Very hungry mommy 1st Time whole 30 Jan 2020


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Ta dah! Welcome to day one.  I wasn’t able to do much prep or grocery shopping as I was waiting on delayed payments due to Holidays.  It was tempting to push back my date, NO! I’m doing this and I can struggle through a few days before grocery shopping.

I did use a gift card from a Christmas party to order some compliant sauces and coconut aminos on amazon.  I live in a small town with one major grocery store although they have a lot more foods than I expected there is still a lot of foods they don’t have.  

9:00 am I got to sleep in! Yay! We stayed up late watching movies so the extra sleep was nice.  Fed the baby and got him settled so I could do a 45 min yoga workout.  Hubby had to go out and he brought home biscuits and hash rounds for the big boys and himself.  I politely declined as I started Breakfast/meal 1.  I tossed a couple frozen chicken breast in the pressure cooker and some broccoli and carrots on the stove.  Nothing fancy, but hey it’s food.

11:30 M1: cut off a portion of chicken breast and served it up with a plate of broccoli and carrots with some ghee.

I plated another portion of chicken breast with the rest of the broccoli and carrots to eat for another meal

shredded the remaining chicken to use as chicken salad, bbq chicken, etc for the next few days.  I also grabbed some venison steaks out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. 

I napped while the baby napped, and now I need to clean my kitchen and go pick up eggs from my brother.  My nephew raises chickens and graciously hooks me up with eggs!  I’m not a big fan of eggs, but fresh eggs are tolerable and a quick protein.  

 

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This is resonated with my soul this morning after my morning quiet time.  They say the bravest thing is for an addict to take the first steps to recovery.  Food is my drug of choice, and I am nec

RI Day 14 (2/13)  6:00 get up potty baby and find out schools in the area are closed due to flooding.  It took over an hour to get a definitive answer regarding our tutorial day.  Anyways they de

It’s Day 14, two weeks compliant and that is saying something! 7:55 rise and shine. Lots and lots to do today.  Got everyone up and started food prep.  1st up sweet potato mini quiche.  I scored

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Day 2

it felt good to cross off Day 1 this morning!  

8:00 rise not so much shine!  Got the baby up pottied dressed and fed.  Once I had him settled into his playtime it was time for my workout

9:00 45 min total - 15 min restorative yoga for my shoulder 30 min post natal over all body workout.  My 1st Time being able to complete with minor modifications.  I was nasty when I was done... so shower time

10:45 M1: 3 eggs fried in coconut oil, 1/2 pomegranate, and 1/2 a cucumber.  

I’ve already sucked down two tumblers of water.  Thanks to the workout.  

Its a rainy day! Blah!  But I got a payment in so yay I can go get some whole 30 meal supplies.  

Some ideas for food

Snack ideas and quick fixes

Apples and almond butter

Deli meat lettuce wraps with avocado tomatoes or bell peppers

Egg muffins

Deviled eggs

 

Breakfast ideas

scrambled eggs with bell peppers or spinach and tomatoes avocado

Sweet potato quiche

Steaks and hashbrowns

 

Lunch ideas

chicken salad cucumber boats

Salad with shredded chicken or pork or deviled eggs

Barbecue and potato with broccoli

Sausage potatoes and green beans and Cajun

Lettuce and deli meat roll ups with a salad

Leftovers

 

Dinner ideas

sweet and sour chicken with cauliflower rice

Herb crusted steaks with asparagus and mashed potatoes

Pan fajitas with onions peppers lettuce tomatoes avocado

Sausage and peppers and onions on the salad greens

Pineapple pork with salad and sweet potato

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2:15 M2: Lunch out with the hubby as we were running errands.  He wanted to try a little tiny burger shack in our little tiny town.  I asked about the burgers and prep and determined I could have a plain burger with lettuce and tomatoes no bun.  Everyone in there looked at me like I had three heads, and I was okay with it.  The burger was amazing!  Even without all my usual trimmings.  Plus I very much enjoyed our little lunch date. 

