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Karen's Whole30 Log


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Day 100


Wow.  I think I should be feeling excited to hit triple digits.  Instead, I seem to be feeling a little....  blah.....  I have decided that it is because I am tired - its been a somewhat stressful week.  


I have gained a little weight back (I believe) - at least some of the clothes I am wearing seem to fit a little bit better instead of being too loose.  Too much fruit?  Have my portion sizes gotten too big?   It's also "that time", so who knows.  I have also had more cravings again (just when I think I have beaten that sugar dragon) - again, too much fruit?  I spent a good part of one afternoon telling myself that "no, you won't die if you don't have that 2 pound back of red licorice".  One evening, it was all I could do to keep from eating a box of graham crackers spread with peanut butter and hersheys chocolate on top.  I have also found myself snacking a bit more.  Time to get things back under control again, people!!!!


I am back at work this weekend - and it's probably a good thing - not around the house, not out at the stores.  I can only eat what I pack.   Then our docs bought us pizza to go with the cupcakes a patient brought us........  Good thing I was "trapped" in the ILN last night with a baby!


Last night was hard to stay awake.  Not quite sure how I made it home (car has autopilot, didn't you know?).  I slept very well until 1130 (3.5 hrs) when my ex texted me to let me know that DD was hurting and had thrown up.  What exactly did he want me to do about it?  Granted, I was quite concerned about her, but if he couldn't handle it, he should have told me and I would have called off work and stayed home with her.  Was able to doze off and on until about 230pm.  Not a great day for sleep.  So now it is almost 10pm and my eyes are already burning.  To top it off, I will not see my bed until after noontime tomorrow.  *sigh*


On a brighter note:  I am almost done with most of the fruit in my fridge :)  Next time I go shopping - all veggies!  


Success of the week - I was reviewing some of my walks that I did earlier this week and realized that my pace has gotten faster.  Last fall, I walked, on average, a 16-18 minute mile.  Now, with the geocaching, I am averaging 20-25 min a mile because I am stopping to search for the cache.  On my last long walk, I was looking at my split times.  There was a couple of miles in there that I didn't stop.  One of them was a 13 minute mile - the other mile - 9 minutes!!!!!  Believe me when I say that I don't run.  (My poor knees couldn't handle the impact) - it was just a fast clip walk, maybe with more downhill than up.  But still!!!!  So, I have to remember to take the positive and focus on that.  


Snack (because I woke up so early this afternoon)  nectarine, 3 slices proscuitto


M1:  mixed green salad with tomatos, tessamaes dressing, homemade meatballs, dilled cucumber, cherries


M2:  dijon glazed chicken thigh (nomnompaleo minus the honey with a splash of ACV), frozen mixed veggies, beets, applesauce (wow - just realized no fat in this meal....)


M3:  4 sb eggs, potato hash with veg (mushroom, spinach, onion, bell pepper) and guac.

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Karen, you know I love you.  And you know I've had struggles of my own.  So I hope you will take what I say to heart.


When I was smoking, I would think about how much I wanted to quit and I would think that I would quit when "this pack" was done.  I rarely bought an entire carton at a time, because that was like committing to "being" a smoker.  Well, inevitably, by the end of that pack -- I had some stress or another, some reason, some excuse, not to quit.  I would buy another pack.  And so, this cycle would continue.


I believe I had the most success when I literally ripped up what was left in the pack, into tiny little pieces, and threw them in the trash.  See, now I was wasting money.  (DUH, like smoking the cigarettes was not wasting money!  lol)  Anyway, I was MUCH less likely to run right back to the store and buy a pack after I had just thrown one in the trash.  Sometimes this would last a week or two.  Yes, I attempted to quit many times before I was finally DONE...  But it was better than just always having a pack here and smoking.  Each time I got a little stronger and eventually I got all the pieces to fit together and it stuck.


My point is -- you recognize that fruit is a problem for you.  It doesn't matter what I think, or anyone else here who reads this -- YOU already know that it is becoming a problem.  It is interfering with your goals.  It is making you crave other sugary things.  We all remember from the book, when the sugar dragon screams -- it doesn't care if it gets sugar from a dried fruit & nut bar or a Snickers bar, all it knows is that it screamed and it got FED.


