Jtandi Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 that's totally not a hijack. I think you might be where you are supposed to be? I am same height and so I know the whole "healthy range" for us. I am at 150 right now but in my mind I still dream of my days at 115. then I look at myself in the mirror and can't imagine how I could have ever weighed that little. why can't there be an emoticon of someone smacking themselves in the face?! because that stupid pan of lemon blueberry muffins is now gone. it was my lunch. all of it (or what was left - so about 6 muffins). AND I ate them with butter on them. which I didn't think would affect me. but it did. I was in the middle of a meeting at my daughter's school tonight when I got my "fuzzy" aura feeling. dang. well, they're GONE and ain't no more coming into this house. I had a great day at CF so that was at least nice (that was pre-muffin binge). here was my problem: I have no meat in the house that was made. I have to make some food tomorrow or I will keep coming up against this problem. ugh. such a pain. I made lamb steaks last night (I've never had lamb before) and I wasn't really impressed, I didn't really like it that much, so even though I have some left over I didn't want to eat it. at least I bought it on sale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbournegirl Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Jess, I can't help laughing and sharing the smacking in the face... Don't worry, it's really quite normal... And a bit of a stress reaction still to the changes you are making. I am having less and less of these episodes now. Partly because I have got smarter... I go through periods without the ingredients or triggers in the house or I buy small portions only or I have learnt a few single serve serve substitutes that hit the spot instead.. But also because I have less guilt... So I ate a bit too much "healthy" food... Maybe I'll go for an extra walk or two this week. So I'm having wine or chocolate every day this week, that's okay maybe I won't have any next week. I'm not going to eat jelly beans or real cakes or ice cream ever again so I can afford a bit of leeway... My clothes still fit and I can run 6km so what's to worry! You are still getting stronger and healthier so don't beat yourself up. Enjoy a meal without veggies for a change, you are for sure eating 5 x the national average.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 Good advice Juzbo! I am telling myself the same thing about my apple/almond butter habit - I'd like to stop it, but at least it's not ice cream or cereal, so don't beat myself up over it. I have a feeling we'll all have to keep tweaking, though, to keep moving in the right direction instead of backwards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 yes, true! I have two dark chocolate squares every night. and I don't feel bad about it, I love the taste, but I do NOT allow myself to eat them in the kitchen. I have to sit down and enjoy them. but the muffins?! ugh. you know that feeling when you haven't had a good, descent meal, and then for one meal you finally can? oh. dinner last night was fantastic. I had some chicken with gravy that I pulled out of my freezer, and slices a tomato in 1/2, put some cheddar (goat) cheese on it, melted it down...holy yum. I felt so fantastic afterwards, full but not stuffed. what a great feeling! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 yes, true! I have two dark chocolate squares every night. and I don't feel bad about it, I love the taste, but I do NOT allow myself to eat them in the kitchen. I have to sit down and enjoy them. but the muffins?! ugh. I think your rule about chocolate is excellent! II bought myself a bar of 82% non-dairy chocolate and yesterday afternoon found myself reaching for it after I discovered my kids dumped our compost bucket in the tub. Chocolate has/had become my "Calgon, take me away!" escape in those moments. I stopped myself yesterday, but did nibble on it this am when things got crazy and my breakfast wasn't happening fast enough. And I would love to come to CA. I bet those would make amazing photos for my website. I've only been there 2X, and the first was when I was 4 so it doesn't really count. My brothers lived in SD for a year, but I was too broke to visit them. I really wanted to hate SF, being a NYer and secretly feeling inferior, but I couldn't believe how amazing the landscape gets right outside of the city! You have to drive for five hours out of NYC to see something half as beautiful. And the produce! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 10, 2013 Author Share Posted May 10, 2013 Beets - this is true, I do love the beauty here, & the fresh produce...but my husband and I met and lived in Boston before we moved out here. that is actually where I would live if I had my choice, but for now it's California. we are a bit out of the city (about 45 minutes) and I don't really get up there so we're in suburbia...good for somethings, bad for others. I do miss the east coast. I can't ever tell him, it's his dream to move back there (where he grew up) but my parents moved out here from MN to be near us and I don't think they are going to re-locate again! plus, his family is crazy. like serious crazy. I am having a SUPER cranky moment tonight. went to my therapist today and we talked a lot about my control issues (did I mention my control issues? I have? 'cause they're killing me). mostly about my need to talk to my daughter's coach about why she wasn't picked for team, etc. it's just really frustrating and I felt horrible and all of a sudden like I might have ruined her chances of moving to team because I was being "that mom" and it was just all a lot. it's one of those situations where, looking back, I can see all the times I made these choices that I knew weren't right, but I wanted to do them anyways. my daughter handled it better (well, more maturely) than I did. argh. life is hard, isn't it?! stupid life. SO, tonight was some extra chocolate. the rest of the day was fine, but I just ate an extra 2 squares tonight (with my whole sitting down, not eating in the kitchen, etc) and actually it wasn't that great. like, right now, I don't even want to go for more. sheesh. when I got sober they talked a lot about people who went out drinking again and the saying goes "a belly full of booze and a head full of AA" - basically the realization that knowledge about our addiction basically ruins any relief we may have gotten from drinking. that's how I was feeling about that chocolate. knowing all I know, all I've learned, the chocolate just doesn't taste as good as it did, doesn't fill the same void or stifle the emotions like it used to. so....I guess I'm left to deal with my feelings and march on. woot woot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbournegirl Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 Sad but true.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 11, 2013 Author Share Posted May 11, 2013 OH, another day...yesterday was pretty uneventful. ate my normal sweet potato hash/eggs for breakfast around 8, CF at noon and home to have lunch around 2:30. I've found that I'm eating bigger meals with longer space between (I've upped my morning eggs to 4 and more hash). for lunch I had a handful of macadamia nuts, two chorizo sausages in a huge bowl of butternut squash soup, a banana and some blueberries. I wasn't hungry again all day, I did have my chocolate before bed, but I wasn't really hungry so no dinner. we went over to a friend's house in the afternoon - we both have an older girl and a younger girl. I spewed my whole emotional stuff all over her. I'm still feeling anxious and guilty and wishing I could take my actions back, but I'm trying to work through it. just taking it a step at a time. we got back to her house and the kids were hungry. we had planned to go out to a burger joint but, like I said, I wasn't hungry and she didn't feel like leaving the house so she ordered a pizza and salad. she was worried about eating in front of me/etc and it was hard to explain that it really doesn't bother me at all. seriously?! I can't believe that. what an amazing truth. she has struggled with food like me but has decided to go the "eat for life" route. she eats tons of legumes and grains. she is supposed to eat 2 lbs of veggies a day. they are only allowed to have 1 TBSP of olive oil A DAY and no salt. we talk a LOT about food and her husband is adamant I will need coronary stents any day. he actually had three placed a couple months ago (he's maybe 40?). he's a doctor and subscribes to the SAD. I've shared my success and lab work, etc with her but he doesn't want to hear it. she keeps going off and binging on sweets and complains a lot about the taste of her food but how she knows she will get used to it at some point. I feel like I can't say anything more about it because we've talked about it so much and they are pretty set in their ways. I am tired today. I have to work and don't really feel in the mood, but I get to show up anyways. I just got an email that we are going on strike May 23-24 so we will probably be locked out until May 28th, so I'm looking forward to a couple days off there. sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbournegirl Posted May 11, 2013 Share Posted May 11, 2013 Hang in there Jess, and happy mothers day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 12, 2013 Author Share Posted May 12, 2013 after my huge meal yesterday afternoon (2:30?) I wasn't hungry until almost 2 today. I had two cups of coffee around 10am, but