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No more excuses, No more babying, its TIME


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Lovely Forum members,

I am jumping on this December 2nd whole30. I realized every time I attempt to do a whole30 I fail because my focus isn't right: My area of issue is HOW I eat and not WHAT I eat. Its much easier to get away with the same stuff that got me in this position in the first place by NOT following the meal template and timing guide. 


So, my whole30 "no slips, cheats, nada" means... 


...I cannot snack or eat before bed.. as if my life and my health depends on it (which it DOES!)


Otherwise, my whole30 begins to sag, garbage starts leaking out of my brain and before you know it I am in my roommates pantry eating her mega-stuffed oreos. (Currently regretting, stomach is crying)


So I have prepped tomorrows meals. And know that this is the LAST TIME I FAIL. This is the time that counts. I am changing my life. I also realized that setting expectations (about weightloss, bloating, etc), makes me impatient AND obsessive.


The key for me is to trust that my nutrition is sorted out, and to stop thinking about it..at all if I can. To have those cravings lose their power over me. To slay the sugar dragon once and for all. (Sticking to just blueberries until the sugar dragon is dead. like dead dead.


Tomorrow I will have arrived at my destination. And the benefits will follow, I must only be patient. And not let the shadowy, menacing guilt and self doubt enter. I am strong! I know that my life will improve immensely if I keep this up for the whole30 days! I will break the cycle of addiction once and for all, and be on the road towards my body composition goals! (Which are lofty, unfortunately...I am a dancer dealing with a 30 pound weight gain.) I think I am brave for remaining in the semi-professional dance world, even if my colleagues have seen me fall like this to ill health. I grow stronger as a person because of it. I learn to relax and let go more, and to listen to my heart, not the judgement (or the more striking perceived judgements of others that I put upon myself)


I am not going to lie, I am SO SCARED I am going to sabotage myself again, find my arm shoulder deep into that demonic pantry. I want so bad to have my hot body back..my tone, my muscles, to wear my cute clothes from last year. This is the end of that old self, that short-term satisfaction that temporarily eases the boredom. 


Here goes: 


Ill be doing copious logging for the ENTIRE time because I do not know at ALL how to do this without this forum. This is my only dedicated writing spot. 

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PS, my biggest inspiration for this is to show that my alcohol addicted family members can break out of their own cycles and find pride in keeping themselves healthy, as well as becoming an example and inspiration to my godmother who struggles with the same difficult relationship with her body and food as I do. I want to be strong and be the force that can help my loved ones change too!

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Hi jcress.  Quitting the alcohol is my biggest hurdle always.  This time I've just decided to call it quits period.  Every time I restart that stuff it makes me insane so no more. I always hope that by my doing Whole30 some of my family wake up and smell the roses too.


I'd love to be an example for others but I can't base my success or failure on that because I know that no one but me is doing this.

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Breakfast this morning : 3 eggs, cucumber sticks, lemon in water


off to my african dance class...so I'll probably need some carbohydrates at dinner


lunch will be: steamed cauliflower and 3 applegate beef hot dogs


dinner will be chicken salad with approved mayo, baked sweet potato, greens with dressing


Trying to quiet that nasty doubting voice in my brain! the one that keeps me stuck, hungry, bored, and anxious! No more!

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I feel ok today..Tired, but thats kind of the flatline normal until I hit (i hope) tigerblood...


first thing I noticed, Immediate benefit insight from Day 1:


Is the clarity of mind that comes from knowing that how I am living is healthy..That I am not distracted. The self-harming habits and foods that are entering my system create a whole dialogue in my brain, a whole novels worth of rationalization, false sense of security, negativity, short-term fun, deviance, anxiousness, all of these things in a tape recorder of unhappiness playing through my brain.


Without having to be conscious and calculating and evaluating, deciding whether or not to feel bad about something, knowing that my behaviors are holding me back but continuing to do them anyway..


..there is so much space to think! positively! clearly! to be honest with yourself and evaluate. And whats awesome is that now I can be optimistic about my future, knowing that I am taking my health into my own hands...that is the greatest benefit. Now I can imagine, can visualize a healthier me without it being a complete fantasy that ends up actually making me feel bad. Visualization is now a positive thing because I am aligning my lifestyle to my goals. So much less stress, actually, because now I don't have the awareness of my unhealthy habits to make me focus on them. I can trust my behaviors and take the rest of the time i have to think rationally and positively...


Cheers guys! To day one! That is already the biggest benefit! I have already gained so much! Why would I ever go back to feeling so anxious and hiding in my negative internal dialogue, to retreat and hide my spirit. I hope these next 29 days will lead me towards more confidence.

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So I finished dinner just now, as described above. Feel ok..a little sad..I have so much longer to go...I want to live the Whole life until I feel vital enough to dance in the spotlight again. I am here watching the Jazz ensemble at my school perform, and that is EXACTLY what I would want to be doing right now..gosh..Im missing out on so much just because I am feeling so sickly and off balance. I want to feel vital and wonderful NOW and enter back into my dance life that REQUIRES this! So some sadness has entered my world.


