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LadyM

LadyM's seduction continues (sur son propre velo)

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My Whole47 ended yesterday with a bang.

This is where I'll reflect on figuring out what a Whole9 lifestyle will look like for me. My best guess right now is that the food will look a lot like Whole30 sans nightshades except when I crave more flexibility, spontaneity, and fun.

Here's what I know is crucial to my health:

*keep blood sugar in check by sticking to the template as much as possible

*move deliberately most days and balance cardio, strength, and flexibility work

*regular meditation (and interrupting overthinking)

*the pursuit of pleasure and joy

*deep sleep and no alarm

It starts with food, yes, and then keeps going and gets better and better if we let it. That is my intention.

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Saw my FMD today and she returned both SI joints into place and worked on my intestine where I had a valve out of whack. Need to make sure I slow down my eating and not overdo roughage for a while. It's funny that I was thinking I hadn't eaten many greens lately. Maybe I was doing exactly what my body needed. Wouldn't that be great? I still second guess myself all the time.

This is why it's good to consciously ride my own bike for a while. Step away from the internets research for a bit and focus on living. It is frightening, though. I keep thinking I should go back to WW and/or other quick fix protein shake diets I've done in the past. Ugh. But then I quickly think yuck. Real food is where it's at.

What I need is exercise. I've been saying this for weeks. For real. Back to the gym this week. Yoga, too. Now that my SI joints are right I can mindfully get back to it.

I've also taken a break from hypnosis and I'm not ready to be without it. Too much body hatred creeps in. What I want--and have wanted for a while--more than anything is to make peace with my body. Moving forward, I recommit to that intention and to practicing self care. We bless or we curse. I choose to bless!!

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I did the same thing - should I start WW again?! exercise like crazy and then eat what I want? or eat food that I love, yumers and delicious, and let it go. I was terrified my first couple weeks that I was gaining all my weight back, that I was ruining everything when I started introducing things. but I did the best I could and ended up losing 2 lbs that first month. so now I try not to freak out. I eat something not compliant every day (I've taken to 2 dark chocolate squares in the evening, and will have salad dressings/etc when out). I will weigh myself before my next whole30 in June and see where I'm at.

YAY for finish of your whole47!

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I think you'll do a great job in the post W30 world! You seem to really understand where you are right now and what you need. All the research and overthinking may be necessary when starting out with the W30, but I think it's good for us to get away with that and learn how to just live. I'm still working on that. :)

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Lady M, open you are recovering from your Memorial Day festivities (which sounded like a ton of fun).

Glad your SI joints are in order. I have those issues as well, and when I'm not going to yoga--as I haven't been--they get all jammed up. I'd love to be adjusted.

And I'm with you on exercise. Having a hard time getting into a good routine there.

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Thanks for the support and commiseration, y'all. It helps. A lot. I've just been feeling kinda crazy lately. That old niggling voice saying in my ear, "Why are you still [email protected](#*& up about this. You should be past these issues and done." And then the other one that says, "Girl, you are really broken. Even W30 couldn't fix you."

I mean seriously, people. I haven't lost weight. At what point do I say, yeah, nice try, but why don't you do something that works?

So hard to measure that anymore.

FMD was talking to me about the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems and how we're working on one right now and not the other. That stuff confuses me. But I think it has something to do with why some measurements aren't the best measurements of my health right now. Need to give it more time.

I think I need meditation and movement. I keep saying that, don't I?

Crazy insane two weeks ahead and then a respite for a while at work. I just need to focus on getting through without making huge changes. Now isn't a good time. Stay the course, M. Stay the course.

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I hear you. I was there before the W30. I finally accepted that calorie counting and an almost vegan diet was not working for me. I had tried it over and over and it wasn't working so I finally got to the point where I was willing to try something different. I haven't lost a ton eating this way, but I did at least stop the gain and am very happy to not be obessing about calories and tracking everything I eat. I consider the log here more for reintro purposes - so I can look back and see what I ate when to see if it coincides with symptoms. So, while I am logging what I eat, I am not tracking how much - that difference is important to my sanity. :)

I think if you feel better eating W30, regardless of weight loss or not, it is worth keeping it up and giving your body more time to heal. If you don't feel different at all, then, yes, I'd consider whether or not W30 is right for your body. I think every body is different and needs different things.

Since you're coming up on some crazy weeks, I think you should do what you know already - focus on being gentle with yourself, meditate, get some movement, make food simple and not an additional stress.

Hang in there! You have so many great, introspective posts. I feel like you are really making progress in gettint to know yourself and what you need and, whether you stick with W30 eating or not, that is important and worthwhile and inspiring to the rest of us!

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What I want--and have wanted for a while--more than anything is to make peace with my body. Moving forward, I recommit to that intention and to practicing self care. We bless or we curse. I choose to bless!!

This is a terrific mantra! I'm thinking lots about self care, and why I often don't manage it so well. There are important questions to ask myself here. Maybe I'll ask, and even listen for the answers. What a novel idea!

I also have really benefited from your introspective posts and hope you find some peace as you move forward. Hope we both do, come to that.