So I am saying, if you have to, throw the fruit in the trash.  Of course I am not encouraging you to waste money -- I know you are a single mom!  I am saying, it may have a symbolic effect...  to just take a piece of fruit and throw it in the trash.  Get angry, go out on one of your walks and throw it as far as you can into the woods!  Give it to the squirrels!  Whatever you do, don't let it get in your way because you have been unstoppable.


Now, you can rebel against me and yourself and you can say, "You know what?  NO.  I am going to go right ahead and eat my fruit."  And that is fine.  That is your choice.  That is Whole-30 approved.  But it is my understanding that you have a fat-loss goal.  And I am here to tell you that it is pretty well known in the Paleo community that if you have a fat loss goal, you should really limit the fruit.  You already know this.  So I hope that you will dig deep, find that fight within you that we both KNOW is in there -- and slay that dragon!


And I hope your daughter feels better soon.   :wub: 

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Day 101


Thanks Brewer5!  Sometimes I get on here and start thinking out loud.  I truly already know that answers, but I suppose I am looking for anyone to say "Its OK".  :)  


I have learned one thing over the last couple days.  I don't think the fruit is all that is causing the cravings.  Being at work, I haven't had any - until I got "trapped" in the ILN.   I used to eat to pass the time since I couldn't get out and walk around or find anything else to do.  (One one on staff and have to get a nurse from the neighboring unit to cover for me to get potty break, etc).  I realized that at home, I was "stuck" in the house because I didn't want to leave my daughter alone.  I wanted to get back to old habits (eating a HUGE bowl of popcorn, microwave smores, candy, etc).  When I get out and go walking, no cravings, no hunger - until I get back home.  So, yes - the fruit contributes but is not the cause.  I gave some away and am going to finish the rest - will not buy anymore for a while. :)


I got home from work this morning and was able to get about an hours sleep before church.  Then, once home from church slept about 4 more hours.  Not ideal, but passable.  Talked to DD today, she is a bit whiney.  Her dad called and made it sound like she is doing a whole lot better than she makes it sound :)  I think her biggest problem is that she hasn't eaten for days.  




Snack: - hungry when I got home from church:  chicken thigh, apple, almond/cashew/coconut butter



M1:  mixed green salad with tomatos, tessamaes dressing, homemade meatballs, dilled cucumber, cherries


M2:  dijon glazed chicken thigh (nomnompaleo minus the honey with a splash of ACV), frozen mixed veggies, beets, applesauce (wow - just realized no fat in this meal....)


M3:  4 sb eggs, potato hash with veg (mushroom, spinach, onion, bell pepper) and guac.

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Your meals look eerily, exactly, the same as yesterday.   :D   Did you do that on purpose?


Yep - they are exactly the same.....   I knew that I wouldn't want to be cooking today (short enough sleep time as it is) so on Saturday, when I was cooking and packing my meals for work, I just made double portions :)


I forgot to add - m2 - I packed 2 brazil nuts and 7 macadamia nuts for the added fat.

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I totally understand about eating out of boredom, or to pass the time.  I do the same thing with activity.  I knit and spin, and while it's my hobby, it's also a convenient way to sit on my butt (after sitting on my butt all day at work) and watch tv, and justify it by saying, "oh, but I'm creating something!"  Well, that is true, but it's also true that I'm not doing other things - like walking around the neighborhood, doing an exercise video, or getting back to my house projects.  Your geocaching adventures have inspired me - I'm going to google geocaches around my area and see what's out there! 

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Flwrhead - geocaching has definately become an obsession for me!  I have new places to walk and even get more miles in since I have something to take my mind off how far I've gone (after all, that next cache is "only" a .25 mile away!).


Leah - thanks for the kind words....  Being an inspiration is a lot to live up to!  So many people on here are more active and better eaters than I am...  I just take things one day at a time :)

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Day 102

Today is my turn around day, so a short one with less meals.

After getting off work this morning, I found myself picking up trash. Yes, the dog pulled the bag out of the can, chewed on the corner of the bin (this is the third can this summer she is trying to destroy), and strewed the food trash all through the kitchen, front room, out the dog door and into the yard. The sad part is DS was home and didn't hear a thing. Anyone want a beagle? JK... well, maybe not....

