Take Two: Lady M's second Whole 30

[LadyM]

Thanks, Jen! Well said! I'm so grateful I've learned to stop myself before I get to the wishing-I-could-trade point. It's so silly and pointless--and digs us deeper into self pity and out of gratitude for who we actually are and what we've got.

[Nadia B]

And Nadia is a perfect example of how this happens         

[LadyM]

You're adorable, Nadia.

[LadyM]

Today's dose of Pema Chodron, from her classic When Things Fall Apart, a book I haven't read since college but might should pick up again, seems especially appropriate for us W30ers (and for grieving "motherless" me right now):

 

"Wandering in the world of desire involves looking for alternatives, seeking something to comfort us—food, drink, people. The word desire encompasses that addiction quality, the way we grab for something because we want to find a way to make things okay. That quality comes from never having grown up. We still want to go home and be able to open the refrigerator and find it full of our favorite goodies; when the going gets tough, we want to yell “Mom!†But what we're doing as we progress along the path is leaving home and becoming homeless. Not wandering in the world of desire is about relating directly with how things are. Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness is nothing to be solved. The same is true for any other experience we might have."

[Physibeth]

Great thoughts on seeing the positive in your own journey and not comparing yourself to others. We are all individual snowflakes and we all gain different things from this program at different times. It is a good reminder. Another good reminder is that our different stories will inspire different people in different ways as well. 

[Derval]

Hey gorgeous <waves>

I *love* better butter - makes the best scrambled eggs.

[LadyM]

DERRRRRRVALLLLL!!!!

What's the craic?

So happy to see your sunny self still wearing that delightful getup in Spain. I've missed you!

And yes, I agree. Eggs scrambled in Better Butter are delish!

[melbournegirl]

Hey LM I have gained 16 pounds from whole30ing none of which I needed... I am not quite in the overweight category but pretty close, and being short it doesn't look good!

BUT

I don't get sick anymore.. No days off work for 18 months easy... And my blood work is normal... I was suffering from low iron, B, vitamin D and elevated liver enzymes from dairy and grains I believe which fixed after only one whole30.

So you have inspired me to consider and be thankful for that. And somewhere some how I believe I will one day unlock the secret to getting rid of my excess fat from the right combination of sleep, diet and exercise and stress/inflammation reduction. It just hasn't happened yet

Derval good to know you are still around!

[LadyM]

Day 76

M1 meat quiche, cm tea, 7:30

M2 kalua pork, swpot, kraut, kale chips, 11:30

M3 cevapcici, ajwan, avocado, artichoke, 4:30

Yoga again this morning and I'm really starting to feel back in the saddle. Grateful, too.

Also coming to a deeper acceptance of my body. Appreciation for its strengths and limitations. Extraordinary revelation: I am no longer in a fight with my body. This is what I've longed for most in this life. More than weight loss and a svelte physique. More than riches. More than success. More than . . . love . . . I want to say, but then it has hit me that THIS is the love I've been after all these years.

Holy crap. This is big.

[Derval]

What an amazing place to reach LadyM

 

Worthy of a power ballad methinks!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzlVDlE72w

[Physibeth]

Also coming to a deeper acceptance of my body. Appreciation for its strengths and limitations. Extraordinary revelation: I am no longer in a fight with my body. This is what I've longed for most in this life. More than weight loss and a svelte physique. More than riches. More than success. More than . . . love . . . I want to say, but then it has hit me that THIS is the love I've been after all these years.

Holy crap. This is big.

 

   

[LadyM]

Hey LM I have gained 16 pounds from whole30ing none of which I needed... I am not quite in the overweight category but pretty close, and being short it doesn't look good!

BUT

I don't get sick anymore.. No days off work for 18 months easy... And my blood work is normal... I was suffering from low iron, B, vitamin D and elevated liver enzymes from dairy and grains I believe which fixed after only one whole30.

So you have inspired me to consider and be thankful for that. And somewhere some how I believe I will one day unlock the secret to getting rid of my excess fat from the right combination of sleep, diet and exercise and stress/inflammation reduction. It just hasn't happened yet

Derval good to know you are still around!

Congrats on all your positive effects from W30! And I can certainly empathize with your frustration, melbourne! I also think that these little shifts in perspective are what save us from ourselves. I also think that the longer we stay on this path the easier it is for us to get to not just heal but to know ourselves in all sorts of ways--and that's something no book or teacher can impart.

For example, as I was thinking about my swimsuit debut of the summer coming up next weekend and how I'd thought I'd be thinner than I am by now and getting a little anxious and agitated about the fact that I'm not despite working so dang hard to be 100% compliant for so dang long, it hit me that my SI injury has led me to cut way back on exercise. And yes, while food is primary for weight loss, that dramatic of a change affects things. That's more than likely why I've been feeling inflated. Duh!

So, I'm learning yet again how key movement is for me. The little food tweaking I've been doing over the past few weeks has also shown me that a few things are sure to negatively impact weight loss for me: runaway fat (ie in excess rather than adequate), sweet tasting things--whether RX bars or fruit or even nut butters and coconut delectables, and hand-to-mouth eating.

