Cross country travel and a funeral....


SarrizleP

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My toddler and I will be leaving tomorrow for a massive day of traveling and then my grandfather's funeral. I will be mostly at the mercy of my family's cooking for most of the time we're there. I'm just really not sure if I can handle this all while staying compliant. I know I can be close but I also know a lot of the seasonings and oils they use will not be compliant. I'm really not sure what to do. It will be days 22-26 for me. I hate to have start over now but I'm so stressed out about this trip as it is, I don't know if I have it in me to stress about what I'm going to eat as well. Any advice?

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Remembering your grandfather and being with family is more important than a Whole30 at this time. I would eat the best I could, but not worry about going off plan some. You can do another perfect 30 days, but this particular time in your life only comes around once.

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Tom said it all.

There was a discussion in this other thread about handling meals at a wake. Not suggesting you need to follow those ideas, especially since you'll have a child you'll need to care for as well, but it might be helpful to read beforehand.

I think it's wonderful that you're taking your toddler. The older I get, the more I appreciate funerals as a time when family draws together. Many family members will get a chance to see your little one who wouldn't be otherwise. Nice tribute to your grandfather as well to bring the next generation in.

Take good care, Sara.

Terez

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A good friend of mine, who is a personal trainer, said pretty much the same thing. I'm just so torn. She suggested trying to just stay as close to compliant as possible, which I can do. But like I said, the seasonings they use will be tough and there will be a lot of butter and other dairy. I honestly want to stay compliant because this is such a huge trigger for me. Stress and family get togethers and such. I am a big emotional eater and my family is definitely a food= love type of family so, there will be tons of food. I just don't want to back slide and then some.

Terez- I'm a bit terrified of the 6 hour flight (plus driving time) with my girl but I know my family will be so happy to see her, it will mean a lot to my grammy and parents. I'm the daughter who flew the coop, so to say, so they don't get to see us very often and at 17 months she's like a completely different baby every week. They miss out on a lot.

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Sara, if you want to stay compliant, then set the intention to eat on-plan when you can. Things have a way of falling into place for us when we make a decision about them. I've been impressed to find hard-boiled eggs, fresh vegetables, prepared salads, etc., at highway rest stops (they're in the news stands, not at the fast food outlets). It may be the case at airports too, although I haven't been in any since I've been eating this way.

You may find that there are vegetable trays with dip, deviled eggs, etc., at your family's get-togethers.

Do what you can reasonably do to stay compliant, then make peace with the rest of what you're eating. Here's what I tell myself about things like this. I can eat off-plan and be torn about it, or I can eat off-plan and be at calm about it. Either way I'm going to eat some things that are off-plan. I don't have much choice about that. But I can choose how I feel about it.

  • How do I want to be when I'm with my family? I want to be calm.
  • What do I want to have on my mind? I want to be focused on good memories of my grandfather. I want to be present with the family members I'm talking to (not have my mind on what I'm eating).
  • What energy do I want my daughter to sense from me? I want her to feel my stability.

I can be terrified of the flight and drive, or I can make the best of whatever comes up with the flight and drive. I make the best of it by talking to myself like this:

  • We'll roll with the punches
  • Even if it's awful, it's only for six hours (or eight hours, or however long it is). We'll make it through.
  • Even if it's awful, it won't be nonstop awful. There will be moments where we'll breathe.
  • There will be moments where we'll smile
  • There might even be moments when we laugh

The other intention I'll make is to talk about what's going right. So when I see my family and they ask about my trip, I'm going to tell them about the things that worked out for us. The people who made funny faces and entertained my daughter in line.

Anyway, those are some of the ways I get myself back on track.

One last thing. At times like these we often find an inner strength that we didn't know we had. That strength will show up for you when you didn't know you had it in you.

Terez

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Thank you terez. That was incredibly helpful. I already have myself so worked up about the trip for no reason. I have already prepared lots of snacks for the trip, olives, snap peas, carrots, grapes and some Lara bars. As well as some extra baby snacks to keep her occupied. I also got her her own seat and will have her in her carseat. We had major issues with her last time we flew and she was just a lap child so, being by myself, I'm hoping she is better in her own seat. I will do my best the rest of the week and try not to worry about some spices or small things like that.

I have to say, what I want to do right now is eat an entire pizza. These initial 21 days have been so incredible for me and, dare I say, easy. But now the stress and anxiety is hitting hard. :(

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Actually, the stress and anxiety seems to be backing down a bit. You're already sounding calmer. Only "part of you" wants to eat an entire pizza. A bigger "part of you" knows it wouldn't be worth it right now.

Look at you with all those on-the-go meal options planned out, and your daughter's snacks too. Plus getting her a seat. You are going into this with a plan.

