I am the enemy.

[TheNameIsNuwanda]

I have a confession to make. I am the enemy. You see, I am a pastry cook in a fine dining restaurant and hotel. I entered this profession at the age of 25 with all the best intentions. I truly do love the craftsmanship, history and culture inherent in food. I chose to work specifically in pastry because I was more competent with those skills, and, I admit I'm quite good. What I'm not good at is managing my stress. I've never really learned coping mechanisms that don't involve a tub of ice cream, a bottle of wine, or a package of cookies. Due to the stress level of this kind of work in addition to the fact that "food" is literally everywhere, well, my habits have landed me with 20 extra pounds on my frame.

Enter Whole30. I'm in desperate need of some reformation. I've been diligently reading and studying the paleo-minded nutrition. My best friend ditched gluten in the summer and has seen numerous health benefits. I've known this is what I need for a long time, but I've been timid to act on it. Ultimately, I'm trying to learn how to love myself. This seems like such a Western concept. Just typing it feels silly, but it is also sadly true. I reckon I can't just flip the switch to "on", but I can begin making decisions that will create more pride in myself. Whole 30 is a good place to start.

In addition to this program I am also incorporating exercise and meditation.

Here's what Day 1 looked like:

Slept through breakfast because I wasn't home from work until almost 2:00 due to the holiday.

Lunch: 2 eggs scrambled in duck fat with tumeric.

Snack: Spoonfull of coconut butter

Dinner: Roasted cauliflower soup with two slices bacon.

Beverages: Coffee, water with lemon, sparkling water, herbal tea

I was off work today, so it was easy as... cake? No, no, easy as bacon.

My vitamix should be arriving in the post tomorrow. I know smoothies are frowned upon on a strict Whole 30. The thing is, my work environment is so incredibly frenzied, and the cafeteria we do have is stocked with poor quality SAD foods other than the small salad bar (when I do actually get to eat there...) so I intend to make a "smoothie" to take into work with me to sip on during my shift. I use the quotations because I feel the term smoothie has more come to represent pureed sugar in fruit form a la Jamba Juice. I intend to use vegetables with either avocado or coconut milk and some spirulina. Consider it more as soup on the go. If I beat myself up for this not being 100% compliant, well then we're just back to where we started. This is what I feel is going to work for me. If it doesn't, I'll fix it.

Until next time...

29 days to go.

[Callan]

It is tough to be torn between these two worlds - creating and sharing delicious baked goods, while simultaneously omitting them from your own diet. To me, it almost feels like living a double life, like not being true to oneself... I haven't quite figured out how to reconcile the feeling, and maybe it's just a Catch-22. I did read an account of a baker who went on a wheat-free diet and thrived that way, while continuing to maintain his bakery every day. So, I suppose it can be done!

But, I love my job at the coffee shop, and I want my boss to succeed... and to succeed, she needs to sell muffins. I feel like a traitor advocating for avoiding the very foods that need to be sold to stay in business. I wonder if anyone has any advice on this?

Er, anyway, you're gonna do great! Good luck!

[TheNameIsNuwanda]

Thanks, Calm Mind Kitchen!

It's funny that you mention our conundrum as a "double life." That's exactly how I feel. The only solace I get is knowing that our food is so expensive, I can't be feeding it to someone with the same addictive behaviors as I have developed.

I've actually decided to take a break from the professional kitchen to go teach in Asia for a year (or more). They're diet is inherently healthier than ours (South Korea, is the country I've chosen). I'm in the process of reviewing contracts right now, and I've given my notice at work that March is my intended termination date. Before leaving I also hope to spend a month on the Appalachian Trail. I was going to hike the whole thing this year, but I've decided to put off a thru-hike until I get back.

I doubt I'll walk away from the food industry entirely. I simply need a break to break some habits that are destroying me day by day. And, besides, I love kimchi!

Vitamix just delivered. Can't wait to blend up my first concoction!

[Callan]

That's amazing! I've always wanted to teach in Japan, or another Asian country. How exciting... I hope you keep us posted on that, too!

[apreston]

I found out recently that Elisabeth Prueitt, owner/pastry chef of Tartine Bakery in San Francisco, has not tolerated gluten for years. She must just do everything by look and feel, it's kind of amazing. Good luck to you in your Whole 30!

