Day 11... I want to give up

[MamaToJakers]

I feel like a failure but I am really struggling. I really want to change my relationship with food and these past 11 days have helped, but it is causing enormous stress (I do have a lot of stressors right now, and this feels like another stressor).

I love how I feel, I love most of the foods I've tried, but it feels like "one more thing" to obsess about right now. I have a tendency toward binge eating, especially when stressed, and the whole30 is triggering that desire to binge to find some comfort.

I am afraid to stop because it will be one more failure. But I'm afraid to continue too. I know I am not supposed to complain...I know it's only 30 days, I know it's for my own good, I know it's not "beating cancer" hard (I already did that).

I guess I am just wanting to vent , and wondering if there are others who've had a similar experience. I want to succeed at this...I just don't know if I can. I do want to take these principles forward and continue to follow the paleo and whole9 lifestyle.... I afraid that I won't be able to, though, if I quit now.....but I just don't think I can. continue this. I fully admit I am looking for validation but also just empathy.

That's all. Thanks for the opportunity to vent.

[CAK911]

What things are making it so hard for you at this time? Are there strategies you can employ to make things go more smoothly?

Sometimes it really just isn't the right time. But, it'd be a shame to toss out the hard work you've done for the past 11 days.

[Jessica M.]

I'm finding W30 very time consuming/obsession-inducing as well. I am trying to embrace that, actually. When I have wanted to take comfort in a giant bowl of buttery salty popcorn, I made myself take comfort in some forum or blog reading or food porn via Pinterest. I figure it is at least an obsession that will heal me vs. make things worse. Like cookies, mmmmmmm, cookies. LOL. Try to stick it out. I was in major cranky mode from pretty much day 4 to like day 19. I seem to be turning a corner. Hopefully you will too. Good luck.

[laststopeden]

I can definitely empathize. I'm on day 23(?) and it took me 6-7 attempts at whole30 to get this far in the process. It may not be overcoming cancer, quitting drugs hard as people like to quote over and over, but it can be challenging. Thinking it's not going to be difficult at times will set you up for failure in my opinion (nor should you dwell on it being "hard", either). I am an emotional/stress eater also. Do you feel tempted to binge because you're stressed or because you feel you're restricted?

You can succeed at this! Try not too be to hard on yourself; it may take several attempts to get it "right." I'm not sure how highly this is advocated by M&D or the mods, but maybe a slower intro would be less stressful and then transition fully into the whole30 (i.e. cut out gluten one week, then grains, then sugar, then dairy, etc). Hang in there!

[MamaToJakers]

Thanks everyone. I don't even know just I could explain why it's so hard for me other than I am basically going through withdrawal from using food as a drug and it sucks. I've struggled each day with feeling like I'm fighting an internal battle with some sort of demon who's screaming at me to go back to my old ways. It's enormously stressful. I guess I just basically feel like I can't beat that addiction. It's scary, I hate feeling this way.

I'm going to bed so I can call Day 11 a day (lol) and see how I feel in the morning. I think psychologically it's hard for me to know that I can't have something I want. Perhaps if I reframe it and say I can have it, I'll end up choosing not to anyway. I'm not making sense. Sorry!!

[mdraeger]

This not an easy thing that you (we) are doing. You are uprooting years of coping mechanisms and your brain is going to fight you. My husband is an emotional eater as well and this has been a harder struggle for him than it is for me (We're both on Day 24). Hang in there. Definitely try to reframe the situation away from "I can't have x and y" to "I can totally have x and y, but I'm choosing not to." It's helped me on more than one occasion. (I've also had good success reminding myself that it's an experiment and that at the end of the 30 days, I will know more than I do now.)

You can do this, it will be hard, but at the end you'll have made huge progress toward the changes you want to make.

[Kirsteen]

Thanks everyone. I don't even know just I could explain why it's so hard for me other than I am basically going through withdrawal from using food as a drug and it sucks. I've struggled each day with feeling like I'm fighting an internal battle with some sort of demon who's screaming at me to go back to my old ways. It's enormously stressful. I guess I just basically feel like I can't beat that addiction. It's scary, I hate feeling this way.

I'm going to bed so I can call Day 11 a day (lol) and see how I feel in the morning. I think psychologically it's hard for me to know that I can't have something I want. Perhaps if I reframe it and say I can have it, I'll end up choosing not to anyway. I'm not making sense. Sorry!!

You're not a failure; you've succeeded for 11 days, that's awesome. The fact that you're struggling but you've kept going shows real strength and, actually you're making perfect sense. It's human nature that the minute we can't have something or do something, we totally obsess about it. If I say to you, 'Whatever you do, don't think about a pink elephant', I'm absolutely sure that's the first thing you thought about and the more you tried, the harder it became not to think about it. If I say 'Concentrate on a grey mouse', then you won't be thinking of pink elephants.

I know that's a very simplistic way of putting it but try to concentrate on what you can have, rather than what you can't. Try to give yourself a choice so you don't feel too restricted and make sure they're things you like. For instance today I need to take something out of the freezer for dinner. I'm thinking I can have Well Fed's chocolate chilli or beef and broccoli curry. Because I really like them both and I've got a choice, I feel much more in control and much happier about what I'll eat.

I also have some non-compliant meat sauce for spaghetti in the freezer that my daughter made when she was visiting. I'm aware that, as an adult responsible for my own choices, I could choose to eat it. However, I choose not to. I own the choice, I feel it's mine and not one that's been forced on me so I don't feel bad about it. It'll still be there when I finish this W30 and again I'll be able to choose to eat it or not as I decide at the time.