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Every time I drop a few lbs by eating less for a while, I end up eating more and gaining them back. Which kind of starts me to thinking my body likes a certain percentage of fat. Maybe my brain needs it. Maybe the fitness world views me as overweight, my body fat isn't low enough to meet the standards of any upper level sport or dance/yoga performance. But that is not my life's goal. I care more about expressing my thoughts and ideas through visual forms and I can do that just fine at the size I am. I have a problem with some of my clothing constricting me but that is just bad shopping, not bad bodying. I'm just really over it. I do want to take excellent care of myself, but achieving a certain size or weight is not the measure of that AT ALL. When I was my thinnest I had no muscles. I was so puny and lazy I took a $8 cab the one mile to work everyday. I was 23! And the one mile was a fun urban mile with shops and hot dudes.

Just remember every time you start thinking you need to lose weight that your biology is smarter than you and totally unfazed (is that a word? I say it all the time but now I'm having doubts) by the very nascent media obsession with thin is better. 120 years ago your current figure was the ideal female form. Rage against the machine Lady M.

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Just remember every time you start thinking you need to lose weight that your biology is smarter than you and totally unfazed (is that a word? I say it all the time but now I'm having doubts) by the very nascent media obsession with thin is better. 120 years ago your current figure was the ideal female form. Rage against the machine Lady M.

I love this, Mo. Thank you. I'm just not there, though. Thing is, I'm still out of whack physically (and mentally--they are related, after all), and I need to prioritize and keep reminding myself of that--as well as my unique snowflake status. It's hard for me not to compare my journey to others, and the fact that I still haven't lost any weight--and may be gaining is truly demoralizing.

I'm fixin' to throw my hands up in the air, but hopefully in a helpful surrender kind of way. To stop trying to control and yet remain true to the things I know: real food is best, FMD knows what she's doing, and It Starts With Food. When I look at the intentions I set at the beginning of this log, the template is the only thing I'm adhering to. I need to shift my focus.

My hope is that I can love myself without accepting excess belly fat. This is a tightrope, I know. While I say it's about health, and it is, it is also about vanity. And the prospect of dating again after a year off really revs those "I need to be thin and beautiful to be loved" engines. Meditation is the only thing that will calm them. So I need to get back to it.

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Well, I'm still recovering from the off road experience. I think. Or maybe I'm experiencing joint pain and bloat because I'm about 10 days out from my period. Maybe. Period was super late last month, so who knows what's up with my cycle. But 10 days out is when I got a little wacky and self hating last month. I really hate that. Will my hormones ever get in line so I'm not suffering half the month? That would be awesome.

I also wonder if the addition of eggs and coffee isn't a problem. I've got toots, and they happened rarely on my proper W30, which excluded eggs and coffee. I think I'm done with eggs again when I finish the three in my fridge. Goodbye, mayo and soft fried eggs with hash. I'll miss you, but not the toots!

I must address the fact that I've gotten in the bad habit of not moving every day. Aside from cortisol levels and food being the thing that makes you lose weight or not, I know myself. I am a fierce warrioress who gets edgy and cranky and stupid when I don't move. Yes, I need to find a balance. I need to not overdo it. I also need to not underdo it, as I've been doing the past few weeks.

I've also gotten lazy with my meditation practice. And going to bed early.

There's a pattern here: I'm letting too much slip all at once. No wonder I feel like crap.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

That, and:

I deserve to live a happy and carefree life.

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that is just bad shopping, not bad bodying.

I think Moluv makes a seriously important point here. Wearing clothes that are flattering and comfortable for the bodies we have, not the bodies we want or the bodies we see on tv, is very healthy, I think.

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One mission accomplished: went to the gym. Felt awesome. I have a plan to make gym time work for me again. This is good.

Gym+yoga+bike riding+water drinking+meditation=LadyM muchmuch better.

This is all a part of riding my own bike.

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A little ayurvedic wisdom for self healing today that totally fits with Whole9:

"physical beauty starts with your connection to consciousness, then forms from your mental attitude, your capacity for strong digestion, your food choices, and your daily regime."

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A little ayurvedic wisdom for self healing today that totally fits with Whole9:

"physical beauty starts with your connection to consciousness, then forms from your mental attitude, your capacity for strong digestion, your food choices, and your daily regime."

Brilliant. Thanks.

I've gotten into a bad rut of inactivity as well. Glad you got to the gym. I need to get off my but as well.

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I am in a much better place today.

Went to bed a little after 9 and drifted off to sleep with hypnosis. Woke up without an alarm around 5. Drank 3 pints of water. Did pranayama and meditation. Had BP coffee with cacao butter today. Very nice.

Feeling sore from yesterday's gym workout and that makes me so happy! I love lifting. So glad to be back. And I have a plan to get myself back regularly: I'm going to start training with my friend who owns the gym. I've always wanted to get to know her better, so I think it will be really fun. And we're doing a trade: she's taking my old piano (which I've been desperately trying to offload) in exchange for the training. This all just fell into place yesterday and I'm so happy about it!