[Terez]

Nuwanda, I really like how you're looking at your work meal as Soup (not a smoothie)! That's brilliant. When my CSA shares start showing up in March, I think I'm going to have to do the same in order to consume it all. I'll be past my Whole30 by then but I won't be juicing them (will be keeping all the fiber) and I won't be making smoothies. Calling it Soup is perfect. And, hey, maybe I'll add bone stock!

Terez

[kb0426]

I also am guilty of feeding the addiction of others, and hope some day to even open a bakery. My goal is to add gluten-free and paleo-fied treats to the selections as well. As long as everyone that purchases understands that these are treats and not "diet" food!

Now, I am going to say something about your un-smoothie with a veggie base. First, I am NOT judging you. I do want you to at least have the knowledge that a. This is essentially a "pre-digested" food. As such, it will be quickly absorbed into your system, leaving you hungry much sooner than had you chewed and had to digest. b. It does not contain any protein. c. Sipping on it throughout your shift would essentially be grazing which is going to do nothing to improve your hormone response.

I understand your frenzied environment, but you also must understand that you are short-changing yourself and will not reap the true benefits of the whole30 by drinking your food and ignoring the food template.

A little tough love there, but darn it, I want everyone to feel the true magic!

[MJam]

I also am guilty of feeding the addiction of others, and hope some day to even open a bakery. My goal is to add gluten-free and paleo-fied treats to the selections as well. As long as everyone that purchases understands that these are treats and not "diet" food!

Now, I am going to say something about your un-smoothie with a veggie base. First, I am NOT judging you. I do want you to at least have the knowledge that a. This is essentially a "pre-digested" food. As such, it will be quickly absorbed into your system, leaving you hungry much sooner than had you chewed and had to digest. b. It does not contain any protein. c. Sipping on it throughout your shift would essentially be grazing which is going to do nothing to improve your hormone response.

I understand your frenzied environment, but you also must understand that you are short-changing yourself and will not reap the true benefits of the whole30 by drinking your food and ignoring the food template.

A little tough love there, but darn it, I want everyone to feel the true magic!

Classy as always KB! She nailed it right on about the smoothie

[TheNameIsNuwanda]

Nuwanda, I really like how you're looking at your work meal as Soup (not a smoothie)! That's brilliant. When my CSA shares start showing up in March, I think I'm going to have to do the same in order to consume it all. I'll be past my Whole30 by then but I won't be juicing them (will be keeping all the fiber) and I won't be making smoothies. Calling it Soup is perfect. And, hey, maybe I'll add bone stock!

Terez

Hey and thanks, Terez! A suppose a smoothie by any other name wouldn't taste as sweet... Ha!

Enjoy your CSA. I love farmers and have considered that as a future career as well. Not ruling it out, either. Plenty of life left to live.

[Terez]

This is essentially a "pre-digested" food. As such, it will be quickly absorbed into your system, leaving you hungry much sooner than had you chewed and had to digest. b. It does not contain any protein. c. Sipping on it throughout your shift would essentially be grazing which is going to do nothing to improve your hormone response.

Hm. Now that you're saying that, I'm remembering those points from the book.

So what would improve Nuwanda's plan? Making it literally be a soup (with a nutritious liquid base plus chunks of vegetables and meat) and then consuming it within a set timeframe (15 mins?) as a meal rather than sipping it over the course of her shift?

Many days I have a meal of bone broth with a few eggs swirled in it (egg drop soup style) plus chopped vegetables or shredded greens added and cooked in the liquid. (Well, I do it the other way, cook the vegetables then swirl the eggs in at the end.)

This seems easily portable and the vegetables are not "pre-digested" although I do chop them small enough that I can eat them with my soup spoon. I imagine it would work to sip the soup with a straw then use a spoon or fork to eat the vegetables.

Just typing out loud here...

[Aberrantatavia]

The soup concept is interesting. I have a hard time with the really early morning nourishment, I'll have to think about this

[TheNameIsNuwanda]

I also am guilty of feeding the addiction of others, and hope some day to even open a bakery. My goal is to add gluten-free and paleo-fied treats to the selections as well. As long as everyone that purchases understands that these are treats and not "diet" food!

