Justine0207 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Hi all, I am going on a "date" with a guy I met on Match tomorrow night. It was presented to me as, "want to grab a drink this Friday?" I said yes, but haven't mentioned that I will not actually be drinking on this drinks date. This is my first first date while on a W30, so my questions are: Should I warn him beforehand that I won't be drinking, and how should I go about explaining this to him without sounding like a paleo freak? Any advice and stories of your own experiences are welcome! Thanks!Justine Link to comment
Karen Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I did that lots before I met my fiance! It's totally doable. Just a quick, 'I'm doing a 30 day elimination diet to help resolve some nagging health concerns' is all I needed to say. Some asked questions, some didn't, and some knew exactly what I was talking about! If they aren't respectful of your decision not to drink for a little while, they aren't deserving of your time. PS - when I didn't drink on dates, I learned much more quickly if I liked the guy or not. It wasn't clouded by the booze. Good luck! (PS I met my fiance on ok cupid, and he was really cool about my diet right off the bat.) Link to comment
Carmen Cosentino Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Justine- I went through this last year when I did my first whole30. I would kindly let the guy know in advance that you are not drinking, you can tell him about the Whole30 or just simply say "I'm giving up alcohol for a month." not telling him in advance might make him feel uncomfortable drinking alone. If you are comfortable not drinking while he is, then let him know that and order a seltzer with lime, coffee or hot tea. Another suggestion is to meet for coffee at a coffee shop. Trust me I know exactly the situation you are in. I found when meeting for the first time meeting at a coffee shop was easier and a calming atmosphere. in the end if he thinks you're weird or a "paleo freak" well that might be a sign that he might not be the best fit for you if he can't support your health choices. For me nutrition and exexcise are a huge part of my life, I find it's easier to make connections with people with the same interest or that are open to new ideas. Best of luck and hope the date goes well In good health, Carmen Link to comment
MeadowLily Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 First dates can be daunting. Too much disclosure on a first date can be the first and last date. "My last boyfriend was a real creep"....Date Radar gets a big Signal Boost and satellites start linking up all over the world. There are many people giving up alcohol for Lent but I don't know if that works for you. I'm not a drinker, never have been... no one asks me for the whys. I order tea or club soda/fizzy water with lemon or lime. No one bats an eyeball. You could try that and simply wait for the date to ask you for the whys. This can also work to your advantage. If there is zero chemistry, say anything you want...he won't be curious to find out more. A handshake at the door and he'll run for the hills. Link to comment
kirkor Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 http://whole30.com/2013/09/dear-melissa-dating/ Link to comment
Administrators ladyshanny Posted March 5, 2015 Administrators Share Posted March 5, 2015 I agree with Meadow, I wouldn't make any sort of deal of it at all. Just order what you want to drink when you get there; club soda with lime or an olive or tea or whatever it is. Inevitably he'll say, "Do you not drink?" and instead of getting too into detail about it you can say, "Oh, I do from time to time.", SMILE and then move on with the conversation. I don't know that I would get into anything about nagging health issues or elimination diets or giving up alcohol for a period of time, only because those would be red flags to me that the person might have some stuff going on that I wouldn't want to be involved in right away (alcohol issues, health issues etc). I tend to be quite bugged that alcohol is such an issue with so many people. There really should be no difference if you order red wine or tea the same as there should be no difference whether you order chicken or beef. Personal preference, who cares?! Link to comment
jent103 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I'd say exactly what ladyshanny said. To me, saying something beforehand makes it a bigger deal than it needs to be. That might not be the case if you're going to a swanky cocktail place (in which case I'd probably vote for a change of venue), but if you're just going to the neighborhood bar, ordering a sparkling water or whatever shouldn't be a big deal. And if this is the first time you've met this guy, personally I'd be hesitant to get into too much detail till I knew him a little bit - just saying "sometimes I do!" lets him know that you're not necessarily opposed to the idea, but also don't need to drink to enjoy yourself and it's not a big deal to you. Link to comment
laurasuzanne Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I had the EXACT same situation happen during my first Whole 30. I just told the guy that I wasn't drinking and stuck with tea. He was fine with it. Just be honest. It's a first date, don't stress about it. Good luck! Link to comment
