Like an Onion

[Brewer5]

Thanks, @BabyBear ~ I had a new Day 1 today ... let's see how far I can go this time.

One day of derailment really doesn't have to turn into weeks or months.  I like that I was able to correct the course today pretty effortlessly.  I've had enough small wins over the past few weeks ... it's motivated me to keep going forward, because I sure as hell don't want to go back.

[BabyBear]

Yes!!! That’s one of the greatest NSV and a huge step forward to the mindset of Freedom

[Brewer5]

Yesterday was Day 2 and I'm counting it.  

We stopped at Burger King last night on our way home from puppy class, and I got 2 Whopper patties just with tomato, onion, lettuce.  Came home and put Tessamae's ranch on it, and ate the whole thing in a bowl with a fork.  Ate an "ok" amount of pistachios, and promptly passed out on the couch.

I woke up this morning googling to see what BK might use on/in their burger patties that is not approved.  But you know what?  I'm over it.  If anyone knows, and wants to call me out -- great!  (Said seriously, not sarcastically).  Otherwise, I'm moving on with my life.  I have too many other things to do, and it just isn't that important to me.

This is probably another huge, glaring reason I have said in the past I wouldn't do another Whole 30.  I don't need that careful, reintroduction stage to convince me that all of the things eliminated are not good for me.  I already know it.  Agree with it.  And I believe that some combination of Whole 30 foods is the best way for me to eat for life.  

BUT.  I do not want to go from one extreme to the other:  "anything goes" ----> "Good Lord, I can't eat anything from a drive-through, ever".

Yep.  Sometimes we're a drive-through family.  That's my reality, and I don't see it changing anytime soon.

But we have come SO far in the past month or so.  Someday, I will share the ridiculous amount of money we were spending on restaurants and crappy food in general.  So I'm not throwing the baby out with the bath water here.  Yesterday was Day 2.  And life went on.  And it was good.  

[Brewer5]

Day 3 yesterday ... and I stepped back into the world of nursing for the first time in two months.  

I only took a 4-hour shift, and that was good ~ because of course it turned into five, which would have easily been nine if I hadn't put my foot down.  My relief didn't show up at all ... and I don't really care where the confusion and blame lies in their staffing process ... it does NOT lie with me ~ and I needed to get out of there.

There was a fleeting thought on my way home:  "...screw it, Asian Kitchen is RIGHT THERE, and they have that hot food ready to go, just waiting on me..."

Then I texted my husband and asked if there was any steak left.  MAN, we figured out you really can make a killer steak in the air fryer -- in no time at all!  It's amazing.  One of the little joys in life.  

Steak, lots of steak, with lots of ghee and salt.  Pistachios.  Compliant.  Good enough.  Done.

[littleg]

 

 

 

[Brewer5]

Day 4 yesterday was as far as I made it this time.    

I think a big layer of this onion is simply not planning ahead.  I'm not going to make a bunch of excuses ... "I'm busy, blah, blah, blah"...  

Yeah.  We're all busy.  It's called life.

My boss texted me today and said she was getting Taco Bell for lunch, did I want anything?  And I said sure, I'll take a chicken power bowl.  Because all I had with me to last until dinnertime was black coffee, sparkling water, and freaking Larabars.  Today's layer of this onion was not social plans/pressure.  She did not care whether I ate Taco Bell or not, she was just being nice and offering.

It really bothers me to say this about myself ... but have I just gotten lazy?  In the food department - yes, I think so.  

I've always been happiest keeping it simple.  I really don't have any need or desire for elaborate recipes.  I can eat the same things over and over for days or weeks, and it's fine.  But this is different.  I'm not even managing to consistently get a decent amount of meat 2-3x day, and for me this is a red flag.

I don't believe that anyone is just "lazy".  It's a symptom of not feeling good.  There are several things working against me right now:  #1 by far is WINTER.  I don't have words to describe how much I hate how I feel in the wintertime ... like a different person.  Lack of sunlight, circadian rhythm all thrown off, and lack of sleep -- these are all stressors.  Then add in the general stress of daily life.  Stress at work, stress at home ... financial stress, kid stress, husband stress, dog stress, nutrition stress.  Lol.  Did I mention stress?  