It was ok though, since I had to stay up long enough to take DD to band camp this morning. She is definitely feeling better. She is off the "heavy" pain meds and only taking motrin now. Eating a little better too - but still nowhere near what she should be eating. Today she had jello for breakfast, a pudding for lunch and finished some pancakes for dinner. Now, I know that my kids don't eat great even when they are with me, but I promise to myself that she will start getting some veg and protein now that she is back home with me!

Once home from dropping her off, I headed for bed. Ooops, did I mention that I found the dogs had slept IN my bed last night (guess they were missing me). I don't mind them being on top of the covers, but dog hair on my sheets and pillow, no thanks. So I had stripped the bed and thrown it in the wash when I had gotten home. So, now I had to wait for the sheets to dry. (I only have one set of summer sheets and one set of flannels - its too hot for flannels....).

Once to bed, I slept about 5 hours before DD came home. Up with her for a bit. Scrounged for some food - not much that was ready to eat. Out of mayo, so the egg and lemon juice went into a jar to sit for a bit. Homemade mayo being made tonight. Realized that I am practically out of veg, except for some odds and ends. I do have to work tomorrow and have nothing prepared, so I will have to do some kind of cook-up after a run to the grocery store tonight. *sigh* I really hate doubling back into a day shift after working a stretch of nights.....

M1: chicken thigh, cherries


M2. 2 chicken legs, apple sun butter

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Working today - but its turning into a nice one. I had a call from my manager this morning as soon as I got into work. She was not going to make it to a meeting (running late) and wanted me to go in her place. A tad bit out of my comfort zone, but it went well :)

Cooked up a storm last night so todays meals and thursdays meals will be the same.

M1: egg loaf with loads of veggies (thanks derval for suggesting this) and meatloaf mix (was looking for ground pork but the store didn't have any - this was beef, pork and veal), zoodles with tessamaes lemon/garlic dressing, guacamole

M2: mixed green salad with peppers, carrots, raisins, radish, broccoli sprouts, almond slivers, and tessamaes ranch dressing - mashed sweet potato with sunrise spice, some kind of precooked spicy sausage (I bought it after I started w30 so I know its compliant - but bought it at costcos and split the packet with my mom so it doesnt have the cardboard wrapper on it to tell me what it is).

M3: 2 chicken drumsticks, cole slaw (broccoli slaw mix, homemade mayo, acv, carraway seed), applesauce (TJ unsweetenend chunky)

Tonight, after work, I am going to the community Night Out Event for Safety to catch a geocaching event :)


Home from the event and I was hungry! 3eggs, peach wrapped in proscuitto and grilled, beets

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Days 104 and 105 - utter failure......


Oh my, where do I start?  As one of my coworkers told me, I just cant seem to catch a break.


Yesterday started out great!  I had a good breakfast (cant remember now what it was - but it was good) and headed out to get a couple of geocaching challenges done (both completed - total of 12 caches found with 8.9 miles walked).  Home for supper with the kids, then off to church.


Once at church I got a phone call that my aunt was in the hospital (she lives about 12 hours away from me).  A flurry of calls, texts, etc followed (and massive prayers from my church).  I got my work shift covered for the next day - kids taken care of - bag packed and was on the road within an hour or so headed to see my aunt.  I left my home at 9pm and drove through the night (I did get a couple hours of sleep in a rest area in the middle of the drive).  When my stomach realized it was morning and it was hungry, I stopped at Cracker Barrel for eggs, sausage, bacon, and hash browns (that goodness for white potatos) - I did my best to make sure things were largely compliant (no grain, dairy, soy) but didn't quiz on the sugar issue - so the sausage and bacon probably weren't the best.


After breakfast, I was doing fairly well until the last few hours when I was tired and had a headache.  A stop for gas and to use the restroom meant that I was actually inside the gas station convenience mart.  This has always been a zone of "bad food".  I grabbed some extra strength excedrin (for the headache and the caffiene), then a bottle of coke (caffiene).  I reasoned to myself that I "needed" the caffiene and just cant get myself to drink coffee - besides at this point, I am far enough along that a "little extra sugar" wouldn't hurt.  That led to the m&ms, and a bag of chips (which were technically compliant - just not in spirit).  So, to stay away while I drove the couple hundred mile, I ate and drank (in all fairness, I could only get 1/2 the soda down - it was just too sweet).  By the time I got to the hospital waiting room, I was sick to my stomach and crawling out of my skin.  