When I arrived home I decided it’s time to try my hand at making mayo.  1st go round was a soupy mess.  So I looked up some YouTube videos and decided to give it another go.  I feel like I got an arm workout just from drizzling the oil.  But hey this time it turned out beautiful!  Yay!  808BC798-C03A-4C13-9661-A2B1FAA1AEC3.thumb.jpeg.df8950eac488ccc69ad3e0ca137c538a.jpeg

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Momma got fancy in the kitchen

7:15 M3 - Herb crusted venison steaks, Garlic rosemary “fries”, and cinnamon grilled pears

Recipes (so I can remember them later because I kind of made these up as I went). 

Herb crusted venison: Venison steaks, Rubbed with brown spicy mustard, And then a blend of rosemary thyme garlic parsley and enough grape seed oil to make a rub

Cook 2 min each side on the grill

 

Grilled cinnamon pears- Halve the pears and scoop out core, Using basting brush apply grape seed oil , Sprinkle with cinnamon

Grill 2 min each side with steaks

 

Rosemary garlic “fries”- Potatoes sliced thick like wedges, Drizzle grape seed oil, Garlic powder, Rosemary , Sea salt 

Mix together in bowl 

Layout in single layer on prepared baking sheet with parchment paper

Bake at 425 for 35 minutes

Even my very picky 13 yr old son loved dinner tonight.  He asked for another pear (I only made one extra for my lunch) how could I say No to the boy who only eats pizza and grilled cheese.

#januarywhole30

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Thar looks like an amazing dinner!  I’m adding the cinnamon pears to my list.  Mmmm.  I have a pork tenderloin in the freezer, and I bet they’d make a perfect side dish.   
 

Re Mayo - do you have an immersion blender? There are lots of videos out there on making mayo with one.  So super easy and quick, and makes nice thick & creamy mayo that lasts all week (assuming you don’t go thru it more quickly!).  .  

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Ann unfortunately I do not.  I used my vita mix blender to make the Mayo.  The first go round I had added the 1/4 cup of oil in with the egg and probably didn’t drizzle the rest of the oil slowly enough. After watching a few YouTube videos, I decided to not add any oil in with the egg and added the lemon juice at the beginning as well.  After the egg and lemon was mixed I slowly ever so slowly drizzled the oil.  It took close to five minutes, but it turned out lovely!  Using it for chicken salad today.

The grilled pears were delish!  I had never made them before.  Yes they would be a beautiful complimentary side to a pork dish.  

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6:45 rise and shine.  I have to be out of the house early today for a meeting.  So I’m up extra early to get my exercise and my breakfast in.  Totally not me!

7:00 exercise 30 min post natal yoga on beach body.  I can tell when it’s nearly done, because that’s the point I want to quit.  I made it through with a few minor mods due to my shoulder.   Time to get dressed and get breakfast going and lunch for everyone packed.

 

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7:30 M1 3 eggs with Italian seasoning garlic powder salt and pepper cooked in coconut oil, cucumbers and 1/2 a large naval orange.  

Surprise a knock on the door delivered a beautiful fruit basket from my hubbys Aunt.  There were two non compliant condiments that were put away for later, but the rest was filled with organic apples pears oranges grapefruit along with dried bananas and cranberries.  Such a nice pleasant surprise!  

We got out the door a little late, but the dishes were done!  Several roads were flooded so it took even longer than normal to get to the meeting today.  

There was all sorts of temptations! Pumpkin streusel bread, banana bread, chocolate covered pretzels, waffle cone cookies, shortbread cookies, Hershey kisses, candy canes.... it took a lot of mental focus to not mindlessly grab any of these things.   

I was glad I brought my lunch because the meeting ran long so I just got up and grabbed my lunch out of my hot logic and ate it there in the meeting I’m front of everyone.. hey they were eating cookies and breads and candies in front of me so fair is fair.  Lol

12:15 M2 left over steak and potatoes from last night and 1/2 a cucumber.

it was nearly two when I got home.  I put the baby down for nap and I think I’ll go lay down as well.  My legs are really feeling the effects of yesterday’s workout.  I may have to do the yoga routine one more time tomorrow before I torture er I mean push myself on the whole body work out again.  

Im proud of me for getting up early and taking care of me.  I’m hoping my sauces and coconut aminos make it in today.