It also helps shift my perspective to remember that this is forever. This relationship with my body won't end until I'm dead. Best to make friends and cooperate, then, right?

Best of luck to you!

[LadyM]

Day 77

M1 meat quiche, dab mayo, bone broth, 6:30

M2 tuna sashimi, boiled shrimp, blackberries, snap peas, handful sprouted nuts, 11:30

M3 kalua pork, kraut, kale chips, swpot, 5

Well, that kind of enlightened thinking is fleeting. Glad I've been able to capture it here now and again! I mean, I'm still friends with my body today and therefore treating it with loving kindness; but I'm not in as terrific a place in terms of acceptance. Que sera sera.

Heading to Detroit today for a self care tune up and then off for a wooded cabin retreat this weekend. It was a last minute decision, and I think it's a good one. Looking forward to what unfolds while I'm out there. My intention is to get reacquainted with my manuscript and find a way forward with it.

Did yoga twice yesterday, including a lovely yin practice in the evening. Holy man does that set a gal up for relaxation and terrific sleep. I shall do that as often as possible.

My SI belt came in the mail and it makes a difference. It also causes serious belly spooge, which makes me self conscious, but I figure wearing it for the long drive and when at home will help speed recovery through stabilization.

I'm bringing just enough food for my meals while at the cabin, and that in itself is an interesting spiritual practice for me. I tend to surround myself with abundance and choice when it comes to food, so to have and trust that what I bring is enough is a deliberate change.

Oh, also, I had my first epic mayo fail yesterday using my new and very pricy walnut oil. I searched mayo fail on the forum and used a link beets had posted some time ago to completely rescue that mess to make an extra yolky nutty flavored mayo. Hooray for that!

Have a great weekend, all! I'll check back on Sunday or Monday.

[pjena]

Enjoy your weekend in the woods!  It sounds lovely. 

[Physibeth]

Lovely posts and I'm just a bit envious of your weekend away. Sounds so nice!

 

Glad you were able to save your mayo. I tried making mayo with nut oils but I didn't really like the flavor so back to extra light olive oil for me.

[Noelle]

I had an epic mayo fail too! Planetary alignment?

Beautiful thoughts as always, M. I bought myself some fancy salts (local applewood smoked and Hawiian red) and thought of you.

Enjoy your weekend away!

[LadyM]

Day 79

M1 meat quiche, crudités, mayo, green tea, 7

M2 sesame cuke noodles w crab, raspberries, nob pate, 11:30

M3 LO chili lime chicken, pate, kale chips, kombucha, beet, 3:30

Day 78

M1 meat quiche, 7

M2 meat quiche, crudités, avo, 12:30

M3 meat quiche, crudités, mayo, 6:30

Back from my retreat and it was extravagantly restful. I just gave myself permission to rest as utterly and thoroughly as I wanted to without worry for what I thought I should do or accomplish. This meant I went to sleep and arose with the sun and had morning and afternoon naps. I also gave myself warm oil massage and hot baths twice a day, went for pleasant walks, did a little yoga, read Pema Chodron/the yoga sutras/Raymond Carver short stories, and journaled as my heart desired. And then this morning, I was ready to return.

Bliss.

As you can see from my meals, what I ended up doing was making a meat quiche and bringing the whole thing plus an avocado, a little jar of my rescued mayo, and an assortment of raw veggies. It was perfect and gave me a break from thinking about and doing meal prep. All part of the plan.

[Beets]

Glad that link was helpful. It has helped me many times. I am thinking my mayo fails stem from the fact that my coconut oil, which I use exclusively for mayo, is not warm enough to be liquid at room temp. 

 

Weekend in woods = dreamy. I remember you spending a weekend in the woods with your manuscript last year. And I was envious of you then too. But happy for you! Enjoy every minute. This weekend we are renting a house in the woods with friends for my birthday. My friend told me to spend as much time away from them and the kids as possible. She's a good friend. Not quite a weekend in the woods alone with a manuscript, but I'm getting closer. 

 

Hope the SI belt helps. 

[Beets]

Also just read your post about envy. I think we all envy each other for different things, and, like you said a thing of beauty. I remember you saying that last year and I think about it when I see someone with short shorts, long legs and perfect teutonic skin. While it's true that my shape is nice, I cannot wear a short sleeved shirt without people recoiling in horror and asking if I have poison ivy.

 

Yesterday I worked at the garden and wore a tank top, comments be damned, and had to deal with people asking questions (usually "oh my god! what happened?") about my skin all day.  And this is when it's looking 700% better than it did a month ago. 

 

Not to mention your freedom and ability to spend a weekend alone in the woods. 

 

Ack. Yeah. Let's not think about wanting to trade. But we all have our sore spots. 

 

And yay to Raymond Carver short stories. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love? 

[LadyM]

And yay to Raymond Carver short stories. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love?

That's the one!