So I never felt well enough to eat again - certainly not lunch.  By evening, I knew I had to eat something.  I was getting serious brain fog and couldn't decide if it was lack of sleep, sugar crash from the morning, lack of food or all the above.  I headed to the cafeteria and was appalled at the food being served - nothing (and I really mean nothing) could be even considered close to w30.  So, I did grab one of the meals that I had packed (supposed to have been a work meal - egg loaf, zoodles, guac) for dinner and did feel a little better - maybe.  Right now, I am lying here typing and my tummy is still fussing at me for what I fed it today.  I lie here and contemplate what happened:

  •  lack of planning - No planning at all - although I did pack enough clean underwear, I realized I have no shampoo, makeup, pjs, toothbrush or toothpaste (somehow I did pack deoderant tho - lol)
  • bad, bad habits from previous roadtrips - I have always used large bags of chips, candy and popcorn on roadtrips to pass the time, stay awake, and out of boredom.  I have always finished a roadtrip feeling yuck, just like I do now...
  • stress - emotions make things even more difficult to deal with and when you have stuffed your stress and emotions with food all your life - well, even 100 days of not doing this is not going to solve every problem
  • being overly tired - I have known for quite some time now that I have more problems with "cravings" and bad habits when I am tired


I do have to say that my aunt is doing very well.  Thanks to many, many prayers lifted, some minor surgery and a pacemaker and she is doing much better.  


I am contemplating.....  I mean, I figure, since I have completely messed up today and havent planned for the next couple days just eating whatever until I get home and then starting over.  There is a part of me that reminds me that I will feel sick for the next few days if I do that.  After all, even this evening for dinner I leaned toward one of my own meals over the cafeteria food.   A big part of me is very disappoint (angry) at myself for falling (failing) so hard.  Another part of me is telling myself that this was coming because I wasn't being so strict (letting myself have too much fruit) I led myself to this fail.  


But another part of me if recognizing that I am very, very tired and telling myself to wait until tomorrow before deciding on anything.....  so I will say goodnight to the blogworld and sleep on it......

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Oh boy, when the doodoo hits the fan!... All the stress about your aunt, and the added stress of driving that far... You scare me... I am taking that first road trip tomorrow, told mom to leave the cooking to me, and stocked up on coconut oil, tuna, prosciutto, and salmon, meat (all compliant) which ought to take me thru the weekend, and give some tine to familiarize myself with the other country's compliant food. Don't throw in the towel, try to be as compliant as you can on this trip. You may have slipped, yes, but it does not mean you have to go down that slippery road... Good luck, praying for you...

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Oh and just another thought... If you accidentally brake an egg, do you then take the whole package and break all eggs in it? No... So think of your slipping as that accidental broken egg... No need to break all of them...

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You scare me... I am taking that first road trip tomorrow, told mom to leave the cooking to me, and stocked up on coconut oil, tuna, prosciutto, and salmon, meat (all compliant) which ought to take me thru the weekend, and give some tine to familiarize myself with the other country's compliant food...

Please, please don't be scared! If you look back on my log to page 7 you will see that it can be done! I went on a multi-stop road trip with a family reunion thrown in and it went great! Planning was a big part of it - and it seems you have thought ahead for yours! You can do it!

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So, after 8 1/2 hours of sleep I am feeling less down on myself.  I am so glad to have friends on this forum who are there to support me and encourage me :)  It is also nice that our days and nights are flipped so I can wake to find your messages of love  :wub:


I am feeling so much better!  I am still on the tired side and may try to catch a small nap before getting up and moving this am.  I have a sneaking suspicion that my sleep is done for the night - my body is telling me to get up and go for a walk!  Unfortunately, along with everything else I forgot, I also left my walking shoes behind.  Flip flops are not the best for long distance walks and its all I have.  