Justine0207 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thank you all for your advice! I ended up sending him a text yesterday afternoon telling him, full disclosure - I am doing a 30 day diet and fitness challenege with some friends and one of the rules is no drinking. I told him I am completely fine with him having a few though. He was very cool about it. However! I went out with a different guy last night who was not so cool about it. We went to a Bruins game and he kept trying to shove his beer in my face. I explained exactly what I was doing and he "teased" me about it the entire time. Even bringing back a slice of pizza telling me it's ok to cheat every now and then because "who would know?" I told him I would know and if I ate pizza, I'd have to start over and I would rather just not have the pizza. He went on and on about how pizza isn't bad for you. "It's just flour and cheese." To which I responded, "well I'm lactose intolerant anyway so I'm not going to eat that either way." That shut him up.But I honestly found it very unsupportive, disrespectful, and immature. I don't think I'll be seeing him again. Link to comment
MeadowLily Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 That's the ticket, Justine. Weed 'em out. You might have to interview many toads and frogs before you find Mr. Right. When there's zero chemistry.... trust YOUR instincts and date radar. It doesn't take long. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and sometimes, it's the hiney speaking. Run like the wind, Justine. When you truly believe you've met The ONE, leave an element of some mystery. That's why I said don't tell everything on the first date. Give them a chance to get to know you and that might take many dates but time will fly. It's also about building trust, I wouldn't want to share all of my secrets with someone who's going to blather everything to the buds and pals after a first date. Date by date, meal by meal, mile by mile and smile by smile. Link to comment
jent103 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Awesome on both counts! Sorry the one guy was a little bit of a jerk, but at least you ruled him out fast. Have fun tonight! Link to comment
Administrators ladyshanny Posted March 6, 2015 Administrators Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thank you all for your advice! I ended up sending him a text yesterday afternoon telling him, full disclosure - I am doing a 30 day diet and fitness challenege with some friends and one of the rules is no drinking. I told him I am completely fine with him having a few though. He was very cool about it. However! I went out with a different guy last night who was not so cool about it. We went to a Bruins game and he kept trying to shove his beer in my face. I explained exactly what I was doing and he "teased" me about it the entire time. Even bringing back a slice of pizza telling me it's ok to cheat every now and then because "who would know?" I told him I would know and if I ate pizza, I'd have to start over and I would rather just not have the pizza. He went on and on about how pizza isn't bad for you. "It's just flour and cheese." To which I responded, "well I'm lactose intolerant anyway so I'm not going to eat that either way." That shut him up.But I honestly found it very unsupportive, disrespectful, and immature. I don't think I'll be seeing him again. You handled the dud very well. Someone who is going to taunt and tease you on a first meeting is someone who thinks that is acceptable behaviour. People are generally on their best behaviour when first meeting someone so if that is his "best", I'd hate to know what his less good is. Link to comment
MeadowLily Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Justine, I hope you'll give us a weekend update for the next one. Link to comment
Justine0207 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Justine, I hope you'll give us a weekend update for the next one. Last night was great! We met at a really cool restaurant/bar that I knew I wouldn't be able to eat at, so I had a Larabar on my way there. We were there for almost 3 hours just talking at the bar. He asked about the whole30 and seemed interested in it. He was very supportive and commended me on my self-control and will power. And we have plans to go out again on Tuesday night. I picked a gourmet burger place that serves grass-fed beef so I will actually be able to eat something this time! So far so good Link to comment
MeadowLily Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Last night was great! We met at a really cool restaurant/bar that I knew I wouldn't be able to eat at, so I had a Larabar on my way there. We were there for almost 3 hours just talking at the bar. He asked about the whole30 and seemed interested in it. He was very supportive and commended me on my self-control and will power. And we have plans to go out again on Tuesday night. I picked a gourmet burger place that serves grass-fed beef so I will actually be able to eat something this time! So far so good How's your weekend, Whole 30 and your "Way of life going"? How's that funny coworker annddd the new fella? Link to comment
Justine0207 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Hahaha everything is going well. On day 16! How are you doing?? Link to comment
MeadowLily Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 All is well. I'm happy for your Day 16 and all things that are going your way. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.