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4:15 woke up with baby from nap, and I am ravenous!  I could eat all the things.  OMG dinner time seems so far away.  My hubby said eat! It’s close enough to dinner time you should eat if your hungry.  Wise words from a wise man.

so grabbed the shredded chicken I made earlier this week along with mayo I made, carrot apple celery and a lime.  And made a chicken salad.  I added some salt and pepper and basil and it wasn’t half bad.  

4:45 S1: 1/2c protein chicken salad cucumbers and 1/4 apple sliced.  I topped the cucumbers as if they were crackers with my chicken salad and enjoyed the extra crunch that the cucumbers added.

crushed pineapple would have made the salad scrumptious.  Need to add that to the shopping list.

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7:30 M3 grilled chicken breast and baked potato with ghee.

that hit the spot!  

My legs are getting very stiff.  Soaking them in Epsom salt bath before bed in hopes they loosen up so I can walk tomorrow.  I’m glad to know that little workout did some good, but geesh!

i survived day 3!  Tomorrow will be a good day!

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Confession.... I still haven’t been to the grocery store.  I’ve been doing the whole 30 with what I had in the house.  It’s almost become a game.  However I really really want some salad.  So I’m going shopping today, for real for real this time.

7:30 Baby alarm went off.  Got him on the potty and then fixed his morning drink and got him settled in so I can work out.

7:45 Exercise: Day 5 45 min - Shoulder Repair Yoga 14 min, Restore Repair Yoga 30 min.  I was so sore last night!  I soaked for an hour in an epsom salt bath, which helped some, but I wasn’t sure I could make it through a full workout.  Especially my thighs and knees.  I decided to not loose momentum I would just do the Shoulder repair yoga, as I was setting that up I saw the Restore and Repair Yoga and decided if the shoulder set didn’t do me in I would try that.  It was exactly what I need.  A major focus on stretching especially the hips and legs.  I am glad I did it.  I am proud of me!  

A NSV (non scale victory). I had to tighten my Wahoo Ticker.  I noticed yesterday it felt a little loose.  Well today it wouldn’t sit where it is suppose to at my solar plex to monitor my heart rate.  I thought maybe it came loose, but when I went to tighten it I realized that there was no way it just came loose.  So YAY!  

10:30 M1: 3 eggs with garlic powder basil salt and pepper cooked in coconut oil.  Baked apples tossed in coconut oil and cinnamon.

 

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Day 4 cont

12:30 M2: getting ready to go shopping and I know better than to not eat.  So I’m feeding baby and me even though I had a late breakfast
1c protein salad with chicken (mayo, apple, carrots, celery) 1/2 cucumber, 1/2 naval orange

1:15 baby was in desperate need for a nap, so if I finished my shopping list and then laid down for 45 min.  Got up got baby pottied and diapers in the wash… now to brave the people and go shopping.  

Finally made it out the door just before 4:00pm… 3 stores in 3 hours with the baby, plus My 17 yr old bonus son.  He surprised me by asking if he could tag along, I figured he would want to wander about the store, nope he stuck by my side.  He was pleasant company even though I was very focused on shopping and keeping baby happy.  We ran through Arby’s to get Hubby food.  It smelled good, but I didn’t want any not even tempted.  Not to say I would never want it again, just not today, not now.  When I got home the boys helped to unload, and I worked on cleaning out fridge and putting food away.  Then to prepare dinner.  Phew  shopping always takes a lot out of me.

8:45 M3: Sheet pan venison fajitas.  OH MY! These were good!  I was so excited my coconut aminos came in today so I could make these fajitas.  I wrapped mine up in large lettuce leaves and topped with tomatoes and avocados.  I will admit, I would have loved to have cheese sour cream and taco sauce, but even without those condiments they were rather tasty.  My boys scarfed them down, and I had to threaten them to leave the few leftovers for my lunch alone.  

All in all its been a good day.  My sauces came in so I can try some new recipes with those this week.  I got my shopping done, and even got some canning jars for sauces and bone broth.  I get to cross of another successful day tomorrow.

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Day 5

8:20 - rise and panic! I totally overslept!  Baby had himself half undressed and jumping around like a crazy person in his crib laughing and carrying on.  What a lovely start to my morning!

