Beets Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Goals for this post phase: continue meditation, avoid falling into a hole of turning to sugar and caffeine because I'm hungry or tired. The sugar and caffeine is cyclical: I'm too tired to cook so I drink more coffee, I drink too much coffee so I stay up too late, I don't feel like cooking the next day so I eat sugar, the sugar makes me tired so I drink more coffee. I know this. I know it leads to suffering and anxiety. I know that evenly spaced template meals are the solution and the way to avoid being a broken record. Starting a new post-whole log rather than hopping on my last one. That one was AIP and this isn't and I don't want to mix it all up. I finished off my whole log here: http://forum.whole9life.com/topic/25107-much-needed-w30/page-4. m1 10am salmon, sauteed cabbage, black coffee About to exercise. I just wrote about the end of my whole. I'm feeling a little down after a weekend of off-roading and I'm bummed that that is putting a damper on what I felt of the benefits of my whole. So I might revist that topic. Will be back with more template meals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 The sleep/slip cycle is a nasty one. I struggle with it as well. For me the lack of sleep feeds my laziness which ironically leads to more lack of sleep. So hard to get off of the crazy trains. Looking forward to reading how this round of off-roading goes for you. Don't let your weekend dampen your fabulous results. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in the choices you made this weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Don't feel down. You haven't "put a damper" on anything. You lived and today you can live and make choices all over again. Hopefully some of those choices will reflect the benefits you found during your latest W30. A little exercise, some greens - get to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted March 18, 2015 Moderators Share Posted March 18, 2015 Welcome to the other side again! It's just a little post-W30 slump, which is to be expected. Blame the sugar more than anything. I think of it and alcohol (just another form of sugar, really) as powerful depressants. But one foot in front of the other, one template meal after another, soon you'll be right as rain. Just think of the 27 jeans. Trust and love those tangible results and the rest will follow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 THanks guys! You're all right. The sugar is getting me down. It was funny because I got chocolate because I wanted to enjoy it, and then I ate it and didn't enjoy it and my instinct was to power through the not-liking till I got to the point where I enjoyed it. It's like how when I first quit smoking and then I'd have a cigarette with friends and it would be awful but I'd power through the awfulness. That is just so weird. I need to accept and listen to the initial reaction. Like with the wine. M, I was psyhed about the jeans but really I hate thinking that the wine and sugar and off-road eating might interrupt my mindfulness/meditation journey. It's satisfying to fit into the jeans but I still see room for improvement. Not size per se but shape. I was feeling so good about the mindfulness and I want to get back on that train--and of course the eating well and the mindfulness go hand in hand and inform and help each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Welcome back to post land and congrats on finishing another 30! That's great. It's hard to find a sustainable balance afterwards, though. I get that. Hopefully, knowing it doesn't make you feel good will help. Keep up the good work! And cut out the sugar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjule Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Beets, did I read correctly that you lost eight pounds on your last Whole 30??!! I lost three on my first last year and right now I weigh a pound more than I did before I started the Whole 30 so I'm looking for solutions. Is there anything you think you did that contributed to the weight loss? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Beets, did I read correctly that you lost eight pounds on your last Whole 30??!! I lost three on my first last year and right now I weigh a pound more than I did before I started the Whole 30 so I'm looking for solutions. Is there anything you think you did that contributed to the weight loss? Months later: I don't think I did anything special. I think my body just responds to this way of eating. I don't do a lot of cardio or restrict my eating in any way. In my previous attempts to lose weight I have lost when when I strip away grains and dairy and alcohol. I think most of that weight was weight put on with crappy holiday eating and post-holiday eating. This brings me to where I am and why I logged on today. In a way it feels lucky my body responds that way, but in another way I feel like I am doomed to yoyo! I know that's stinkin' thinkin' but I'm feeling down on myself right now. I haven't gained a lot of weight back but I'm feeling puffy after eating wildly off plan for the last couple weeks. I feel so tired and blah. I hate feeling this way when I know I can feel so much better. Not only that but I know exactly HOW I can feel better. I just can't seem to take those steps. Starting today is something I haven't yet defined because I keep getting tied up in defining. My birthday is in June (41) and I want to feel lean and calm like I did last year. Last month or so I said I was going to do three weeks of wholeing and that didn't work. Last week I was thinking I wanted to do a real whole, and then I proceeded to have wine and ice cream and junky chocolate this weekend. I have an event this Friday night, a graduation including a dinner at...Olive Garden (ruining my perfect streak of never having eaten there), my b'day and then we are going to a middle aged person's music festival (Solid Sound in the Berkshires). Maybe I can squeeze in a whole 26 if I start today. But then I start bargaining away time. Next week I'll say, I can squeeze in a whole 21, and then I'll be down to two weeks. NO! I don't have to do that. Just because that's what I did in the past. I want to feel good. I feel bad. I am staying up late, not meditating, living on chips and coffee, not exercising and feeling mushy. My cycle has been feeling exhausted and overwhelmed (we got a puppy, my son's behavior has been horrendous, my husband is traveling a lot again after a brief nice hiatus of not being alone with the kids 24/7 for days at a time), drinking wine at night, staying up too late reading or futzing around or worrying, being overtired, drinking coffee, eating chips or chocolate or raisins or ice cream when I finally get too starving to resist hunger, feeling SOOO tired that I eat more chocolate in the afternoon, getting stressed and overwhelmed with kids, more wine, repeat. Stop the world I need to get off. I am so anxious and weepy. I did two photoshoots recently and I signed on to do a mentoring thing with a photographer (on the biz end, of which I have zero clue) and so that's going but it's making me even more anxious about not being able to time manage or keep on top of housework and blahdy blah. Anyway. I'm going to stop typing. I clearly NEED to be here on the forum. I need to not spend two hours a day here, but I need to check in and I need the support and community. I feel anxious about doing a whole, but it seems that the strict guidelines of the whole is the only thing that gets me back on track once I'm so far off plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Sorry that things have gone a little crazy for you. Get back in here, get on track, stop negotiating with yourself. Good luck! As for the photography thing, I think maybe that is something you need to do for you. Yes, you are already crazy busy, but this might help your focus. Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Thanks Sara. I definitely need the photography! Just meaning it's bringing into focus (yuk yuk) just how wildly out of kilter I am. I am excited to doing the photography, I just clearly need more meditation and more sleep. Less wine, less sugar, less junk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Good to see you back, but sorry things are crazy. I agree with Sara - get back in here, get on track and stop negotiating with yourself. We all know what to do. We just have to do it. And you have the benefit of actually seeing great results from eating this way. So do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted May 26, 2015 Moderators Share Posted May 26, 2015 Welcome back! We've missed you. Was wondering how things were going, especially with your birthday coming up (I always remember you're a Gemini.) So happy you're doing photography. Lately I'm big on trying to focus on just one thing. Especially when you're fighting your way back. It seems anxiety really is the thread for you right now. What if you simply made it your focus to minimize anxiety--or tend to it? It seems you know what to do, but overwhelm and ineffective old patterns take over. Hopping on and off Wholes may not be the best thing right now, but tending to the one thing that's most out of control day by day, choice by choice, may be more manageable. I'm here to cheer you on whatever you decide! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Thank you so much, M. That is excellent advice. My anxiety is indeed terrible right now. Last night the puppy was up till 2am panting, drinking water and needing to pee and I'm getting all weepy over everything this morning. I just got a call about something financially related and I'm feeling like I want to crawl under my desk and cry. Tending my anxiety really will help. And you're right, hopping on and off wholes will just make that anxiety worse right now. I think I do need to focus on adding and not taking away: adding template meals, adding veggies, adding sleep, adding movement, adding meditation. The humidity is settling in and that too is adding to my anxiety. It makes everything feel weightier: clutter, over scheduling, lack of sleep. Yesterday I did pretty well. Three template meals, no chocolate or ice cream. - sausage, peppers and onions (lacking green veg but better than sweet pot chips for breakfast) - sardines and giant bowl of kraut - huge salad and pork chops I did have a glass of wine, as I wrote in a comment on your log, M. It was just momentum of habit and the end of yet another episode of my son screaming and freaking out on the sidewalk because I wouldn't buy him chocolate after baseball. (I sometimes buy a truffle for each of us at the butcher that's right near the ball field.) I also got no chocolate for myself. I think we all could use a drastic reduction in sugar. Clearly he is plagued with the same sugar sensitivity I have--and resists having it taken away from him the same way I do! We had been seeing a family therapist, but my husband has been having these unpredictable travel weeks and we haven't seen her. She won't see me alone since it's supposed to be "family," but maybe he can join by phone. I'm excited to get the photo biz running finally. My daughter will be in full day pre-k in the fall and I'm looking forward to tackling something I stand a chance to excel at--versus housework, budgeting and the black hole of parenting. (Not the experience of parenting, but the fact that it's so nebulous and you can always question your choices, and your kids will be complaining about you to a friend, spouse, or therapist someday no matter what). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelRoberts2 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Beets- As a young adult-verging on normal adulthood creeping into married life and moving far away from my parents, I can agree that your kids are always going to complain about you. But at the same time, I know now for certain that being a parent is that hardest thing that people can be faced with. Having to make tough choices and say no to someone you love is the hardest dilemma that parents are faced with. However, from the brief reading that I have done about you and your children, you have realized that being their friend is not as important as being the one that is making them healthy and happy. In the long run they will realize it, it will pay off and your children will realize that you love them more than anything! However, you should take your time to excel in things that you love as well, that will motivate them even more and will automatically have even more respect for you. I know I probably have no place in saying this but as a person leaving my childhood and questioning the sanity of parenting and when it will happen for me, I've come to these realizations