I cannot believe people are so rude to ask what happened to you. Jerks. I'm really proud of you for baring your arms in your tank top anyway. Reminds me to buck up and wear my bikini despite my self consciousness about my flabby stretch marked belly that hasn't shrunk nearly as much as I had hoped by now. Fuck 'em and flaunt it, baby. Hey, I think I just came up with my new summer mantra.

It cracks me up every time you write "ack." Makes me think of the cartoon strip cat who always says it.

So happy you've got a weekend in the woods with people who get you and love you. How grand. Enjoy!

[LadyM]

Day 80(!)

M1 meat quiche, mayo, green tea, 7

M2 chicken w gravy, mashed cauliflower, 11:30

RX bar, 4:15

M3 artichoke salad, hangar steak, veg, 7

Can you believe I'm still eating meat quiche? I made this one with rutabaga instead of sweet potato, shiitake instead of porcini, extra spinach, and a new spice mix for the sausage. I guess I love its perfect adherence to the template and that I know the exact right portion for me. It has a predictable effect (keeps me satiated for the right amount of time) and is tasty.

As for the mayo conversation, well, Bethany, I agree with you that extra light olive oil makes for the perfect white fluffy inconspicuous mayo, but I have concerns about that oil, what's really in it, and if it's the healthiest of options. The walnut oil does impart a much stronger flavor, but I like it. Not forever everyday like it, but still. Beets, when you're doing mayo, you use coconut oil and seem to love it when it turns out. Why? And how does refrigeration affect it? I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it? I've made mayo before with a blend of MCT oil, but the taste was terrible. I'm on a quest, y'all, for a balanced mayo that is as healthy and tasty as possible. Compromises will have to be made, I fear, but I want them to be deliberate after thorough trials.

Busy day today with a new external review process starting at work plus rehearsals begin for the next play I'm doing this summer. The part is wonderful and the show is a comedy, so it should be a lot of fun. After another wonderful night of sleep, from about 9 to 5:30, I'm sad about rehearsals that go until 10. But they're fewer and farther between than the last show, so I should be able to adapt rather effortlessly.

Over the weekend I had off roading nightmares for the first time in a while. Dreamt I ate noncompliant foods by accident and debated whether or not to fess up about it here. I think I'm getting anxious about this w30 coming to a close. With the end of the school year and summer comes so many invitations for drinks and less than optimal food with social events. Once a week is fine, and I'm still liking that plan, but I'm worried about how to choose that one day a week when I've got at least five outings this week that pose serious potential pitfalls. Oh well. I'll figure it out. I guess I can just make the choices as they come, using my one day a week parameter as a guide. I can choose to remain compliant at tonight's work dinner, for example, avoiding wine and dessert and choosing a simple clean entree and salad.

The funny thing is I'm really not looking forward to cocktails this weekend the way I once did. I am enjoying how I feel living this way, and if I never again have a hangover I'll certainly be doing myself and the world a huge favor. I will be learning to ride my own bike with alcohol, and the goal is to remove the training wheels and not fall down and hurt myself (or others). This metaphor is working for me, and it's pointing to an ugly truth: historically my behavior with alcohol isn't healthy. I don't believe it's ever been addictive behavior, but it is something I'd like to move up and on from. Like everything else, I'm seeking a middle way here.

[Physibeth]

Your thoughts on the olive oil were why I tried nut oils to begin with. I'm not sure I bought the best quality of nut oil either. For me light tasting olive oil is still less concerning than soybean oil or canola oil so for now I will stick with it and experiment more at another time. If you do find a perfect blend though I'm all ears!

 

On the alcohol thing why not just continue not participating? You have shown quite well that you can still be fun and enjoyable to be around without it. Why go back? It doesn't sound like it is desire for you but more of a social pressure you feel. Am I reading that right?

[LadyM]

That's a good question, Bethany. I'll need to ponder it a bit. It's not just social pressure, no. It's freedom and enjoyment, too. And for me what's crucial is to discover if and how drinking now and again adds or detracts from my freedom and enjoyment. Like the mayo and everything else, it's about discovering and striking a balance for myself.

[pjena]

Your weekend in the woods sounds blissful!  Perfect!

[Nadia B]

I get the social pressure thing. I am still struggling with it a bit, because J finds it extremely bizarre and worrisome that his gf does not drink. It is socially awkward. I was having a cider here and there just to conform with the environment. I regret it, so not worth it. I know this weird vibe when at the party I am offered a drink and I would turn it down or ppl would make comments "how do you have fun?" People are suspicious of the sober party goers.  They assume that you are either dying or pregnant (J's fav for sure) or a complete nut case. Their own guilt? Inability to handle stress in a healthy manner? Possibly.

 

Well, fake it till you make it. That's what I've settled for. Doing what you preach is all good, but if getting a sparkling water and putting stuff in the glass that will make ppl think I am having a cocktail (and f off instantly) is what it takes, be it. Bring kombucha and pour it in the glass? Takes a bit of a practice to be sneaky while getting them when going out in the crowd. Even better if you fake it till you become it. Trick the brain in the party mode. Be on a sober and fun faking mission. Chuckle lots about it after.