-L. I stared at the rest of the nori wrap and thought, "Rebecca, throw. it. away." But, instead, I picked it back up once again, and ate the whole damn thing. I'm not exactly sure why I did this. Maybe I just didn't want it to be over because I was enjoying the taste? Or maybe I'm mad about my lack of weight loss so I used food to comfort me? 

 

Regardless, I now truly know how hard it is for me to resist from finishing my entire meal, even if I'm full. If I remove the rice from the nori wrap, it will be less filling, so that will help. But also, I may need to start just ordering half a nori wrap. It's not like I eat them everyday, but this lesson is transferrable to other meals too. I need to either get smaller portions or remove the filling part of the meal. I didn't like feeling ashamed of my choice after I ate the whole thing. When i know I'm full, I need to treat my body with respect and stop eating. I owe it to myself.

 

I think I just felt so defeated from the scale. A little part of me is convinced that there's no way in hell that I'll be able to lose anymore of this weight and that maybe I was just meant to be a fat kid for life. In the bathroom at yoga, I saw a scale. I thought, "ooo maybe I'll weigh less on this one and then I can feel better about myself." Damn. That's a dangerous thought. I decided not to weigh myself and when I set my intention for my practice at the beginning of class, I chose to focus on my strength. It wasn't easy though. There are so many things that I can't do or that I'm nowhere near close to being ready to do. My quads get so tight and exhausted with all of the lunges. I get so hard on myself. When I give up early on a pose, I feel like I'm being lazy and that my teacher will be disappointed in me. 

 

Please let all of this negativity be a lesson/reminder to everyone what the consequences of stepping on the scale can so easily be. I know I'll get out of my funk. I've been having a pity party for the past 24 hours, but I think I'm ready to move on. If I didn't write everyday, I wouldn't be analyzing the areas that still need growth and I wouldn't know what to work on to be better. Thanks to my mistakes today, I now know that tomorrow I will need to focus on making smaller meals for myself that are still well-balanced, order a smaller portion at lunch (this is going to be huge for me), and lastly, no longer buying into my thoughts during yoga. If a negative thought about myself pops in my head, I just need to go back to my breath and keep moving. Can I do Crow or a handstand? Hell no. But, instead of sitting there feeling like an outcast every time I can't do something, I need to remind myself that the only way I'll ever get there, is to keep showing up and pushing myself to my edge. 

 

I have been a healthy eater for 43 days. I haven't fallen off the wagon or spiraled back into all of my old behaviors. Even when I eat too much, it's relatively clean food. I don't crave junk food. My skinny clothes are fitting. I haven't reached my goal, but I'm moving in the right direction. Phew.

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Day 43 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 1 egg, mixed greens, broccoli, cherries & blueberries, kombucha

Lunch: Chicken nori wrap (seaweed, rice, veggies, chicken, tiny bit of sweet soy sauce), kombucha

Dinner: millet & flaxseed gluten-free pita pocket, ground beef, mixed greens, avocado, pickle slices

Exercise: Hot Hatha Yoga

 

My goal going into this week was to try to eat a little less at each meal. I find that I'm never hungry, so I'm hoping that by eating a little less, I'll start to feel hunger at meal times. Looking at my breakfast this morning, I probably should've reduced fruit rather than protein, but I wanted my meal to be less filling so that I'd have an appetite at lunch.

 

I still wasn't super hungry at lunch. I ordered a nori wrap because it allows me to get fat, protein, and veggies in, and still feel like a treat! Let's face it, food is more fun in a wrap. The problem though, is the rice. After today, I've officially decided to exclusively order riceless nori wraps from now on. The rice is just so filling and makes me feel bloated. It doesn't give me stomach issues, but the full/bloated feeling is making me feel like rice isn't worth it to me. A little rice is fine, but I guess the amount inside the nori wrap is just too much for me. So here's what happened: I got halfway through my nori wrap and took a break. I didn't feel full yet, but I also didn't feel hungry either. I picked it back up and kept eating. Then I put it down again and I felt F-U-L-L. I stared at the rest of the nori wrap and thought, "Rebecca, throw. it. away." But, instead, I picked it back up once again, and ate the whole damn thing. I'm not exactly sure why I did this. Maybe I just didn't want it to be over because I was enjoying the taste? Or maybe I'm mad about my lack of weight loss so I used food to comfort me? 

 

Regardless, I now truly know how hard it is for me to resist from finishing my entire meal, even if I'm full. If I remove the rice from the nori wrap, it will be less filling, so that will help. But also, I may need to start just ordering half a nori wrap. It's not like I eat them everyday, but this lesson is transferrable to other meals too. I need to either get smaller portions or remove the filling part of the meal. I didn't like feeling ashamed of my choice after I ate the whole thing. When i know I'm full, I need to treat my body with respect and stop eating. I owe it to myself.

