LadyM's seduction continues (sur son propre velo)


LadyM

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I ended my second W30, which went on for 85 days yesterday as planned. I'll continue logging here as I figure out how to ride my own bike again.

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Hello from the other side of 85 WHOLE days, friends! What a great experience. I've been thinking a bit about how I want to move forward, and I'm now living what I've read other people express: what a relief it is to return to the template. So, I'm back to it.

 

As for logging, well, writing down what I've eaten for the past 85 days has been very informative, and I think it's probably healthy for me to take a break from that for a bit. I may change my mind if I decide I need the accountability again, but my plan is to pretty much stick to W30/template/3 meals a day with optional wiggle room a maximum one day a week. I will log any and all off roading, but not my regular day to day template meals unless I stumble upon something marvelous I feel I need to share with you lovelies.

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My off-roading experience yesterday was as planned: I enjoyed a couple vodka sodas poolside and then a couple more while dancing at the bar. I kept my food mostly compliant, though I probably ingested a little cheese and noncompliant bacon with my post-dancing nibbles, even though I tried to eat around them.

 

Things to note:

*alcohol made me hungry. Either that or the dancing. Or the fact that I didn't eat a big meal for dinner, but just some little sliders I brought along. OK, maybe this isn't a very helpful note.

*I started my period at 5 am. So glad I didn't beat myself up too hard Saturday night about the RX bars I got into. Not pathologizing every behavior is turning out to be a good thing. Also, it seems my period is back to a more normal 27-day cycle with all the usual signals (red meat craving, one day of mad hungries and sweets cravings, pimples, breast tenderness) rather than my last 40-day cycle. This seems to me a good sign.

*I'm feeling OK today. Most significantly, my feet feel a bit swollen and tender. likely from hours of dancing in my linen zebra print Ferragamos. I'm not mad about that. Also, I have a bit of a headache right now, likely aftereffects from the toxic vodka. Blergh.

*I believe I drank appropriately and responsibly, and that's the only way I hope to ever drink again. And even a few drinks spread over many hours with eating and plenty of exercise mixed in are still poison. I will imbibe in the future with that in mind. It is a choice, and it has consequences.

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Feeling just a little bit lost this morning without the structure of my daily check in. Realizing how much I've enjoyed my morning writing practice here, so even if I don't log my food, I'll continue to write.

 

Made myself a makeshift holiday meal yesterday. Finally tried those GF organic applegate hot dogs everyone seems to be talking about dipped in homemade ketchup, made some great slaw and had kale chips, too. Adapting meals to make them compliant is pretty dang fun. I did have a thought after dinner: why not have a couple of squares of that dark chocolate bar stashed in the freezer? My little monkey mind is hilarious. It's amazing where it will wander when given permission. I thought about it and decided that 1. I wasn't hungry 2. I didn't actually want the chocolate 3. It wasn't in any way special so 4. I wouldn't in any way savor it. I guess this was my own off-roading litmus test. And it worked.

 

Already starting to anticipate the family wedding this weekend and how I'll navigate food choices there. Historically this is one of the most fraught body/food sites. As I said to a friend, I'm going to do my best not to fall into a vat of beer, fried cheese curds, and wedding cake while in Wisconsin. The combo of truly limited food offerings and emotions running high can be lethal. But I've learned from past experience that I fare much better the more present I can be. And the way for me to be most present is not to use sugar and alcohol to numb out.

 

I was thinking about the food I can prepare and bring ahead of time for traveling and maybe even breakfasts: oven-fried salmon cakes, meatballs, meat quiche, crudites. I'm staying with an aunt who suffers from heart disease and thinks she knows what's healthy. It just breaks my heart to see all the fake crap she eats endorsed by her Woman Heart organization in the name of heart health. You know, junk like boxed cereal and yogurts, and she's someone you just can't tell anything. But she's been supportive of my choices in the past even if she doesn't fully understand them, and I think she and my uncle might appreciate my cooking for them. Not sure if there will be time for that, though. Maybe I could bring enough food from home to share. We'll see.

 

Still not super happy with my SI joint progress. I may have exacerbated it with all the driving this weekend (not to mention the dancing in heels :blink:). Definitely not happy with how this is limiting my exercise. Plan is to ice it, wear my belt while at home, walk to work today and attend a chill yoga class this evening before rehearsal. I would like to get back to bootcamp and bike riding if not running very soon. I know that listening to my body and not pushing past the breaking point is the best and quickest way to get back to those thing. Patience, LadyM. Patience. In all things.