But i need to remember that this is a process. and in 6 months, I WILL be exactly where I want to be.

By my 20th birthday, I want to be back to my body and my energy, and feel whole again.

I want to get back to my 120 LB self...To get lean again. Right now I am at least 150


So my plan, is to do these 2 weeks of whole30 with yoga and african dance

the next 2 with the elliptical

the next 10 with salsa dance class and capoeira <---I want to get at least to 130 by the end of this time

and the next 10 with ballet, ending the year at 120 lbs....


I know its not about the scale..but this is for being a professional dancer..and I need to be able to be lifted and all that

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Post chicken salad: I AM SO FULL! Im normally snacking by 7! and Im not! Im glad I upped the protein today...More rather than less..its reallllly helping me stay full. Awesome.


I bought myself a coconut water as a "treat". Don't reallllyy want it. Probably save it for some other day. 

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Day 2 


Breakfast: 3 eggs and cucumber sticks


Feeling hungover definitely. Too tired to get up and out..Groggy, little negative... but ok.

My face definitely looks puffy, as if things are going to work around my lymph nodes or something. I usually notice this when I first start the Whole30 but by a week later my face looks slimmer than ever. So I just have to wait on that one.


so I am just going to lay low and stay comfy in my bed while the rain pours.

Today, noticing a flatter stomach (no bloat from overeating/binging like usual) and I like that, I like the way it feels. 


My meal plan is basically the same thing as the day before. Which im Totally fine with. I was so full all day yesterday, with no need to snack. Protein is really the best focus for me. Then veggies, then fats..because a lot of times Im eating higher fat meats and they already contain enough to sustain me. 

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Dinner: Chicken salad on greens with small sweet potato, a few carrots with guacamole


So my day 2 comes to a close. I need to make sure not to eat after this meal. I feel pretty good. But I know that soon I will be feeling the need to eat mindlessly to numb my feelings..my anxiety and anticipation..Time to find new ways to do that. I took some herbs today and that made me feel pretty good. I think Ill take some more to get in the zone. 


Can't wait for day3! for the blessings coming my way!

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By the way, I was thinking a lot about exercise lately..and how much I want to get back into the gym and onto the elliptical...I am going to wait though until my body has adjusted to this eating plan to go full force. I would like, to go to yoga tonight but I have a project for Dance History due tomorrow and I have not prepared my portion at all...


I got super lean doing long form medium steady state cardio 2 years ago..that really worked for me so I want to pursue that...I like it better than interval training because the intensity of HIIT is just too strong.. I always feel so good after I do that.


Maybe today, I'll try to finish my project by 7:00, get in the Gym by 7:30..go till 8:30..then knock out..I'll test the water and see how my body feels.


Also, I don't think my dinner was big enough so I am going to have another egg.

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I made it! Day 2 comes to a close! I didn't eat after dinner! Success!


Suffering from a large bloat in my lower belly right now..and fatigue..very fatigued could have napped at 8:30


Let's see what tomorrow holds. 




Tomorrow is another day to conquer this and ease into my new habits, and start owning them as my habits to last me the rest of my life..This is not a short term change. The habits I make in these 30 days are the ones I want to PREFER to do after the 30 days. 

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Breakfast: 3 eggs, cucumber and yellow bell pepper, and a good amount of blueberries..

I realize I accidentally intermittent fasted, ate dinner around 4:30-5:00 woke up at 8:30..that's 16 hrs fasting..

I don't know if this is a good thing or not..

Also I strayed from my normal template with the blueberries because I have African dance today and I already felt low energy. The berries are giving me an extra boost.

Can't wait for this day to be over..my final project is due today and I have to present it. At 5 when it's all over I'll be the happiest lady in the world

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Cravings: Currently grieving sweetened coconut spears from Trader Joes...


And dried mango (This is non-compliant for me because when I buy it I eat the whole bag.)


Other than that I'm fine. There isn't anything I'm DYING to eat. Not even chocolate. 

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Ahh guys..or whoever's reading this..


I'm feeling kind of down and melancholy..I feel like I have so long to go..I am at the earliest stage of my journey and I just feel like reverting to my old ways... 


Im doubting if Ill ever see a change in my body..This thought has always gotten me to make bad decisions and not even give it a real try. I just want to eat the things that make me feel comfortable right now..


But more than that I want to lose this weight and become a professional dancer...So what the !@$@#$ do I do...

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So I had dinner


A small sweet potato, a small handful of pecans, Chicken salad with celery over greens


...and i binged on blueberries. BLUEBERRIES!! (to be clear, I ate a whole of one of those large cartons) This binge behavior does SOMETHING for me but I can't figure out what...now I have the overwhelming need to binge..

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