When you do have compliant foods available, remember to eat a little extra so you're good and full. And be generous with the fats, even non-ideal ones, because fats will help you feel full.

It's normal for the stress and anxiety to rear its ugly head again and again. When that happens, just take a few deep breaths and do whatever works for you to focus on something else. Sometimes I just count my breaths (three big ones in, five smaller ones out; the odd numbers help focus my mind). Other times I "talk myself down" ("this too shall pass" "it's just three days; I'll live through this" "hey, it's not completely awful; at least the weather is cooperating" etc). And yet other times I step outside for some fresh air and let nature soothe me a bit.

Sara, you're better prepared for this trip than you realize. Not just the preparations with food and the extra seat (all awesome!) but the 21-day foundation of health and good nutrition.

If you get online while you're there, please post here to let us know how it's going.

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Are you a professional at this? :) I am feeling better about it all. I've been discussing it with my husband as well and he is also cheering me on to stay compliant. He knows how much it means to me and that I can spend time with my family and honor my grandfather without all the cakes, gumbos, pies etc. I also just ate some sweet potato with coconut milk so, that might be helping as well.

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Let's just say I do this a lot.

Oh, one more thing. A tip I heard around the holidays is, when someone offers the cakes, gumbos, pies, etc., to say, "Not right now." Less confrontational than just turning it down outright.

I like that supportive husband of yours.

Terez

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My family is pretty good about not pushing food. They generally just lay it all out and everybody gets what they want in their own time. So that should work out for me. They are also completely supportive of everyone's choices. Nobodies feelings will be hurt if I don't eat the corn casserole. Its just my own self control and lack of options I will be fighting.

Although, when I abstain from the alcohol they will probably think baby #2 is on the way! I'll have to set that straight real quick. :)

Sad to think about having another baby knowing he or she would never get to meet their great grandpa. :( he was an incredible man.

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I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss, and how proud I am of you, not even knowing you, for planning to take the best possible care of yourself and your daughter nutritionally at a difficult time when many of us might do otherwise.

Terez and Tom have said it all, but I wanted to chime in with my condolences. I was 7 months pregnant with my third child, who happened to be a boy, and my grandfather's namesake, when my grandfather passed away suddenly. He and I were very close. It is definitely sad that they don't know each other, and that he never got a chance to even know about his fourth great-grandchild, but at the funeral and during the following days, we heard so many stories and shared so many wonderful memories of a great man that I now have even more family history to share with all of our kids as they grow.

Best wishes to you.

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Thank you Emily. We will definitely be sharing stories this week. We could probably write a book about everything he did. He lived quite the life. :) he had been sick for a long time though and was in a lot of pain at the end so in some ways its a relief. He's not in pain anymore wherever he is. I'm just glad we got to see him over Thanksgiving. Living so far away makes it tough sometimes.

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... at the funeral and during the following days, we heard so many stories and shared so many wonderful memories of a great man that I now have even more family history to share with all of our kids as they grow.

I love that, Emily!

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Yesterday was travel day, and day 22. All went well until we straggled in to my family's house at about 8:30. I was exhausted and ravenous. I found my best option, meatloaf. But the top most definitely had some ketchup and sugar concoction on it and I know people frequently put breadcrumbs in meatloaf as well. Nobody k ew exactly what was in it though so...? I feel fine though and I'm just going to keep going. Does that necessitate a restart?

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Sara, a moderator may chime in with different information but if it were me, I'd keep track of items like this (posting them here is a good way of keeping track) and then after I'm back figure out if I can add days onto the end or if I need a restart.

I don't think that the sugar in ketchup is something that necessitates a restart. I don't know how wheat/gluten figures in. But I think that's too much to think about right now. If it were me, I'd make the best choices from what's available, make a note of any bumps in the road such as you're doing here with the meatloaf, and then leave it for now.

Maybe think in terms of being 90% or 95% compliant (make the best choices from what's available). There's a difference between having a little sugar in the ketchup and having a slice of pie. Between choosing meatloaf that has a little wheat in the breadcrumbs is not the same as putting a dinner roll on your place, or as having two slices of bread on a sandwich.

I would aim to keep as close to compliant as I could, making a note of the bumps in the road so I can refer to them later. Then wait until after I'm back I would reassess what I actually consumed and how that affects my Whole30.

Kind of like the motto of "Keep Calm and Whole30 On." Make the best choice, make a note of it somewhere (post here to keep us in the loop), then Whole30 on.

keep-calm-whole30-facebook-profile1.jpg

Teresa

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I really wouldn't worry about any of it right now. Eat as healthy as you can without stressing. As Tom said, you can do a W30 anytime, you'll never be at your grandfather's funeral again. Be good to yourself, enjoy the time with your family and sort out what's happening with your W30 later when you get back home. I wish you the best

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