 

I think I just felt so defeated from the scale. A little part of me is convinced that there's no way in hell that I'll be able to lose anymore of this weight and that maybe I was just meant to be a fat kid for life. In the bathroom at yoga, I saw a scale. I thought, "ooo maybe I'll weigh less on this one and then I can feel better about myself." Damn. That's a dangerous thought. I decided not to weigh myself and when I set my intention for my practice at the beginning of class, I chose to focus on my strength. It wasn't easy though. There are so many things that I can't do or that I'm nowhere near close to being ready to do. My quads get so tight and exhausted with all of the lunges. I get so hard on myself. When I give up early on a pose, I feel like I'm being lazy and that my teacher will be disappointed in me. 

 

Please let all of this negativity be a lesson/reminder to everyone what the consequences of stepping on the scale can so easily be. I know I'll get out of my funk. I've been having a pity party for the past 24 hours, but I think I'm ready to move on. If I didn't write everyday, I wouldn't be analyzing the areas that still need growth and I wouldn't know what to work on to be better. Thanks to my mistakes today, I now know that tomorrow I will need to focus on making smaller meals for myself that are still well-balanced, order a smaller portion at lunch (this is going to be huge for me), and lastly, no longer buying into my thoughts during yoga. If a negative thought about myself pops in my head, I just need to go back to my breath and keep moving. Can I do Crow or a handstand? Hell no. But, instead of sitting there feeling like an outcast every time I can't do something, I need to remind myself that the only way I'll ever get there, is to keep showing up and pushing myself to my edge. 

 

I have been a healthy eater for 43 days. I haven't fallen off the wagon or spiraled back into all of my old behaviors. Even when I eat too much, it's relatively clean food. I don't crave junk food. My skinny clothes are fitting. I haven't reached my goal, but I'm moving in the right direction. Phew.

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First off... Paris was amaazzzzing! It was so much easier to get healthy foods there than it is in Germany. Sometimes I feel like Germans never eat vegetables because it is so hard to find a compliant dish that is also healthy and fulfilling, but in Paris, there were bright veggies alongside all my meals. That's not to say this trip was easy...

 

I found breakfast to be the most difficult because breakfast is not big in Paris. There are cafes on every block but most only serve pastries and coffee, finding an egg was difficult. My husband doesn't do big breakfasts and eggs bother his stomach so he let me find the places as long as he could get some croissants or something there. We had some hits and misses but overall I was able to find something that would fill me up but not make me feel gross. Lunch was easier to find as I could typically find a salad option, or we weren't starving and finding the need to settle. Dinner was more difficult because by dinner time we were exhausted and just wanted to sit. Also, we were in shorts and sneakers from sightseeing, so a lot of the dinner restaurants were unavailable to our unsophisticated dress, lol. I did indulge in some wine, but nothing over the top and not with every meal, whereas in the past I might have said, I'm on vacation, I can drink whenever I want!

 

My last note on Paris is, whoever says the Parisans are stuck up are so wrong. Everyone was so nice, spoke English to us and made the trip really pleasant. It was very difficult avoiding the delicious breads and cheeses though. Stereotypically, we saw people carrying Baguettes everywhere, so eventually the hubby had to get one. I joked around that I was tempted but I did ok resisting the bread devil, but I know I would have liked to have tasted a croissant.

 

Rebecca, I'm glad you're coming to so many realizations about your progress, good job! I'm along the same lines as you with the weighing in, I do it and think it will not be a big deal and am surprised to see if not move. BUT considering I'm a lifetime yoyo dieter, I should be pleased that the scale isn't going back up after a dip, like it has so many times before. And don't beat yourself up too much when you slip like on a holiday or at a party... you're human and it happens. You enjoyed yourself and now maybe you'll be more careful next time, it won't derail your progress unless you let it.

 

Everyone else, I hope you had a great weekend as well!

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Day 44 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 1 egg, veggies, cherries & blueberries, kombucha, black coffee

Lunch: salad with veggies, avocado, nuts, seeds, less than a tablespoon of goat cheese, and balsamic and oil, kombucha

Snack: black bean tortilla chips :(

Dinner: millet & flax gluten-free pita pocket, ground beef, 2 pickle slices, cauliflower rice

Exercise: Power Flow Yoga - really good workout, I sweat as much as I do in hot yoga!