But tomorrow is a new day.  And I'm a big girl ~ not a whine-ass.  So I will keep on keeping on.

[Brewer5]

I'm going to re-group for a bit.  I want to thank those who've joined in and offered me support along the way.  There are some problems with the way I've been "doing" Whole 30 ... that is to say:  Whole 30 foods can be problematic for me.  Many of them.

I know this, and yet -- when I put myself into these quite limiting parameters, I tend to gravitate toward things that I know I don't really benefit me.  Pistachios and Larabars are glaring examples.  It's bad and I know it, yet I keep on doing it.  {Deep sigh}.

Tonight I wanted wine, and that's a whole new layer.  Wine and I have been around the block a time or two.

I'm pretty sure I'll be back.   ...Did I mention winter sucks?  It really does.

[BabyBear]

You will be missed

[Brewer5]

@BabyBear ... I will stay.  Sometimes it's hard to convey real human emotion through the interwebs ~ but you did it.  Thank you.

As I woke up this morning to all of the telltale hangover sensations, which I have not experienced in over a year ... I had already thought to myself, "Well, THIS clearly isn't the right path."

And that's the thing.  My imperfect (pistachios, Larabars) or half-assed (Whole 8, Whole 4) Whole 30 eating has still brought me so much progress.  I could make a list of my personal successes here, but I'll save that for another day.

So when I said I needed to re-group:  

1) I was drinking wine, and wanted to continue drinking wine.  Lol.  I'll own it.

and

2) I know that I really need to get back to my low-FODMAP Whole 30 eating.  

So the first reason already took care of itself.  The second one requires some work.  I will now go make a grocery list, and I will make myself go to the store today.

And life will go on.  And it will be good.   

[BabyBear]

Yay!   

have you read Food Freedom?  I’ve been reading it and if you haven’t you may very well benefit from the part where it talks about designing your own reset if the whole 30 doesn’t seem to suit you.  It’s very in depth on how to go about it.  I thought about you this morning while I was reading and came to post on here in hopes that just maybe you would check it.  And look you are already back.   

I had to challenge myself at the beginning not to focus on what I couldn’t have but rather on all the new delicious recipes that were waiting for me to discover them.  This mindset has helped me immensely.  I could not rid my house of my kryptonite because of the kids and the hubby.  I couldn’t “punish” them just because of my own struggles.  I also decided if this was going to be a lifelong change toward my health and betterment then realistically I had to learn how to make these changes  with the kryptonite in easy reach.  Ha all that to say I truly believe this is way more mental than a physical struggle.  So I challenge you to spend 5-10 minutes first thing in the morning reframing your mindset and deciding what you really want for that day, and then using that as an anchor for the rest of your day.  It seems silly.  It did to me, but it really does help.  

Im so glad you are back! Truly I am!

[Brewer5]

Thanks @BabyBear ~ no, I have not read Food Freedom.  I didn't even know about it.  I've been out of the Whole 30 loop for some time.

This really, really is like an onion for me with so many layers ... and, as I'm trying to get back to "A Whole 30" (which, to be honest, I'm not sure is ever actually going to happen) -- I am remembering a lot of reasons why Whole 30 food can get so complicated/frustrating for me.

I have solidly nailed down that I feel much better sticking with low-FODMAP foods.  Then, you can get into the specifics of that -- perhaps I have a problem with polyols, but not some of the others, for example -- but that picking apart, observing and documenting, I have not done.

I finally learned about histamine intolerance in the past couple of years, and man ... that was a lightbulb moment.  So may dots were suddenly connected for me.  I now have zero doubt that this is an issue for me, as well.  It's a tricky one ... and I've done a lot of research on it.

So there are many things that are allowed on a Whole 30, that are just not okay for me.  They just aren't.  