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Welcome back to the post world!  You rocked that W85!  Now comes the fun part - riding your own bike.  I'm glad you'll still be writing here, even if you aren't logging.  And I hope the SI joint feels better soon!

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Recovering from injuries sucks, you will get there. Loved reading your success story and seeing you make a comfortable transition back into riding your own bike. I've been thinking about chocolate and ice cream and how best to formulate healthier versions of those treats into my Post W30 world. I still have 15 days to figure that out though I suppose. ;) Good on you for having that conversation with yourself and making a healthy choice.

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Thanks so much, y'all!

 

I actually have food-grade cocoa butter and organic cacao I could make a fancy desserty concoction with, but I'm afraid if I open those flood gates the sugar dragon will rear its ugly head and transform into the binge monster! I think I'm probably better off limiting my desserts to fancy ones, the real deal, that I enjoy on the rare occasion while out for dinner with folks. That's worked pretty well for me in the past. As does the three bite rule. I don't really taste much after three bites of a sweet, anyway, so savoring three gorgeous bites seems to do the trick.

 

OK, so after all that wisdom, I must admit that I had kind of an ugly dinner last night. Was finishing off some uncoordinated leftovers in the fridge and just couldn't get satisfied. Wasn't truly hungry, but had a hard time stopping myself from eating. Dug into carrot sticks dipped in sunbutter. And then the chocolate craving kicked in, so I went for an RXbar, knowing that it would give me toots during rehearsal. I did it anyway. Not. Dignified.

 

I think this provides some useful information, though. If i don't prepare a satisfying meal for myself worth savoring, I won't feel satisfied and will continue to look for things to satisfy me but it will be too late and so I'll eat until stuffed. No bueno. And that sweet at the end of a meal desire is creeping back even though I'd been rid of it for a little while. I think that's part of the satisfaction. So, it's especially important that I have something satisfying for dinner. That includes greens--or at least nonstarchy vegs. It was salmon cakes (made with sweet potatoes) and bellydance beets plus a handful of spicy meatballs. A good green veg, I bet, would have headed things off. It's the high-nutrient piece of the equation!

 

Ugh. I woke up this morning feeling hungover and tired. I think it was simply from eating too much the night before, even though everything I ate was technically compliant!

 

So, here's what I've learned:

 

1. Take the time to prepare and savor truly satisfying meals to help prevent overeating and digging into sweets replacements.

2. Overeating, even technically compliant foods, has ill effects. In fact, overindulging isn't template eating. Period. And I will therefore suffer the consequences.

3. Eating green veg with every meal leads to optimal satisfaction and happiness.

 

p.s. I saw FMD yesterday about my SI, and we think it was the dancing in heels, not the car rides, that exacerbated things. DOH! That's twice now that dancing in heels has set me back. Is it the dancing, or the heels? Has to be the heels, right? I mean, dancing heals everything! Now I'm rethinking my costume for this wedding. I'm at least bringing flats for the reception, cuz it's not a wedding reception in my family if there's no dancing. Some of us might also cite the cake and free-flowing drinks, but I'm going to do my best to bypass those. But bypass the dancefloor? That would be sacrilege!

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I think this provides some useful information, though. If i don't prepare a satisfying meal for myself worth savoring, I won't feel satisfied and will continue to look for things to satisfy me but it will be too late and so I'll eat until stuffed. No bueno. And that sweet at the end of a meal desire is creeping back even though I'd been rid of it for a little while. I think that's part of the satisfaction. So, it's especially important that I have something satisfying for dinner. That includes greens--or at least nonstarchy vegs. It was salmon cakes (made with sweet potatoes) and bellydance beets plus a handful of spicy meatballs. A good green veg, I bet, would have headed things off. It's the high-nutrient piece of the equation!

 

This is something I have to continuously remind myself of to. While I want food to just be fuel there is still more to it then that and eating a sub par meal just leads to more eating. Great thing to ponder for sure!

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Did better yesterday with eating. A giant fresh salad with canned salmon for dinner turned out to be very satisfying. I certainly welcome the season of salads.

 

In fact, we're shifting into Pitta season, ayurvedically speaking, which means foods should be cooling--for balance and to help with weight loss and not overtaxing the liver. This means more greens of all kinds, cucumbers, mint, watermelon, coconut of all kinds, celery, avocado and less peppers of all kinds, garlic, onions, tomatoes.

 

Received a box full of adorable new yoga clothes yesterday from my dear friend who works at a yoga clothes shop. Christmas in May! Really makes me long for an uncompromised body so I can get back to yoga. Le sigh. It will happen in its own time, and in the meantime I must be kind to myself. But it really is frustrating. I go back to FMD today and hope she can give me some good news.

