AIP for me

[LadyM]

Seriously *loved* using the cup. Highly recommend. Wasn't gross or hard to get used to at all. I will never ever go back!

YES!

[pjena]

Ack!  I should try it.  Just scared.  I'm glad it worked for you.

[LadyM]

Nothing to fear, Jen!

[SaraRuns]

I know there is nothing to fear and yet, just can't wrap my head around it.  Silly me! 

 

I want to get the CA Baby sunscreen to try.  I saw it at Target, I think.  I got Alba very emollient fragrance free.  It is okay, but definitely leaves a white film and I don't think the coverage is as good as traditional.

[pjena]

I'm with Sara!

 

We've also been using Lil Gator.  It's kind of spendy, but it goes on very smooth and the kids like it better than the other two I usually get.

[Beets]

I know the CA Baby isn't top of the EWG non toxic list but I've tried the other groovy brands and got sunburned. I'll check out Lil Gator. In all the photos of my son from his first summers his skin looks green bc he was so pale and so white from the sunscreen.

Had a crazy week and ended up not eating a lot a few times. Which resulted in being lightheaded and crabby. Too much running around and lack of magic soup/cabbage in my fridge.

I *finally* saw a derm at DH's urging. He saw me getting out of the shower, quelle horreur, when my ps always looks very angry, reddish purple, freakish.

I had a bit of a poor me break down and then found someone.by searching for "narrow band UVB psoriasis Brooklyn."

I'd been so convinced a dr was going to first exhaust all the horrible meds that I didn't consider someone might give me the light therapy first. As my husband said, You think you know everything but you don't."

True.

So I went to the derm, she right away asked if I wanted to try light therapy and put me in a booth. It's like a standing tanning bed (haven't been in a tanning bed since senior prom, ha) but UVB instead of UVA.

I've also been taking a new probiotic containing l. plantarum, a bacteria that is pretty effective at treating eczema and psoriasis.

In any case I've seen a HUGE improvement. I'm still covered in spots, especially the backs of my upper thighs and one calf, but much better.

Really nervous about how the ins coverage will work out bc I have to go twice a week, but it's pretty amazing. Hope!

This probiotic though has been making me feel horrible. Really spacy and light headed, in addition to skipping a lot of meals. And having a break down post my bad weeks of stress.

Anyway. Been back on template eating since yesterday. I haven't eaten anything way off plan--yes, chocolate. Some cream on fresh farmer small ripe perfect strawberries, and too much white wine. There were also some moules frites last weekend. And did I mention too much white wine this week?

And too little sleep. Feeling wrung out.

This weekend I'm at my sister's house at the beach while she is at Bonaroo. She lives a block from the beach and I'm here w the kids. Husband started prednisone this week and can't be in the sun so he's home resting. And watching the dogs.

Tomorrow is supposed to be really nice and I want to get up early. My no procrastination challenge will start with these tasks:

1. Ballet workout

2. Mediation 5 mins (been procrastinating stating daily med for YEARS)

3. Read in sun

Also

4. Jump in ocean

Been slack w my BB these last two weeks. Gotta get back on it. I gotta say that while I'm covered in spots I'm looking in pretty decent shape and want to get that booty just a little higher.

I turn 40 next week. Feel like I've been dreading it for a decade so maybe I'm ok? But I want to hit it feeling good about myself. I always mess up big deadlines like this and self-sabotage so I'm reluctant to say more.

So long! Sorry. Lots to catch up on. Zzzzzzz.

[Beets]

First two tasks done. My exercises felt crappy. Prob bc I ate some sweet pot chips last night that had corn in them. I was thinking, it's the weekend, I'm at the beach and this is the worst thing I'm eating. But my tummy is not happy. Feeling sluggish. Could also be remnants of that probiotic that is made with barley and oat grasses. Blergh. Craving a compliant week but feeling apprehensive about putting a lot of rules on myself in the pre birthday week, when I tend to rebel and self-sabotage.

Also went for a walk last night under the almost full moon along the boardwalk. Had it almost to myself. Felt like the off-season with many of the houses empty except for college aged kids partying in mostly mellow ways.

Haven't taken a night time walk on the boardwalk in awhile. Loved it. Took some photos. Kept thinking about the past, though. Natural I guess bc I grew up here. I mean, spent summers here but had all my firsts here, the other house was where I did homework and slept. But as I enter my 41st year I'm hoping to live more in the moment instead of in the foggy world of memory and imagination.