 

When I'm dreading something, I typically like to just rip it off like a band-aid and get it over with. (i.e. I've never hit the snooze button once in my life!) So here it goes, I did some emotional eating today. I'm disappointed in myself. Mostly because in my post yesterday, I told myself that I was committing to moving on from the emotional damage that weighing myself caused and getting back into a positive head space. But today around 4ish, I got reeeeally bored at work, and I saw the bag of black bean tortilla chips that I had eaten a few of last week on the shelf. I read the ingredients again. They're relatively clean, for chips. Then I opened the bag, there weren't that many in there, so I decided I could eat all of them. WHY DID I DO THIS?! I was so embarrassed by this choice that I thought for sure that I was going to leave it out of today's post. I didn't want to admit to doing it! But, I don't want to lie to myself, or to the health & wellness community.

 

I messed up precisely on the day after I said I wouldn't mess up anymore.

 

Now, I realize I'm being really hard on myself here. But, I ate a snack today because I was bored, NOT because I was hungry, and that is a bad bad bad old behavior that I reeeallly want to leave in the past. Life after Whole 30 is hard. There is way less structure when I make my own rules compared to when I follow someone else's rules. I thought about not eating a pita pocket with dinner to punish myself for eating the chips. But, I didn't. It's hard to know where the line is. Am I being ridiculous or not? I'm not really concerned about the calories as much as I'm concerned with the behavior. Eating because I was feeling a particular emotion, rather than actually being hungry is what caused me to weigh 260 lb and I don't want to go back in that direction!

 

Another variable could be that I've been trying to eat a little less. Maybe if I hadn't messed with my meal sizes then I wouldn't have eaten the chips? Even with shrinking my breakfast down to 1 egg, I still feel incredibly full after breakfast. I think I might know why... I wake up and feel a little hungry usually. Then I drink a beverage on my way to work and suddenly I'm not hungry at all. Then I shove my breakfast in my mouth even though I'm not hungry and I feel full. I don't get hungry again until like 5pm. I eat lunch around 2pm or so, just because I know I should, but I don't actually feel hungry. I think I'm going to try eating breakfast at home, that way, I don't get filled up with a beverage first and it will give me more time between breakfast and lunch. The reason I was taking my breakfast to go, was because I don't like sitting around the house eating when I know I could be hitting the road and heading to work. 

 

The main reason why I've been tweaking with my diet is because I was mad that I didn't lose any weight two weeks post-Whole 30. However, I also have been feeling frustrated with the fact that I never feel hungry and I just eat because I know it's "time to eat." I was hoping eating less would help me get my appetite back. 

 

On a brighter note, I was really impressed with my performance in yoga tonight. I was able to do some balances that I've never done successfully before. I pushed myself really hard though the core work and tried to be super mindful of my positioning as I transitioned from posture to posture. My main struggle with yoga has been dealing with my ego and my temptation to compare myself to others. It sucks when everyone is doing something that I can't. But, it's also going to make it even sweeter when I do reach some of my yoga posture goals. Gotta start somewhere. 

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Day 44 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 1 egg, veggies, cherries & blueberries, kombucha, black coffee

Lunch: salad with veggies, avocado, nuts, seeds, less than a tablespoon of goat cheese, and balsamic and oil, kombucha

Snack: black bean tortilla chips  :(

Dinner: millet & flax gluten-free pita pocket, ground beef, 2 pickle slices, cauliflower rice

Exercise: Power Flow Yoga - really good workout, I sweat as much as I do in hot yoga!

 

When I'm dreading something, I typically like to just rip it off like a band-aid and get it over with. (i.e. I've never hit the snooze button once in my life!) So here it goes, I did some emotional eating today. I'm disappointed in myself. Mostly because in my post yesterday, I told myself that I was committing to moving on from the emotional damage that weighing myself caused and getting back into a positive head space. But today around 4ish, I got reeeeally bored at work, and I saw the bag of black bean tortilla chips that I had eaten a few of last week on the shelf. I read the ingredients again. They're relatively clean, for chips. Then I opened the bag, there weren't that many in there, so I decided I could eat all of them. WHY DID I DO THIS?! I was so embarrassed by this choice that I thought for sure that I was going to leave it out of today's post. I didn't want to admit to doing it! But, I don't want to lie to myself, or to the health & wellness community.

 

I messed up precisely on the day after I said I wouldn't mess up anymore.

 

Now, I realize I'm being really hard on myself here. But, I ate a snack today because I was bored, NOT because I was hungry, and that is a bad bad bad old behavior that I reeeallly want to leave in the past. Life after Whole 30 is hard. There is way less structure when I make my own rules compared to when I follow someone else's rules. I thought about not eating a pita pocket with dinner to punish myself for eating the chips. But, I didn't. It's hard to know where the line is. Am I being ridiculous or not? I'm not really concerned about the calories as much as I'm concerned with the behavior. Eating because I was feeling a particular emotion, rather than actually being hungry is what caused me to weigh 260 lb and I don't want to go back in that direction!

