Moderators LadyM Posted December 4, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted December 4, 2015 My personal cheerleading squad! Thank you, Jen and Sara! It's so helpful to know we're not alone in this--and that others can relate to our less-than-dignified behavior. Sara, yes, I had to dump the treats out of their bags and put garbage on top, too. I kept thinking of George in that Seinfeld episode when he gets caught eating the pastry out of the garbage. But there's no one here to catch me, and that's a big part of the problem! Anyway, feeling much calmer now. And AF has arrived with fanfare. Yesterday I was completely wiped out. I'm talking ate-two-steaks-and-a-sweet-potato-then-napped-the-entire-day wiped out. My body was achy. Took a real rest day. Now thinking I can return to barre at noon. Finally, my body is starting to feel like my own. It's positively Science Fiction how drastically my body and perceptions of it shift every month. Good lord. White sugars and flours really are Personal Enemy No. 1. Must remember this and eliminate them from my life yet again. Alcohol belongs on the list right beneath that one. I seem to do OK with a drink or two every once in a while, but somehow, like sugar, that tends to steamroller. My plan is to minimize all food and drink damage for the rest of 2015. No sugar, no flour, and an occasional festive drink. Then, come 2016, a proper W30. Budget is priority, too, so I'll also be conducting an experiment of doing W30 on a budget. Greens, eggs, canned fish, bulk chicken breast will be my staples along with winter squashes and root veggies. Should have enough of a fat and spices stock to see me through the month. I'd like to keep the no alcohol piece of it going through the summer as well. That worked well for me last year. Thanks for letting me think out loud, friends. I look forward to learning about your post-holiday rein-in plans. Jen, yahoo for W30 together! I honestly can't remember when my last one was, but I'm excited to hop on the community energy of a new one. Such a nice way to start the year. Good intentions, good practices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Glad you are seeing the light after a tough AF. It sounds like you gave your body the rest it needed, good for you. Right now I'm trying to tell myself that I don't need to wait until the new year to change things that I want to change. Yes, I'll definitely be flexible in regards to some special treats, but my daily life can be in check. We'll see... Your words and way of expressing yourself always inspire me to think through what I'm doing, and I greatly appreciate that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted December 8, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted December 8, 2015 Doing better, bit by bit, while also remaining flexible. Cannot forget that little surprises will always present themselves, which is why flexibility coupled with commitment to the larger goal are necessary. Take for example, my Friday night. I cooked dinner for a friend who accompanied me to a show I was reviewing. We arrived to the theatre to find the seats were set up cabaret style around little tables and they were serving cheesecake and coffee. I went ahead and had some, but stuck to my three-bite rule and felt pretty good about it. Especially because it didn't derail me. Movement continues to be strong. Pretty pleased with the balance of weights, barre, yoga, and walking outside. I would probably do well to add some sprints to boost the cardio, but I'll think about adding that when I'm back to work in January. Can always hop on the treadmill after work on my way home. That will be a nice practice to help me get through winter. Oh, and I have new motivation, which might sound a little weird. I was showing a friend some ballet moves and attempted to demonstrate cabriole, a lovely spinning jump through the air. I was happy I could remember it and execute it (in my little kitchen, no less), but I was reminded of how hard it is for me to get off the ground. I've been reminded of this in bootcamp lately, too, with my aversion to jump squats and jumping lunges. Part of it is the nature of my physiology (large breasts, anyone?) and my natural dynamic to be grounded and earthy. However, I also know that shedding some excess weight would allow me to leap with greater ease and joy. It's weird, I know. Who feels the need to leap? Well, I do. So, I'm bringing that into my treasure trove of motivation to continue eating right and exercising for health and fat loss. Still struggling a bit with the sugar dragon, though not in the way that I once did. It's funny how perspective changes. Now, if I have any sweets craving at all I think there's something wrong. Whereas crazy sugar binges were a daily occurrence. Yesterday I did dip into the sunbutter more than was advisable, and I think it's time to simply keep it out of the shopping cart. I only bought a small container from the bulk offerings at the co-op, but still. It's a bit of a crutch that I don't actually need. Onward. Focus on moving deliberately and joyfully, resting intentionally, and eating veggies, protein, and healthy fats three times a day with little appropriate diversions for festive reasons. Though I have two parties and another show serving dessert this weekend. Must formulate a plan. Avoiding overindulging in alcohol is top of the list. . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 I'm with you, Sara - I need to remind myself often that I don't have to wait for January to eat well and skip all the treats. It's not a treat if it's every day! M - Great job with the three bite rule. That's a goal for me, though I've yet to even come near to achieving it. I don't get off the ground, either. That's why handstands continue to be out of reach. I just can't get my butt up that high. It's all in my head, I know. Good luck with the parties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Avoiding overindulging in alcohol helps avoid overindulging in other places. A lesson I know only too well. Love your talk about leaping! I know two-footed jumps are difficult for me, something I almost never do. Calm and flexible... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ytu Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 LadyM, I love reading your journal because you sound so balanced and at peace and full of kindness and best intentions for yourself. This is the mindset I want to work towards. You are an inspiration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted December 9, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted December 9, 2015 Wow, thank you so much, Ytu. That means so very much to me. It's a never-ending process to find balance, never a static state of being. I think of something I like to say when I'm teaching balance postures in yoga: it's not about achieving the "perfect" pose; the wiggle, the falling out, the trying again is the asana. Jen, is it all in your head or all in your butt? Funny thing: inversions are totally easy and natural to me. Perhaps I need to remember that and make a correlation between them and leaping. They're both forms of internal lightness, I think, and maybe I just need to make the translation. You're right: it is in our heads. When I was doing ballet and my teacher told me I was ready to go en pointe, I struggled desperately, worried I couldn't do it. I trusted her and her judgment implicitly, but I had a mental block. Then I watched a documentary about monks who self-immolated themselves, preserving their bodies into death. And something clicked. I thought, "If those dudes could use the power of their minds to do that, then I sure as shit can dance on my toes." And so I did. Sara, yes, it's a two feet at once thing! Though in all honesty, I hate doing high-knees/jogging in place, too. But since I brought it up, I've been consciously pushing myself to do more of it when given the option in bootcamp. And to mentally cultivate lightness. Took a wonderful yoga class last night devoted to the theme of building the light of awareness deep inside in homage to Hannukah. Wonderful insights came of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I definitely need more lightness in my life, especially with running. I tend to be heavy-footed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Ha! All in the head, for sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted December 11, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted December 11, 2015 Been working on lightness and leaping, even brought some of it into the yoga class I taught Thursday. It's been a great thing to keep in mind as I walk and sit and generally move around, too. Keeps me lifted through the core and chest rather than collapsing downward. This may be my new year's resolution making itself known. . . . I've been HONGRY lately, and have simply given in to it and attempted to do it in a healthy way. I think it may be a protein issue as I've continued with pseudo-vegetarianism to some extent. I've also been eating and finishing eating earlier in the day, and my body seems to like that. Except last night I had two glasses of wine in the early evening with a friend/colleague after I thought I was done eating for the day and ALL BETS WERE OFF. It certainly was lovely going down, but man. Good reminder that alcohol is devilish and its aftereffects are real. I came home and ate all the leftovers. Thankfully, they were healthy and protein rich (except for the handful of tortilla chips I couldn't resist). Two drinks is absolutely my limit. Period. I've known this for a long time and yet sometimes fail to adhere to it. Tonight is my favorite Christmas party of the year, there will be loads of drinking, and I will limit myself to two, thank you very much. And tomorrow I will be ever so grateful that I did. Now that I've written it here, so it shall be. Last year I did well with this party. Ate very little, drank appropriately, utterly enjoyed myself, and got to bed at a reasonable time. It's been done, so I know it can be done again. And I simply can't afford to lose a day or two to a hangover. It's such a waste, and so wretched. It makes me feel terrible not just physically and emotionally, but morally if not