Nadia's PW30. "Let's fix it" journey.

[Nadia B]

Day 88.

Sun changes this city. Everyone is happy, everyone is smiling.

Today I:

- Got a good sleep. Ate breakfast (kangaroo, turnips, portobello mushrooms and carrots) with coffee.

- Had awesome LAST (see below) wo with deck of cards. I finished second after ninja dude. I love box jumps.

- NEW GYM! My gym is bought by another chain and I will have to join another one (I dislike new owners). The one I've picked had CF and my fav Alix works there too. I chatted with a lady in changing room joining this new club. She turned out to be a trainer there, she launches new ballet based class there soon and she used to dance for National Ballet in Moscow. I cannot wait. Downside - I really don't want to think about the membership fee. I will cover this day on my bank statement.

- Ate duck leg, celeriac/turnip/spinach for lunch. Several strawberries.

- Spent day with a friend in the patio catching sun. Another coffee with cm milk which I brought from home. Tiny dark chocolate piece.

- Got a huge orange cusion for my armchair on clearance. Store didn't have a bag to fit it, so I was just carrying it home. Everyone was smiling.

- Discovered an inner fishmonger and dealt with a whole fresh squid for the first time in my life. I have to work on my cutting skills, clearly.

- Had perfect dinner - celearic/cauli mash, marinated squid and oven garlic roasted artichoke (5 for 2$ I couldn't pass. Two in the picture, but I didn't eat the second). Ate whole Meyer lemon, like a fruit. Mmm.

[Susan W]

Mission sardine was a success in the most unexpected way. Sun changes this city too. Some friends wanted to go for a stroll downtown by the river and one of the restaurants had a wood grill set up outside.

They were grilling oysters, crab, fresh anchovies and frickin sardines. So delish. They had a beef and lamb grill too. After all the seafood, I had grilled lamb chops and grilled romaine.

I want to eat this meal every single day.

[Nadia B]

Awesome! Sounds like you had lots of fun grilling.

Now cover stuff from can with Fisherman's eggs someday and we can consider sardines gestalt closed

[Susan W]

Yeah..that whole fishermans egg thing. My memory of your recipe was something like liver spread on a canned sardine. I probably should check it out again because KB just said she can't wait to try it. :0)

Sounds like you had a sunny and fun day too. 79 here today with no rain. Love it.

[Moluv]

"Also scared I will never get rid of this disordered eating"

I think you are really good at eating. It's the food supply that is disordered. You are doing an incredible amount of work to figure out what is and is not good for your body, and is is frustrating and confusing at times. Your food log and pictures show love for nourishment, not a disorder IMHO.

[Nadia B]

Day 89.

Busy day. Have been home all day long cleaning, sorting stuff out and reorganizing. I am not nearly done and it's 9pm already. Not going to sacrifice sleep, finish tomorrow.

Breakfast: dont remember, smth like bacon, cinnamon carrots and some other vegg. Coffee for sure.

Happy lunch: kangaroo + mashed cauli/celearic + cucumbers/marinated carrots/sauerkraut + avocado. Had cocoa avocado mash an hour after.

Made balsamic onion jam (licked sauce pan, no joke, it's better than any cookie in the workd), Moroccan preserved lemons and more spicy carrots. My granny will drop her jaw when she receives email with a photo. Haha.

Dinner: golden beets + spinach + thyme onion/mushroom chicken hearts. Went for seconds, very tender.

Tomorrow is a team pizza lunch. Stupid questions why am I not eating again and stupid comments from co-workers. "She is VERY healthy, she doesn't it ANYTHING". I don't care, they are good people and treat me well, they are just ignorant. I know that my VP will take it personally as this lunch is his initiative. However it's not worth eating it. I just have to come up with good line for the boss that won't leave him feeling like he has failed. All is good anyways.

[Nadia B]

Day 90. April? Already? 3 paleomonths!

8 hour sleep but woke up from a bad dream. Understandable tho.

Breakfast: last egg + salted salmon + asparagus + avocado. Coffee. Side pain and bloat. Boo.

Lunch: team lunch.

I am staying positive, wearing funky skirt found after cleaning the closet and writing my March goals assessment!

Pilates was cancelled. Dinner: turnip/kale + turkey sliders + onion jam. Ghee+onions = mnononmonmomnonm. Ate some straight from the jar. New food with no brakes

Had hot cocoa (cm milk + cocoa powder + 1/2 tsp honey). 3 squares dark chocolate. Book.

