SchrodingersCat

Just in terms of how I feel, I have vertigo (full body), forearm pain, I'm puffed up, I have anxiety, my motor skills are crap, I'm tired, unenthused and brain foggy. Why on earth do I do this.

Hooooo boy. 10 days completely off track and I have vertigo and feel like hell. It feels like a lot longer since I was on track. And when I say off track I mean I can't remember the last vegetable I ate. First thing, cut out the wine. Second thing, get back to whole foods and proper meals. We've just started a fresh 6 week lockdown due to an upsurge in cases, so it's not like I've got anywhere to be...

I forgot I had ratatoullie in the freezer, so lunch was that fried up shakshuka style with a couple of eggs, some nutritional yeast and hot sauce. My plan now isn't to be perfect, but to be *sensible*.

I bought cookies yesterday. They weren't very nice, but I still ate a bunch. This morning I threw the rest in the trash.

Wine wasn't so bad, though I forgot how yuck I feel after drinking, even when it's not a hangover, it's just a feeling of toxicity. Blergh. It also really disturbs my sleep and 100% ramps up my anxiety. Sooooo notice how I haven't been around for a few days? haha yeah, hiding my shame. I'm not going to laundry list all the crap I ate here, because it will just make me sad. But let's say that I feel garbage, I'm not proud and I really need to get back on track. Good thing, I guess, is that I don't appear to have any actual really nasty effects from any food - my cast iron stomach endures! So annoyed, I was due to go back to TKD today and the area where my dojang is has been locked down coz it's a covid hotspot so that's delayed again. Sigh. Anywhoo. Today's food will be an omelette with veggies and jamon for meal 1, and a beef stir fry for meal 2.

Yup, I certainly know myself, though heading it off is another story apparently lol. Yesterday was another garbage fest, at least I can say that there's no more of the tempting stuff in the house. Pizza, garlic bread, wasabi peanuts are all gone (so's the wine). Now to get back on track. Planning to head to Taekwondo tonight! Bit nervous, but I need to get back into it. Meal 1 today will be an omelette with mushrooms, broccolini, jamon Meal 2 will be beef and black pepper stirfry (carrots, mushroom, red pepper, snow peas, broccoli, cauli rice)

Well, I'm nothing if not predictable. 4 slices of cheesy crust pepperoni pizza, half a garlic bread, a lot of wasabi peanuts, salted peanuts, and some dark chocolate. Plus vodka AND wine. Go large or go home, huh? And y'know, I'd say I'm paying for it but in not, really. No evident signs of distress, save for the mild headache and a distinct lack of motivation. Now the challenge is to have this be one day and not a thing. Dinner tonight if beef and broccoli stir fry, with broccoli from my own garden.

What are the ingredients?

Weekend I have 2kg of tomatoes and 1.5kg of red peppers in the smoker, and zucchini and sweet potato chips in the dehydrator. I'm a bit meh on the old compliancy today, I know this feeling, it's that lead up to "f it". I'm trying to hold off, because next week is going to be a non-compliance splurge (friends coming over for 4h July small gathering, and I'll be making a bunch of REALLY not compliant food.). That needs to be the exception and not the reason to just go off track. It doesn't help that I braved (caved?) the scale again and I'm not really progressing on the weight thing. Finally back at TKD this week, so hoping that will shift things up a bit. So today I have had a leftover lamb chop because I was starving after mowing the lawn, shopping an food prepping. Actual meal 1 is chicken, spinach and pinenut patties wrapped in jamon, with leftover turnip/cauli/celeriac/carrot mash. Meal 2, I really don't know and that's where my "bugger it, treat yourself!" attitude is coming in. Trick is to treat myself without going completely off base.

So glad you liked it!!!

oK, dinner is seared lamb chops with anchovies, capers and sage, with pureed root vegetables and sauteed brussel sprouts.

OMG, me too! Either snacking to settle an off tummy, or snacking to settle anxiety. I used to joke I was squashing the butterflies with food. Yesterday I was 100%, 2 meals, one small mid-afternoon snack of a dozen stuffed olives. It's FriYAY!! I haven't heard from work whether or not we are back to 5 days next week, I'm hoping it's still 4 because I have some stuff to get done. But going back to 5 will be good, too. I haven't missed the $ but the extra is always nice. Not much planned for the weekend, hubster has his final assignment due on Monday (thank the gods) so he will be working on that. Hopefully once that is in, things can get back to some normal. I love that man like life itself, but he obsesses over things like this and it is all consuming. I want my weekends back. I have promised to take my MIL shopping, she stocks up on bulk cleaning stuff etc once every 12 months or so, and asked hubster if we could go this weekend, and he said no coz assignment, but I said I'd go. So that will break up tomorrow at least. I might also do some smoking and dehydrating this weekend, my stocks on smoked and dried peppers and tomatoes are very low. Also need to mow the lawn. Sigh. Thrill a minute around here. Anyway. Round up: It's been 17 days since I finished my round, and I have been compliant save for the sugar in some bacon, the wine, and sugar in the seasoned salt I put in my veg last night. So I guess I'm following the slow roll reintro pretty much to the letter? Meal 1: medley of leftovers, I have a bit of yesterday's soup, some veggies from my laksa on Tuesday, and some roasted veg from last night. I'll have all of those with a couple of boiled eggs just to clean out the fridge. Meal 2: No idea. Usual Friday issue - desire to cook something a little fancier is warring with my "who cares, all the days are the same anyway" attitude of the moment.

Haahaa I also have a deep fryer. I bring it out once a year for my 4th of July junkapalooza (it gets called Fatth of July). It was cheaper to buy one than rent it. But the way my house smells for a week after grosses me out!

I actually wonder if it is, because the snacking yesterday certainly did seem to make me feel yuck, though feeling yuck was also why I was snacking. Maybe that should be a reintro experiment for me! Thank you, I am feeling a lot better today, just having lunch now (jamon, cauli brocc soup with homemade chicken stock and coconut milk) and I'm not snacky at all. Which is good. It's amazing how much knock of effect drinking has on my health - it makes me slow, lazy, snacky, and really messes with my digestion.

Blugh, second night of crappy sleep, not as bad but not great, and I feel yuck and bloated. It's crazy, because when I look at everything I ate yesterday, not a single thing of it wasn't W30/paleo compliant, but it was all together so much more food than I've been having and it made me feel garbage. Plus I now have the attendant food guilts and demon on my shoulder telling me how bad I messed up and that I may as well just go and eat a whole pizza, or something. My body's issues with food are so easy compared to my mental ones! But, at least I'm feeling better today than I was yesterday and hopefully won't have the similar uncontrolled munchies. I still have gastric issues, unsurprisingly, I reckon that will take a few days to pass. Meal 1: Dunno. Kind of uninspired. I do have a bit of a hankering for soup, maybe a creamy bacon and broccoli one, I have half a can of coconut milk I need to use. Meal 2: Pork steaks, chilli, balsamic apple sauce, and roasted veggie medly I reckon.