Now, I am going to say something about your un-smoothie with a veggie base. First, I am NOT judging you. I do want you to at least have the knowledge that a. This is essentially a "pre-digested" food. As such, it will be quickly absorbed into your system, leaving you hungry much sooner than had you chewed and had to digest. b. It does not contain any protein. c. Sipping on it throughout your shift would essentially be grazing which is going to do nothing to improve your hormone response.

I understand your frenzied environment, but you also must understand that you are short-changing yourself and will not reap the true benefits of the whole30 by drinking your food and ignoring the food template.

A little tough love there, but darn it, I want everyone to feel the true magic!

I do appreciate the tough love, KB and MJ. I knew I was going to rustle some feathers by announcing that I intend to drink some calories. However, unregimented as it may be, I am merely attempting to hack a solution to my poor habits. Perhaps it is not everyone's best solution. Perhaps it is not even the correct solution. I'm simply trying to solve a problem that exists. Yes, the best solution is to not eat the f'king Pear Hazelnut scone, the broken pistachio macaron, the trim of the oatmeal stout cake, the whiskey bonbon that was bloomed. I have the intention to not do those things anymore. I am saying it aloud in my head repeatedly at work, "You are safe, you are whole, you are empowered.... put the f'king chocolate in the garbage."

Saying that an un-smoothie is predigested is a bit false, I believe. Disgestion does begin when you chew the food because your saliva contains certain enzymes used to begin chemically breaking down the cell walls along with the actual chewing. An un-smoothie is certainly "pre-masticated," but not pre-digested. Also, if un-smoothie's are bad, then should I not eat soup? I made roasted cauliflower soup last night with red onion, roasted garlic, sweet potato, coconut aminos and coconut milk, pureeing the whole thing when finished. That is exactly what I would be "eating" at work.

To address your second point, it will contain some protein in the form of whole vegetables, spirulina and sardines. Yep, I'm putting sardines in my un-smoothie. It will also be full of healthy fats, which leave me much more satiated that protein.

Sipping it through the shift would, indeed, be considered grazing. Perhaps this is not the best solution. In contrast, though, it could also benefit a stable blood glucose level, which would keep my hormones in check. The amount of fiber, protein and fat in my un-smoothie will be comparable to a ketogenic meal. This is something I intend to tweak over time. I could also give myself a window of 30 minutes to digest the entire drink. My other option is to not eat at work. This is a viable option, I am simply predicting a blood-sugar drop, which will cause my brain and body to stop functioning at their highest ability. Then I would be stuck eating when I get home, which is after midnight.

I do appreciate the comments, as they exhibit a sincere concern for my journey through my own Whole30. Thanks, ladies. Rock on with your Grok on!

[MJam]

Of course you are free to do as you want but do know that you are indeed thumbing your nose to Melissa and Dallas' program AND more importantly, your use of a smoothie, un-smoothie whatever you want to call it might prompt others to think that this is practice is ok and acceptable.

[Renee Lee]

Just popping in to give Melissa's take on a similar instance of, "i'm drinking smoothies" here on the boards:

Here's the thing (and this is an interesting discussion)... there are Whole30 "rules," which are strict, clearly outlined, and very well defined. No grains - and here are all the things we consider grains. No dairy - and here are all the dairy items excluded. No Paleo-fied food choices, and here's what those look like.

Then, there are Whole30 suggestions for success. They're not part of the official rules, but they're things that we've seen really help (or harm) people as they move through the program. Fruit smoothies for breakfast - not a good idea. Skipping breakfast - not a good idea. Eating every two hours, all day - not a good idea. These things won't necessarily affect your Whole30 results (although they might), but if we can give you additional suggestions that will make your transition and your program easier and more effective, we're going to give them to you.

Of course, you're all big boys and girls, and you can choose to modify the program in any way you wish - including ignoring our well-intentioned suggestions for success. You won't get any judgment or scorn from us if you choose to indulge in smoothies, keep eating your almond flour pancakes, or step on the scale once a week - but if you complain that the program didn't work for you, we'll not be shy about telling you why.

So, are smoothies the worst thing you could eat? Of course not. Might they be a healthy addition to an already healthy Whole30 program (like if you use them to get in extra veggies, on top of the ones you're already eating)? Sure thing. But in our experience, in general, liquid food is never your healthiest option, and that's the best suggestion for success we can give you on the subject.

Appreciate the dialogue here, folks!