[Nadia B]

Lunch UPD: it's a rotiserrie now. Menu. My boss has changed the place we are ordering because of me. I have to pick something in 20 min or so

Picked quarter chicken with garden salad (no roll, dressing or sauce). I will take skin off and try not to think what kind of marinade was rubbed on it. Off to horror lunch!

UPD2. Urg, It was plain steamed chicken (didn't eat skin) and lettuce. One giant chicken leg that left me hungry. Power of junk food

[Derval]

Good luck at lunch Nadia, what a pickle!

[Nadia B]

Monthly results.

In my last monthly evaluation post I had following goals by the end of March. Comments in bold.

-Tailor my meal sizes, try to follow the template as close as possible. Success. Scaled back on protein. Generally eating less. Still working on it.

- Work on my eating pattern. I have troubles with technically allowed food. I fall into this eat it all/binge kind of behavior. What's remarkable here – it happened to me way less when I was lowfat 500 calories daily girl. Better but a lot of work to be done. I think that for the whole year a number on my calorie tracker was telling me when to stop eating, so my body completely misses “full†signal. I can eat until I physically can't fit in more. I have had several hunger strikes with binging on veggies and other stuff. Very exhausting. Less time recovering from them – good.

- Reduce starch and added fat intake, but I need more research on that. I operate 100% better on lower carbs. Not sure if anyone has notices, but yams/plaintains/squashes and other starches are almost gone. Now I can't fall into trap of tracking them or getting carb-phobic. I see this happening without careful attention.

- Ditch dried fruits/nuts completely. Exception – I am eating out and food contains them. I use dried fruits for cooking. Nuts have to go forever. They are killing me (had couple times). Nuts+water = glue to my stomach.

- Stop buying fruits regularly = ditch them from my diet 80%. I am not overeating them, but I feel like they have no positive impact + trying to avoid sugar + I have troubles digesting most of them. I am leaving berries though. Major success. I still have half mango cut for tuna salad 2,5 weeks ago. 3 packs of strawberries untouched for days. I don't miss fruit at all. I don't crave them as a sweet fix or snack.

- Limit caffeine even more and see if I can do without my morning coffee. Fail. Keeping my morning coffee. I need it for the peace of mind.

- Prepare for my next Whole30 (somewhere in April). I have very challenging weeks to come. My Dad will have a surgery this Friday. I am taking vacation days and move to my parents' place to take care of him. I will be making bone broth and pureed food. Had unpleasant conversation with Mom and ended up practically yelling “why can't you just trust me? No one in our family has healthy digestion, no one! That tells us something, don't you think?†She was yelling back “I can't stop baking him bread, he can't give it up!†Regardless, Mom has sort of agreed to give me the reigns for the family's food (she's a shift worker and never took care of provision much). I will do another Whole 30 starting April 6^th or so. I need to be sane, I need to be focused, I need to be healthy.

- Plan dinner times better. Still have to work on it. I don't want to pack inner to the office and eat at 5. On the other hand 8pm is too late for most of the days, as I get very sleepy by 9. Can't figure it out.

- No treats. Little progress, but still. I am able to fight need for the “little something†most of the time now. I love my avocado cocoa mash with no sugar. I love my dark chocolate.

Bad March:

- Emotional craze and compliant binging.

- Forcing myself to stop eating.

- Over thinking my food and urge to have the number to fit in aka counting nutrients and calorie.

- Digestion is still out of whack, but I am getting 3 or 4 most of the time.

- My feet are swollen too often.

- Can't have eggs.

Good March:

- Better sleep. I am seeing dreams. Finally.

- Skin is good.

- I am stronger and have improved my performance.

- I am slowly getting back to my pre-Whole 30 measurements. Today I am writing actual measurements down to compare in May: chest 90/35, arm 26/10, waist 61/24, hips 90/35, tight 51.5/20, calf 35/13.7. I don't know my weight as I still scared to weight-in.

- NO NAUSEA!!!

Goals for April:

- Stay positive and manage stress effectively.

- Complete Whole 30 for myself while trying to feed my family as compliant as possible.

- Keep working out twice a week and go walking everyday.

[Nadia B]

Day 91. Countdown to the family Whole30 #2.

1. 8 hours sleep but I feel tired. Chocolate before bed? Maybe. Dark circles under eyes.