brought my standard breakfast to work since I just wasn't up for it. got hungry around noon but by then I was at work and unable to eat my real food, so I had a lara bar. 2pm I finally got to eat my delicious breakfast and was good until tonight around 8 when I got home. I had some cashew butter cabbage and threw in some ground beef. it was AMAZING! had my chocolate and now I can call it a night. hubby started working nights tonight. this will be his schedule from now on (7pm-7am). it's nice and quiet in the house but it wrecks havoc on him and he wants to sleep all the time. we he works nights we normally stop getting along because he's too tired to help out and I get resentful and angry. so I'm trying to be totally aware of that before I get my panties up in a wad. give him time, trust that it will balance out, that his body will adjust and he will continue to help me as much as he has been lately. there's talk of control and stress and whole30 on another log I'm in and I am realizing that some of this "acting out" that I'm doing (attempting to control everything, etc) is in direct proportion to how I am controlling my food. I feel like I'm finally in a place where I am not completely ruled by what I eat, but it seems that that throws off my balance and I feel out of control other places and try to control other situations. don't know if that makes sense, but it just seems like I need some crazy in my life somewhere and if I'm not getting crazy with my food I create crazy in my life. poopers. time to sit back and take a breath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 Happy Mother's Day, Jess. I get needing some crazy in our lives. I think a lot of people feel that way. We struggle with needing control and not wanting to be in charge of everything. I think mom's feel that way the most, but maybe I'm wrong on that. I know I do, at least. I feel a need to control everything but at the same time resent always being in charge. Sometimes, it would be nice if someone else figured stuff out! Hang in there! I hope the night shift isn't too hard on the family. I can only imagine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 dang it. I am SO tired today. I haven't been going to bed on time, but I think...I think it might be the chocolate. I ate a chocolate bar last night (of course! because it was mother's day!!) and I am just so foggy and exhausted feeling. I guess it's a few days without it and see how I feel. looking back I see how cranky and short tempered I've been, too. I feel like I have already had to let go of cheese because of a bad reaction and I don't want to have to give up chocolate, too. sigh. I had a great mother's day yesterday with my girls. my husband worked Saturday night and then again last night, so he wasn't really around. they brought me breakfast in bed (my daughter heated up some of my sweet potato hash and brought me a glass of orange juice. I didn't want to tell her I couldn't eat the hash without my eggs, but she was fine with it). 10 minutes after my breakfast arrived the orange juice was spilled, their milk was spilled, I was already cleaning and doing the laundry! oh, I love them. we went to see Billy Elliot and I brought some snacks into the play. it started at 1pm so I wasn't hungry before. I had a lara bar, some macadamia nuts, and a piece of dried mango. on the way home we stopped at Rubio's (my daughter's favorite...) and I got some tortilla chips and salsa. that was my dinner with the chocolate bar. I don't exactly know which is responsible for my foggy brain today, but I really think it was the chocolate. the chips weren't good. I was so bummed. but I really just wanted the salsa, which I love. but I found myself eating them like I always have - without thinking. just eating eating eating. had to stop and take a step back and decide to either a) slow down and enjoy them and really taste them or stop eating them. I slowed down. today is a new day. I work today which is good and bad. I will have my lunch so it's easier but I work 11a-7p and so my first break isn't until 3 usually. so I either try to eat a late breakfast or bring a small something to eat before my lunch (usually an avocado or a lara bar, etc.) I'm not hungry right now so I may try the late breakfast, depends on how I feel within the next hour or two. I'm ok with doing that as long as I don't drink some coffee in the mean time to "hold me over". food first, coffee second. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted May 13, 2013 Moderators Share Posted May 13, 2013 dang it. I am SO tired today. I haven't been going to bed on time, but I think...I think it might be the chocolate. I ate a chocolate bar last night (of course! because it was mother's day!!) and I am just so foggy and exhausted feeling. I guess it's a few days without it and see how I feel. looking back I see how cranky and short tempered I've been, too. I feel like I have already had to let go of cheese because of a bad reaction and I don't want to have to give up chocolate, too. sigh. My best guess is it's not chocolate in and of itself. Looks like you were eating a lot of sugars and almost no protein. I think it's probably more that combo (or lack thereof) that's affecting your blood sugars. If I were you, I would probably get back to the template asap and stick to it for a couple days and maybe step away from the dried fruits, starches, and chocolate during that time, then bring back the chocolate with a meal once you feel your blood sugar stabilize again. It might not affect you badly when your diet is more balanced. Just a thought! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 great idea LadyM! I like it! and it's very true, the day just wasn't consistent and the day was inconsistent and I'd only had one true meal. yesterday was better. I worked and I did wait to eat until 10am. and I waited to have my coffee too! breakfast was my usual. around 2pm I had a lara bar and was able to eat lunch about 1/2 hour later. I brought some almond butter cabbage and mixed in some ground beef. anyone eat hamburger helper as a kid? that's what it reminded me of. except more tasty and delicious! because I ate so late I got home and wasn't that hungry. I ended up eating a couple tomatoes and a little goat cheese for dinner. up this morning and I'm my normal hungry self, that feels great! I've got a chicken to put into the crockpot for nomnom's chicken and gravy - one of my absolute favorites! and gives me some meals for a couple days! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbournegirl Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Hi Jess, I'm finding it easy to get though the day now, a good breakfast helps. Yesterday I had an unplanned phone meeting from 1200 to 1330 and didn't even think much about the time or being hungry... Today only had a work provided tuna salad and was fine until about 530, didn't bother with my emergency soup and fruit either and completely ignored the cakes... Your chicken sounds yum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 Juzbo - it is AMAZING! I love it. I could eat the entire thing. Tuesday I had normal breakfast, CF at noon and got some salad at Trader Joe's for lunch. I bought 3 different salads and had kind of a mix of all of them. dressings weren't compliant (there was sugar in all of them) and they put sugar in their chicken. seriously? WTF is up with that?! it's so annoying. I was just happy my chicken was in the crock pot. we went out to dinner at a great burger joint, I had the bacon guac burger, it was fantastic. I added some chipotle ketchup (they make their own) and so I'm sure there was sugar in the bacon and the ketchup. I had my small amount of chocolate and no problems with fatigue/etc. so maybe LadyM is onto something! I hope so!! yesterday I had usual breakfast, finally got to eat my chicken and gravy and a nice big side of cauliflower asian fried rice. it was so fantastic. then last night we went to celebrate our neighbor's daughter's graduation. her school puts it on and they had tri tip as food. they gave us each like 3 small pieces, white potatoes, a huge chunk of garlic bread, and an iceberg lettuce salad. I ate my tri tip. it was actually really really good, but not enough by far! I even had a little of my hubby's. they had strawberries, cream puffs, and chocolate sauce for dessert. I ate the strawberries and dipped them in some of the chocolate - it was hershey's syrup (I could tell from the first taste) and left the puffs. needless to say a small amount of tri tip and 3 strawberries wasn't enough...came home and made myself another plate of chicken & gravy and fried rice. YUM. and then ate an avocado because I still felt hungry. I find that if I'm craving chocolate/sugar/etc I can eat an avocado and feel completely fine and the craving vanishes. I just have to REMEMBER to do it. I got up this morning and knew I didn't have any eggs left in the house, called my parents and walked over to their house...they had ONE egg left. so my breakfast this morning was one sad and lonely egg with sweet potato hash. yes, I know you don't have to eat eggs for breakfast, but I have to. I will die if I don't. something bad and horrible will happen. and so I also did the unthinkable - I had TWO cups of iced coffee with hazelnut milk. I was having a panic attack and hungry. stupid. I can't WAIT to go to sleep tonight...we were home late last night and the past two nights I've gone to bed at 11pm. WAY too late for me. latest is 10 tonight...zzzzzzzzz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbournegirl Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Zzzzzzzzzzz sleep well. My burger and salad at 12pm got me through to not getting home from work till after 7pm... Love it... And there has been candy on the table all week that I have completely ignored.