 

Lots to get done before my long drive and trip tomorrow. . . .

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That pitta season list sounds good to me!  :) 

 

Fun about the yoga clothes!  I have a gift cert from Christmas to Lululemon that I have to go use one of these days.  The store is only about 15 minutes from work, but it's in the direction I never go so it seems like more work to go there for some reason.  I need to make time, though.  New yoga clothes would be fun!  My yoga tops may be getting a little stretched out because I seem to be flashing a bit more cleavage than I'm comfortable with in class (and it's not nice looking cleavage after nursing 2 kids, let me tell ya!).  I need to cover that up! :lol:

 

Keep being kind to yourself and the healing will come.  You know you're doing all of the right things.  Just need to be patient.

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I love new workout clothes! I fell victim to Target's active wear section again yesterday. They had cute skorts though (that is what I wear when I teach WIM) so how could I resist? I also have an order from Reebok that should be arriving today that includes my new shoes for Sh'Bam! Cute clothes make the workout that much more enjoyable right?

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LOL. YEah. I'm witchu, Jen. The cleavage aint what it used to be. :(

 

New workout clothes are the best. Nothing makes you feel like working out more. Especially when you're talking about yoga or another class where your existing clothes are making you feel self-conscious. I finally upgraded from old stretched out tank tops to a couple real yoga tops last year and felt soo much better. 

 

You always, Lady M, make me want to know more about ayurveda. I'll often, after reading your posts, google something and come across a bunch of sites--some of which are helpful and some of which are garbage. Any recommended books? Or how did you learn all of this? I feel like you mentioned it but I don't recall. 

 

I have some water kefir grains on the way. Seems a little less work than kombucha, though I'd like to get that going as well, and I love the idea of getting probiotics into my kids with some fizzy lemonade, etc. Also I can put the water kefir into popsicles. Saw an amazing looking recipe yesterday for mint mango water kefir pops. 

 

Bring on the salads! 

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Now I'm intrigued about this water kefir you speak of, Beets. Did you see Sunday's NYT mag story on bacteria? Fascinating stuff.

I learned about Ayurveda from my yoga teacher, also an ayurved who studied at the Ayurvedic institute in Albequerque, with whom I'm going to Bali next spring. I recommend the book Ayurveda: the science of self healing by Vasant Lad. He directs the Ayurveda Institute and also published a cookbook with his wife, Usha Lad, called Ayurvedic Cooking for Self Healing that I like, among others. The Yoga International website also has some decent resources on Ayurveda.

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Thanks for the encouragement, Jen. It is tough to be patient!

And yes, cute new yoga clothes are very motivating. I'm such a lucky gal, cuz these are really gorgeous, from prAna, and she gets them for me at a huge discount. I used to wear pretty scruffy looking worn out leggings and tank tops. It does change the game a little to show up looking all fly at the yoga studio. ;)

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I slept in instead of leaving before dawn to miss traffic in Chicago. Sleep is priority, what can I say?

 

I've prepared and packed food for the weekend: meat quiche, tex-mex salmon cakes, cuban meatballs, veggies, guac, rxbars for emergencies (or if I feel sorry for myself when everyone else is eating dessert with every meal--bc that's how my family rolls--and just want a sweet treat). So, I should be set. I have a rehearsal dinner tonight to navigate and the reception dinner Saturday night, but since I'm not strict W30ing, I figure I can at least eat salad sans dressing, a piece of meat, green veg if there is any, and a baked potato. We'll see. I'm not stressed about it.

 

I'm more stressed about what to wear. I tried on some of the new clothes I ordered last night and was suffering some serious belly bloat. Ugh. It's so unpredictable. Though I did have a noshy evening. Relied on sardines with crudite and guac for an 11 am lunch and dinner was the same except baba ghanoush instead of guac and at 4. So then by 8 when my meatballs and then salmon cakes were emerging from the oven, I had a taste. Yet another good reminder: my body really does prefer to eat three times a day and not more.

 

I did successfully avoid the land mines of a class potluck yesterday by eating lunch first and simply not partaking. I brought a platter with crudites, guac, and blue corn tortilla chips to share. The only other semi-compliant option was a bowl of fruit. It was a case in which I was pleased to have thought and planned ahead. I would not have been happy about off roading for what was on offer there.

 

All right. Better finish packing and get on the road. Have a lovely weekend, y'all!