2. I didn't do much cooking/shopping this weekend because I move to my parents to take care of Dad for indefinite amount of time. I though I'll be fine with kitchen sink meals for the week. I was wrong. If I don't have tasty breakfast I end up grazing on random stuff to make it up. Nasty habit.

3. Went to the storage room to look for the paper towels. Found scales. Weighted myself. Not as scary as I thought. I am 2 lb away from my "comfort" weight. I am 5 lb away from my "I feel awesome" weight. Very cliche. Those 5 lb. Put scales in the suitcase in the far corner. What I am really happy about is that bf% went down. I know that scales doesn't give accurate picture, but the tendency is clear. I didn't lose muscle mass, it's all fat.

4. Signed up for Bodeefit. I need ideas for bodyweight workouts. These look ok. I might try 14-day free Pro version, but I don't think I'll stick with it.

Breakfast: failed salmon/shrimp/zuchinni/carrot fritters since there is no egg to hold them + kale + avocado. Too salty, brr. Ate cucumber, more avo and some salmon straight from the fridge. Chewed down handful of spicy cashews (whyyyyyyyyy?!) after. Not feeling full at all, but ate MORE than enough. I had double Americano this morning instead a single shot. I am still yawning. Wtf.

Lunch: artichoke + asparagus + turkey sliders in prosciutto.

Gym after work. Canned salmon pre/post. How to fit in flipping dinner on Tuesdays? I can't eat full meal and exercise, I feel like I will spit it all out while exercising. Pre wo meal is more than enough. WO is from 6:30 to 8. Shower/sauna/walk home and I come back home at 9 pm. Time to sleep.

[missmary]

Great report NB! I love reading it. Good luck taking care of your dad. I've done similar and it was HARD but also really rewarding and our relationship is still better from it (this was 5 or 7 years ago?). I also have the same dinner issues as you so I will watch closely here for a solution . Wishing you the very best on your April30. You will be awesome.

[Nadia B]

Great report NB! I love reading it. Good luck taking care of your dad. I've done similar and it was HARD but also really rewarding and our relationship is still better from it (this was 5 or 7 years ago?). I also have the same dinner issues as you so I will watch closely here for a solution . Wishing you the very best on your April30. You will be awesome.

Thanks, sweet MM! You always find right words for me.

Growing up moment indeed. I was thinking about it too, that it will somewhat "fix" my relationships with Dad.

I feel that the real challenge is to handle Mom and convince her to stick to the program with us. She is the drama/overreaction queen.

They both are skinny all their life, so they have this mindset that if you are not gaining weight you are "healthy". Me being chubby kid eating same food with them - oh it's just the genes from grandgrandwhoever. Bad digestion = runs in family. I don't blame them. I will be patient and try to make little changes while I am there.

[Nadia B]

Day 91/92.

I was late for workout for 20 minutes. Still got 1 hour 10 min of it, but it didn't feel the same. It was a very strange workout, I didn't feel it was too hard. I didn't feel the "energy crash" like before. What I felt was a terrible weakness in my muscles. It burned and hurt but the intensity was usual (way less burning). On the positive side - I did some stretching after and saw improvements. I did a split without making the scary crinkle face. Ate can of sardines (empty changing room hooray) after. Got home and made hot cocoa. It was a terrible idea (I ate some dark chocolate yesterday again). I was having stomach pains all night. I have to scale back cocoa as it's a potential gluten cross reactive food. I am not too stressed about increased amount of chocolate as my wh30 starts Friday and I'll work on it later.

Had 8 hour of sleep disturbed by my tummy saying that hot cocoa before bed was a terrible idea. I am very anxious about my move to parents, about convincing them to trust me and to make changes to their diets, about taking responsibility for Dad's recovery. I know we all will be fine, just the inevitable pressure of uncertainty. Great title for a book. Like "Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera (btw - read it, it's a great novel if you like Kafka, Sartr and the crew). Enough blahblah.

I had FANTASTIC fat breakfast: lettuce (exciting start lol) + spaghetti squash + smoked mackerel + tomatoes/cilantro. 1,5 squares of chocolate - damn! Damn good and damn annoying that I keep eating it every day.

Bad: Side burn/pain and no bm for almost 2 days. Good: unpacking summer clothes box was a good idea, but the fact that all of it fits like a glove is even better.