Had grand hopes I could read this am in the sun (#3) before kids got up but I didn't get back from my walk till 11:30 and the kids didn't sleep in. Alas. I thought swimming, sun, salty air and a late bedtime would guarantee they'd sleep in but no.

About to walk over to the bakery 20 feet away and grab some coffee. My big treat will be cream in my coffee. NOT the crumb buns I always indulge in "because I'm at the beach."

I wish my sister's place was available during the summer. But, complications. Focusing. On being happy I'm here today and trying not to be a brat about not having more time here. Being thankful my parents were here last night and not crabby they are coming back today. Their house, as I mentioned, is still Sandy-destroyed and they miss the beach too.

Happy day. Beautiful weather. What I have today now. Om.

Yay I meditated. This is the key I think.

[LadyM]

Hooray for time at the beach and for help with ps and returning to meditation and for turning 40! Both my mom and grandma said 40 was the perfect age for them. Because of that, I look forward to it. What if we're all living our "perfect age" but don't realize it because we're too busy struggling with what we think is wrong? Ive been thinking about that a lot lately.

Enjoy your delicious cream and night walks, and here's to inching closer and closer to genuine self acceptance, the true beauty of aging.

[SaraRuns]

Oooooo!  Love a late night walk at the beach.  Glad you are enjoying your time there and I hope you can stay in the moment.

 

Yay for meditating and workouts first thing.  And I'm so glad to hear you are finally having some relief from your PS.  I hope that continues.

 

As for 40, I know we all respond differently, but I was surprised how little it impacted me.  I guess I'm lucky in that I hit 40 while in a good spot.  Things aren't perfect, but in all, things are good.

[pjena]

I'm so glad that you found a good derm and are seeing some improvement!

 

I hope you're able to relax at the beach.  Take care of yourself!  Get some sleep.  Eat the template.  Even if the meals are small because you're not that hungry, eating regularly will help you feel better!  Try taking it one meal at a time rather than putting rules on yourself.  Each meal/eating occasion, ask yourself if this will make you feel better or worse.  I have a hard time remembering to ask myself that, but when I do, I tend to make better choices. 

 

Your moonlight walk on the boardwalk sounds lovely.

[Beets]

Thanks guys! You're right about taking one meal at a time Jen. When I do that in times of stress I make good choices. When I put big rules on myself either in stress or with an impending deadline I rebel.

Sara, I'm not hitting 40 in a great place but things could be worse. Though I hate to tempt fate by saying that! My son broke his front tooth (grown up tooth) on the playground. Whyyyy meeeeee?

I'm ok. We will deal with it.

Lady M, I love hearing that your mom and grandma loved 40. My good friend's mom and grandmother loved their late 30s. I liked mined, too.

Did you read zenhabits about regret? It was very helpful, perfect timing.

I really think this Primal Defense probiotic is making me depressed. I googled it and other people have had this experience. Garden of Life says the product is gluten-free, but they also say they cannot strictly control if any gluten-containing grass heads get into the mix. I need to stop taking it. I'm soo sluggish and feel like crying.

[LadyM]

Stop. Taking. The. Probiotic.

There. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you what to do. I wouldn't dream of taking a supplement wily nily anymore. Without knowing, you can seriously stress the body.

Sorry about your son's tooth!

[SaraRuns]

Sorry about your son's tooth!     Couldn't be a baby one, of course.

 

Agree with the others, stop taking the probiotic if there is any chance it is causing those issues.

[pjena]

I hope you feel better once the probiotic is out of your system.  That's no fun!

 

I feel like I'm hitting 40 in an ok place.  It feels so old, though!

[Beets]

Day 1

Not sure what this is a day if. Day of Templates. I started writing a bunch of drafts--pages and pages in my head--and decided this is the best course of action.

A couple things:

-I turned 40. I'm still upright.

-I had a great weekend with friends in the Catskills. We drank too much wine and ate too much chocolate, some of which was milk and some even had almonds, which made me super bloated. I also ate a ton of processed food like Veggie Sticks--not the worst food in the world but not the best. I ate a lot of potato chips (from sweet pot to regular pots, if the groovy variety) and drank a lot of wine. And too much coffee. And ice cream and cream in my coffee.

-I had an amazing hike, alone. It was beautiful and the weather was perfect. I felt so alive and present. I wish I could hike every day. Was really the perfect 40th birthday activity, I felt completely put back in touch with myself.

-Since then I've been practically living on potato chips and chocolate and coffee. (Slight exaggeration.)

-Last week I thought my dog was about to die. She wasn't eating or drinking or even responding to my voice. She would not stand up to pee. She is better but it is really sad and difficult to watch her get so confused and be in so much pain from her arthritis.