The scale was left in the middle of the bathroom again. But it’s okay because it lead to an interesting conversation with myself and one of those big ah ha moments.  
Me: wondering what harm could it do if I just peak at the numbers, I really don’t care either way I’m just curious 
Also me: self, really! are you really even contemplating the scale?  I thought this experiment wasn’t about weight loss?  
Me: it’s not
Also me: Self, What does it profit me to step on the scale?  Am I allowing that number to determine my mindset, how I feel about me, how I look and dress?  Why am I so curious and drawn to see the number?  What if I step on it just to see, what then.  If the number is lower than I expect will that loosen my resolve make me think and feel that I have some wiggle room because I’m “ahead”?   What if the number is higher than I expected?  Will I become upset and toss in the towel?  Self you really do not want to step on the scale, this experiment is not about weight loss!  So th at number will not help, it can only do damage.

I manage to get lunch for church ready, and all the dishes washed from cleaning out the fridge last night.  We are late but I’m okay with that.

NSV: my congestion is 99% better this morning.   While getting everything ready to go this morning I had to keep pulling up my jeans, so I went and found my belt to put on.  I’m down two belt holes

Today is a special day for me.  In December I began to practice a water fast on Sundays for spiritual and personal reasons.  I have found I look forward to this time now as a time for me to build my faith but also myself.  This time really helps me put so much of my life into proper perspective.  

It’s been a great day! I enjoyed connecting with friends at church.  The weather was beautiful crisp and cold.  It made for a great training day with my gup.  I’m encouraged because he seems to really be taking things serious now.  I love teaching martial arts.  I so wish I still had a place to practice and teach.  Our training was my workout today, which makes 6 consecutive days.   It was easy but it is the New Covenant Sabbath and I needed the recovery that easy brings.  Food wise I wasn’t tempted nor did I feel deprived. I was comfortable with where I was and why I am doing a fast. I find a lot of my poor choices are muscle memory default.  I had to be very conscientious as I was handing baby his snack during church to keep him still and quiet less I pop one of his crackers in my mouth.  The fast helps me with that conscientious thought.  Water, I drank water throughout the day, but not my 100 oz.    Hunger didn’t really set in until a little after 8 when I started feeling tired.  The hunger felt good.  It made me feel alive and productive.  I’m finishing my day with a hot bubble bath and a hot cup of lemon chia water.   Day 5 was empowering!

 

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Its Day 6 Y’all!  Warning I cried writing some of this!

6:40 up and at em! I have to get My 13 yr old son out the door to his class that is an hour away.  I got me dressed baby up and pottied and dressed.  Helped My 13 DS get his lunch together.  I grabbed a banana and my water for a snack to hold me over the until I get home to make breakfast.  I know it’s not an ideal snack, but I figure it’s better than going to BK and getting a double croissant sandwich which was my custom a few months ago.  

Lol oh me! Hubby called just before I was about to turn on our road and asked if I could go get him a steak biscuit from Hardee’s.  How could I turn him down he sounded so pitiful, gosh darn it I love that man! Of course I would! Thank goodness I ate the banana.  I got his food, and it surprised me that I didn’t have any desire to eat it.  I should mention at that point I was listening to Melissa’s pod cast “Do the thing” and the whole 30 and weight loss  episode was on, and I was crying like a little girl who lost her puppy.   When she started talking about why you shouldn’t remain on the whole 30 if you still have more weight to lose it struck a very deep chord with me.  It finally connected with me that I believe deep down subconsciously that I deserve to be punished for my weight and how that has affected the way I see me and any efforts I make at weight loss,  why even the 12lbs I lost in December (IN DECEMBER) wasn’t enough.  I have been so angry, upset, disgusted  with myself for allowing the weight to pile back on 8 years ago. What I didn’t stop to realize is that it piled back on because of an traumatic injury that broke me physically mentally and emotionally.  I have to heal from that and give myself space and care to overcome the trauma I endured.  Even now the physical injury is not 100% I still deal with nerve issues, strength issues, pain and aching although I have come so far in the physical recovery there is still the reminder.  Even more damaging than the physical was the mental and emotional and until today I don’t think I realized how damaged I was and I have done nothing to heal my mental and emotional.  I have apologized to myself profoundly for being so cold, so mean, so judge mental when what I needed was care, healing and grace.  Wow! I would have never thought a food experiment would lead to all this.  I will definitely be listening to this podcast again to glean more because I kind of got lost in my tears and snot this go around.  

