WholeKitty Posted June 11, 2016 Author Share Posted June 11, 2016 I slipped on day 12 (Wednesday.) Then I had some candy and lemonade and such on Thursday, then ate desserts and such today at a bbq. I want to start again tomorrow. I want to do my meals as suggested and get this right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whole40kelly Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 You have done so well, and your only human! We all slip at times, but good to heard that you are motivated to keep going. Best wishes to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 Day two compliant and I'm laying in bed. It feels good to be back in it. I feel safe and good being on "this side." The days I was "out" eating sugar and grains and dairy I felt untethered. It's the *staying* on the right side of the diet change that is hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 Good morning day 4! Woke up early, naturally, feeling ready to jump out of bed and start the day! This happened the last time (when I made it to 12 days.) It's definitely my favorite side effect thus far! I love waking up early, even if I need a nap later, that's fine. I'm almost out of my pre-made -paleo meals so I need to start shopping for groceries and cooking again. I'm a little nervous about that- definitely muy weakness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 I slipped today. I let myself get too hungry, then I passed a famous dessert shop and it was just too much to bare. I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness when I told myself no, and then another part of me, like a rebellious child, said "oh yah? I'll show You!" Tomorrow back to day one. I won't give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ShannonM816 Posted June 18, 2016 Moderators Share Posted June 18, 2016 I slipped today. I let myself get too hungry, then I passed a famous dessert shop and it was just too much to bare. I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness when I told myself no, and then another part of me, like a rebellious child, said "oh yah? I'll show You!" Tomorrow back to day one. I won't give up. Good job getting right back on track. Now, make a plan -- how will you avoid this situation in the future? Is it reasonable for you to pack a meal to take with you when you leave the house? Or at least a pouch or can of tuna or salmon or some jerky or an Epic bar? (I wouldn't go for Larabars or RXBars -- both are sweet and might be tempting to eat even if you weren't truly hungry.) If you know you're going to be out all day, think of lunch as a picnic. Pack up a meal in a cooler or lunch bag, find a nice place to sit, and enjoy your meal. I'd also suggest exploring why going without dessert makes you sad and rebellious. There are all kinds of yummy foods that you can have on Whole30, and all the desserts that you like will still be there when your 30 days are done. Sometimes it helps to reframe things -- instead of saying, "I can't have dessert," think of it as, "I'm choosing not to have dessert right now. I'll have it some other time, but right now, Whole30 is more important to me than eating sugar." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 Didn't plan today and was in a parade. Between running around preparing and leaving some important costume stuff to the last minute, I didn't eat until about 4pm and was non compliant. Tomorrow my dad is taking me out to eat as a belated birthday dinner, and I've already researched and choosen a compliant restaurant. Feeling pretty excited by that. Between the parade and everything I walked 19,200 steps today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Day one!! AND I went grocery shopping! Woo hoo! I've been sleeping a lot and waking up feeling hungover. I feel like that's directly related to sugar consumption, because I all but went away when I was on W30 for 12 days. Looking forward to waking up well rested once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 24, 2016 Author Share Posted June 24, 2016 Today is day 5. Gotta eat breakfast. Sometimes I hate feeding myself; it feels like such a hassle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 Day 6 down. Exhausted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 Seven days. I cannot believe it! It's still hard at times, but I genuinely feel so much freedom. I almost never think about sugar unless I let myself get too hungry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watergirl Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Kitty, From a fellow sugar addict, CONGRATULATIONS! I loved reading this thread. It was honest and real about the struggles you are facing; and each time you stumbled in the beginning, brushed yourself off and starred again, I silently cheered. KEEP GOING! I am at day 29 of my first whole30, so I really do t feel like I am in any position to offer advice. I just wanted to let you know I'm pulling for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 Thank you Watergirl!! Yesterday was a full throttle snack-attack day. Well, by the end of the day at least. Let me start over. I had a big yummy breakfast and snack, but then waited too long for lunch. Also I have a big presentation this morning I was procrastinating on. Nothing was hitting "the spot." Not sure whether that spot was emotional or physical. Anyways, my lover came over and we were both starting, ordered bbq, I got naked pulled pork (because I don't need to read ingredients to know that basically every barbeque sauce has sweetener) and homemade fries- bc they were the only side with compliant ingredients :::cough cough:::. Well, I had a vague sense I was being none too smart... Then when I started eating them I immediately felt FWOB and panicky. No surprise there since I had suppressed the fact that ALL fried starches are expressly NOT COMPLIANT!! I faintly remembered this, and then took a bite of my lover's brisket w BBQ sauce! So Yah, there's no way around it, I slipped. And even though I hadn't fully admitted it to myself that night, two things I noticed about the rest of that day 1) I was jonesing hardcore and snacking on "compliant" foods like a desperate maniac. Nothing felt like enough. 2) I felt "bad" about my body and was thinking about my food/body constantly. 