recently! Just keep trucking on and meditating, life goes so fast! They won't remember the chocolate that you didn't but them but they sure as hell will remember you going to baseball with them. Have a great day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Thanks, Rachel. Good always for an outside perspective! Had a couple good days last week, but busy, editing photos and trying to get ready for our weekend in NH. My niece graduated from high school so we drove up Sat and came home Mon. Exhausting in itself, but I ended up staying out late Friday night, drinking too much wine, feeling too tired to prep food for the trip. Ack! I'm a broken record. Found out after a school auction my husband has to go back on prednisone. Was feeling sorry for myself and went to my friend's birthday party. Drank wine there after eating almost nothing all day. Ate crap all weekend. Not going to wallow. It's so fresh and cool and green here today, after a few days of heavy rain. I long to feel fresh myself. I went into a little grocery yesterday, filled with vegetables and smelling like ginger and berries. I was almost weeping to look at the fresh food. I'm just soo tired between the puppy and the staying up late to edit photos, I can't get my head around food shopping or prep. My priority for the rest of the week has to be sleep. I'll order fresh direct (delivery) and eat a bunch of pre fab salads and burger patties. I'm also just really hungry! I don't want to eat junk but I have no real food so I'm eating nothing. Catching up with my RSS feed I'm reading a bunch of articles on Evolutionary Psycholgy about sleep, eating enough and mental illness. I'm the poster child right now for low sleep, crap eating induced anxiety and weepiness. Enough wallowing. Fresh start now. This is the least healthy I've been in awhile and I can't seem to claw out. Only thing to do is start right now I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I think prioritizing sleep and ordering pre made food is a great idea! Once you start feeling more rested start easy with food prep. I was feeling stressed this week so I'm keeping it really simple with this weeks food prep. I'd rather have simple healthy food than no food because I feel like I need to be fancy. You can do this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I'm with Bethany, focusing on getting some sleep and using pre-fab food to get you over the hump. Once you are more rested and eating better, food prep will come. Like M says, find the one important focus and do it. And yes, we've so needed this rain, but I hate the overcast days, it always makes me sleepy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Agree here, too. You need some sleep, girl! And pre made food to get you through is just fine. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted June 5, 2015 Moderators Share Posted June 5, 2015 Sleep deprivation makes everything untenable. Sleep first. Then back to basics with food, however you need to do that. It seems meat cakes, sautéed gingery cabbage, roasted sweet potatoes, and magic soup are the things that consistently help you get back to a good place. After my excursion into the woods yesterday, I can't help but wonder if spending some time in nature wouldn't help tremendously. An idea for your back pocket when everything else feels less overwhelming? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjule Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Hang in there! I agree with the above posters about the sleep. If I don't sleep all my other choices go out the window. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Thanks guys! The sleep is indeed the key. I've been sleeping more and exercising. This seems to help get in a better "taking care of me" mindset. I had a much better week of self-nourishment. Feeling better able to deal with all the stuff. Started back on the meditation. This week my husband was gone from 4:30am Monday morning till Friday night. My son was mostly awesome but exploded into a rage one night and yanked my arm, totally hurting my back. This was so upsetting. Obviously! Ugh. I'd just had a great "mentor" meeting with a photographer to help me set up the financial side of things. I was all psyched to be moving forward and bam that happened with my son. I took him to his little end of the baseball season pizza party and, hungry, ate some not even great pizza. Blergh. M, a weekend in the woods sounds so amazing I want to weep. (I was just thinking of my dream to spend my birthday weekend at a meditation retreat. Didn't work out unfortunately.) But it's not in the cards financially or practically. Next weekend my husband and I are going to the Berkshires for a music festival. We are renting a house with some good friends. That'll be my wooded escape. Not alone, but good friends, music and laughter. Change of scenery, and kids at home with my parents. My parents came over on Friday I snuck out with the dogs and went to the garden. That was wonderful. If been gardening a ton but hadn't been in there by myself in awhile. It was cool and cloudy and my ferns are getting bigger and some of my tall flowers are getting ready to bloom. Yay! Tomorrow is my actual birthday. I'm taking my son out of school and we are going to the beach. I'll get to jump in the ocean on my birthday--a Lon standing goal. My sister has the day off and I'm hoping she can watch the kids while I fulfill my other log standing birthday goal: reading on the beach alone for a couple hours. My goal for the week is NOURISHMENT. I'm trying to avoid "bad food" but not eating enough good stuff. Meat cakes and gingery cabbage all the way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted June 22, 2015 Moderators Share Posted June 22, 2015 Happy birthday, dear Beets! I hope all your long-standing wishes come true! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Happy birthday! I, too, hope you get your wishes. It sounds to me like you're starved for nature. I hope you're able to find time to get out and be in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Happy Birthday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Happy Birthday! I hope you will get to do all the things you want and need today. Ocean and sun have the almighty healing power, enjoy your day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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