10:30 finally eating breakfast! I heated up some leftover fajita steak and peppers.  Sautéed a large handful of spinach and then scrambled both of those in with two eggs.  I put em in a bowl and topped with tomatoes avocados and some compliant roasted garlic red chili salsa.  It was tasty, so very tasty.  I used my new bamboo utensils my mom bought to make breakfast.  I used the one with Joy,  it says serving up Joy and you know I did just that!  Today is going to be a great day.1B696A8E-492C-44F1-9CDD-7D83D3919C67.thumb.jpeg.f7421b703c89049c82370d2390d9068c.jpeg198A5F1F-35FB-4183-B3E2-7C167F7FD104.thumb.jpeg.1d560ea23281e109e1058c77132d4923.jpeg

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Trying to squeeze to much into to little time is me all of the time, it is typically the reason I’m always late.  Trying to get all the things done and making kabobs in under an hour had us running out the door with a plate of hot kabobs.  Lol my son and I were probably a site chowing down on the kabobs while going to pick up the other son from his class.  We thoroughly enjoyed the Asian kabobs, wow were they delicious and messy

2:30 M2: venison and chicken Asian kabobs with peppers onions and cherry tomatoes.  Did I mention how amazing these were?  

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https://www.wholekitchensink.com/whole30-steak-kabobs/

Monday’s are crazy with all the driving I have to do.  We got back and I just didn’t have the mental aptitude to roast a chicken and get work done.  So I tossed some potatoes in the oven, whipped up my first batch of whole 30 ranch.

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Heated up the shredded chicken I add in the fridge and some whole 30 BBQ sauce.

7:45 M3 - BBQ chicken baked potatoe with ghee and ranch.  Salad greens cherry tomatoes and cucumbers with the ranch.  Yum, this was so good.  I’m shocked how tasty the ranch turned out to be.  Definitely a tasty filling meal with minimal fuss.  

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Oh bother! Now I have a mountain of dishes to climb.  I think I’ll sit for a moment on the couch and visit with the hubby before I go climb that mountain. 

Day 6 has been a good day, a long day, but a god day.  

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37 minutes ago, w30virgo said:

The kebabs and BBQ chicken stuffed potatoes look delicious! Definitely giving me some inspiration for upcoming meal planning.

I enjoy cruising through everyone’s log for this very reason, inspiration.  It’s fun to see the different recipes and combinations of food people are doing.

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5 hours ago, BlueKoala said:

Re the pictures:  do you log into the forum from your phone to upload them?   I love looking at pictures and it seems only fair that I use some, but I'm kinda techno-challenged...

 

Yes I just use my phone.  I work on my computer and the last thing I want to be doing in my “free” time is sitting at a computer.  

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4 hours ago, BlueKoala said:

...also, I really like your cardinal salt-and-pepper shakers. :)

Ah thank you.  I was looking back at my pics and since you said that I’ve noticed they have made into a lot of my pics lately... maybe that should become a thing because they are pretty cute.  

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Day 7 - The Struggle in the Duldrums

 

8:00 awake and baby awake.  I’m just not feeling with it.  Baby is cutting a molar and he is just not feeling it either.  I think part of it is my stomach.  I think I may be blocked up.  I am not hungry, the thought of food makes me want to run and hide.  So I am drinking some lemon water while I try to get my bearings on today.

11:00 S1: Granny Smith Apple and Almond butter.   I am still not hungry but I figured I should put something in my body before I get to point critical and eat all the things.  This was tasty, but I kind of forced it down.  Took 30 minutes to eat an apple.  I did come up with a fix to my pet peeve about natural nut butters… I hate it when all the oil is sitting on the top and the bottom is rock hard and dry when you buy it off a store shelf, it makes a mess trying to mix it back in and then it is gloopy and chunky.  I dumped the whole brand new jar of Almond butter into my VitaMix and blended it for a few seconds, and ta dah, perfectly smooth almond butter.  I spooned it back into its container and now I am a little happy that I have smooth almond butter.  