3) I woke up this morning feeling like I've been hit by a truck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 So today is either day 1 of W30 or Day 9 of W45. Well, I probably need to do a W45 anyways, but I want my results to be as accurate as possible. Then again, the amount ingested was probably more psychologically damaging than physically. Will it be more psychologically damaging to be on day 1 again? Or will slipping and continuing to count create a crack for me to slip through and abuse? Maybe I don't need to decide today. Just for today I can be compliant with W30 rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoMoreCrunchyCravings Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I like that-- just for today you can be compliant. Sometimes I went meal by meal, like just for this meal I can be compliant and will feel full and satisfied. It would help me get to my next meal where I'd say the same thing to myself... helped me get through a few tough days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watergirl Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Don't beat yourself up - you recognized your slip - almost immediately, and even though that strictly means starting over (whether it's whole 30 or whole 45), you didn't let that slip become a landslide. I say start fresh! Forget the past. it's done. I can say with absolute certainty that if you do not follow the program exactly, then you will not get the same sense of pride and accomplishment at the end. You have also experienced the downside of your slip and don't want to feel that way again. I'm sorry that happened. You are only human. You can do this. Just remember, there are MUCH harder things in life that you will go through, that you will have no choice but to endure. THIS is a choice. You are CHOOSING to treat yourself well and give yourself the best food possible for 30 days. You deserve it! You. Can. Do. This. Meal by meal, hour by hour, day by day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 Thank y'all for the encouragement. That minor slip allowed me to get sloppy and last night I had a very non-compliant diner followed by sugary sorbet. The sorbet didn't actually set me off like I thought it would, maybe because I had eaten a big dinner? Maybe because I was on a date and preoccupied by the handsome creature sitting across from me? Either way, I'm ready to start fresh again. Now I know, unequivocally, that SOMETHING about the W30 rules helps me sleep/energy levels. I don't know what it is- the lack of dairy, sugar, grains etc, the addition of more fats...- but I know it without a doubt. I even joked on my date about how I was going to be "hungover" this morning... he didn't get it. And until I started trying W30 I wouldn't have gotten it either. But it's TRUE, I feel like I've woken up trapped in a sleeping bag when I eat "normal." When I eat W30 I wake up feeling energetic and refreshed. You would think that would be motivation enough to be compliant, wouldn't you? Not so with me. My punishment/reward centers are all twisted up from years of drug and alcohol abuse. But enough of that. I don't need punishment or reward to know that I very much want to get to thirty days. Something does happen, around day 7-X, where it gets really hard, and I start thinking "what's the harm of just a little? Maybe I'm being too strict..." or some such nonsense. I need to look out for this. My top priority these next 30 days NEEDS to be never letting myself get too hungry!!! I call it "Food Fear." Food Fear is when I'm "suddenly" ravenous (usually from planning meals poorly or not eating enough fat/protein frequently enough, etc), then the fear kicks in and I start panicking internally, and feeling like THERE IS NOT ENOUGH FOOD, I WILL NEVER GET ENOUGH FOOD TO BE, NOTHING WILL SATISFY ME. This is when I start eating compulsively and renegotiating the firm, but gentle, boundaries I've set for myself (aka W30 guidelines.) Once I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 sorry, post continued: I call it "Food Fear." Food Fear is when I'm "suddenly" ravenous (usually from planning meals poorly or not eating enough fat/protein frequently enough, etc), then the fear kicks in and I start panicking internally, and feeling like THERE IS NOT ENOUGH FOOD, I WILL NEVER GET ENOUGH FOOD, NOTHING WILL SATISFY ME. This is when I start eating compulsively and renegotiating the firm, but gentle, boundaries I've set for myself (aka W30 guidelines.) Once I'm in that state it's basically "anything goes! Nothing matters!" Then after I calm down, I emerge remorseful once again. Another lie I tell myself is that I've gotten "better" so why do I need to get it "perfect." LIke "x days is better than none, so why do I need to get all the way to 30?" And that's a good question, that I need to answer for myself right now. Why DO I need to get all the way to 30? Hmmm.. well, for one thing to achieve a sense of agency and accomplishment. There is a part of me that does not believe I have any choice in, or control over, what I put in my body. Even one day of not eating sugar is more than I could do before joining W30, I can only dream of how proud I would feel at 30 days! Another reason to complete the W30 is curiosity. I know only one benefit (sleep/ energy) but I can only imagine what else there is for me! I'll never know unless I do it! And lastly, I want to do the W30 to get to the other side. Like that old joke about climbing a mountain just because it's there. Don't overthink it, just do it to do it. It's only 30 days. I can opine, philosophize, wax poetic all I want once I get to the other side. JFT- Just For Today OMAT- One Meal At a Time NOB- Not One Bite HALT- never get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fmr_sailor Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I attempted my very first Whole30 last July 1st, and then over the next two months, I started and quit about 5-6 times. The furthest I ever made it was meal two on day 15. I took a break after the beginning of September from trying to complete a Whole30 until January 1st, when I started again. I made it a few days and quit. Didn't try again and said I never would but decided to give it another go. I did a sort of "dress rehearsal" on the 28th and 29th, then started day one today. Over this past year, my attempts have changed the way I eat even though I never completed it. After reading through your log, you seem to be experiencing many of the same emotions I did during all my stops and starts last year. All in all I ended up with 31 compliant days, even though they weren't all consecutive! Lol. If you