An example:

I'm not 100% sure if V-8 juice is okay or not, but I bought some cute little cans at Aldi yesterday, and thought it would be fun.  I grew up on V-8 and I hadn't had it for a very  long time.  I grabbed one today and took it to work with me (I know, great lunch ... but that's not the point) and I had a histamine reaction like I have not had since I don't know when.  Months, at least.  My chin was itchy after drinking it, and I had a few hives on my jawline.  This lasted for hours.  I won't be drinking V-8 again.

Anyway ~ I appreciate the book suggestion.  I'm falling asleep typing this, so I'll check back in some other time.  

[BabyBear]

Wow yes sounds like you are in need of designing your own reset to really determine the foods giving you such issues.   Definitely check out the food freedom book as it teaches you how to create your own reset of if the whole 30 doesn’t work for you and your dietary needs.  It even has a section on doing a reset with low FODMAP foods

[Brewer5]

Day 1 again.

Coffee, sausage, eggs, potatoes, larabar, potato w/ ghee & Tessemae's caesar, Great Value W30 chicken curry meal of some kind, larabar.

Great Value Whole 30 meals ... are you freaking kidding me?!

I recently found out they existed - but had not yet been to Walmart - well, you know ... because Walmart is SO much fun.  My husband and I had to go there tonight to return the expired Epic jerky they so kindly shipped me.  "Now is the time to check out those meals", I said to myself.

They had seven varieties and I got one of each.  Yes, they are $4.98 ~ and yes, they are 100% worth it to me. Came home, unloaded groceries, popped one in the microwave for 4.5 minutes, sat down and enjoyed.  Yes, I do know all about the dangers of microwaving.  I just don't care at this point.   

It was a good day.

[Brewer5]

Day 2 yesterday ... there was a distinct pattern:

Coffee, larabar, W30 meal, larabar, W30 meal ... lol ... I like those frozen W30 meals ... 

In the evening, I had that feeling of, "I want to eat something really stupid" ~ but I couldn't even name what it was.  I just went through a really stupid phase during the holidays.  I ate all of the stupid things.  There wasn't even one thing in this town that sounded "worth it" to me.

So the lightbulb came on, and I ate a lot of potato with ghee and Tessemae's caesar dressing.  That took care of that feeling.

I'm staying up too late at night ... this onion still has a lot of peeling & examining work left to do.  So I ate another larabar ridiculously late.  Passed out, and woke up this morning feeling hungover.  Not exactly like hungover from alcohol ~ but it was my classic "food hangover' feeling, for sure.

As I sat down and got ready to type this, I realized I chewed some gum yesterday that isn't W30-approved.  Well, in this instance, I'm going to say, "shit happens" ... and I'm going to keep on keeping on.  I was about to have my face in the veterinarian's face, and my mouth felt pretty gross.

We all have to make choices, all day long, each and every day.  Some of mine have been good, and some of them have not.  But you know what?  I'm stacking up WAY more in my good column than I was before I came back here.  That's called progress ~ and I'll take it.

I hope anyone reading has a glorious day.  I plan to.  

[Emma]

On 12/28/2019 at 5:58 AM, Brewer5 said:

Are you kidding me?  I haven't looked around the forums lately, but if anyone out there is saying it is too much work -- I would be giving the whole, "We walked barefoot in the snow to school, five miles each way, and it was ALL uphill" speech.  ...It's probably best if I stay here and don't look.  Lol.

Laughing - Oh my goodness - It was SO hard and time-consuming. We DID walk uphill the ENTIRE way!!! I remember trying to learn how to peel a butternut squash. Craziness. And now it's all right there at the local store!!!  I did just write that Whole30 is hard on my own post and I heard the words from the book saying, "This is not hard" and then I read your post. Ugh. No, it's not hard like really hard things and it's certainly not as time-consuming as it was in the old days, but....until I successfully get on this horse and get moving....it's a bit nebulous. Do you know some restaurants even have Whole30 options!!! It is really pretty cool how much some things have changed.

[BabyBear]

Keep on trucking and I’m with you on not stressing over the gum.   My chiropractor once told me it’s not the one piece of cake that will kill you it is the accumulation of all the things all the time over time, but it does all start with the “one little bite won’t hurt me”.  Put the piling of info better choices in the NSV list for sure!