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 19, 2013 Author Share Posted May 19, 2013 I worked yesterday and food was as follows: breakfast - sweet potato hash and 4 eggs. if possible I eat this late on days I work because of my work schedule/times, but I was hungry when I woke up, so by the time I got to work I was getting hungry snack - I ended up eating two lara bars. breakfast was at 7am, so by 2pm I was over-hungry. then I got a break around 2:45, had chicken and gravy and almond butter cabbage. and an avocado. yum dinner last night was AMAZING! I found a bbq sauce at WF that uses honey and molasses and no sugar (regular or brown). I bought a rack of ribs (pork), cooked a little onion and garlic, threw them in the crock pot, dumped the sauce on top, and cooked those suckers on low for 8 hours. they were unreal. I didn't sit down to eat dinner, I ate them while standing up in the kitchen. I couldn't even put them down long enough to walk out. and I ended the night with a little dark chocolate. this morning I had my usual breakfast, but for lunch I was out with my girls. we had Thai and I had chicken satay with peanut sauce and some rice. I haven't eaten peanuts or rice since Jan.1 so I am a little uncomfortable with the fact that I did today. I'm having a hard time dealing with not being strict and old fears of all of a sudden gaining a whole bunch of weight or going off the deep end eating poorly. my mind immediately goes to two solutions: 1. I need to starve myself for the rest of the day to make sure I don't gain any weight or 2. I need to eat any and all things I've missed since I've already eaten something not 100% compliant. needless to say I did neither of those things. my family went to pinkberry after our day out, I didn't have any (voice in the back of my head: "you should just have a mini one. let today be your day") thought about getting chips and salsa from Rubios. or a burger from five guys (which is fine but the reality was I wasn't hungry...I just wanted to eat it). then, when I got home I had a lara bar (by then I was actually hungry and felt this was a great alternative to the pinkberry) and a handful of nuts. I bought some salsa the other day at WF. I love salsa but didn't want to buy tortilla chips to eat with it (food without brakes here). and when I got home today I realized I had bought some plantain chips...I had some chips and salsa and realized quickly that I needed some protein with it or I would be full without eating a true meal. pulled out a salad I had from the other day, threw in my leftover chicken, and it was great. I am straying in that I have eaten salad with non-compliant dressing several times this past week. (ok...3 times, but that seems like a lot). I am fully aware of it and I feel uncomfortable about it. I am trying to strike a good balance and trying to relax if I am eating a basic meal according to the template. my biggest concern is with cheese since that is where I have problems, but I really do want to lose another 10 or so lbs. and so many people have been commenting lately on my weight loss I have a lot of fear of gaining back. I feel like it's too obvious at this point to go back. anyways, that's my brain vomit for today. back to work tomorrow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbournegirl Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 I've off roaded a lot today with orange juice, dates, potato chips, 50% chocolate, coffee and last night rice cakes and popcorn and too much cocoa and not surprisingly didnt sleep well. Had some candy today too first time all year.... I am blaming hormones and stress. Actually I don't feel too bad considering and feel quite happy to move on. Still nourished my body with real meals and didnt do any major damage no gluten or dairy and sugar would have been less than a can of soda and I have been feeling very healthy lately due to the quality of my meals so its easy for me to continue with real eating, already have tomorrows food ready to go so back to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 20, 2013 Author Share Posted May 20, 2013 worked yesterday and started at 7am unlike my normal 11am start time. made my breakfast and brought it with me, didn't eat until 9 when I got a break, but I actually wasn't hungry before that. which made my second break around 1 all about sitting and relaxing - I was hungry yet. when I got home at 4 I ate my lunch I had brought with me - almond butter cabbage with ground beef. I had a lara bar and a little dark chocolate, too. for dinner I had my left over pork ribs and some plantain chips with salsa...and a little more dark chocolate. so overall I'm pretty happy with the day! the bad part? I got completely sun burned on Saturday at the festival. like my shoulders look like I painted them pink. it wasn't so bad yesterday, but it is so painful today I can barely believe it. sigh. I work again tomorrow and I have to make some treats for a BBQ they are having at my work on Wednesday to honor all our paramedics. I wasn't going to make anything but I was told the other girls who usually bake are out of town. I'm planning on doing one paleo and one non paleo dessert (7 layer bars (non) and ginger snap). 