I am playing around with my meals today and try to interchange lunch and snack. Breakfast was very dense, so I will have large cup of broth + little turkey slider + a bit of turnips at my lunch time. I will have my "lunch food" (opo squash+roasted fennel+chicken hearts) around 4-30, go to dentist (2 hours ouch) and then rush to rehearsal. I should digest it by rehearsal time 6-45. At the same time I shouldn't be too hungry by the time I get home 8-30, so I'll avoid polishing the fridge shelves right before bed. Full dinner still doesn't fit anywhere, so maybe just a bit of protein of some sort? We'll see.

[Krista Billows Rodriguez]

Mmmm chocolate, why oh why must you taste so good?!

[Nadia B]

Mmmm chocolate, why oh why must you taste so good?!

Funny thing that the less sugar it has the more I like it. 100% is my fav.

[kb0426]

I have only been brave enough to go to 99% . It really is a totally different experience than the "standard" stuff.

I believe that I read that chocolate cravings equate to a magnesium deficit. Maybe your body is trying to tell you something?

[Nadia B]

I have only been brave enough to go to 99% . It really is a totally different experience than the "standard" stuff.

I believe that I read that chocolate cravings equate to a magnesium deficit. Maybe your body is trying to tell you something?

My body screams "add banana to the mix!"

Searched food rich in magnesium. Ohlala - beans, tofu and peanuts (that justifies my recent crazy craving?). I guess in our case magnesium go-to will be my loved broccoli, spinach and KALE. Interesting, I eat them regularly + take supplement.

Maybe it's just a chocolate period. Oh well, Friday ends it all

[Nadia B]

Day 92 update.

The trick with switching meals didn't work. It was strange day eatingwise. I wasn't hungry AT ALL until the dentist appointment. I had to eat snack and lunch both. After 2 hours of torture I felt somewhat hungry. Resisted buying bar, individual pack of nut butter or anything of the sort. Ate seasnax instead which is virtually air. Reharsal was cancelled (arghh I walked all the way there in strong wind), went to the food store to buy some protein (almost nothing is left), got stuck there (I love buying food you know). While I was walking down the aisles I ate 100 grams of black forest ham and got a strange look from cashier for paying for an empty pack. Got home late cold and hungry again. Roasted some veggies in red palm oil (got yesterday) with turkey slider. Went to bed 2 hours after as I couldn't fight it anymore.

Day 93. Fake coffee experiment.

Breakfast: veggies in red palm oil (nicest crust ever) + deli roastbeef (no nasties yay). Packed "what's about to spoil" salad (sardines, mixed greens, olives and avocado) for lunch. Ate two more slice of roastbeef + sundried tomatoes + avocado (LOTS). I hate this habit, why do I do this? What I hate more is feeling deeply guilty.

Now fake coffee thing. I was convinced by a girl (who claimed to be gluten sensitive) in the organic store to give it a try (1$ pack for couple cups, won't hurt). Teeccino - herbal gluten-free coffee. Ingredients include carob, barley, chicory root, dates, figs, almonds. I raised my eyebrows and said - BARELY contains gluten. She assured me that although barley contains gluten, brewed Teeccino is gluten free as verified by independent laboratory tests at the University of Nebraska, the top gluten testing laboratory in the US. Here is what their website says.

I have an mocha maker, so I wasn't concerned about getting the particles inside the cup. It tasted quite good and was strong enough to trick the brain. I will test more to decide. Do you think it's a straight lie about gluten-free? My other concern is about other ingredients. Nuts and carob are irritating my gut too, how much of an impact I'll get? Is it swapping one bad thing for another bad thing? Found the thread here on forum about this stuff, apparently they have a barely-free version. That's better.

Bloated later and still no good BM. What can I eat to help it? Seriously, 300 mg of magnesium don't do the job.

Rushing home after work, dinner, ballet and going to my parents to see Dad. Last day to eat my chocolate heart away. Tomorrow is a WH30#2.

Here is the log for my Whole 30.