My mind must have really been working on all this last night - dreams alternated between feasts of noncompliant foods and strange dreams where I was in some really strange places looking for something and not finding it.  I realized that in both, I was hungry and not willing to eat anything!!!  Talk about being on overdrive!  Now, I am not a fearful or tentative person.  I love to travel and have tried all kinds of foods, enjoying most of them.  I haven't had the opportunities to have some of the more "exotic" foods (like balut - thank goodness) but have had my share. (I even ate a fish eyeball since it was the honorable thing to do).  I know how to eat healthy and should be letting this whole situation throw me like it has.  


Perhaps, this has been a lesson for me.  In recent years (5-8-10), food has become more of an obsession for me - how much, how little, vegan, vegetarian, Atkins, south-beach, T-factor, weight watchers, etc.  W30 has been the first time that I have been freed from really having to "think" about what I am doing.  No weighing, no measuring, no "what can I have that will give me x", no preplanning to get the perfect macronutrient mix of the day, and so on.  I think, after 60 days or so, it became even easier.  I really began to know what I could and couldn't have.  There was a comfort level there.  Sure, I still had moments when I "wanted" something - but I didn't need it.  I really believed that I could "LIVE" w30.


Now I see why Dallas and Melissa don't recommend long and extended w30s.  Life happens.


Am I quitting w30?  NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!


I still haven't decided what to do for the next few days.  I really am  not ready to throw in the towel.  I have found a freedom in food that I love.  I have found a diet that I can eat, not think much about and feel good.  I have less depression and more energy to do the things I like to do.  My body doesn't hate me (I still don't love it, but am working on it).  I feel g.o.o.d.  


I only have two meals with me that I think I am going to have as breakfasts today and tomorrow.  If I can start my day right, I should have an easier time.  My car ride home will be at a slower pace and I will be able to plan ahead just a little bit.  (Its still going to be an overnight drive, but I won't have that feeling of having to push to get where I am going).


Days are going to be a bit harder.  The hospital cafeteria yesterday was harder, and there were not so many places to eat nearby.  I think I will try hitting the local grocery store on my way to the hospital this morning to see what I can get for lunch.  Not sure how dinners will play out. 


So, as I have said, I am not sure what I am going to do - but as I write, it seems that a plan is coalescing.  (Ooohh - big word!)  For right now, I will be eating as cleanly as I possibly can.  No more "binges".  I am going to make wise choices, but I am not going to be able to always make perfect ones (ie - finding the only store in town that has compliant rotisserie chicken).  I know it can be done!!!!  I am woman, hear me roar!!!!  (Didn't Lucy from Charlie Brown say that? - am feeling a little snarky like her this morning!  :rolleyes: )


So, onward!!!  


Now, any suggestions as to how I should be numbering my days?  Keep going?  Start back at 1?   :huh:   Does it really matter?  :D

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I am woman, hear me roar!!!!

I knew you would be back with more rest and in a much better mood.   :D   So glad!


I say you number the days however makes you feel good.  Is someone going to pop into your personal log -- which has made it to page TEN -- and tell you you cannot call this "Day 106"?  ...I don't think so.  ;)


However, maybe you want a completely fresh start.  Maybe you want to challenge yourself to 30 days without fruit this time?  Maybe you want to call this "Day 1" of a new Whole 30?  I don't know... only you know.  


But like I said, do whatever makes you feel strong and empowered.  I wholeheartedly agree with the egg analogy above.  There is NO reason for you to completely de-rail at this point -- you throw away ONE bad egg -- and you do whatever you have to do to stay feeling "g.o.o.d."


^ That part of your entire post stood out to me.  I can honestly say that I have not felt "g.o.o.d." since the end of my Whole 30.  I remember that feeling -- and you do not find it at the bottom of an ice cream container.  LOL  Rock this day, Karen!  You've got it!

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Oh Karen, I'm so sorry you've had all this stress and upheaval!  And glad that your aunt is doing okay.  I agree with everyone else, you slipped but it's not the end of the world and it was under extenuating circumstances.  Do the best you can until you get home and back to the diet you're used to and have down pat.  (and I hear you on the road trip food.  "Give me something chewy to keep my mouth busy and my mind alert" is always how I approached road trips.  And yes, you pay for it afterwards!)