-I strained my back and haven't exercised for a week.

-I have not eaten bread or wheat, but I did drink 1.5 beers at a baseball game.

I've been feeling so down on myself with my eating. I weighed myself and I am up 2-3 lbs from my lowest weight, but it feels like a lot more. Post the baseball game beers I felt pregnant. I've been feeling like such a spaz. What the French call *les incompetents.* (Home Alone reference, anyone? We watched it this last winter and the kids in it are appallingly mean to one another.) I've been feeling like I need to get back to logging but also feeling like the kid who can't pull it together.

On the other hand I have been listening to my Zen Podcast and feeling like I'm getting back on track in the right direction there.

My focus for the week, while I'm in NH at my MIL's, is three template meals a day. I'm feeling overdosed on sugar and pot chips but also down because of my dog, my back (and of course still my husband is sick and on prednisone and traveling every week). I feel like pressuring myself with a big list of NOs will lead to a big WTF-I'm-gonna-eat-a-bag-of-Chips-Ahoy moment.

That's all for now. Lots of other thoughts, especially how eating a bunch of off plan food makes me feel tired, crabby, scatterbrained, angry, helpless and out of control. But that's all for now.

ETA

M1: brisket over salad greens w lemony mayo dressing, avocado, black coffee

M2: hot dogs and kraut, strawberry water kefir

M3: meat cakes, carrots n mayo, water

Extras: a little pirate booty, some chocolate (dark, soy free), pot chips , a later cup of coffee w cream

Focus on positives:

-The light therapy is really helping my psoriasis a lot.

-Even though the feeling of déjà vu is depressing (was here in NH a year ago, struggling with food hangover and resulting off-plan eating post birthday weekend) I have not eaten wheat. Also I'm here and came with kahlua pork, brisket, and mayo. I haven't fallen off the wagon completely. Also, I don't have to repeat the past. I can make different choices this time. I don't HAVE TO dive into Chinese food just bc everyone else is eating it at MIL's. Also I'm surrounded by junk food and bread and I'm sticking with the plan.

[SaraRuns]

Happy Birthday!  See, it isn't so bad this side of 40 - well, at least, really no different than the other side.

 

It sounds like you continue to have a lot on your plate, and you are doing your best to work through that.  I think you are pretty hard on yourself.  Your food choices do not define you as a person.  So if you fall into a bag of potato chips and chocolate for a while, you are still you.  Take some steps towards where you want to be, I think that will be much more positive than a list of all the NOs.

 

So glad your psoriasis is doing better!

[pjena]

Happy Birthday!  I'm right behind you (Sept 1).  I love your solo hike on your birthday.  That does sound like a wonderful way to check in with yourself. 

 

Keep hanging in there.  You know what you need to do.  You just have to be ready to do it.  It takes time.  Be kind and patient with yourself.  I like Sara's suggestion of just taking steps in the right direction.  It doesn't have to be all or nothing. 

 

Stick around!  I miss you!

[Physibeth]

Happy Birthday Beets! 

[LadyM]

Welcome back, Beets. Missed you.

Spend more time in nature. Everything else will fall into place.

I think it's reasonable to expect and plan for major off roading every year around your birthday. The key is to minimize the punishing thinking and behavior. Once it's painful and no longer enjoyable, find your way back. Because you love yourself.

[Nadia B]

Happy Birthday, Meghan! You are wonderful and smart, and talented, and beautiful, and compassionate, and I can probably go on for a long time. This is so much more important than your food choices. You know the way out of food hangover, it just takes time to feel your best and consistency is the hardest part. Everything will be just fine, you always get back to feeling great, this time is no exception. I am glad that you still finding time to look out for the beauty around you and taking time to reconnect with nature/self. Alone time is such a precious time. 

[Beets]

Thanks peeps!

As usual, Lady M you are correct. It's painful and no longer enjoyable and I need to be back.

I did manage to eat three template meals a day last week while at MIL's (house filled with bread, ritz crackers, chips ahoy, pudding cups, etc.). That's pretty good.

That said I did eat OTHER stuff. Ice cream a couple times, cre in my coffee. I even dove into a bag of cheeto-like product. My husband stopped me. "You're going to feel like ___! Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Mostly just bc I was hungry. That's one good thing about eating more of "what I want" these last few weeks. I see that I eat crap when I am hungry and tired. Elementary. We all know this. But easier to see the full effect when I'm aware of it.

I am craving AIP simplicity. And, I will admit, my flat(ter) tummy. Feeling loose and flabby even though I'm still two pounds over my good spot and four over my absolute lowest.