 

Another variable could be that I've been trying to eat a little less. Maybe if I hadn't messed with my meal sizes then I wouldn't have eaten the chips? Even with shrinking my breakfast down to 1 egg, I still feel incredibly full after breakfast. I think I might know why... I wake up and feel a little hungry usually. Then I drink a beverage on my way to work and suddenly I'm not hungry at all. Then I shove my breakfast in my mouth even though I'm not hungry and I feel full. I don't get hungry again until like 5pm. I eat lunch around 2pm or so, just because I know I should, but I don't actually feel hungry. I think I'm going to try eating breakfast at home, that way, I don't get filled up with a beverage first and it will give me more time between breakfast and lunch. The reason I was taking my breakfast to go, was because I don't like sitting around the house eating when I know I could be hitting the road and heading to work. 

 

The main reason why I've been tweaking with my diet is because I was mad that I didn't lose any weight two weeks post-Whole 30. However, I also have been feeling frustrated with the fact that I never feel hungry and I just eat because I know it's "time to eat." I was hoping eating less would help me get my appetite back. 

 

On a brighter note, I was really impressed with my performance in yoga tonight. I was able to do some balances that I've never done successfully before. I pushed myself really hard though the core work and tried to be super mindful of my positioning as I transitioned from posture to posture. My main struggle with yoga has been dealing with my ego and my temptation to compare myself to others. It sucks when everyone is doing something that I can't. But, it's also going to make it even sweeter when I do reach some of my yoga posture goals. Gotta start somewhere. 

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First off... Paris was amaazzzzing! It was so much easier to get healthy foods there than it is in Germany. Sometimes I feel like Germans never eat vegetables because it is so hard to find a compliant dish that is also healthy and fulfilling, but in Paris, there were bright veggies alongside all my meals. That's not to say this trip was easy...

 

I found breakfast to be the most difficult because breakfast is not big in Paris. There are cafes on every block but most only serve pastries and coffee, finding an egg was difficult. My husband doesn't do big breakfasts and eggs bother his stomach so he let me find the places as long as he could get some croissants or something there. We had some hits and misses but overall I was able to find something that would fill me up but not make me feel gross. Lunch was easier to find as I could typically find a salad option, or we weren't starving and finding the need to settle. Dinner was more difficult because by dinner time we were exhausted and just wanted to sit. Also, we were in shorts and sneakers from sightseeing, so a lot of the dinner restaurants were unavailable to our unsophisticated dress, lol. I did indulge in some wine, but nothing over the top and not with every meal, whereas in the past I might have said, I'm on vacation, I can drink whenever I want!

 

My last note on Paris is, whoever says the Parisans are stuck up are so wrong. Everyone was so nice, spoke English to us and made the trip really pleasant. It was very difficult avoiding the delicious breads and cheeses though. Stereotypically, we saw people carrying Baguettes everywhere, so eventually the hubby had to get one. I joked around that I was tempted but I did ok resisting the bread devil, but I know I would have liked to have tasted a croissant.

 

Rebecca, I'm glad you're coming to so many realizations about your progress, good job! I'm along the same lines as you with the weighing in, I do it and think it will not be a big deal and am surprised to see if not move. BUT considering I'm a lifetime yoyo dieter, I should be pleased that the scale isn't going back up after a dip, like it has so many times before. And don't beat yourself up too much when you slip like on a holiday or at a party... you're human and it happens. You enjoyed yourself and now maybe you'll be more careful next time, it won't derail your progress unless you let it.

 

Everyone else, I hope you had a great weekend as well!

Great job in Paris! So proud of you!!!

 

You make a great point about the yo-yo dieting. I should be happy that at least my weight didn't go right back up after a few weeks off Whole 30! Thanks for validating me and reminding me that I have the power to stay strong!

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We all have to start somewhere, and the only where available to us is here and now. I'm so glad you 'fessed up in this post. After my Whole30 I totally derailed and decided that the only solution is to start over with another Whole Entire 30 followed by the prescribed re-entry plan. I think it would be much better to figure out how to live in the world, which is what you're doing. You have given yourself the opportunity to see where the cracks in your armor are, and now you can develop a plan to deal with them.

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We all have to start somewhere, and the only where available to us is here and now. I'm so glad you 'fessed up in this post. After my Whole30 I totally derailed and decided that the only solution is to start over with another Whole Entire 30 followed by the prescribed re-entry plan. I think it would be much better to figure out how to live in the world, which is what you're doing. You have given yourself the opportunity to see where the cracks in your armor are, and now you can develop a plan to deal with them.