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Day 106

So, I was able to bring my aunt home from the hospital today with her new pacemaker. I get to stay and visit another 24 hours and then will have to head home as I am working Sunday night. Thank you all for you support - it has meant worlds to me.

Brewer5 - one thing you said really resonated with me - having a fresh start and a new challenge. I will think on it.

So far today:

M1: 2 chicken legs, compliant precooked sausage, salad (mixed greens, bell pepper, radish, raisins, tessamaes ranch), applesauce, mashed sweet potato. (This was a combo of the two meals I had packed- the ice packs didn't stay cold for the 24 hours and the coleslaw in one meal didn't smell so good. This left a meal w no veggies and I woke up really hungry - so I ate both.).

On the way to the hospital, I stopped at a local grocery to pick up lunch

M2: proscuitto from the deli, salad from the salad bar (dressing had sugar but the rest of the ingredients were compliant and I used it sparingly), raw cashews and two Brazil nuts from bulk food aisle, peach (fresh picked from aunts neighbor) and kombucha

Tonight - planned: bare naked rotisserie chicken (local store cooks them with no seasoning), sweet potato, frozen veg (broccoli,cauliflower and carrots)

When I go to the store to pick that stuff up, I will grab something for tomorrow breakfast

It's going better than I was thinking it would :)

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Day 1/109 


What a crazy, crazy few days.  Meals did not go well and I was definately not 100% compliant while I was visiting with my aunt.  On top of that, I never had more than two meals in a day.  Breakfasts went well - I was able to get to the grocery store each evening to get stuff for breakfast the next morning.  Lunches never seemed to happen and dinners were about 90% compliant.  (mostly added sugar).  The drive home was brutal - tired from the stress of the weekend on top of knowing that I had to work as soon as I got home - I resorted to taking Excedrin again for the caffiene.  This kept me awake for the drive, but (between the caffiene and lack of sleep) it left me feeling slighty ill and quite jittery.


While I was gone, I was hit with a couple other stressors that overall, have left me completely emotionally depleted. 


I did make it home just in time for church service and was very glad that I went.  From there, home to sleep, the up for work.  I did have some leftovers still in the fridge that DS had not eaten while I was away, so I had plenty to pack for work.


One thing that the drive gave me was time to think.  I believe that I have made a decision about where to go on this journey.  I am not quitting whole30.  I feel so much better when I eat well.  I am not ready to stop feeling g.o.o.d. :P   However, I have come to realize that in some ways, I need to tighten up a little bit.  In other ways, I am ready to grow and move on.  That being said, I think it is time to move this log over to Post-w30!  (Any moderators out there - could you please move me?  and maybe even change the title to "Karen's Whole30 Life"? - Thank you!) Thanks for the quick reply, Physibeth - and your suggestion.  I have started a new Post w30 log.


My committments:


1)  Stay w30 - with the exception of sugar.  I would like to occassionally start cooking with a little honey or maple syrup again.  I am not going to add in candy, or things like that.  I would also like to have the freedom of having some condiments again without having to make them for myself. 


2)  Limit fruit to one serving per day - and try not to have it every day.  The last week or two has seen me drastically increase my fruit intake to a point where it was starting to replace my veg.  Not a good thing.  Time to tighten back up!  I will do this for 30 days and see where it takes me.


3) continue to "weigh/ measure in" every 30 days.  This is just for my own curiosity. 


4) continue to exercise (hike) at least twice a week.


5) be more consistant in my daily prayer/ scripture reading.



So, today is Day 1 of my new plan - but day 109 overall.  I will use this dating system when I am doing my logging so that I can track where I am at.


This first day (as far as meals go) is kind of strange.  I still wasn't feeling good after waking up to head to work for my night shift, so I didn't eat.  Glad I had packed food, however, as I was "starving" around 1am.  I think, for today, I am only going to eat if I am truly hungry and let my body recover from the difficulties of the last several days.  I will need to sleep a bit this morning, then hopefully be able to get two more meals in before going back to bed.


I am not working for the rest of this week, but have the added challenge of going to a church retreat for several days.  As much as I truly love the cooking at the lodge we go to, I am going to pack my own meals. 


M1 today:  egg loaf, beets, guacamole

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