[Brewer5]

Day 3 ... coffee, larabar, epic chicken bits, raw cashews & macadamia nuts, TWO W30 meals when I got home from work , plus potato with ghee & Tessemae's caesar again, then another freaking larabar.  

Yes, that's three larabars in a day.  And no, I am not denying the possibility of having another one late at night tonight.  Yes, I'm aware they are not even close to a real meal, and that this is not good structure.

What I really want to talk about, however, is how the NUTS made me feel at work today.  I need to make note of this here, while it is fresh in my mind.  Not only did they send my guts rumbling all about ... I also began to feel anxious, and perhaps even a little short of breath.  All of this, I could have done without ~ and I wasn't remotely feeling prior to eating the nuts.  It was uncomfortable enough that I won't ever eat them at work again. 

I've made mental notes about this in the past, when I was on a cashew kick.  I realized at some point in nursing school / during my first year of nursing that eating cashews in the mornings was making me feel MORE anxious.  I was better off not eating anything at all.

I also had a more recent anxiety experience (at my zero-stress office job) after eating a P3 pack:  turkey, cheese, almonds.  I knew at the time that it HAD to be the almonds.  I can eat meat and cheese all day long and not feel like that.  It was bad enough that I haven't touched a P3 since.

So.  Pistachios I've already cut because they are very "food without brakes" for me.  Now I'm leaning toward all nuts possibly having to go.  That's not a big shocker.  It's a layer I've discovered numerous times in the past.  I think the question is:  What made me think it might be different this time around?

[Brewer5]

So I'm a big spreadsheet nerd ... I like data.

Now that January is over, and the numbers are all crunched ~ I can report this NSV: 

Over the previous 6 months (July-December) on average, we spent 44% of our food money at restaurants.

In January, it was down to 20%.

We didn't really spend less money -- but it wasn't more -- and I can guarantee the quality of nutrition was up for all of us.  I've said it here in the past, and I'll say it again ... I really am the leader, whether I want to be or not.  When I'm in a slump ~ the whole family starts sliding on that slippery slope.  

...No pressure or anything...   

[Amy_Michigan]

On 1/24/2020 at 11:30 PM, Brewer5 said:

I don't believe that anyone is just "lazy".  It's a symptom of not feeling good.  There are several things working against me right now:  #1 by far is WINTER.  I don't have words to describe how much I hate how I feel in the wintertime ... like a different person.  Lack of sunlight, circadian rhythm all thrown off, and lack of sleep -- these are all stressors.  Then add in the general stress of daily life.  Stress at work, stress at home ... financial stress, kid stress, husband stress, dog stress, nutrition stress.  Lol.  Did I mention stress?  

But tomorrow is a new day.  And I'm a big girl ~ not a whine-ass.  So I will keep on keeping on.

I feel like I could have written this entire post except I don't have any dogs (I want one but my husband says 2 kids are enough for us, lol).  I'm having a horrible time this winter where I have absolutely no energy to do anything most of the time and it's affecting my work negatively as well.  I'm a totally different person in the summer when there is more sunshine.  So I just wanted to say I'm here with you, totally relate to everything... I saw my doctor about if I have seasonal affective disorder, but she told me the only way to help me is refer a therapist or go on pills.  I can't do a UV light because of my autoimmune issues. I constantly think, how can I do this myself without pills, but I end up just taking it day by day.  Hoping for increased energy with healthier foods and some weight off my body.

[Brewer5]

@Amy_Michigan  ~ I am sorry to hear you are affected by SAD, as well.  I think it took me many years to realize that's what was going on ... to be able to see the pattern.  Once I recognized it, put a name to it ... well, in some ways it is better because I know it's going to happen and I know it will go away ... and on the other hand, it makes me depressed and angry to know it is coming, and sometimes it makes me really bitter to live where I live.  My husband has been feeling it these past few years, also, and we have (many times) discussed moving further south, because the quality of life would be so much better for all of us.