Quite certain these tweaks are what's needed: consistent lifting, more water, daily meditation, prioritizing rest and fun.

I can do this! And I'm using this log as accountability. Last month I needed the log to be accountable with my food; now I need it for the tweaks. Ever a work in progress. . . .

During meditation today I remembered the gift of W30 not being the weight loss magic bullet for me. I'm still receiving the lessons I need to learn. This is a good thing, not a stumbling block.

Perspective is everything, no?

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I've gotten into a bad rut of inactivity as well. Glad you got to the gym. I need to get off my but as well.

Have you pumped up those tires yet, Beets? I can't wait for your post after you go for your first bike ride. Freedom in action, yo.

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I have not. Maybe today? It's hot and humid, but maybe I can go in the evening.

I was all gung-ho about that and then never ventured into the bike room in our basement. I wish I had a big wide road with no cars on it but I don't. I can ride in the park and just deal with the steep hill. :-/

Yay for sore muscles and the piano/training swap. What a great deal.

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Perspective and desire to change things. I love dividing my "movement routine" into optional and invariable parts. Let's say every Saturday I go for a workout (unless I have a really good reason not to). Not too excited about going to a gym is not a good reason :) It's constant. Other parts like walking, stretching, etc are beneficial and are good to add. Once I'm good with this part being built-in in my life like a morning cup of coffee kombucha, I can add on more. Maybe make a weekly goal and fix it on the fridge/desk and check as you accomplish them. Just ideas.

I love that you've included fun into your plan. I am all over that :)

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Brilliant. Thanks.

I've gotten into a bad rut of inactivity as well. Glad you got to the gym. I need to get off my but as well.

Me too ... I teach two Zumba classes a week but I used to be so ridiculously active that I don't think my body even registers it! Need to think outside it and exercise for me.

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Perspective and desire to change things. I love dividing my "movement routine" into optional and invariable parts. Let's say every Saturday I go for a workout (unless I have a really good reason not to). Not too excited about going to a gym is not a good reason :) It's constant. Other parts like walking, stretching, etc are beneficial and are good to add. Once I'm good with this part being built-in in my life like a morning cup of coffee kombucha, I can add on more. Maybe make a weekly goal and fix it on the fridge/desk and check as you accomplish them. Just ideas.

I love that you've included fun into your plan. I am all over that :)

Thanks, Nadia. You know the funny thing is that I love to move. It's not the kind of thing I need to convince myself to do. It's just that I was so sick for so long and really giving myself a chance to recover. I think I'm ready now.

I had the most glorious bike ride this morning at 6:30 a.m. I saw bunnies, frogs, turtles. Everything was out and the world smelled delicious after the rain. I didn't even mind the dirty spray off my tires. While on the ride a new title for my book came to me. I felt truly alive. Electric, really. Loved being out before the traffic. Such beautiful light.

And I made it through a day of teaching and a night of rehearsal (doing a little scene for an end-of-season celebration at the theatre where I did a show in February). Now I'm pooped. And so happy tomorrow is Saturday, which means farmers market and yoga.

I had my moments today of feeling bummed that I still haven't lost any weight. It's really tough seeing all you guys get measurable results. But I reminded myself how great it is that I eat so much better and don't go to war with myself over sugar anymore. And that I need to trust the work that my body is doing. My part is to feed it right--not too much, water it, do what FMD says, move, play, meditate, and enjoy myself. Things will fall into place. They have to, right?

I do wish I could understand why this is my path and to have confirmation that it will pay off in the end, but I guess faith and trust are a part of the lesson here.

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"It's really tough seeing all you guys get measurable results"

Take heart, my weight has fluctuated up and down the same 8 lbs the last 4 months as it has the last 4 years. I have not lost any weight, really, and I am in the same clothes. 'Tis only my attitude that's changed. Contentedness does not have to equal complacency though. I understand the desire, the frustration, I have it too, I just refuse to speak it. Oops, wait, I think I just did.

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LadyM, perhaps this is cosmic to hang onto the pounds. You had a glorious bike ride this morning. You felt truly alive. Electric. YAY!

This has to be a cumulative effect from your Whole47. Maybe your psyche thinks/knows that you might stray if the pounds were gone, and you're supposed to stick around because there is much much more in store for you?

The book says we will gain/lose, whatever our body needs if we stick with it. Let's all go for the Whole 9 yards.

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Uhuhuhh I think my tone was a bit off. I didn't mean that you don't like moving and have to make yourself doing it. Not at all! Taking that rest to recover from the virus and the hormonal change in response to new food routine was such a smart thing to do. I meant to encourage you to build your own moving teplate. Like do weights, fill the rest with walking/riding and add one-two flexibility blocks. Not that I really know much about working out really, just sharing thoughts.

I have no doubt that you will figure it all out with your body eventually. Fingers crossed for sooner than later. Have you discussed weight thing with FMD? She probably thinks that you have to heal first too, right?

I imagine you riding a bike. Flying hair, early morning subtle sunshine on your face and a happiest smile ever. Such a great picture.

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