whole30 supercharged...kinda

[missmary]

well, I guess I should know better than to let other people's random comments make or break my day. One day, I'm being compared to an athlete, the next, I've got 5 and 6 year-olds yelling "hey! it's the old lady with the glasses who brings us snacks!!" and later asking if I'm going to have a baby. and here I was thinking I was looking cute, and not old and not pregnant. I'm not super depressed about it (I think it's kind of funny, actually) but it does bring up an issue I'm having that I haven't talked about here: I have no idea where I stand in the body department. I mean, I know my body does a lot of stuff I want it to do, and that's awesome, and I feel great most of the time, but I don't know...sometimes I feel like I look fine and acceptable, and other times hugely fat and disgusting*, but I'm pretty sure it's the same body both times. Does that make sense? I mean, i know and understand that how I feel is 100times more important than how I look, but I kind of want to know if I look ok anyway.

Today I'm going to do my monthly weigh-in (I didn't yesterday, because I have no scale at home or at kettlebell class and I REFUSE to make a special trip to the gym just to do this), and I'm going to see a number and compare it to a chart that I know is pretty much bullSh**t and I'll make note of how close I am to a goal my Dr. set for me (BMI 27 is what she would like--about mid-way between the obese and normal weight categories) and I don't know...I just wish I could relax and eat and exercise and believe that my body would settle into exactly where it needs to be without me tracking and thinking and working on it.

Oh well. sorry for more self-absorbed self-reflecting, but I suppose that is what logging/journalling is about. I'll post results when i return from yoga. EDIT: lost 4lbs. not groundbreaking, but not disappointing, really. perfectly acceptable. onward.

*ps. I have friends and relatives who, objectively, ARE hugely fat, and I don't find them disgusting in the slightest. I just wish i could love myself as much.

[LadyM]

This makes absolute sense and I could have written pretty much the same thing verbatim. I wish there was a cure for this plague we're all suffering from.

[kb0426]

I think we all have these moments. Same body, same mirror, same lighting, different opinion. I know it doesn't make it any damned easier, however.

[pjena]

I think we all have these moments. Same body, same mirror, same lighting, different opinion. I know it doesn't make it any damned easier, however.

 

Ditto. We all do that!  4 lbs is great!

 

 

[Nadia B]

"but I kind of want to know if I look ok anyway". Dear girl, you forgot to add to who. You forgot to add "can I/do I need to influence that". Once it's determined then it's worth worrying. You know what I mean? You do, I am sure. 

[kew]

Can I have Nadia B's questions engraved on my eyelids?! 

[missmary]

Dearest Nadia, you are so so deep! and so right. 

 

The reality is:"I kind of want to know if I look ok TO ME." Isn't that sad? I don't know if my body is alright or not WITH ME! It's true, other people's opinions are pretty irrelevant, or should be. It's not like me existing with this body is something I need to appologize for. I know that. 

 

Now for the "can I/do I need to influence that." Yes, I think I better. Framed this way it seems just as likely that I could solve it by changing my thinking than by trying to change my body, but clearly there is more work to be done here.

[Nadia B]

It's not sad, it's the one worth worrying about. I get why it's hard, because we always perceive ourselves through others. When the signals are mixed it's easy to get confused, right?

I meant these "to who" and "can I/ need to change that" to work together. Like a two step process. For example, my Granny thinks I am skinny as hell. Do I look ok to her - no. Do I need to change that? Nope, because she thought the same couple years/dozen lb ago. Conclusion - nothing to worry about. There are people who will never think you are ok. Big, small, fit or not - they will always pick on something or offer their precious advice. This test eliminates most of people around actually I like it this way.

[missmary]

I get you Nadia. I can't think of anyone in my life who comments on my body or weight or size. ever. except for the kids...well actually I do have a co-worker and also my sister-in-law who both comment that I'm looking "fit" or "skinny." I think they both mean "better" than I used to look, although thankfully they never ever said I was looking "fat" or whatever, then, only compliments now. Any insecurity about my appearance is either my own issue, or my imagination of what someone else is thinking (also clearly my own issue).

 

So, although I don't really know how I want to look and I don't have the objectivity to know how I actually look right now, I DO KNOW that I want to be strong, and I can measure that. No, I didn't forget the monthy data collection. This morning I did:

 

1) pullup; nope, but I did 5 with 30% assistance, where I could only do 3 at that level last month

 

2) deadlift; 1.3x body weight (goal= 1.5x, eventually 2x), This is an improvment only because my body weight is less (lifted the same amount). is that cheating?   I kind of don't want to push this too much just to get a number. slow, steady, healthy, sustainable strength is my goal.

 

3) 5 minute snatch test. moved up to 12kg bell, did 70 (goal is 100 with the 12)

 

4) Box Jumps x5 @ 8 risers (goal=9 risers, well, infinity and beyond but 9 is next)

[Derval]

Great progress MM , have you tried chin-ups, a bit easier.  Like the guy in the wine sweatshirt in the pics here

http://stronglifts.com/how-to-do-pull-ups-and-chin-ups-with-proper-technique/

 

Definitely not cheating to relate your lift to your current bw, sure if we all had to base our lifts on our original weight when we started lifting, that would be unfair!

[LadyM]

"So, although I don't really know how I want to look and I don't have the objectivity to know how I actually look right now, I DO KNOW that I want to be strong, and I can measure that."

 

I love this. You've helped me just make a big ol' shift. Thank you!

 

And congrats on all your improvements!

[missmary]

Great progress MM , have you tried chin-ups, a bit easier.