Did my exercise stuff a couple times but mostly I'm clinging with one finger to that wagon.

We had a few really late travel nights, there and back. One night when my daughter didn't sleep. And of course my sporadic middle of the night dog walks.

I'm exhausted. And I'm using that as a excuse to fuel myself with, yes, chocolate and chips. (Though, I DID get my period early last week after really jamming myself w choc and chips last week.)

I wrote down my meals last week but never posted. I lost half a post for Lady M and got irritated with the site.

It was nothing exciting.

But I'll start posting again soon. Toying w w30 or mini whole but I am letting potential social functions scare me away.

I crave it though! Eating all this sugar and dairy is making me feel awful.

Tonight I pan fried myself a salmon fillet and have fixings for magic soup. Time to be back on track.

[LadyM]

You sound really good! Go hubs. How's your ps? I'm guessing no mention means it's pretty good? I'm sad you lost that post for me, even if it was nothing exciting.

I'm doing my own 30-day thing, mostly w30, but I'm leaving the door open for off roading during the odd date or social occasion for which it is truly worth it. I'm just calling it life, really, but tweaking food, especially portions a bit. I say there's no shame in a mostly w30 with wiggle room in between super rigid actual w30s. I'm sure others would disagree. But for me, one or two strict w30s a year is enough.

[SaraRuns]

Being out of your own space makes totally compliant eating much more difficult.  I forgot to bring food to my parents' yesterday, so ended up eating PB with bad things in it, but I avoided bread and other such.  Summer tends to be a lot of running around and being totally compliant takes work, so do what you can.  At least eating template meals will help with hunger and making poor choices due to hunger.

'

[pjena]

Good job at least getting in three template meals!  And that's very cool that your husband tried to intervene.  Mine sometimes eggs me on to "loosen up" though he sees the no cold sore benefit now so is coming around to the "caveman diet". I like M's idea of doing a W30 except social occasions.  I think that is the optimal way to be - live life but be as healthy as we can be.  My issue, and possibly yours?, is that it's hard to get back on track after the social occasions.  It's something I'm working on - isolated off-roads and right back to normal.  Progress not perfection. 

[Beets]

Monday Jul 14.

M1: meatcake, l/o sausage w peppers and onions, lettuce, small scoop basmati rice, mayo dressing, iced black coffee

Before M1 I had a couple bites of yogurt w strawberries and granola. Out of my kid's bowl. Like an animal.

Thought all the meat in the fridge was l/o sausage. Was a little disappointed to taste meatcake. Found a butcher across from my derm that sells the most amazing sausage. Been on a bit of a bender with it. And eating sautéed bell peppers!

Also really digging a bit of rice mixed in my salad. Supposedly rice helps build up good bacteria in the gut, so this is my rationale.

Not that I'd know the effects of eating this seemingly benign nightshade. I've eaten so many non AIP foods lately. (After week at MIL's I was even doing spoonsful of peanut butter.)

I had a great day last week where I ate no chocolate, no chips. And not through a great effort but just because I didn't feel like it. Then I went out for mom's night with the other moms in my daughter's co-op. It was fun. We went for happy hour with $1 oysters and bargain basement $8 cocktails (joke). They were really good cocktails! Mine was like a mint julep with a chunk of fresh peach. Instead of switching to wine I had four, yes 4!, sweet cocktails.

The next day I busted into the last chocolate bar in the freezer: my husband's maple bacon milk chocolate. I did not eat anything else too bad. Except maybe, now that I recall, handfuls of kettle corn. At least no bread.

No matter what, that had become a red line and I am sticking with it. Must give myself credit for that. This time last year I was rationalizing cronuts on the beach with my mom.

Thought about doing a mini whole this week to get myself in line. Still tired and zonked from my four drinks and nights of getting up with my dog at 1 or 3am.

But I'm clawing my way back onto the wagon.

Keep saying it but I gotta get back to logging. I'm using a text file on my phone and found a log from Day 9 of my April w30ish. The simple food looks amazing to me. I'm so so sick of thinking about food all day. I eat crap when I don't eat template meals. I eat chocolate or sweet pot chips when I'm too lazy, tired, hot, emotionally drained, lazy or tired to throw together a template meal. Or when I haven't sufficiently stocked the fridge w easy, appealing summer-proof veggies.

One thing I have going for me this week: I'm dead broke. No $6 soy-free chocolate. And I've eaten ALL the chocolate, the bowels of the freezer have been stripped bare. And no sweet pot chips either.