The Seduction of LadyM, or, my Whole30+

[Nadia B]

Duh. I've never though about cutting it without taking out if the cup. Eye opening. Haha.

Now I feel the curing pressure, but best quality beef for smth you are about to eat raw is a smart choice ) Hope it will turn out beautiful. Kosher salt you use is coarse, right? Dad had spoiled his piece with fine salt.

Pretty bowl btw.

[AmyB]

Loved reading your log - you have such great awarenesses! Plus, your meals all sound delicious. Best to you as you continue this process...that's what it is, a process! Hope to cross paths with you at some point!

[LadyM]

Nadia, I am so happy I could return the favor and introduce you to something useful!

Thanks, AmyB! I hope we cross paths at azocrossfit. I'm definitely stopping by in the next few weeks.

[kb0426]

I am loving the pictures LadyM!

As for avocado, the best trick I learned is to run your thumb between the avocado and the skin and it peels right off! And then you get to lick avocado off of your fingers when you are done .

[LadyM]

Day 16

Wednesdays are my biggest days in terms of workload. I'm going from 5 a.m. to 9 p.m., basically. So, the end of the day feels like an achievement.

This wicked sore throat is getting worse. I'm having coughing fits. Concerned it might be strep. One day when I'm actually done with all these bullshit viruses, life will be amazing. I feel like I should continue for 30 days after I stop being sick just to see what this process really can feel like.

Anyway, three meals today:

M1 6 a.m. same as last night's dinner. Finally finished off the slaw.

M2 11 a.m. Chard, shrooms, bnut squash, onion sautéed in ghee and topped with green olives and lemon; burger; avomayo; berries; then I got my spoon stuck in the coconut butter. Bad move standing up in front of the pantry. Must break self of post meal sweets. Seems worse when I eat fruit of any kind. Good to know!

1 p.m. kombucha

M3 4 p.m. sweet potato, 1/2 avocado, chicken breast, black olives

I am hungry at 9:30 after teaching, but I'm enjoying a mug of bone broth instead of eating. Yoga at 6 a.m. will go much better if I sleep on an empty stomach.

I love that I have this awareness and can successfully act on it now. The behavior part is so important! And was missing for so long.

Not feeling happy about my body today. Having a fat day, and I don't know why. Ovulation? Or just taking out other general dissatisfactions on this poor blameless body as usual. Just for that I will lovingly rub my Buddha belly with gratitude.

[LadyM]

Thanks, kb! I'm enjoying posting them, too!

[LadyM]

Day 17

I feel like hell. Again. It's my throat and it's my body image. Blurgh. My functional medicine doc says my immune system was so beat up by cancer treatment IN 1994! that it sent all these ailments underground, and now we're easing them out with support. Rooting them out and letting them go.

Ok. I trust her, so I'm rolling with it and suspending disbelief.

This news also reinforces my notion that I likely need much longer than 30 days to reap the benefits. There's a lot of damage to be undone.

More news about my ex put me on edge today. Again.

And I dreamt that I was at the ballpark (oh how I can't wait for proper summer baseball when it's warm enough to actually go to a game!) and stole and snarfed a big handful of Teddy Grahams from a vendor. I had stuffed a fistful in my mouth before I realized what I was doing and that I'd have to restart my whole30.

Teddy Grahams?! Really? I don't think I've eaten those since 1988 or so. Do they even make them anymore?

M1 8:30 fennel orange salad with pistachios, olives, red onion; chicken thighs.

M2 1:30 chicken leg, roasted radishes, kale salad (thanks for the recipe, Beets!)

M3 5:30 veggie cook up, prosciutto wrapped melon, pâté, coconut flakes, a few berries

Dinner was kind of a train wreck. I woke up from a nap famished and started nibbling on pâté and leftover radishes while cooking. Had a hankering for coconut flake munchies, so I made them. Had picked up a honeydew with the intent of enjoying it as comfort food with prosciutto. I wasn't really hungry by the time I ate it and then finished off a couple berries. Not a binge exactly, but also not terribly dignified. Felt emotional. Wish I'd just let myself process the emotions. Next time.