Melissa

So, is this ideal? Nope. Would we be the first to encourage you to take the 30 days to try to find 15 minutes for you to just SIT, relax and enjoy your food? Hell yes. (especially as a chef!!!) But are your fish filled smoothies the worst thing out there? Of course not.

The discussion of soup vs. smoothie is a good one, and there isn't a clear cut answer. I'm just going to go all Supreme Court on you guys and say, "I know it when I see it."

[Melissa Urban]

Of course you are free to do as you want but do know that you are indeed thumbing your nose to Melissa and Dallas' program AND more importantly, your use of a smoothie, un-smoothie whatever you want to call it might prompt others to think that this is practice is ok and acceptable.

Well, now, I think this is a little harsh. Regarding the original poster, she's new. She's trying really hard. She listed her rationale, and she's a big girl who can make her own decisions. I spoke my piece (via Renee's quote above), but let's try to be a little more sympathetic and encouraging to new folks. Lord knows I made a TON of mistakes and less than ideal choices along my journey.

Melissa

[Taylor Herman]

Nuwanda, good luck on your journey! I hope your Whole30 experience is everything you want it to be.

[TheNameIsNuwanda]

Wow! OK, so I was thinking about this thread while I was at work and absolutely dreading what I would be coming home to read. This is typical, as I always expect the worst. But my, oh my, what wonderful encouragement you've given me. I am so grateful for the support. I realize that the "un-smoothie" approach isn't ideal. I will likely be able to forgo it most days. Today, for instance, my interview ran late and I didn't have time to puree anything up before work. I stuffed some leftover steak and soup in my face and rushed out the door. That was at 2:00. Here it is after midnight, and you know what? I'm hungry, but I'm not dead. I'll just wait until tomorrow's breakfast.

I would never intentionally thumb my nose at Melissa and Dallas. This is such a wonderful resource they've thoughtfully created where I and many others can draw support from fellow Whole30 folks as well as those who've successfully completed their journey.

To Renée: Thank you for clarifying Melissa's opinion and recommendation regarding smoothies. Thank you, also, for hoping I find those 15 minutes to sit down. Me too!

Melissa: I'm humbled that you chose to contribute here. Thank you for such kind words. Again, I'm grateful for what you've done here at Whole9.

[SarahEmily]

Good on you!!! I would find it very hard to do a whole30 surrounded by food I wasn't allowed!!

[DVeep]

Dear Nuwanda,

I am by no means an expert, but I have been reading extensively about nutrition, vegetarianism, veganism, paleo, and so forth, and have tried all of these lifestyles. I function best on the paleo lifestyle, and I thrive on the Whole 30 because it gives me clear boundaries.

Regarding smoothies: One book I am also reading right now is about the GAPS diet, which tackles healing the gut. If a person is dealing with a permeable gut lining, then bone broths and actually juiced veggies, can help with digestion prior to a meal. I am guessing that if your choice is between not eating in the morning or making a smoothie, then the smoothie is the better choice. However, if you can start your day with eating the sardines (protein), better yet.

While you might stabilize your blood sugar by grazing, you may also stress your pancreas, by not giving it time to rest in between meals. I have the best performance in my day by getting up and drinking a glass of water or mineral water (room temperature) right away (I keep a water bottle by my bed), then eating a solid meal#1 before leaving the house, and my meal#2 within 5 hours of my first meal.

Good luck with your challenges - it can't be easy. Bravo for you trying to make it all work. Best wishes!

[TheNameIsNuwanda]

Thanks, DVeep! I am grateful for your encouragement.

I usually wake up, have a big glass of ice water, then 1 coffee while I make breakfast (I used to skip this and only eat the junk at work). So, I was eating so much sugar that I would come home bloated and exhausted only to wake up the next day and not feel very hungry because I made myself so sick the day before. Rinse, wash, repeat. That was my habit. No telling the damage that was doing to my poor liver and pancreas.

