Doing a 2nd Whole30 and don't want everyone to hate me

[softlysoaring]

Hi all,

 

So me, my husband, my best friend and her husband all did a Whole30 together in March. It was the first one for all of us. Out of everyone, I found it the least challenging (because I already read labels and cook at home a lot) and got the best results (felt amazing, lost 11 pounds effortlessly, etc). Since then I've really gone completely off plan and haven't stuck to a consistently healthy eating style, and have reaped the consequences in the form of weight gain, vitamin deficiencies, ovarian cysts and a potential thyroid problem I'm still looking into. So I have decided to go for a second round and do the officially sponsored Whole30 in July, this time with no going back.

 

I already told my sweet supportive husband who, although he won't be doing it with me this time, is more than happy to eat Whole30/Paleo with me at home (and is skinny as a rail no matter what he eats anyway). However I haven't told anyone else yet because I'm basically afraid they're going to hate me. During the first Whole30 I am pretty much the only reason anyone stuck with it; I was the one making meal plans, cooking for everyone else on a regular basis, helping everyone go shopping, and kicking them in the butt when they were like "screw it let's just go to the bar." And honestly I love my friends but they kind of whined about it the entire time and were so ragey about not being able to have beer or pizza that by the time it was over I was like okay, this was great for me, but I probably will not bring this up to y'all again.

 

Well now of course I'm going to have to say something, preferably before we go out in a couple weeks and I order a club soda with lime with no explanation. Any thoughts on how to communicate about this to my friends in a way that doesn't make them groan?

[ShannonM816]

Just make it clear that this is about you, and not about them, and that you're not going to make them do it with you.

 

Say something along the lines of, look, I know this wasn't your thing, but I felt so much better when we did this because (list out the improvements you noticed), so I want to get back to feeling that way.

 

And then, change the subject -- ask about whatever they've got going on in their lives, and focus on that for a while. Don't harp on the eating, don't make a big deal out of it, just order what you need to order for yourself and don't worry about everyone else.

[MeadowLily]

3. You cannot force anyone to start a lifestyle shift overnight. You can only lead by example. 

Dallas says: “I wouldn’t recommend that you try to get anyone on board. You can plant seeds and lead by example, but to get to convince somebody, it’s a losing proposition. Especially if it’s someone close to you that you want to have a good relationship with going forward. It’s a matter of saying, ‘Here’s my personal experience. I had a powerful personal experience with Whole30. I would love if you gave yourself the opportunity to gain from that experience yourself.’ There’s no, ‘Hey you need to do this because you need to do this.'”

Michelle Tam adds: “Henry, my husband, jumped on board [with Paleo] first. I thought it was totally crazy and I tried to sabotage him. He totally did it by leading by example and he never tried to convince me. It was almost to the point where I was like, ‘Am I not good enough to try this Paleo thing? Is there a reason why you don’t try to convince me to do this?’ We also talked about how after I got on board I got super annoying because you feel so good that you just want to help everybody, especially your family which you love so much. But then you realize that you can’t help people that don’t want your help. You just gotta keep on trucking and eventually they’ll come around, like how I came around.”

[MeadowLily]

  No one will hate you for making your health and overall well being a priority.   No one.

[chezjulie]

The officially sponsored Whole30 gives you a perfect opportunity to explain it to your friends in that context. You can just say that you are going to join an official Whole30 where people are going to support and egg each other on online. Maybe you can make a joke that your friends know how good you are at cracking the whip! They will probably just be relieved that you aren't making them do it and they can still have their beer. 

[Munkers]

This is about your health and your body. If someone gives you attitude, ask them why. Remind them that you're trying to do something good for yourself and you're not forcing your choices on anyone. You understand that no one else is doing a Whole30 and you don't expect them to start. Hopefully that will be enough to get them to check themselves, but if not, then it's not your problem. It'll be up to your friends to put on their big boy/big girl pants and deal with it.

[cindytree]

This is why I'm doing this alone in my "real life" outside of this forum. My husband is very supportive even though he is not doing the program. But, I learned from past experience that the buddy system for health and/or weight loss leaves me frustrated because of others whining or making excuses, then bailing out. Or I feel like I'm the one always trying to keep them accountable or motivate them to keep going which means I'm focusing more on their issues and neglecting my own needs. I have to be selfish with this because my health depends on it. I'm doing it for me and that means happily doing it by myself.

I see it's been a few months since you posted this. How are you doing now?