Look ma, no hands!

[percypat]

Gotcha  Should have known, I mean who wouldn't know it's from Cats anyway?

 

Enjoy your weekend

[calee]

Gotcha  Should have known, I mean who wouldn't know it's from Cats anyway?

 

Enjoy your weekend

ME! Never saw it, heard it or whatever. But I did see the Beatles on their first USA tour.

[percypat]

ME! Never saw it, heard it or whatever. But I did see the Beatles on their first USA tour.

_____________________________________

 

Ok, Beatles cancels it out

[pjena]

I think you did a great job at the party!  Most of what you ate was right on track!  I hope NH went well.  It is so much easier at home!  I'm nervous for me next weekend.  We'll be at an out of town soccer tournament.  The parents seem to be ready to party.  I find that kind of disturbing and luckily am going with our like minded "framily" (friend family) who also don't think boozing it up while chaperoning a bunch of 11 yr olds is a good idea.  We plan early nights to avoid the party.  But, I also know it will be hard to stick to good eating.  I'm going to make a plan to do the best I can an focus my energy on avoiding the parent party!

[Physibeth]

Oh and Physibeth, we are going to Portsmouth. My husband is from Manchester but most of his five siblings live in P'mouth now.

 

Fun! Haven't been to Portsmouth much because my mother would never let me drive out that dangerous highway with my friends. I'm a Manchester West High grad (class of 94) and everyone in my family (parents, brother, sister) but me lives in Manchester now. Hope you enjoy your vacation.

[Beets]

I'm finally home from NH after a long brutal ride in dumping rain with kids fussing and two dogs in my lap. Oh and a trip to McD's that smelled better than I would've guessed while I ate a bowl of ground lamb and sweet pot.

Weekend was mostly template, but it wasn't w30. Sigh. I guess my heart wasn't completely in it. I was always, at some level, waffling--about the party, the weekend, my birthday. I didn't use visualizations or make a plan for how I'd resist temptations.

Have been through stages of grief about it.

Sat, I walked into MIL's after packing and driving the family (stress, and five hrs of sleep) to pints of my husband's absolutely favorite crab rangoon my BIL brought from Manchester. (He also brought BaCk Room chicken fingers and chocolate frappes, Physibeth--I'm guessing everyone in Manch knows that place?)

It is total Americanized garbage but I love that crab rangoon. They don't really make it in NY like they do in NH and ME. (It's basically cream cheese with flecks of "crab" in a wonton wrapper, then fried.) It's a total guilty pleasure of mine and I ate a couple.

I tried to tell myself it was possibly made with rice flour, but the itchiness of my legs and scalp tells me otherwise. (Always takes a few days for my psoriasis to catch up to what I've eaten.) And my legs were looking so much better after last week. Grrr! In hindsight the bites of food don't seem worth it, but in the moment they toootally did. I made a conscious if delusional, decidedly un-Paleo Coach "worth it" call.

My other meals were all template, including in the car while driving, and I brought my brisket and cabbage and etc.

I went to a birthday party with pizza and cake (easy to turn down, honestly, was box mix with fluorescent colored frosting, pizza was Domino's: blergh) and ate fruit and drank my iced tea, having eaten before. I brought sauerkraut with me and ate that with Applegate hot dogs for dinner. (Over-feeeding my rumbling tummy, as Jen and others were discussing the other day.)

Then I made my lemon/gingersnap pie for MIL, husband's request. Even as my stomach was still rumbling I ate a couple spoonfuls of the lemon cream (lemon, eggs, sugar and butter).

I kept thinking about something I'd (harshly?) written on a thread the other day: there are no cheats or slips on a w30. In fairness, this was in response to someone saying "my only cheats will be _____." But, still, I was of course humbled by my failure to stick with it the second time through.

But I keep reminding myself what I did well. I love my MIL. Really I enjoy her, she's one of my favorite ppl. But she lives on toast, cookies and ice cream--despite crippling IBS. I usually go up there and, when in Rome, eat six pieces of toast in a day. Pretzels dipped in processed cheese spread, Oreos, English muffins, Klondike bars--all the crap I'd never buy in my own house. It's like at my own grandmother's house: walking through the door = permission to gorge on junk.

This isn't making excuses. I'm beating myself up plenty for falling off the wagon. But I do need to give myself a little credit for a vastly improved weekend.

Non-food fun at Grammy's:

PS. I continue to have sulphur smelling gas days after the egg whites. Wow. Eggs! Who knew? I also have those itchy tiny bumps busting out. Maybe they were from eggs all along?

I'm back on Whole eating tomorrow. Honestly I feel like I need to attach a number to it to stay on plan. Feel wobbly. But also feel determined to get my skin back to where I had it after last week. Not just my psoriasis but my face. My in-laws were all exclaiming how good I looked and my face *did* look good--till Sun I woke with tiny puffy eyes.