 

Are you still on your second whole 30 right now? How many more days? Have you learned anything new from this one? 

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Day 45 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, onions, green beans, tablespoon of almond butter, cherries & blueberries, kombucha and coffee (after my breakfast)

Lunch: chicken, more green beans (so boring!), 2 yuca fries, tiny scoop of sweet potato, kombucha

Dinner: steak, sweet potato glass noodles, broccoli with parmesan sprinkled on top, scoop of guacamole

Exercise: 1.5 mile run in the morning AND Hot Yoga at night. Phew.

 

I started my morning with a short run. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so nervous about running after a 3 month break. Crazy thing happened though! My endurance was way better than I thought it would be. I felt lighter and faster and more athletic! The only thing that got to me was the heat. #FloridaProblems

This was a great way to start my day! After my run, I made breakfast and ate it at home. My stomach has been feeling weird the past few days, so again, I wasn't hungry, even with the run, but I ate anyways. I added some almond butter to get some fats into my breakfast. I know 2 eggs isn't enough protein. I read the ingredients and nutrition facts on my Applegate Farm hot dogs, and they really are clean, so I'm going to bring those back tomorrow. I should just eat some sort of sausage, but I've never had sausage and I'm a picky eater! On my way to work I drank kombucha and then had coffee when I got to work. I'm also cutting out the 2 servings of kombucha a day starting tomorrow. I had bought some at home and was trying to use it up before it went bad. Tomorrow I'll go back to just having it once a day. 

 

At lunch, I asked the chef for one yuca fry, but he gave me two. I saved them until the end of my meal and ate them slowly, enjoying every bite. They're fried though, I should probably cut them out of my regular routine! Yoga was extremely hot today and my legs felt like jello after from yoga and running. I'm going to skip a morning workout tomorrow and just stick with yoga. Then on Friday, I'll go for a bike ride since there's no yoga. I don't want to work out twice a day everyday, maybe just a few times a week. For dinner, I went to this super healthy place across the street from my house, called Fresh Kitchen. The parmesan broccoli is so tasty and I couldn't have it during my Whole 30, so I got it today. There wasn't very much cheese on it, just a sprinkle. 

 

Okay, now for the good stuff. I took some time today to really sit and reflect about how I felt on Whole 30 vs. off Whole 30 and what my changes in diet have been between the two. Thank you to two of my incredible mentors, Shannon, from the Whole 30 Forum, and Julie, my big sister, for giving me some perspective today. Both Shannon and Julie explained to me how terrible of an idea eating less is. They taught me about hormones and how they play into weight loss too. After thinking about all this, here's what I've come up with:

 

At the end of my Whole 30, I was sort of debating between 2 different post-Whole 30 plans. Plan #1 was to do the "Slow Roll" reintroduction in the book, where you keep eating Whole 30 until something special comes along, then after you eat the non-Whole 30 food, you go right back to eating Whole 30. Plan #2 is what I ended up going with, which was reintroduce small portions of grains and dairy into my daily life so that I don't feel deprived and my meals feel more exciting. Looking back, I should have went with Plan #1! Thankfully, it's not too late to make the switch. The reason why I didn't slowly and methodically reintroduce grains, dairy, legumes, sugar, alcohol, etc. into my diet is because I know that none of that stuff makes me feel good! I don't need to reintroduce them one by one to find that out. I've been eating them anyway, even though they've been messing with my stomach and emotions, because I wanted to feel like a normal person a little and not feel deprived. But honestly, if I never eat another pita pocket or tortilla chip or goat cheese in my life, I frankly don't care! Feeling good and happy is more important to me!

 

So I'm hopping on the Slow Roll train. I'm going to eat Whole 30 foods and use the Whole 30 meal template. I'm not going to eat less to "lose weight." I will eat non-compliant food when the moment feels right and it's really really worth it to me. (i.e. my birthday next week!) I'm not going to worry about eat too much or weight loss. It's going to take several months before I reach my goal weight. I just need to ride the wave and trust the process. I finally feel some peace after coming to this decision. I'm not going to feel deprived because I can eat whatever I want, the key is how badly do I want it and is it worth the emotional and physical discomfort it may cause.

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Day 45 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, onions, green beans, tablespoon of almond butter, cherries & blueberries, kombucha and coffee (after my breakfast)

Lunch: chicken, more green beans (so boring!), 2 yuca fries, tiny scoop of sweet potato, kombucha

Dinner: steak, sweet potato glass noodles, broccoli with parmesan sprinkled on top, scoop of guacamole

Exercise: 1.5 mile run in the morning AND Hot Yoga at night. Phew.