 

Thanks D. I do chins with band assist at my Kettlebell studio most Saturdays...I hadn't thought if it was easier or not, since the band is so different from the assistance machine I use at the gym. Grip for the assistance machine is not a strict pull-up really, either, somewhat angled? Interesting. I've been making progress on my chins, so I will be watching out to see if I get one without assistance before I get there with the pull-up machine.

 

Oh and yeah, there is no way I'll be using my "original weight" to judge my lifts or I'll never make it to a 2x BW deadlift  very good point. thanks.

 

And YAY for a shift, LadyM!!

[Derval]

 

And YAY for a shift, LadyM!!

 

-----------------------------------

Tee hee, http://www.slang.ie/index.php?county=Longford&entry=shift

[Derval]

p.s I also did reverse chin-ups to build up strength, put a box under the bar so you can reach it, do a jump up and lower yourself slowly from top position.

[missmary]

p.s I also did reverse chin-ups to build up strength, put a box under the bar so you can reach it, do a jump up and lower yourself slowly from top position.

Yup. I do these, then hang, engaging my lats for 45-60 seconds, and I do lat pulldowns, and I do machine assist pull-ups and I do band assist chin ups...the pull up is my nemesis.

[Derval]

You'll do it, I'd bet half a grasspfed cow on it

[kb0426]

Paco and I just finished 2 hours at Fort Snelling. AWESOME!!

Thank you for planting the idea in my head!

[missmary]

lovely day today:

1. -- overslept and missed my yoga class, so I took a long walk around a couple lakes. Ended up going about 10 miles, nice and slow. Wore my raincoat so it wasn't a big issue when it started pouring 2/3 of the way through...
2. -- Groceries and cooking then a few hours playing piano with paleo kitty next to me on the bench. She listens so intently, with her ears back and twitching in rhythm, it's fascinating...of course at one point I got distracted watching her and hit a sour note. Oh! the look of judgment on her face! so funny.
3. -- Dinner was nom nom paleo's mexican braised beef over mashed cauliflower and the best salad: baby greens, cultured carrots, radishes, scallion, cilantro, cucumber, avocado, ume plum vinegar. SO GOOD. Having exactly the same meal for lunch tomorrow.
4. -- now to pack my bags for bike/workout/work/bike/workout/bike tomorrow. trying out a brand new gym in the evening. excited!
5. -- AND, picked up a spendy bath salts packet to mix in with my usual epsom salts and essential oils. hot bath listening to moth podcasts is on the menu, then early bed.

Nice to have a solitary day without stress or anxiety or overthinking. Just good mellow. feeling nourished and peaceful. 

[Nadia B]

lNice to have a solitary day without stress or anxiety or overthinking. Just good mellow. feeling nourished and peaceful. 

 

I love the soothing tranquility of your post. I was reading this line over and over. 

 

Walking in the rain is our thing, right? Only you go prepared. Kitty police, so funny. Cultured carrots are back in stock too! New gym news, please. Wow some random sentences in a row. 

[missmary]

new gym news, per request: kind of disappointing?

 

There are lots of really great fitness people around Minneapolis, and I was excited to try this one out because I've read a bunch of stuff the owner has written and also his fiance who also trains people there, and we have a lot of the same ideas about fitness and interests in different kinds of activities and whatnot, BUT. The gym is organized around classes where people all do supersets of the same exercises (somewhat scaled for them) and I kind of felt out of place, in part because I am awkward around new people, for sure, but also because a lot of the other people seemed like novice exercisers to me, and of course the assumption was made (not in a super offensive way, just subtly) that I was in the same place. I mean, I know I have a lot of work to do still, but, Dang! I wish you could tell how strong and skilled I am just by looking at me. I mean, progress is great, but, I wish I didn't have to explain.

 

Anyway. The only way this was going to work would be if I just did their classes all the time and stopped my solo workouts and my kettlebell class and yoga classes and stopped working with Max and that ain't happening. at least not for now. I did get praise on form a couple times, and the only correction was on my breathing style (never mind that other people taught me to do it that way, that's fine), so I guess that's good?

 

It's all ok. Maybe I just need to find a class where I actually AM a novice so I don't need to worry about other people's assumptions about me? I would love love love to find some gymnastics somewhere. tumbling, balance beam, etc. You guys can all be ballerinas. Gymnast will be my quest.

[Nadia B]

And then we run away and join the circus

[missmary]

OMG OMG OMG people!! I didn't say anything before because I didn't want to jinx it, but I just came back from my first "Adult Tumbling" class of the summer. My teacher used to be in a circus in the Ukraine, I kid you not. Perfect accent, perfect combination of precise instruction and encouragement. I watched him teach the toddler class before mine, and his attitude was similar: we are playing fun games, lets try this, ok, do this, try this, you are doing awesome, ok next time try to think of this and on and on. SO MUCH FUN! I did not stick a cartwheel, but I did many handstands and many different variations of trying to do cartwheels (other people were doing much more difficult stuff--combinations of handsprings and twisting etc. but that was fine). I'll get there. Class ran over by 1/2 hour, I think because the teacher was just enjoying it too much to kick us out.

 

Better wind down and get some sleep but I had to tell you guys. So happy. 

[Nadia B]

Aaaaaa so cool. Sooooooo cool. Lots of vowels here, uh. I bet you felt like a kid a bit, no? Definitely free and careless. Dream of circus tonight!

[Derval]

Sounds great MM, glad you had such a fun time.

[missmary]

Thanks girls  . Update: I can't remember the last time I was this sore from a workout. Not debilitating or anything, but hello shoulders! and glutes! This is gonna be good.