Let's say w11. That's till my bday. And I plan to have wine only, maybe a piece of really perfect chocolate, no other "slips or cheats" on my b'day.

Last, today I took a walk in the cool cloudy weather. I gotta move to NE. Anyway. Short walk but was beautiful. I felt calm and myself, more so than I've felt in a long time. Strange after eating junk for a few days, but I think it was cumulative from last week. Love June wildflowers. (And when I lived in NE I loved June.)

[Nadia B]

If these what your "cheat", "slips" were with all that family packing, driving and well formed habits...wow, you've done pretty awesome. As long as you have desire to find peace and be back to clean food. It all balances out. Kb's wonderful metaphor of pendulum.

I react to eggs same way, little nasty stupis bumps. They should go away in 2-3 days.

[Beets]

Thanks Nadia. I feel so much better after confessing to you all

[Moluv]

Well the difference is you didn't eat the crab Rangoon and continue on with day 7 or whatever like nothing happened. You know your w30 ended early- whatever no bigs. It still works and it still adds up. Think where you will be in a year from now this habits. 5 years? 20? Compared to the old habits? Night and day. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I am having so much guilt about saying I'm on day 7 of a w30 bc I knowingly and intentionally ate 2 slices of bacon the other day and a tiny piece today. What is stopping me?! I'm a monster! Haha ok, drama, saying I'm in a w30 HAS had the effect of stopping me from putting honey in my tea, and from eating a choc covered frozen banana and eating much, much more bacon and most importantly from drinking alcohol- all things I wanted to do. Otherwise from the bacon I've stayed AIP compliant, and IBS re: coffe and citrus. I'm rambling on your log! I don't know though maybe there should be a dif name for this post w30 w30's we attempt, like a "half-assed30" or in your case "half-assed11". Takes some of the pressure off no?

[Beets]

Right. I was trying to think of a name that would make me not nibble on a tiny square of chocolate but that wouldn't keep me up at night if I ate half a gram of sugar in a sausage. Whole-ish?

But then as soon as I give myself semantic permission, I'm back to nibbling. Though I did just get met period. And it's usually easier for me to stay on point in the weeks following.

It is true that, on the whole, I'm miles ahead of where I was. I just feel like every mis-step puts me back weeks in terms of my psoriasis. My head was so itchy last night I wondered if I'd be able to fall asleep. I was exhausted so I did. But now I'll have days of picking flakes of dead skin out of my hair. Lovely.

[LadyM]

It sounds, all in all, like a wonderful trip! The photos are gorgeous, you enjoyed your rangoons and other off roads . . . now you've got some consequences, but you seem to be dealing with them. Call it a Whole something or not or whatever you like, but this is life. Lived well, if you ask me.

 

It's almost funny to me how the postW30 W30s are such a mindfuck for us. I've just decided this is life. We each have our individual physical weaknesses that W30 helps to alleviate and we each find our own motivation. For me right now it's keeping the sugar dragon dormant. I know the longer I can let that fiery breathing beast sleep the better my chances to have a glass of wine now and again when I really want it without too much blowback. I know that what I know of cravings and lack thereof is only the tip of the hormonal iceberg.

 

I had a brief moment of clarity today about time, that devil. In the greater scheme of things, this is just a blip. A blip in the right direction. You can be mad about what feels like setting yourself back in terms of your psoriasis, but why? You've got the tools to move forward again. It's never going to be a straight trajectory for any of us. So enjoy every bit of it that you can. And know that you are young and beautiful and thin and wealthy and healthy and blessed. Itchy scalp or not. I'm not kidding. In a wider view, you are all those things and more.

[Moluv]

I know- it takes so long to recover! I am pretty certain that eating those 4 servings of non-gluten grains over that long weekend a few weeks ago (and possibly getting glutened) are what has brought on this all over itching. I realized last night that I used to always feel this way and thought it was normal- I thought it was fidgeting as related to ADHD. It was only after it went away and came back I could say. "Whoa that's not normal". I think my gut is damaged again so that I'm reacting to things that I had already overcome reacting to. Feels like a big setback. Once my w30 is up I will ease up on added sugar and honey, but I think I have to keep doing the exact same thing for a while. Sigh. I do think we are both very close to being (like paleomom or Tom) the kind of people that can consistently make the best choice without needing program rules to make us. Considering the wildness in us, I think it's huge. Celebrate it.

[Bridget]

Beets, great post about your trip.

What stands out most for me from what you said ??

"I love my MIL. Really I enjoy her, she's one of my favorite ppl."

Wow !!!

For whatever else you struggled with during the week- you must be a pretty amazing person.