I walked to and from work today, and will also walk to my engagement tonight. Will be up late on deadline.

[kb0426]

I am so sorry you still are not feeling well!

[Beets]

Not a binge exactly, but also not terribly dignified. Felt emotional. Wish I'd just let myself process the emotions.

Very well said. I hope you weren't up too late as I imagine that would only make things more difficult. What do you write? I'm dying to know. Glad you enjoyed the kale salad. I have some kale and want to make it again.

[Nadia B]

Days like this suck, however, they just happen. Don't let these emotions get the best of you. Hope your next log will be a happy one!

[LadyM]

Day 18

I still feel like there are daggers stabbing the back of my throat, but I'm accepting it, taking my prescribed double dose of supplements, and carrying on.

It's sunny and warm and truly springlike outside! I made the most of it by walking to work. This, today, is enough.

I used to be such a gym rat and now I haven't been in weeks. Am allowing myself to slowly acclimate to more movement by walking and doing yoga. In fact, I might try out a new yoga dvd I bought tonight. I'm a yoga snob, so I have low expectations.

M1 8:30 sweet potato and zucchini hash, sausage, 1/2 avocado

M2 1:15 couple hunks of pate, beet, artichoke heart, cucumber

M3 6 last nibbles of pate, raw carrots, chicken leg, coconut cauli rice pilaf, honeydew

No shying away from fats today. Am fighting through the unsavory body image. Isn't it amazing how differently we can feel about our bodies from day to day? Isn't it amazing how different our bodies can be from day to day? Just reminding myself of this helps me weather these little storms.

Earlier this year I was in a play for which I wore a corset. That sucker stayed the same from night to night, but I fit differently into it from night to night. And not for any discernible reason! This taught me so much about the protean nature of my body and that it's futile for me to always try to uncover a reason--to find something I did--for those changes. Nope. This is a fluid body, and after doing everything I can to give it what it needs to find balance, I will bend to its will. Never the other way around. This I've learned.

[Beets]

Cool. My husband comes from a theater background (stage management/production end). And you are a teacher/professor as well?

Glad the weather was mitigating the throat issue. Hang in there. I'm on Day 25, I think. And I'm starting to feel pretty great. Maybe it's the Kombucha I'm drinking but I think the good feeling's been around most of the day.

[LadyM]

Cool. My husband comes from a theater background (stage management/production end). And you are a teacher/professor as well?

Glad the weather was mitigating the throat issue. Hang in there. I'm on Day 25, I think. And I'm starting to feel pretty great. Maybe it's the Kombucha I'm drinking but I think the good feeling's been around most of the day.

That's cool about your husband, Beets. Is that still his line of work?

Happy you're starting to feel great. It gives me hope!

Congrats on your day of gardening and pilates to yourself. Despite the bumps in the road, sounds like it was pretty blissful. Good for you!

[LadyM]

Day 19

My painful throat and spontaneous coughing fits kept me from sleeping more than an hour at a time last night, so in frustration I just got up at 4 or so. Decided enough is enough and went to urgent care to get some antibiotics. I know, they're the devil. But they're a nicer devil than this beast in my body. I've had chronic strep throat my entire life; it always shows up negative on tests, I always have to fight with the doctor to get a script, I always know when I've got it. I've got it. And it's gone on too long.

May the z-pac kick in pronto. I am getting a little hopeless that I'll ever feel well again. And it's cheating my Whole30! (I already feel quite certain I'll be extending it at least to a Whole50.)

M1 6 swpot, zucch, cabbage hash with turkey sausage and half avo

M2 12:30 waldorf tuna salad in boston lettuce cups, honeydew

M3 7 pot roast with bnut squash and cauli mash

I picked up my bike from the shop today. It's finally truly gorgeous out but I don't feel well enough to play. I'm pushing it, I know, to hope to feel better by tomorrow, but I sure would like to go for a bike ride!

Holding out for a new day in which I'm not run down or in pain. Sick of this shit.

Oh, and I hope I get some energy to put together a meal plan and grocery list for next week. . . .

[Nadia B]

Damn, that's not good. Do you have tumeric or ginger at hand? Make some broth too if you can. Last thing - make sure to eat some fermented food or take probiotics after course of antibiotics. They tend to kill the gut bacteria as far as I know.