 

I started my morning with a short run. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so nervous about running after a 3 month break. Crazy thing happened though! My endurance was way better than I thought it would be. I felt lighter and faster and more athletic! The only thing that got to me was the heat. #FloridaProblems

This was a great way to start my day! After my run, I made breakfast and ate it at home. My stomach has been feeling weird the past few days, so again, I wasn't hungry, even with the run, but I ate anyways. I added some almond butter to get some fats into my breakfast. I know 2 eggs isn't enough protein. I read the ingredients and nutrition facts on my Applegate Farm hot dogs, and they really are clean, so I'm going to bring those back tomorrow. I should just eat some sort of sausage, but I've never had sausage and I'm a picky eater! On my way to work I drank kombucha and then had coffee when I got to work. I'm also cutting out the 2 servings of kombucha a day starting tomorrow. I had bought some at home and was trying to use it up before it went bad. Tomorrow I'll go back to just having it once a day. 

 

At lunch, I asked the chef for one yuca fry, but he gave me two. I saved them until the end of my meal and ate them slowly, enjoying every bite. They're fried though, I should probably cut them out of my regular routine! Yoga was extremely hot today and my legs felt like jello after from yoga and running. I'm going to skip a morning workout tomorrow and just stick with yoga. Then on Friday, I'll go for a bike ride since there's no yoga. I don't want to work out twice a day everyday, maybe just a few times a week. For dinner, I went to this super healthy place across the street from my house, called Fresh Kitchen. The parmesan broccoli is so tasty and I couldn't have it during my Whole 30, so I got it today. There wasn't very much cheese on it, just a sprinkle. 

 

Okay, now for the good stuff. I took some time today to really sit and reflect about how I felt on Whole 30 vs. off Whole 30 and what my changes in diet have been between the two. Thank you to two of my incredible mentors, Shannon, from the Whole 30 Forum, and Julie, my big sister, for giving me some perspective today. Both Shannon and Julie explained to me how terrible of an idea eating less is. They taught me about hormones and how they play into weight loss too. After thinking about all this, here's what I've come up with:

 

At the end of my Whole 30, I was sort of debating between 2 different post-Whole 30 plans. Plan #1 was to do the "Slow Roll" reintroduction in the book, where you keep eating Whole 30 until something special comes along, then after you eat the non-Whole 30 food, you go right back to eating Whole 30. Plan #2 is what I ended up going with, which was reintroduce small portions of grains and dairy into my daily life so that I don't feel deprived and my meals feel more exciting. Looking back, I should have went with Plan #1! Thankfully, it's not too late to make the switch. The reason why I didn't slowly and methodically reintroduce grains, dairy, legumes, sugar, alcohol, etc. into my diet is because I know that none of that stuff makes me feel good! I don't need to reintroduce them one by one to find that out. I've been eating them anyway, even though they've been messing with my stomach and emotions, because I wanted to feel like a normal person a little and not feel deprived. But honestly, if I never eat another pita pocket or tortilla chip or goat cheese in my life, I frankly don't care! Feeling good and happy is more important to me!

 

So I'm hopping on the Slow Roll train. I'm going to eat Whole 30 foods and use the Whole 30 meal template. I'm not going to eat less to "lose weight." I will eat non-compliant food when the moment feels right and it's really really worth it to me. (i.e. my birthday next week!) I'm not going to worry about eat too much or weight loss. It's going to take several months before I reach my goal weight. I just need to ride the wave and trust the process. I finally feel some peace after coming to this decision. I'm not going to feel deprived because I can eat whatever I want, the key is how badly do I want it and is it worth the emotional and physical discomfort it may cause.

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So I didn't post yesterday because what Rebecca said really hit as far as eating things that are leading us off the edge of a cliff. I'm still on the slow-roll introduction... but because of trips we've taken, I tried to put several days of clean eating after each trip to clear my system before introducing a new food, thus I've only introduced two so far (beans and lentils). My biggest fear about doing the reintro this way is coming true... I don't have the "rules" to hold me accountable and thus I'm eating things I shouldn't be prior to formally introducing them and its messing with me.

 

I'm not just talking about sugar, although I've had plenty of that this week already. I've eaten a few non-whole food sugar treat crap because I'm hungry, or bored, or telling myself its only one... I don't know. But its been bad. I'm too embarrassed to even admit what I derailed myself on the past 3 days, but its left me with a slight headache, bloating, gas and the urge to eat more. I also jumped on the scale and gained 2 pounds... well, at least the 2 pounds I lost since the W30 ended, and I've put them back on.