 

[Nadia B]

Urgh I know this feeling of disappointment "I've cancelled all the great job I've done". Well, I try to think it's like a test. Throw some dairy in the gut, get reaction, confirm that healing has not been completed. Second thought, sometimes I am happy that I get reactions (not all the time or extreme ones as I have now). I wonder if I would be able to be strong and eat just right if I had no effects. I wonder if the healing will be faster if the mind will come to the "healing mode" completely.    

 

P.S "What New York couples fight about" always plays in my head when I read about you and your husband  

[Beets]

Bridget: Lol. I really do love my MIL. I've liked most of my serious boyfriends' moms. (That sounds like a lot. I guess I mean two plus my husband.) She's easy to like.

Nadia: great point about having reactions. If I didn't get the reaction I probably would keep eating damaging foods. In fact I kept eating gluten for years after coming to the conclusion it was harming me, because the effects were muddled by other issues. Now it's as clear as day.

[calee]

Beets, you're brilliant. You went into a challenging weekend and you did great. Yes to what everyone already said. You're discovering what works and what doesn't for you. That was the point of W30 and beyond. You have so much going for you. Your family must be so proud of you. I know I am!

[Beets]

Aw, thanks Calee!

[Beets]

Not brilliant today. Stayed up too late, waited too long to eat breakfast, blah blah blah, ate a bunch of melon (the best melon I've ever tasted), ate a bite or three of ice cream I was giving my kids, kids destroyed my bedroom while I was mopping kitchen floor, then a glass of wine.

The melon was great, the rest not. Tomorrow is a new day. Feeling the pressure to be perfect leading up to my birthday, a pressure that always implodes. But also I had a great walk this evening under a sliver of a June moon. Lovely perfect summer evening, breezy, warm and dry, lots of people on the street, good music, felt alive. I will focus on that feeling.

[LadyM]

So glad you're continuing your walks. They seem really joyful and restorative for you.

[Beets]

The walks are joyful are restorative! I need to make having that evening time a priority. That means cooking and cleaning up the kitchen in the late afternoon. But that's a habit I've needed to get into for awhile.

I came home from my walk, ate and relaxed. Watched the completely disappointing finale of Game of Thrones. I don't even care that it won't be on for another year. We are canceling the bulk of our cable today. Husband not ready to kill it but it's one expense we can eliminate--even if they always suck you in with the fact that having premium channels is only incrementally more expensive than basic cable.

But I have better things to do with my time. Now that my brain is coming alive I can go back to watching/reading for grown-ups. Aw, I'll always love you, Westeros, but it's time to move on. Can we still be friends?

[calee]

I watch too much TV. I cancelled my HBO. I should cancel Showtime as well and watch on Netflix on the TV if I want.

Evening walks are so much more restorative than TV. And yes to adult reading. The kids truly do grow up and give you back your mind!

[Moluv]

I've set the tea kettle on, but have not loaded the press...it occurs to me that the way my belly feels could be a sign of healing, a sign that what I've been doing is working. Even though I FEEL really bloated, I don't look it. I think coffee would just inflame me more, and caffeine in general sets my nerves on fire and makes me so tired. Today will be no different. I think I'll go with my vanilla rooibos loose leaf and a light breakfast.

[Moluv]

^ oops, I meant that to go on the AIP thread where I was whining about whether or not I should drink coffee.

[Beets]

'S ok. Don't do it. Coffee. Just read that caffeine withdrawal is now listed as a mental disorder in the DSMV. Ack!

[Nadia B]

One thing that stroke me again is the way you talk about your legs. Dear Meghan, please, don't do it, don't use these harsh words talking about yourself. "You can't fix the body you hate". Repeat in sexy voice of Jason Seib (it's his article, maybe you remember). If it's not working read this.  I will just copy one passage that I love and try (key word is try to keep in mind)

 

5. NEVER EVER verbally criticize your body

 When raising me, my parents did a lot of thing right… I'm sure you can tell, because I'm such a well-rounded, charming young woman  But they did things wrong, too, like every parent on planet earth. Even before we were old enough to speak, my mom has verbally criticized her own body in front of my sister and me. It would just be little remarks like, “I can't wear this dress today, I'm having a fat day.†Or “my eyebrows are more uneven than usual.†Or “Darn these large pores on my nose.†Unconsciously, as I grew up, I found myself repeating these exact phrases to myself! It is vital to body love that we speak gentle words about our body at all times. We need to foster body love in our friends and family members instead of teaching themselves to criticize their body. Remember how we were told to only speak words that build each other up, not tear each other down? We should approach our body with the same mindset.

Never verbally criticize your body in front of your friends, children or significant other. Never ever. 

 

I remember our talk about swimming no matter what. I've also clicked on your profile accidentally while trying to go to the post log. I read the interest box - yoga and getting as much fresh air as possible I am glad that you are moving in that direction and making it happen more often.