spiritually. Overdrinking is not my jam. I endeavor to be the sort of person who doesn't behave in that way. The more self control I exercise in this regard, the easier and more of a habit it will become. OK. Pep talk over. Planning to eat simple foods today that will not make me feel gassy or bloated by this evening. Barre class done, and that should do it for the day unless I decide to take myself for a walk in this glorious sunshine. Gotta get it while we can! Tomorrow I'm reviewing a Christmas cabaret and Sunday is full of yoga workshops (taking, not teaching) followed by a Hanukah party. Festive, fun, light. This is my intention for the coming days. I wish that for all of you, too. Happy weekend, everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Good luck at the party! It's good to have a plan. I give myself pep talks all the time, too. It helps. Your weekend sounds super fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted December 12, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted December 12, 2015 Success! Had loads of fun at the party; enjoyed the company, singing, and food; kept to a glass of wine and two shots of Krupnik, a splendid Polish honey liqueur I have once a year at this party. None the worse this morning for it. Today should be easy. I'm making dinner for a friend before we head to the show. There may be pie at the show, and I may have some--or I may not. We'll see. Hoping to get lots of work done today before then. And tomorrow should be fine. Just wanted to check in for a lil accountability. We're gonna make it through the holidays, y'all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 I love the pep talk - and it worked! Hope the rest of the weekend went as well as the party. Yay for fun and accountability and feeling good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted December 18, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted December 18, 2015 So much can happen in a few days, no? Even when nothing has really happened? I'm talking about weird body and food issues creeping up. The mental roller coaster has returned to some extent, and I need to get real about why. My clothes are feeling a bit tight, so the fact is I've expanded physically a bit. Though I've seriously kept up activity, I've off roaded a bit much for a bit too long. I indulge and then I rein in it, indulge then rein it in, but the occurrences have gotten too close together. And I'm suffering for it. So, what's different this time? What's different is I'm choosing love rather than fear. My muscles remember the sensations of self hatred and punishing behavior that follows--it's like grooves in wet earth from repeated treads. However, my heart is now in the habit of choosing kindness and self love. I treat myself the way I treat those I love in my life. With compassion and forgiveness. The old fears say "You're growing fat again, you're not worthy of nourishment or love. You need punishment to whip you back into shape. Why do you always do this? You'll never be right." But then big love comes in and says, "Pffffffft. Stop that. What if none of that is true? What if it's the time of year when you celebrate more than usual and eat more rich foods and drink than usual? What if, on the days when you can slow down and focus, you simply make choices mindfully? Return to protein and leafy greens in amounts that are satisfying but not stuffing? What if, after a few days of consistent mindfulness and deliberate choices, you began to feel more at home in your body again? What are the gifts you can give yourself every day to seduce yourself back into presence? How can you treat yourself the way you treat others?" And the answers come. Yes, if I do those things, I'll feel like myself again--the self who's most at peace, the self who's not distracted by old thinking and external events, the self that's closest to pure consciousness. I can give myself daily pranayama and meditation. I can spend time in nature. I can use the hot tub and schedule a massage. I can wear clothes in which I feel good. I can focus on kindness. I can play and not be so serious all the time. And I can continue to move in a way that feels good and promising--through yoga, weights, walking, barre I return to myself again and again. I'm in a beautiful place to reset and put those practices back in place. With beloveds, at home, in the middle of an 800,000 acre forest. For the purpose of dwelling in darkness together, turning inward, honoring contemplative practices before turning toward the light and stoking our inner fire together. It's right that I'm touching the edge of my darkness right now. I am loved just as I am. And when I remember that, I can love myself just as I am. And I invite you, amid the hustle and bustle of this season, to take time to turn inward and remember these truths: you are loved, exactly as you are. Remember that, and treat yourself with love and kindness. From that place, you can shine forth into the world with love and kindness. What better gift could there possibly be this time of year? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 What better gift could there possibly be this time of year? There is no better gift and thank you for sharing your beautiful words. Love and kindness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Amen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted December 29, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted December 29, 2015 How's everyone doing in this brief lull between holidays? We're almost to 2016! What are your intentions for the year ahead? Personally, I'm letting go of goals, of striving, of aiming at a singular, measurable, fixed point. I'm not sure I believe in such things anymore. Instead, I'm focusing on practices. On deepening and strengthening the practices that will serve me through the inevitable shifts and changes, for better and for worse, that will come. This means yoga, meditation, movement, food, writing. All good things. I'm still a little on the fence about a January Whole30. I know for sure that I want to cut out the known offenders that trigger my sugar dragon, namely alcohol, sugars, dairy, grains. I never really eat soy or corn, anyway. I am a fan of legumes, though, I must say. It's the ayurved in me. I'm OK with foregoing them for a month, but I know I'll eventually add them back in and be glad. What really has me on the fence is the necessary obsessiveness. Don't get me wrong. It's totally useful, and I've learned so very much from my half dozen or so go-rounds. It's just that I'm not sure I need to get so geared up anymore. So, I'll mull it over for the next few days. I'll definitely be doing something like a W30 in January, but if I don't go whole hog, I of course won't call it a W30. I'm definitely foregoing alcohol for at least the next six months, however, just like I did last year. I found that infinitely useful. I guess at this point I know what works for this body. The commitment now is simply returning to those practices. Easy peasy, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Easy Peasy! More and more I'm trying to find that mindset of being, and as you mentioned, not always striving for some point in the future. Trying to make choices that make me feel good in the here and now. I definitely had a bit of an issue with obsessiveness when doing the W30, and I don't think that is the right place for me. I am thinking strongly about what I would like January to look like, and I have some ideas. I will definitely be setting some intentions and working towards them. Movement and food/drink will be involved. Last year in January I started on my yoga streak and that has led to some real changes that I'm happy to have inserted into my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I'm with you. I'm always aiming for calm and not striving. I do need to nip the sugar and other off roading, though. I will choose to do something in January to reset good habits and feel great rather than kind of blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted December 29, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted December 29, 2015 I'm with you. I'm always aiming for calm and not striving. I do need to nip the sugar and other off roading, though. I will choose to do something in January to reset good habits and feel great rather than kind of blah. YESYESYES! Let's "do something" to "feel great rather than kind of blah"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Happy New Year! Just checking in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Where is M? Did I miss that you were going on a retreat or something? Miss you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaraRuns Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 I'm with Jen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted March 7, 2016 Author Moderators Share Posted March 7, 2016 Hi friends! Thanks so much for checking in. Sorry to be MIA. Been struggling with the re-entry to full-time work and managing all the demands on my time. Have also been on a bit of a roller coaster with food but consistent with exercise. But I have that old thickening of belly sensation and feeling the desire to shed it. It's nearly three years since I started my first W30, and it may very well be time for another one. Also time to get serious about cardio. I've been good with weights, barre, yoga, and walking for transportation, but I know in my bones that a little more huffing and puffing and playing outside would do wonders for me. In truth, I've fallen into a winter slump. Spring can't come soon enough! But yeah, I have food fatigue. No interest in cooking. Not much interest in eating, either, but that means trouble for me. Eating things like oatmeal and yogurt because they're easy and practically no-cook, but they push all the truly nutrient-dense food off my plate. So, I just roasted a small truckload of veggies, picked up a bunch of chicken breasts and some prepared compliant beef from Costco. Traveling the end of the week to visit family, so not ready to start a W30. But ready to tame the sugar dragon and just generally feel better. How's everyone else? Miss you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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