3:00 M1: Roasted Chicken breast, spooned some of the pan drippings (fat) onto the breast, LO baked cinnamon apples.  I just wasn’t hungry but knew I should eat something.  The chicken had just come out of the oven, and can I just say how amazing chicken skin is.  Lol. Why would anyone opt to take off the skin and eat sugary condiments instead.  I only ate the skin on the piece I cut off for me… but I won’t say I wasn’t tempted to eat all the skin!  

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For not feeling like myself and every little thing irritating me and feeling like Rip Van Winkle I have been rather productive.  I got the babies yogurt started in the IP.  Two loads of laundry done and finished.  A pork butt into the crock pot for later.  And I roasted a chicken and picked it clean and bagged up the bones for making a stock later.  Plus we got school done,  the boys had a good school day and I was even able to help My 13 DS with his Logic lesson.  I tried to be more present even though I felt very disconnected from everything today.  I decided to nap while baby napped, I got a good 2 hours, which was longer than I had intended, but I woke up feeling much better.  

I thought perhaps the juice cleanses in December had helped me dodged this blah sick ick feeling, but no there is still illness and toxins my body is needing to dump.  Although I will say this isn’t as bad as it could be.  In the past when I did an anti-inflammatory diet or elimination diet by day 3 or 4 I would come down with horrible flu symptoms and be a zombie unable to physically function for 2-3 days.  So this is good, as bad as I think I have been I am obviously better then I was before I learned about inflammatory foods and body healing.  

Ha I’ll never for get my first time doing anti-inflammatory diet.  In the fall of 2009 My infant son was so so so very sick.  He had chronic eczema and wasn’t developing fine motor skills because we had to keep mittens or socks on his hands to prevent him from digging at his skin.  After going the conventional rout and seeing him get worse, and not being okay with the long term treatment of steroids externally and internally I started searching for answers, for truth.  Finally a wholistic doctor and nutritionist agreed to see him.  What I knew in my gut by motherly instinct was confirmed… the issue was FOOD!  They leveled with me straight, they said it would be the hardest thing I had ever done, but I was committed to do whatever it takes for my son.  They warned me about the detox “flu” and also that because he was nursing we had to remove all the inflammation markers from my diet first and then from his body before we would see results… 8 weeks, 8 grueling weeks but it didn’t matter, this was my baby we were talking about.  3 days in I got so sick and weak I couldn’t even get out of bed on my own.  My mom had to come get me and my two boys, and we stayed with her for 4 days while I went through the detox.  On top of all this I was going through a tragic divorce, the man I thought I would grow old with had left me 4 months earlier completely blindsiding me.   As the weeks wore on, it got hard because people didn’t understand my nutritional needs and the baby well he was still sick and looked terrible.  My parents started pressuring me saying it wasn’t working we should see improvement.  But I remember the doctor saying we won’t see improvement until your gut and blood is clean and then his.  8 weeks.  I held onto that 8 weeks with all my might.  It caused some division between family and friends again because food was more social than it was nourishment in my circles.  Because I was in flight or fight I didn’t communicate clearly my dietary needs and well People began to become offended because I would have to turn down food or dinner invites or bring my own food.  They just didn’t get it.  This wasn’t a thing people did back then.  I might as well have been talking about voodoo and witchcraft.  In fact my dad nicknamed me the witch doctor using foods and herbs to heal.  There wasn’t a hundred different bloggers with amazing recipes that I could lean on.  Shoot there wasn’t even a cook book I had found.   I was in no mans land, alone, but determined.   8 weeks was finally upon us and his skin began to miraculously clear up… the triggers were leaving his body.  He was always a happy baby, but the amount of joy that began to radiate from my little one was amazing.  We had found our answers.  Through introduction of foods and some testing we have found he has 12 different food allergies.  Some causing hormone disruption and eczema others more sever and anaphylactic.  In that process I lost 50lbs in 4 months time.  I was smaller then I had ever been even as a teenager.  That posed its own challenges especially as newly single mother.  The unwanted comments and admirers were  obnoxious and annoying and sometimes even scary (stalker scary).  This also made some weirdness around the family too, now instead of needing to loose weight they commented on how I needed to gain weight.  I didn’t, I was for the first time in my life at a healthy weight, which made my overweight family members uncomfortable especially when it came to meals together.  I learned a lot, like how to use herbs and spices to dress up real foods rather than relying on a box for everything.  I learned how to make special treats and foods that didn’t include any of my sons allergies.  I adapted a lot of our lifestyle and we were better for it.  Even my parents started making some changes, to improve their health issues.  I tell my boy he is our true super hero because he saved all of us through his allergies.  Had it not been for that we may have never dived into the world of real food.  For a little over three years I ate mostly Whole Foods, with a few worthy indulgences.  Doing a reset twice a year to keep our health in check.  My weight settled in and I was size 4/6 for those three years… then I fell, off the kids bunk beds.  The ladder I was using to retrieve things off of their bed broke and I fell.  I broke both bones in my left fore arm… after several hours of surgery I had a very very long recovery ahead of me.  Even though it doesn’t seem like it would be.  This was very traumatizing physically, mentally and emotionally.  For the first few weeks I couldn’t even manage to fasten my own bra.  I couldn’t wash my own hair.  And cooking whole real foods was more than I could manage.  I did try but I became so overwhelmed and there was so much pain and so much fatigue and depression that all came tumbling down around me… I began to default back to my old ways and old life.  I didn’t totally go back. I couldn’t, but convenience became the goal.   I just had to survive and make sure my kids survive.  Some days were so bad that my 5 yr old had to “cook” me a hot dog in the microwave.  And then I would cry and the depression and feeling sorry for myself became so much worse.  What kind of mother was I.  Instead of reaching out for help I retreated into myself.  I felt shame, fear, guilt because I belittled the trauma I had gone through.  I didn’t understand why I wasn’t just bouncing back.  I didn’t understand the trauma.  I thought all would be okay once I had the cast off.  It wasn’t… I had severe nerve damage.. I couldn’t use my hand or arm.  I went through a year of therapy and still wasn’t 100%, and I believe this damaged me even more… but it also brought out my fighting spirit when the doctor said I should be happy with 80% use of my hand and arm considering what I had been through…. I fought fiercely and dived into the study of medicinal herbs and essential oils.  I found truth and answers and began healing my nerves that I was told would never heal.  But still I was disconnected from food.  I have had in the back of my head for the past 8 years that I need to do a reset, but the memories of the first always came flooding back.  The isolation, the lack of good recipes, the strain on relationships… I just couldn’t get there, until now.  