 

The thing is, I don't want to eat this way. This food is crap and not real. I understand part of the problem is I'm not eating enough. I understand where most of that is coming from and although I thought I'd taken steps to fix it, I obviously haven't. I told myself in the beginning that after re-intro, if there were foods I wanted that weren't necessarily Whole30 like, I will make a conscious decision to have them... I was thinking along the lines of like good cheese, or maybe rice with sushi. But... what I've been sneaking around eating isn't really food, its crap, and its mindless eating. I'm making the effort to fix myself before I completely derail. Today I won't go grab that easy quick sugar stuff, and will eat the real food I brought with me for lunch. If I'm hungry, I know I'm not going to die until my next meal. I'll make some tea and do my best to distract myself. I was really proud of myself up until 3 days ago, so I can't let the past 3 days lead me down a road that takes me away from my prior accomplishments.

 

Ok... more on self improvements tomorrow :)

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Are you still on your second whole 30 right now? How many more days? Have you learned anything new from this one? 

I'm only on Day 6, so it's too soon to tell. I'm feeling way sorrier for myself than I did the first time. I think that's because a lot of my joint issues have flared up. By the end of my first Whole 30 I was pretty much pain and rash free. (I have psoriatic arthritis and other skin issues that cause me a lot of grief!) I set myself a goal of 15,000 steps every day for July, but was already derailed by pain in my knee. I used to be a runner and thought maybe I would have more success getting the 15,000 steps in if I took a longer "walk" in a shorter time by running for part of it. Big, big mistake. I have to face the fact that running is not my friend. So, that's been hard as well. So here I am on Day 6. I don't want to look at an egg. I don't feel like going for a walk. I feel bloated and gross. And yet, somehow I know this, too, shall pass. Like a kidney stone. 

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Day 46 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 1 Applegate Farm hotdog, onions, green beans, cherries & blueberries, black coffee

Lunch: salad with veggies, chicken, nuts & seeds, avocado, and balsamic vinaigrette, kombucha

Dinner: chicken, asparagus, cherries (fruit twice in one day, reckless, I know) haha

Exercise: Power Flow Yoga

 

I floated through the day focusing on eating foods that make me feel good, rather than focusing on trying to lose weight. At first I didn't think it was a good idea to have the cherries with my dinner, but I wanted something else on my place and my avocados aren't ripe yet! I decided to go through with the cherries because I reminded myself that I'm not on a "diet." I'm following a meal template and only eating foods that make me feel good. It's really wonderful to be in a space where I give a damn about how my body feels and actively do what I can to make it feel its best. Self respect is new for me. I find that each day I start having a little, tiny bit more self respect. I've been working on positive self-talk to help me conquer my fears. Example: I'm worried my boss hates me (totally irrational), I'll say something respectful to myself to remind me that I'm good at my job and appreciated at work. I just find that I don't really feel like being in a negative mental space, so I keep helping myself get out of those places. It's kind of awesome. I'm no pro, but I'm getting there!

 

I ate breakfast at home before work again and actually got a little hungry and lunch time and at dinner time! Woohoo! I feel really good about being back on Whole 30 compliant foods only (except special occasions).

 

Yoga was magical. My teacher helped me do my first Shoulder Stand and Plow pose. I also did my first supported "handstand" on the wall in an L-shape. Bodyweight exercises are tough! I look forward to having less weight on my body to have to lift into these poses someday! I couldn't believe that I was able to do these poses tonight. It truly made me realize that I'm not going to be the "fat kid" for the rest of my life. There were actually 2 new girls in my class tonight that were probably about 100 lb heavier than me and it was so cool to notice that I could do things that they couldn't. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself, and I'm working on that, but it was nice for once to feel like I wasn't part of the "fat group." I give those girls a lot of credit for coming to a Power Flow class because it is not easy, especially when you have excess weight getting in the way. I hope they find health and happiness! 

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I'm only on Day 6, so it's too soon to tell. I'm feeling way sorrier for myself than I did the first time. I think that's because a lot of my joint issues have flared up. By the end of my first Whole 30 I was pretty much pain and rash free. (I have psoriatic arthritis and other skin issues that cause me a lot of grief!) I set myself a goal of 15,000 steps every day for July, but was already derailed by pain in my knee. I used to be a runner and thought maybe I would have more success getting the 15,000 steps in if I took a longer "walk" in a shorter time by running for part of it. Big, big mistake. I have to face the fact that running is not my friend. So, that's been hard as well. So here I am on Day 6. I don't want to look at an egg. I don't feel like going for a walk. I feel bloated and gross. And yet, somehow I know this, too, shall pass. Like a kidney stone. 