7 layer bars are awesome and I don't want to eat any so I'm planning on the paleo cookies for if I am desperate for something for myself. I have such a crazy day on Wednesday I don't really plan on being at the BBQ, but I may stay for a few minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Those ribs sound amazing. I have to try some. I hope things are ok with your husband working at night. I know that would really stress me out and be hard on our marriage--mostly bc I would get all jammed up about my husband not being able to help, and then I'd feel guilty about being mad at him for needing to sleep. Would he try those amber goggles Michelle at Nom Nom uses? They seem to help her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Ooh! Sorry you got burned. I burn so easily, too. I think my plan for our BBQ is to be too busy to go. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtandi Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 I have to check out those goggles. I think they would be awesome. I told him he at least needs to wear dark sunglasses. but he's a man. and he doesn't listen. so far things have been ok, but I have the exact problem you are describing. he can't help because he's too tired and so I get mad and resentful and forget that he's completely awake every night and then I feel guilty when I realize how tired he must be. ah, never ending circle! VICTORY yesterday! and a bit of a disappointment...started off the day great with my normal breakfast. didn't really have a lunch ready to eat and at the same time decided to start to try to figure out a paleo dessert to bring with to a bbq at work. found a small dixie cup (one not lined with wax obviously), threw a big spoonful of coconut butter on the bottom, covered with dark chocolate chips (I finally found some 70%), then some slivered almonds, and a bit of honey on top. microwaved for about 30 seconds and let cool. they were great, I ate 2 or three. then I wasn't hungry for lunch. by the time I was semi hungry it was 3pm, I was getting ready to go to CF at 4, still hadn't made any lunch. so I had a lara bar and an avocado. seriously!? I know better than that. on the way home I got a call from my daughter, she made her gymnastics team (moves over on June 17) and I told her I would pick up some Thai on the way home. started with ordering chicken pad thai but switched it to green curry with extra veggies and chicken. ate that and some satay chicken with peanut sauce and rice. I kind of wish I would've gotten the pad thai but thought that would have way more sugar. again, I have had no reactions to the rice or the peanuts. so I'm not super happy with my food choices yesterday, but, again, I have to remember where I've come from! this is a process! and now...the SUCCESS - I decided not to make any of my paleo "desserts" for the bbq. there was no reason and I was looking for one to have some of those desserts myself. so I decided to just make regular desserts for everyone else. made some amazing looking brownie cookies and two pans of brownies (about 9 or 10 dozen cookies)...and I didn't have even one. I didn't even eat a frickin CRUMB. or lick the spoon or bowl! holy crap! I seriously cannot believe it. and this morning I didn't come downstairs and eat any in the kitchen where my girls couldn't see me. and I didn't sneak downstairs last night after everyone was in bed! they are all packed up to bring to work today and I left about a dozen for my family. this was probably my hardest challenge so far in my journey. but I made a commitment to myself that I would have desserts/cake on my family's birthdays only. four times a year. and no more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Congrats to your daughter! I bet she feels great! Great job baking without sampling! That is so hard for me, too, and I feel great when I can do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbournegirl Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 It's a good feeling Jess, well done! I make similar chocolate cups but using cocoa powder and dried fruit instead of chocolate chips and coconut oil... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.