FitKatieB Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Wow! I had an epic fail. I didn't just slip or stumble, I fell so far from the wagon I'm lost. I have gotten so far in the program-Day 22 with fairly good results. I don't know what happened today. The sugar dragon appeared and I let it take over me. 1 spoonful of almond butter (with added honey and cane sugar) led to another and another and then cookies and chocolate and crying. It was terrible. I feel terrible. I feel ashamed and guilty. I guess years of binge eating and disordered eating are not solved in 22 days. So I'm re-starting. I can't just tack on extra days on the end. I royally $&@-ed up. I need to do it for 30 consecutive days and heal my gut (I have severe IBS) and heal my psychological/emotional issues with food. And the hardest part is going o be telling my boyfriend. It's been hard because he didn't think I could do it and I wanted to prove him wrong so badly. I am thankful for encouraging strangers here, but it's harder fessing up in 'real' life. 1. Prepare! Plan and make my meals at least 2 days in advance. 2. Get rid of the honey and nut butter and nuts. If they're not there, I can't be tempted 3. Stick with the 3 meals a day-no more snacking or SWYPO 4. Ask myself if I'm really hungry or not. Drink a glass of water and do 5 burpees first 5. Everyday remember my list of why I'm doing this (heal my physical and psychological self, get healthy, feel better, lose weight) 6. Post consistently Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan W Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I'm so sorry, but sometimes a slip is part of the program and it will help you strengthen in your resolve. I think getting rid of items that trigger you is a really good idea. Before my first Whole30, I got rid of everything that I tend to mindlessly eat. Now, over a year later for my second Whole30, it really doesn't matter what is around me. You'll get there. Definitely cut out the SWPO. SWPO isn't at all Whole30 from what I know. Are you snacking because you are hungry and not eating enough? If that's the case, do increase what you are eating...I did much better when I increased the fat. Don't forget Melissa's hunger test. When you are reaching for an inbetween meal snack, ask yourself, am I hungry enough to eat steamed fish and broccoli? I use that a lot. If you are hungry, feed yourself. Just make sure it's a mini meal. Just frame it and move on. Don't waste your energy on shame and guilt because really, is it worth those negative feelings? I really think if you do all these things, you will do this. Stay positive and keep coming to these threads and posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 Thanks! I fessed up to my bf. he was amazingly supportive, I guess it was just me that didn't believe in myself. lol. Cried. And now I feel better. I've turned on the positivity switch now. I know wallowing in self-pity won't help anything. Thanks for the advice. I'm getting the Whole30 daily so that will help too. Excited to hit up the local farmers market tomorrow and plan for my work week (which starts tomorrow night). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan W Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I was hoping he'd be supportive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emily Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 You sound like you are being really honest with yourself and also learning. Both are good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LJG Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 God, I love this forum. So supportive! Thank you. Can't wait for a fresh start day 1 all over again tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiche4u Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I agree with LJG you should really be proud of yourself. I used to be a closet binge eater and sugar addict for many many years. It takes a major toll on us mentally and emotionally and of course physically, but the important thing is you have openly acknowledged the issue and FORGIVE yourself, don't beat yourself up or hold on to the guilt, that just festers and effects us internally on all levels. So glad your boyfriend is supportive and of course we are all here for each other....... The emails daily are helpful too. Get good sleep too. I found that was a huge difference for me. I mean GOOD sleep. No evening tv, relax, do a little reading, have a cup of herbal tea, soak in the tub and crawl into bed in a completely dark room. I know you can do it ...... You are strong that's obvious. :-). Just take it a day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiche4u Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 http://whole9life.com/2012/02/whole30-gone-bad/ I also found this link posted by Andrea D. In response to the post regarding binge eating,addictions etc under medical issues section. It was a good read. Hope it helps. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 You have learnt great lessons to bring to your new W30. You can do it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceanothus Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Clearly, you are amazingly strong. You triumphed over eating disorders in the past?? Outstanding! And guess what: you CAN'T "fail" at Whole30. Although food is The Number One physical component of our health (we can get into mindset later), it doesn't define who you are. The idea behind Whole30 is, I think, two-fold: 1) you want to eliminate those foods that are most likely to cause people digestive concerns (e.g., dairy, grains); 2) you want to again become mindful of what you're putting in your mouth. So when you fell off the wagon on Day 22, yeah, you might have affected the food-sensitivity-diagnosis aspect of Whole30...but boy, did you ever succeed on the mindfulness side of the equation! You are now so fully aware that sugar is not health promoting. You are aware in ways that 99.9% of people are not. What a triumph!! Now, welcome back to the Whole30 wagon. We look forward to sharing your growth and CONTINUED success! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Thanks everyone. I had a successful day 1. A bit of headache, I was sick all night! so sleep was not great. But I had a nap and exercised which helped me feel better. I also went to the farmers market and cooked a bunch so I'm prepared! I'm working the night shift tonight which can be really tough, I tend to crave sugar when my body really just wants sleep. Meal 1: 2 eggs, half pork sausage, half avocado, sautéed veggies in ghee, coffee with coconut milk & oil Meal 2: post workout: apple, pumpkin, pecans, coconut-crusted sole, mashed brocoflower Meal 3: root vegetable soup with half can of salmon (soup-good, salmon-yuck) don't think I'll do the canned salmon ever again. Also, I made two portions of both meal 1 and meal 2 for tomorrow. I'm so smart. Lol Exercise: hill runs, upper body circuit, Box jumps at the park! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 So hungry after night shift. Just had banana and pumpkin puree with coconut milk and pecans. Walked home from work (approx 30 minutes). Now for some much-needed sleep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Woke up this afternoon and had a coffee with coconut oil and milk prior to my workout. Then post-workout I had yams, broccoli-cauliflower mash and sole fillets. So good. It's all about the seasoning! Love dill on fish. I'm bringing my dinner to work for my night shift tonight. It is two hard-boiled eggs, pork sausage, tomatoes, sauteed in ghee veggies, avocado. That should get me threw the night. I'm bring nuts and fruit just in case I have hunger cravings. But I hope I won't have it dip into that. I'll make sure to ask myself if I'm really hungry or not. I'll keep well hydrated with lots of tea and water. Wish me luck. Sleep: only slept about 6 hours this afternoon. But my exercise felt good. I'll get about a 2 hour nap tonight at work depending on the acuity of my patient. Exercise: warm up then tabata: 5 rounds of 10 kb swings, 1minute of jump rope and 5 burpees. Then I did some sumo squats, push presses, dips, and abs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 I dipped into the fruit overnight. Had a banana and apple. Now drinking a coffee with coconut milk. I have to stay up and attend class All day! I've got a salad, two eggs, prosciutto, avocado, and fruit to get me through. No sleep is no good. Remind me not to do this ever again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee Lee Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Little late to the party, but it sounds like you've made really big strides in your 22 days. Congrats on what you've learned, how aware you are in your decisions, etc. Stop with the food guilt! Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 Thanks Renee! Pretty much everyday is a struggle for me, but I know it will get easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 And every day you master that struggle the easier the next becomes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Thanks @Derval. You always post nice and helpful things. Keep it up! Day 3 in the bag. I was feeling like balls yesterday. Today much better after a 16 hour sleep! Meal 1: eggs (2), baked organic pork sausage (I triple-checked this one-No sugar added), sautéed veggies in EVOO, tomatoes, coffee with coconut milk and oil Meal 2: same as above! Snack: almonds, pumpkin seeds, unsweetened shredded coconut Gym: squats (light), push press, burpees, pull-up practice with bands assist, lunges (wish I had more time but oh well) Now I'm home from night shift and in bed. Supplemental digestive enzymes with meals, 200mg magnesium, melatonin this am to sleep during the day, cod liver oil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Oops. I'm a day off. I just finished day 5. Woke up after my day sleep and dabbled in a little exercise. I wasn't really into it though. I then made lotsa food. Meal 1: 2 eggs, sautéed veggies, sweet potato with coconut milk, cinnamon, almonds, pumpkin seeds Meal 2: fruit, nuts, coffee with coconut oil and coconut milk I also brought sautéed veggies, grass fed ground beef, organic tomato sauce 1 more night shift to go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Day 6 done. I feel terrible. Gas, bloating, etc. and I've only slept 4 hours. Ugh. I didn't eat my veggies and beef last night. I made spaghetti squash this morning and ate it for breakfast! When I woke up today I went to whole foods to stock up on healthy fats, vegetables, fruit and organic meats! Yum. I'm excited to do some cooking tomorrow. My second meal of the day was sweet potatoes with coconut oil, eggs, almonds, coffee. No exercise today. Not much sleep. But I'm looking forward to a nice day off tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 Oh and avocado too on this day 6. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 6, 2012 Author Share Posted October 6, 2012 Day 7 done. I'm enjoying posting here and it really keeps me accountable which is good! But I'm still having big time digestion issues. I'm beginning to give up on thinking my IBS will ever be solved. Anyhoo, I had two workouts today although not by choice! I worked out this AM then my friend asked me to take a boot amp tonight. It was really fun, but I am sore now. Meal/Snack (pre-workout): banana, cashews, coffee with coconut milk and oil Meal 2 (post-workout): 2 eggs, egg whites, spaghetti squash, broccoli and cauliflower Ugh oops! I snacked.....puréed pumpkin, unsweetened coconut flakes, coffee with coconut milk, apple (shit. I wish I didn't snack this afternoon, I should've cooked something instead. Lesson learned! Also, I need to limit my coffee intake-next time ill choose tea instead. Meal 3: this was so delicious! Scallops with green coconut curry, veggies included onions, kale, and peppers. I'm so glad I have leftovers for tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 7, 2012 Author Share Posted October 7, 2012 Day 8: rest day! No exercise and unfortunately, not a lot of sleep either. I'm clearly in hardcore PMS mode. I want to eat salt, savoury, sweet-just about anything! Lol. But I stayed compliant I think. Went out for dinner and had Korean BBQ. Tasted sweet. Not sure if the sauce had sugar? I hope not! The server said she didn't 'think so'...argh. Oh well, I Also took the advice I found in the ladies only section and ate more carbs today. Sweet potato, pumpkin, apples. Yum. I start my five day (12 hour shifts!!) tomorrow. Sucks! But I've prepped and planned so I should be good. I'm sad though to be missing thanksgiving (I'm Canadian!) at my parents' this weekend. I know that there will be lots of treats at work- I must stay strong! Time to rest this body. Goodnight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitKatieB Posted October 7, 2012 Author Share Posted October 7, 2012 Ooops! i forgot to post my food for day 8. Meal 1: eggs, pumpkin, apple, cashews, coconut milk espresso Meal 2: meatloaf, zucchini, coconut oil tea, apple Meal 3: salmon, Korean beef, mixed veggies, sweet potato soup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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