want to keep attempting to complete a Whole30, be happy about all the compliant days you've already had. Days with good nutrition that wouldn't otherwise have been there. And maybe you want to consider stepping away for a little while then returning at a later date to the Whole30. I wish you success with whatever path you choose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watergirl Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 sorry, post continued: I call it "Food Fear." Food Fear is when I'm "suddenly" ravenous (usually from planning meals poorly or not eating enough fat/protein frequently enough, etc), then the fear kicks in and I start panicking internally, and feeling like THERE IS NOT ENOUGH FOOD, I WILL NEVER GET ENOUGH FOOD, NOTHING WILL SATISFY ME. This is when I start eating compulsively and renegotiating the firm, but gentle, boundaries I've set for myself (aka W30 guidelines.) Once I'm in that state it's basically "anything goes! Nothing matters!" Then after I calm down, I emerge remorseful once again. Another lie I tell myself is that I've gotten "better" so why do I need to get it "perfect." LIke "x days is better than none, so why do I need to get all the way to 30?" And that's a good question, that I need to answer for myself right now. Why DO I need to get all the way to 30? Hmmm.. well, for one thing to achieve a sense of agency and accomplishment. There is a part of me that does not believe I have any choice in, or control over, what I put in my body. Even one day of not eating sugar is more than I could do before joining W30, I can only dream of how proud I would feel at 30 days! Another reason to complete the W30 is curiosity. I know only one benefit (sleep/ energy) but I can only imagine what else there is for me! I'll never know unless I do it! And lastly, I want to do the W30 to get to the other side. Like that old joke about climbing a mountain just because it's there. Don't overthink it, just do it to do it. It's only 30 days. I can opine, philosophize, wax poetic all I want once I get to the other side. JFT- Just For Today OMAT- One Meal At a Time NOB- Not One Bite HALT- never get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired All I can say is, I have so much respect for everything you just said. I have read that Melissa had her own substance abuse issues. I can't remember exactly how she described what I'm about to say, but it was in a podcast and she basically said something about how the strictness of the Whole30 really worked with her particular psychological makeup, or something like that - maybe it had to do with having an addictive personality or a biological tendency toward addiction, but I found it fascinating. I thinks SO many people who abuse food don't really see it as a form of drug abuse, but I think it often is. Reliance on food for a "high," or as "comfort," or as an "escape" from our problems is exactly the same as using a drug to achieve the same effect. I'm just going to throw this out there - perhaps using the same principle/strategies you employed to overcome substance addiction would help you along the Whole30? I don't know - I am no expert, that's for sure. And of course, we cannot eliminate food from our lives as we can heroin, or other substances. But it may be worth considering how you approached your journey to abstinence and see if any of those same shifts in your mindset might help you on W30. And remember, you are CHOOSING this. YOU are in control. NO one is making you do W30. Remembering that you have all the power in your relationship with food helped me tremendously when I found myself haveing those conversations with myself such as, "why can't I have that?" When I reframed the conversation as "I am choosing not to have that," it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I can have anything I want. I am choosing not to, for right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 Woke up this morning, day 5, thinking I had slipped. But I'm 99% sure that was just in a dream. I've been waking up feeling soooooo tired. I've not been getting the energy benefits this time around. I'm not really doing anything differently than the last few attempts.... Which means I'm doing it as imperfectly as before, haha! Worked out yesterday and that was awesome!! I cooked a chicken breast and ate half an hour before and the other half 10 min after. I'm super proud of myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 When on a straight sugar BINGE for three days straight. Well, two days of actual binging and today was just a grain and sugar heavy dinner. Cooking feels so exhausting when I'm hungry. It's such a chore,*especially* in the morning for breakfast. I avoid doing it and end up eating hours and hours after I've born awake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 I want to start doing the meals right, and I'm going away most of the week and next weekend, so I'm going to stock up on REAL food and start again next Tuesday. My goal between now and then is to refrain from baked goods and "dessert"-like foods, as well as attempt to use the template at 2 out of 3 meals a day. Wish me luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeKitty Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 I think I'm going to plan my meals three days in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ShannonM816 Posted July 11, 2016 Moderators Share Posted July 11, 2016 I think I'm going to plan my meals three days in advance. Some people like a strict plan, and if you like that option, great, go for it, but for some of us it works best to do a big cookup over the weekend of enough food to last most of the week. This way, there's always food in the fridge, but you're not having to eat salmon on Tuesday because that's what the calendar says, when really you would rather have chicken that day and have the salmon for breakfast the next. Here's an example of how the weekly cookup can work, and here's a more concrete one-week meal plan using that concept. If you notice, she uses several different sauces, which can be combined with different proteins, so you change up the flavor of the meals without having to cook separate meals from scratch each time. Again, if you think the planning three days at a time is best for you, do that, but if that doesn't work, this could be another option to try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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