So has today been a little rough, yes.  But it has given me time also to remember where I have come from, and where I want to go.  I think today has helped in the beginning of healing emotionally and mentally from all the trauma.  I’m realizing I couldn’t do it because I have been so broken.  So now I am fighting fiercely to find truth and answers to heal me once again, only this healing is more spiritual, mental, emotional than it is physical.  I can now see that my weight I put on over the past 8 years, isn’t about my diet, but about my person.  

After I journaled and had a good cry I began to feel again. I felt some joy, some pain, and some hunger.  

9:45 M2 crockpot pineapple pork butt. And a salad with W30Ranch.  It wasn’t fancy but it was good, and it nourished me beyond just the physical.  I saved  the recipe for the pork recipe when showmewholeliving was being showcased on whole 30 recipes IG.  It’s a fast easy put together, like less then 10 minutes and that includes gathering all my ingredients. It made a ton of meat and now I’m dreaming up fun ideas on how to use up the left overs.

  https://www.instagram.com/p/B52s3OqliYQ/?igshid=97e9paaxuq1

Although I didn’t eat three meals today, I don’t believe I needed the three meals.  Today was a purge of my soul.  I got through another layer.  Although there were no desires to quit or cheat or step on the scale, today was a battle one that I feel I won.  I learned a lot about me today.  Who I was, what I’ve been through, who I want to become, most importantly who I am now.  I am a survivor, a fighter to the end, a broken person, a nurturer, protector, a beautiful person who is healing one day at a time.  I am that very hungry caterpillar In metamorphosis to become a glorious butterfly.  

Day 7 is finished. One week accomplished.  It seems so minuscule, but yet it means so much!

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