I used to work with people who had drug and alcohol addictions and an addiction to food can be just as difficult to break. I think you're doing brilliantly. Just take one day at a time. don't focus on the 30 days. You've made it 11, do it today and that'll be 12 and so on. good luck, we're all rooting for you.

[MamaToJakers]

Thanks so much Kirsteen. I do feel better this morning and am going to do my best to tackle the day.

[CAK911]

Something else I keep in mind is that all those foods that I'm not eating right now will totally be sitting there 30 days from now, and if I really feel like it, I can eat them then when I'm not putting so much effort into doing a Whole 30.

[Kirsteen]

Good for you and don't forget you can vent on here any time you want. There's always someone around to listen. good luck

[Renee]

(Off topic) Kristeen - have you always been a mod and I never noticed, or did you get promoted and I didn't see the memo (if that's the case, congrats! )??!!

(On topic)

It's very hard to say whether the Whole30 program is hard or not, or if you should finish it at all cost, or not... For me, the Whole30 is not that hard because I've been (on and off) paleo for more than a year, and I'm not very stressed most days (very thankful for that!).

That being said, if you're coming from a Standard American Diet (lots of grains, refined fats, not that much veggies and fast food couples of times/month), you will propably have a hard time going cold turkey. If you're at a point in your life where things are putting a lot on stress on you, you will find Whole30 hard.

Choosing to continue and finish the whole30, or choosing to stop and focus on other aspects of tyour life is something only you can decide. Keep in mind that if you decide to stop in order to reduce stress in your life, and prepare another attempt, it is NOT failure. I wouldn't want your results not meeting your expectations because stress sabotaged your Whole30. Another option would be to start with an easier program, like the 21-day sugar detox, and eventually, do a Whole30.

On the other hand, if you can take it one day at the time and finish strong, head up with a newfound understanding of your mind and body, DO IT! Is there anything you can do to "de-clutter" you life of stress? Would you have anytime to include maybe 2 yoga practices/week? Do you think you could meditate 15minutes 2-3x/week? Can you book 1 hour twice/week to prepare food/chop veggies (huge time saver!). Do you have a list of meals that you LOVE and that are quick to prepare?

Good luck whatever you do and remember that falling of the W30 is not a failure, it's just another chance to get it right the next time (whether it's the next day, next month or in a year)

[Renee Lee]

Renee, she got promoted a couple of days ago

OP, sometimes it IS hard: http://whole9life.com/2012/04/sometimes-it-is-hard/

[MamaToJakers]

Renee, she got promoted a couple of days ago

OP, sometimes it IS hard: http://whole9life.co...mes-it-is-hard/

Oh boy - thank you, Renee, for posting that link. I had not seen that before, and it left me in tears. I have struggled with the "it is not hard" wording because it sure as heck feels hard to me - sometimes impossible.

I'm so thankful for the support from everyone. I am still holding on, on day 12, and trying to wrap my head around all of the things everyone has said. Even if it's not "failure" to quit, it will feel like failure to me, so I need to find a way to work around that.

Thanks again, all.

[MamaToJakers]

BTW, I have to add that I came from the Standard American Diet amplified by 1 million, meaning I had terrible eating habits - mostly processed food, dairy, little to no veggies, some fruit, and lots of eating out. So.....that's another reason this has been so hard for me....and another reason that I am trying to remember to be proud of myself for making it this far without cheating. It's a big deal. Even one day at a time is hard....it's more like one moment at a time, one decision at a time.

Blah blah blah, sorry to blather on!

[Kaleena]

BTW, I have to add that I came from the Standard American Diet amplified by 1 million, meaning I had terrible eating habits - mostly processed food, dairy, little to no veggies, some fruit, and lots of eating out. So.....that's another reason this has been so hard for me....and another reason that I am trying to remember to be proud of myself for making it this far without cheating. It's a big deal. Even one day at a time is hard....it's more like one moment at a time, one decision at a time.

Blah blah blah, sorry to blather on!

Jeez, you've made it 11 days coming off a SAM? Well then, that's a horse of a different color! That's fantastic. I bet many people couldn't do that on their first try and making it all of the way would actually blow my mind because I've done paleo (vegetarian style) for 2 years and this 30 (day 24) has been TOUGH for me.

Congrats and keep going because you're rocking this!

[MamaToJakers]

Thanks Kaleena.

[megmac]

You ARE doing really well, and I have to agree that the plan is sometimes hard and stressful for me too. I think much of it is my "all or nothing" attitude toward things. But let me remind you of this-you are finding this challenging, but you feel good. If you were to decide not to finish your Whole30, there's a good chance you would go back to your old eating habits. Most of your stressors will still be there, and then you will be feeling crappy as well as stressed. I don't think opting out of the Whole30 will give you the relief you are looking for. It may even add stress because you are likely to be sorry you stopped.

IF you decide to stop your Whole30, I would encourage you to consider relaxing some of the more difficult aspects of the plan rather than completely off roading. If you haven't checked out Mark's Daily Apple, you may find it helpful. His plan is similar but more relaxed and includes some regular off roading (dark chocolate, red wine, cheese). It might give you some of the relief you are looking for without sending you back to your old habits. This is the way I try to eat when I'm not eating Whole30, and it keeps me honest, feeling good, and "practically paleo".

Don't feel pressured to do a plan that is just not right for you at this time. This is your journey and you are in charge. I think all of us out here would agree that the paleo way of life is the most healthy, but for many of us the transition is a marathon, not a sprint. Take it from someone who did exactly what you are thinking of doing...it doesn't make anything feel better for more than an hour.