I have not heard of the connection between UV light and autoimmune issues ... or, if it was mentioned somewhere along the line in nursing school, I have forgotten.  I will do some googling about that one of these days, because I'm a curious person, and I don't like not knowing what I'm talking about.  And because hearing that makes me sad for you ... I hope you don't mean that you can't go out in the sun at all.  That is one of nature's most powerful gifts.

[Amy_Michigan]

2 hours ago, Brewer5 said:

I have not heard of the connection between UV light and autoimmune issues ... 

Since you were wondering, the UV light issue I have is lupus (SLE).  I’m supposed to avoid sun exposure like a vampire or risk a flare.  I get those sun protection rated long sleeve shirts for the summer and try to remember sunscreen everyday but I am bad at it.  My rheumatologist recommended not doing UV light therapy for SAD.  ☹️  Also, it seems like a bad idea to take sunny vacation or move to the south, but every day I just have to think in terms of risks vs rewards.  I probably would move if my depression was a lot worse.  Right now it’s just hard to show good work ethic and keep my job, but I’m trying my best!  It’s all anyone can do and I’m lucky that I am not suffering any lupus symptoms since starting medication (plaquenil) for it.  I’m in pretty good health besides this focus-killing mild depression.

[Brewer5]

@Amy_Michigan ~ thank you for sharing your story.  I certainly wasn't trying to dig ... but since you were forthcoming with information, it helped direct my searches.  And I do understand much better now.

I am really glad to hear that the plaquenil has been so successful in treating your symptoms.  That's great news.  AND, we learned in school about so many drugs that increase photosensitivity, so I wondered about that ~ but I was happy to read that plaquenil actually has the opposite effect ~ it is somewhat protective against the effects of UV radiation.  So that's pretty awesome.

I'm glad you stopped in, and I hope you are feeling better soon.  Is this your first Whole 30?  I'm sorry, I really haven't ventured outside of my own little onion here.

[Brewer5]

Day 4 was a breeze ... but I'm not getting cocky about it.  I'm well aware that I am at that point in my cycle where I feel my best.  

My husband and I had a brief talk today about this ... okay, I might have been a little crazy-pants with PMS this month.  It's hard to see when you're in it ... and so help me, if he had mentioned it at the time, I probably would have left his ass!  

Anyway -- we went to Walmart again, so I could stock up on those frozen meals.  Man, those make life so much easier.  It's like having a personal W30 chef -- what the heck!  I will be much, much more likely to stick with the program if I know I can throw one of those in the microwave and have a hearty meal in ~5 minutes.  It has completely removed the excuses of not having the time/energy to cook, not wanting to think about food so much, etc.

[Emma]

10 hours ago, Brewer5 said:

We didn't really spend less money -- but it wasn't more -- and I can guarantee the quality of nutrition was up for all of us.  I've said it here in the past, and I'll say it again ... I really am the leader, whether I want to be or not.  When I'm in a slump ~ the whole family starts sliding on that slippery slope.  

...No pressure or anything...   

That money thing is pretty powerful. I don't like to look at my spending at all, but I know my credit card statement must look so much different the last month when I started eating all things crappy again. Of course, eating healthy costs quite a bit, but it's all at the grocery store instead of eating out.

And the family leader thing - oh my - same goes here. My kids eat better when I do. My family is just mentally healthier when I'm healthier. Yeah...no pressure. Haha.

I have no desire to run errands tomorrow, but I think I might pop by Walmart and check out those frozen meals. I don't really want them, but it sure is good to have things at home and work that I can just have as a backup or during a moment when I'm feeling off.

Congratulations on your Day 4!

[Amy_Michigan]

Sounds like a good plan not to get all obsessive over food because that can get stressful... To answer your question above, it isn't my first whole30 (I think my first one was 2014) and this might be my 3rd serious attempt.   Honestly, I find it gets harder every time I do it instead of easier because it always seems like I'm the most motivated when I have that first-time excitment.  I have had probably 4 or 5 attempts between 2014-2019 but I dont think I was using this forum...it's really hard to do a whole30 on your own without support.

Anyway, I'm with Emma...totally going to steal your frozen whole30 meal idea for a backup option.  Just last night I was like...the only thing I have in the whole house I can eat for dinner is tuna and it was sad.  lol