[TheNameIsNuwanda]

Yesterday went well. It was easier than I thought to say "no, thanks" to everyone's resquest that I taste something. My colleague in pastry was producing 3 desserts for a 12-course tasting menu developed for a VIP dining last night. He wanted me to taste everything he had created for the evening. Carbonated plums, Golden raisin glaze, caramalized chocolate gel, etc. After he offered multiple things, I confessed that I wasn't going to eat sugar this month (I decided to simplify the list... sugar pretty much destroys anything on our station I could eat). He replied with an exasperated "WHY???" I decided to tell him I needed to reset my palate due to overconsumption as of late. This is true, but only one of 100 reasons. And, it was no big deal. He'll continue to offer me tastes, I know, but after refusing it once, it becomes easier afterward. My other colleague wanted me to taste the nutmeg ice cream base to make sure the seasoning was correct. I told him I was congested and couldn't taste much (however he was suffering from from a REAL head cold). I told him I used one whole piece of nutmeg when I made the last batch, so if he used that much it should be fine.

Our AM menu changes tomorrow, then the PM menu changes Monday. Luckily our restaurant is a little less busy after the holidays. These are times I know the stress coupled with constant temptation will be high. I feel bad throwing away food. If I can begin thinking of it as toxic, it will be easier.

Today's breakfast: bacon, eggs, maitake mushrooms

Lunch: roasted cauliflower soup, wild salmon

Dinner: gigantic salad **

Beverages: water, coffee, tea

** I intend to take those 15 minutes to go eat a salad at work tonight. I think it will be possible today becasuse I busted my butt yesterday to put the station in a good place for myself tonight.

One last thing, I've decided to go with a different recruiter for my job search in Korea. This may mean my departure date could be as soon as March! "It's all happening!"

[kb0426]

I am not currently whole30. Can I be the taste tester?

You did touch on something that I wanted to ask you about. I know when I bake my standard, not to be interpreted as average , chocolate chip cookie, I can bypass a "quality" check. But if I am making a recipe for the first time or want to "tweak" it, how could I do that if trying to stay away from sugar? Seriously, I think about this if I were to open a bakery. There are recipes you can do blindfolded and KNOW they will be good, but the others? How DO you do it?

Of course, I know my cream cheese frosting is divine, but always seem to "need" a quality control taste there too.

Anyways, kudos to you for staying the course when faced with so many obstacles!

[Renee Lee]

I am not currently whole30. Can I be the taste tester?

You did touch on something that I wanted to ask you about. I know when I bake my standard, not to be interpreted as average , chocolate chip cookie, I can bypass a "quality" check. But if I am making a recipe for the first time or want to "tweak" it, how could I do that if trying to stay away from sugar? Seriously, I think about this if I were to open a bakery. There are recipes you can do blindfolded and KNOW they will be good, but the others? How DO you do it?

Of course, I know my cream cheese frosting is divine, but always seem to "need" a quality control taste there too.

Anyways, kudos to you for staying the course when faced with so many obstacles!

ugh, a good cream cheese frosting is the best thing ever.

[Renee Lee]

I am not currently whole30. Can I be the taste tester?

You did touch on something that I wanted to ask you about. I know when I bake my standard, not to be interpreted as average , chocolate chip cookie, I can bypass a "quality" check. But if I am making a recipe for the first time or want to "tweak" it, how could I do that if trying to stay away from sugar? Seriously, I think about this if I were to open a bakery. There are recipes you can do blindfolded and KNOW they will be good, but the others? How DO you do it?

Of course, I know my cream cheese frosting is divine, but always seem to "need" a quality control taste there too.

Anyways, kudos to you for staying the course when faced with so many obstacles!

Oh, and kb, the answer is you don't/can't. Either you have coworkers or friends/family whose palettes you trust around you like Nuwanda above does, or you have to have beaten back the sugar demon enough that those quick tastes aren't going to be triggers. Sugar in the doses you're talking about (licking a spoon) to make sure your flavors are balanced in a new recipe are not going to kill you, or set back your health in any meaningful way over the course of your life.

If you start a gluten-filled bakery and you are gluten intolerant, THEN you have a problem...but this is where Whole9 living differs and veers off from squeaky clean W30 protocols. What you're talking about is NOT possible on the W30, but is IS possible as part of a sustainable, sane, W9 life.

[heathera]

I tend to agree about the part on finding 15 mintues during your shift to eat...chew...etc. I know it is hard to do that in a restaraunt...but hard doesn't mean impossible...I'm sure you can get more creative than a smoothie (even a sardine smoothie...ugh...stomach turning & I like sardines)...

How about some snack bags packed with stuff that is easily transported? boiled eggs/pre-cooked sweet potato/olives/coconut?

The only limit is your own imagination...

Good Luck!