Bike! So hip. I don't even know how to ride one.

Is there a chance you can send your review of the ballet you are about to see if you'll be writing one? (wink wink)

[Beets]

Hope you feel better. Don't beat yourself up over the antibiotics. Drs orders trump W30, as the mods say.

My husband went from theater to production, working for a company that makes big stage sets, etc., and now he does project management for specialized construction projects like museum exhibits. But we have a lot of theater friends and got together/were set up at a play he'd worked on two nights after September 11.

Rest and take it easy on yourself.

[kb0426]

I think you were right to go the doc and get some antibiotics. There are times when we simply cannot heal ourselves!

I do hope you feel better very soon! And take all 5 days worth of your medicine .

[LadyM]

Damn, that's not good. Do you have tumeric or ginger at hand? Make some broth too if you can. Last thing - make sure to eat some fermented food or take probiotics after course of antibiotics. They tend to kill the gut bacteria as far as I know.

Bike! So hip. I don't even know how to ride one.

Is there a chance you can send your review of the ballet you are about to see if you'll be writing one? (wink wink)

Thanks for the great advice as usual, Nadia! I'm all over the fermented veggies (I make my own), kombucha, and extra doses of probiotics. I've worked too hard to heal this gut to let the antibiotics wreck it!

Bike riding is crazy fun. Makes me feel like a kid again. Fun and youthfulness are two things I desperately need more of in my life! If you learned to ride I suspect you'd be dangerously giddy!

I was too sick to make the trek to Chicago for the Joffrey. Now you know how bad it's been.

[LadyM]

I think you were right to go the doc and get some antibiotics. There are times when we simply cannot heal ourselves!

I do hope you feel better very soon! And take all 5 days worth of your medicine .

Hope you feel better. Don't beat yourself up over the antibiotics. Drs orders trump W30, as the mods say.

My husband went from theater to production, working for a company that makes big stage sets, etc., and now he does project management for specialized construction projects like museum exhibits. But we have a lot of theater friends and got together/were set up at a play he'd worked on two nights after September 11.

Rest and take it easy on yourself.

Thank you both for the compassion and support. Much needed and appreciated!

[LadyM]

Day 20

Can it be possible that it's day 20 already? Wowsers.

It seems day 23 is when folks seem to start feeling amazing and sensing the positive changes for realz. I'm holding out. And hoping the antibiotics have done their good stuff by then so I can actually be tuned in to this Whole30.

Speaking of which, since my health seems to be compromising my Whole30--at least in terms of my emotions and sensations, I'm going to take a moment to check in with the good things that have already come of this experience. Why wait until the end when I could really use a check-in for the good right now?

1. I am not obsessed with food in the same way that I used to be. I mean, I spend an inordinate amount of time planning, preparing, and thinking about what I'll eat, but it's part of being successful on this program rather than a fight like it used to be.

2. Food no longer sets me on fire or gives me a buzz. It's just a thing I do to keep going in the best way possible.

3. I can take or leave caffeine. I've been off coffee as a daily habit for a long time, but every now and then I enjoy a cup of black, green, and or yerba mate tea. When I skip a day I have no discernible ill effects.

4. Even though my sleep is erratic because of my illness, I've been waking up early without an alarm. I am so happy to be on a more normal schedule.

5. My weight feels stable, and I'm accepting its fluctuations. Over the course of a week I had three doctor's appointments. My weight was 158, 163, 167. My blood pressure was just as all over the charts: 100/70, 80/53, 120/80. They're simply measurements made at one particular moment in time. I can unravel my identity from such fickle numbers. And yet I'd still very much like to weigh less. But maybe, just maybe, I don't need to know how much I weigh. Maybe I can trust the way my clothes fit and that if I nourish my body it will find a place it likes. The problem of my thyroid is always there, but I'm a unique snowflake and will have to define health for myself and not in comparison to anyone else.

6. My mood is stable and I'm a nicer person. I'm not where I'd like to be in my life, but I'm better able to be in the present moment and tend to my day-to-day with mindfulness and gratitude.