 

It will totally pass! You are so strong for pushing through this rough time. Whole 30 is “a test of the level of respect you have for the body you were given.” As Melissa and Dallas say. It sounds like you have a lot of respect for your body considering you're strong enough to do another Whole 30 and listen to your body when it's in pain. I can't wait to hear how you feel in a week, I bet you'll feel totally different!!! Hang in there, you're not alone!

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Day 46 (of healthy eating)

 

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 1 Applegate Farm hotdog, onions, green beans, cherries & blueberries, black coffee

Lunch: salad with veggies, chicken, nuts & seeds, avocado, and balsamic vinaigrette, kombucha

Dinner: chicken, asparagus, cherries (fruit twice in one day, reckless, I know) haha

Exercise: Power Flow Yoga

 

I floated through the day focusing on eating foods that make me feel good, rather than focusing on trying to lose weight. At first I didn't think it was a good idea to have the cherries with my dinner, but I wanted something else on my place and my avocados aren't ripe yet! I decided to go through with the cherries because I reminded myself that I'm not on a "diet." I'm following a meal template and only eating foods that make me feel good. It's really wonderful to be in a space where I give a damn about how my body feels and actively do what I can to make it feel its best. Self respect is new for me. I find that each day I start having a little, tiny bit more self respect. I've been working on positive self-talk to help me conquer my fears. Example: I'm worried my boss hates me (totally irrational), I'll say something respectful to myself to remind me that I'm good at my job and appreciated at work. I just find that I don't really feel like being in a negative mental space, so I keep helping myself get out of those places. It's kind of awesome. I'm no pro, but I'm getting there!

 

I ate breakfast at home before work again and actually got a little hungry and lunch time and at dinner time! Woohoo! I feel really good about being back on Whole 30 compliant foods only (except special occasions).

 

Yoga was magical. My teacher helped me do my first Shoulder Stand and Plow pose. I also did my first supported "handstand" on the wall in an L-shape. Bodyweight exercises are tough! I look forward to having less weight on my body to have to lift into these poses someday! I couldn't believe that I was able to do these poses tonight. It truly made me realize that I'm not going to be the "fat kid" for the rest of my life. There were actually 2 new girls in my class tonight that were probably about 100 lb heavier than me and it was so cool to notice that I could do things that they couldn't. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself, and I'm working on that, but it was nice for once to feel like I wasn't part of the "fat group." I give those girls a lot of credit for coming to a Power Flow class because it is not easy, especially when you have excess weight getting in the way. I hope they find health and happiness! 

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So I didn't post yesterday because what Rebecca said really hit as far as eating things that are leading us off the edge of a cliff. I'm still on the slow-roll introduction... but because of trips we've taken, I tried to put several days of clean eating after each trip to clear my system before introducing a new food, thus I've only introduced two so far (beans and lentils). My biggest fear about doing the reintro this way is coming true... I don't have the "rules" to hold me accountable and thus I'm eating things I shouldn't be prior to formally introducing them and its messing with me.

 

I'm not just talking about sugar, although I've had plenty of that this week already. I've eaten a few non-whole food sugar treat crap because I'm hungry, or bored, or telling myself its only one... I don't know. But its been bad. I'm too embarrassed to even admit what I derailed myself on the past 3 days, but its left me with a slight headache, bloating, gas and the urge to eat more. I also jumped on the scale and gained 2 pounds... well, at least the 2 pounds I lost since the W30 ended, and I've put them back on.

 

The thing is, I don't want to eat this way. This food is crap and not real. I understand part of the problem is I'm not eating enough. I understand where most of that is coming from and although I thought I'd taken steps to fix it, I obviously haven't. I told myself in the beginning that after re-intro, if there were foods I wanted that weren't necessarily Whole30 like, I will make a conscious decision to have them... I was thinking along the lines of like good cheese, or maybe rice with sushi. But... what I've been sneaking around eating isn't really food, its crap, and its mindless eating. I'm making the effort to fix myself before I completely derail. Today I won't go grab that easy quick sugar stuff, and will eat the real food I brought with me for lunch. If I'm hungry, I know I'm not going to die until my next meal. I'll make some tea and do my best to distract myself. I was really proud of myself up until 3 days ago, so I can't let the past 3 days lead me down a road that takes me away from my prior accomplishments.

 

Ok... more on self improvements tomorrow :)

 

You can turn this around girl! Don't get discouraged, believe me I've been there! I went though the same thing and eating waaaaay bigger meals fixed it! Eat more than you think you should eat and follow that meal template portion sizes and you'll forget all about junk food. You can do this! I seriously think the secret is portion sizes!

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