[Moluv]

Hmmm I read the Teechino link as I have been too scared to drink it since learning about my gluten intolerance and as I recall it wasn't mind blowingly good so not something i can risk. It's hard for my brain to wrap around the idea of drinking a decoction of a gluten grain and not reacting to gluten. I think I'm having a reaction from just typing the word "gluten" so many times. Interesting they note some with Celiacs have reported reactions. Dandelion root tea is pretty good but I think you aren't supposed to drink it daily- something to do with the liver. Do you want to avoid caffeine as well? If not, I have found Numi brand Pu-Erh teas (coconut flavored is my favorite) to be so bold (I use 2 bags) as to make me feel that coffee feeling without the "ugh, coffee" feeling. My market has just got in a brand of coconut milk with no guar gum and I am successfully adding that to my diet with no problems. I feel fancy and "normal" drinking this in the morning, which I'm grateful for, but having caffeine again has made me more prone to a racing heart and little angry outbursts. What to do what to do....... #firstworldproblems

[Nadia B]

Yea, I won't bother testing this "gluten-free" stuff. I'd rather have the real deal as my americano in the morning. I am not a black tea person at all, I've tried pu-erh (grabbed 4 different of them for Dad), but I'll give it another try I think. Whyyyyy not

[Nadia B]

Ok, I am back here. Muscle memory of logging I guess. As expected I haven't reintroduced anything. However my brains were in "what should we have now that we couldn't have before?" mode. Danger danger.

I made myself a great Easter breakfast. No eggs or chocolate, but this. Mom's cupcakes and apricots heated in ghee with cinnamon and coconut cream. Thank God I can't bake.

http://i1287.photobucket.com/albums/a633/cicatella/null_zps187fc1f5.jpg

I was a good girl and ate pork and asparagus before. Protein first. It was a giant breakfast I tell you, but as we all know - sugar and fruits make us hungry quick later. Got hungry too early (like 4 hours after this feast), but was too lazy to cook. Wrapped beef burgers in lettuce with avocado and caramelized onions. Ate lots. Decided to get the hell out of the house, went for a walk, did some shopping and got my neon yellow fix. I also bought a great mezzaluna - 70% off. I love it already.

Ballet classes are getting tougher and thougher. No complaining, but those soubresaut jumps suck. Especially when you misplace heel of one leg and land it on the toes of the other leg. Spent the rest of the day in the park reading a book. I tan easily and have white stripes on the shoulders. Great.

Realized that I forgot to check the fridge and I don't have food. Well, not enough protein. Bought lots of offal and fish because try to cut my food expnses as I want to do circus and I still need a new gym membership. So easy when you love liver. Was very tempted by blue crabs and giant clams (one half would be the serving) they are in season now and dirt cheap. Some other time. Got spleen, kidneys, roe and halibut. Put balsamic pork roast to the oven and cooked dinner. Strange that I got hungry so late as opposed to a crazy hunger in the morning. Anywho, I had giant dinner (struggling to finish, should rework my portions). Kidneys with wild mushrooms, cauliflower with garlic and yeast and celeriac/carrot/parsley raw salad. Dressing was duck fat, vinegar and mustrad. Random, I know, but so yummy.

Progress #uno. I didn't have my coffee and wanted to shoot myself several times a day. Talked myself out o buying one/bag several times. Headache but I am not sure if it's related. It's one cup, will my body notice? I thought it's all in my head. Sleepy and might go to bed early.

Progress#due. Kombucha is ready, but I want to try to let it sit more. Just to compare. Now scary flavouring, bottling and second fermenting process. I have mint, strawberry, ginger, mango and oranges. What's your favourite flavor? How much of fruit to put? Can I use GT's bottles? Exciting!

[Susan W]

Nad, flavoring is the best part. I started with GT bottles. Here's my problem..some fruit floats and some sinks. So..now I do the second ferment in a mason type jar and when I think it's ready, I strain it into a measuring cup and then funnel it into GT bottles.

I have not found a flavor that I adore yet. Jessica loves the ginger cranberry (unsweetened) juice. I thought the ginger, papaya, mango would be my favorite. It wasn't. Not sure why. I really liked the blood oj, blueberry and strawberry. Today, I did one pint with raspberries, ginger and a lime slice AND a pint of basil (I know..weird) and ginger. Standing up right now to add mint to the raspberry..I totally forgot that I had it.

[Nadia B]

Mmhm makes sense with the jars. I start with simple strawberry ginger and strawberry mint. Do you cut berries?

[Susan W]

I simetimes cut and squish with a fork. I forgot about the strawberry, pineapple, ginger. That was a good one. I want to try a sassy water version. Cucumber, mint and lime. I do the continuous brew so I have kombucha to bottle every 3-4 days. Good thing my trainer loves to be my test subject. :0)