7. My skin is still broken out, but it's on the mend and moving in the right direction.

8. My chronic SI and shoulder pain are all but gone. (!)

9. I'm seeing the big picture of my health perhaps for the first time. No longer losing sight of the forest for the trees (weight as a sole measurement, pfffffft).

10. I'm positive that if I stay the course I will continue to see improvements in all these areas. Making this commitment to myself feels really big. It occurred to me today that commitment and reciprocity is what I'm seeking (and lacking) in my work and love lives. Doesn't it make sense then that what I want from others I must first give myself?

Hey, that felt pretty good.

You know what else felt good? Finally cleaning my pigsty of a kitchen. I had no more clean forks, so it was time. I have a tiny, tiny kitchen with about two square feet of counter space total, so it was beyond unruly. I felt myself drowning in the sink of dirty dishes. I needed to clean up in order to prep food for the week, so I did it.

Also, I woke up today with no voice. I can't help but wonder if this physical ailment isn't the manifestation of a spiritual affliction: voicelessness. Oh dear.

In better news, I'm roasting brussels sprouts and cauliflower. Last week I had plenty of protein but not so much veggies prepped. I'm fixing that this week. Also planning to try nom nom paleo's braised cabbage and pre-cook some sweet potatoes and beets. Chicken and gravy (nom nom again) in the crock pot. I've also thawed a steak and plenty of ground beef for the week (Ugh, ground beef. This is something I rarely, if ever, ate before W30. Not my favorite, but I'll find ways to make it work this week), and will fry some chicken livers a la clothes make the girl. Making proper golden, not browned ghee, from Kerrygold. Ahhhhh. Also, more water and less fruit is in the game plan this week.

Today:

M1 6 LO pot roast and cauli mash

M2 1 zoodles and meatballs with sunshine sauce, 1/3 orange, some avocado

M3 chicken and gravy plus brussels sprouts (this is the plan, anyway, and I'll probably eat around 6) 5:30 fried chicken livers, roasted veggies, LO pot roast broth

Now on to cleaning the bathroom and vaccuuming. This place ain't gonna clean itself, unfortunately, and maybe if my surroundings get clean, my insides will follow suit. I'll try anything.

[Derval]

Great read, thanks for sharing all that has changed & to be thankful for.

I have found this programme very helpful in rescuing my home, I think it does help - when your surrounding are clean you do feel better. I hate cleaning but I also hate cooking in a mess.

http://moneysavingmom.com/2012/11/4-weeks-to-a-more-organized-home-simplified-day-1.html

[LadyM]

Ooh, thanks for the link, Derv. I remember reading your older log when you were getting organized about housecleaning. I've dabbled with the fly ladies, and was in a groove for a while, but when I'm low energy, cleaning is the last thing I do. Anyway, this helps me get back in saddle, so thank you!

[Derval]

Oh yes, I'm always *getting* organised about cleaning It's an ongoing challenge for me!

I have the flylady book but she's just too much for me, and too godbothery (I'm atheist) but then so is moneysavingmom = ha ha cleanliness IS next to godliness, maybe that's my problem

Anyhoo I found this plan very do-able.

[LadyM]

Day 20 update

I went for a walk. The sun came out and I got some fresh air despite hacking and coughing most of the way.

I am very pleased with my stocked fridge for the week:

Roasted acorn squash, spaghetti squash, sweet potatoes, purple cauliflower, Brussels sprouts.

Braised cabbage

Chicken thighs with gravy

Meatballs(still LO from last week)

Turkey breakfast sausage

Fried chicken livers

Bone broth

Avocado mayo

Sunshine sauce

Ground beef

Chicken thighs

Steak

Various raw veg

I feel prepared to succeed this week, even if I still feel like hell. I'll continue to walk and do yoga. I had hoped to be back to my regular routine at the gym by now, but oh well. I'll get there when I get there. In the meantime, I'll keep getting the food right. It's what I've struggled the most with, so I'm cool with keeping the focus there this time around.

[kb0426]

I'm a unique snowflake and will have to define health for myself and not in comparison to anyone else.

This has to be one of the most beautiful things I have ever read here!