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Enjoy your trip!  It sounds like you have a great list of foods to eat and it will be great!  Not stressed about it is the way to live!  It's why I like not being on W30.  As long as I'm in the right mindset, I can navigate most any situation.  I hope the bloat goes away soon so you can feel fabulous in your new clothes!

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Except for Saturday night, I stayed compliant, and I'm feeling pretty good about that. I decided to have a couple cocktails (patron and soda) and eat the dinner provided, avoiding obvious offenders (bread, corn, dressing, etc.). Then, after dinner, I decided I was going to go ahead and try the brownie cheesecake dessert thing--and that opened the floodgates for wedding cake later in the evening. What can I say? I let loose. And then I hopped right on the template eating wagon. So, things are going according to plan. And given the circumstances, that my family gatherings are so centered on such incredibly terrible food I cannot even begin to tell you what tricks I had to pull to avoid it most of the time, I did well. Mostly because I simply ate the food that I brought surreptitiously and abstained from eating what was offered during all meals except at the wedding.

 

I could have stayed more compliant Saturday night, especially had I not had any drinks, but let me tell you that I went ahead and used that tequila to help cope with what turned out to be pretty terrible post traumatic stress. It was the first time I'd been back since my mom died, and her final days just kept playing in a loop in my head. Everyone was very sweet and concerned about me, but sometimes that just made it worse.  And I wanted to escape, just a little bit, with minimal drama. That meant, I didn't bolt, which I considered doing; I didn't binge drink; I didn't binge on sugar the entire time I was there. Instead, I contained it in a single evening, and I'm satisfied with that.

 

I also noticed that I feel different about my body depending on the company and the context. Do you experience this? Even though I'm in pretty decent shape, more so than plenty of folks in the family, it's like I regress to childhood and that feeling of never being good enough and project that self hatred onto my poor blameless body on cue. I was actually surprised that that pattern emerged again. After all this time. Something to continue to work on, I guess.

 

That is a pretty wonderful upshot of this whole thing, though. I do realize that I am on the right path with my health and wellness physically speaking even if I haven't yet reached the place where I'd ultimately like to end up; and it seems that the real work at this point is to recognize the old emotional and psychological patterns in order to shift them. It dawned on me that after 37 years I can fundamentally accept this body exactly as it is, even if the dream I've clung to in terms of its shape and size never comes to fruition. We're friends like that, yo.

 

Letting go of the dream in order to make space for exactly what is and what may be. I'm going to try that on for a while and see what comes.

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Also, I should add that I didn't have any discernible negative effects from the gluten, sugar, and alcohol except tiredness. I slept long that night and didn't eat until noon Sunday when I dug into a slice of my beloved meat quiche in a parking lot between visits to aunts' houses. For dinner last night, friends nearby cooked me a gorgeous fresh grilled meal: local whitefish, asparagus, red potatoes (I'm OK with potatoes on occasion) and a beautiful salad. I felt revived.

They sent me home with rhubarb from the garden, which is now simmering on the stove with fresh orange zest and juice, maple syrup, grated ginger, vanilla bean, and a cinnamon stick(for an upcoming off roading day if I choose)--and some gorgeous chicken livers with which I'll make a country pate. A little happy taste of Wisconsin. Thankfully, I got out of the state relatively unscathed (no beer! Or fried cheese!) right at the start of Dairy Month (yes, that's a thing).

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The rhubarb compote turned out scrumptious, and yes, I only had a taste.

 

My SI/lower back was feeling so much better and last night it after the drive home it was terrible again. This morning I could hardly get out of bed and last night the only way I could fall asleep was by icing my lower back. Ugh. Why were things so good and then got so bad so quickly? The drive? Hauling things in from the car? I don't know. I see FMD today. Looking forward to that adjustment. This is so frustrating.

 

Early start at work today and need to do some grocery shopping here pretty soon. Though I did stop at Trader Joe's in Milwaukee on the way home yesterday, so I picked up some staples. Never enough veggies, though!

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That is a pretty wonderful upshot of this whole thing, though. I do realize that I am on the right path with my health and wellness physically speaking even if I haven't yet reached the place where I'd ultimately like to end up; and it seems that the real work at this point is to recognize the old emotional and psychological patterns in order to shift them. It dawned on me that after 37 years I can fundamentally accept this body exactly as it is, even if the dream I've clung to in terms of its shape and size never comes to fruition. We're friends like that, yo.

 

Letting go of the dream in order to make space for exactly what is and what may be. I'm going to try that on for a while and see what comes.

 

Love this, M!  It sounds like you handled the emotions the best way you could and in a much healthier way than you could have.  I consider that a success. 

 

Rhubarb compote sounds delish! 

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