Physibeth Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Anytime! Please feel free to give it back to me when I need it! I'm trying really hard to remove the moral statements about my eating because I think it actually makes it easier for me to make healthier choices when I do. I was a pretty compliant child/teenager/adult and food has always been my one big rebellion as well as a place I would look for praise so not saying "I'm being good/bad" removes an entire emotional aspect of the choice for me. So hard to change that mindset though. That's an interesting thought about the undereating and skinny comments. Hard to say. If you can figure out the link that is good for forward progress and learning, but otherwise back to what you know works today is definitely the right thing! Yay! Race was great! Thanks! Have a great day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 Accomplishment? Every month Max makes me write him an email outlining where I am, updating him on my goals and how I feel about them (I know, he is pretty amazing. that guy.). Anyway, Friday night he emailed asking for his update. I was out with a couple friends and one of them was taking pictures of me with her phone for fun the whole night and looking at them I had a crazy realization: I think I'm done with weight loss. Although my BMI number is still "overweight", I'm not sure I care. My body is healthy and strong and losing more weight won't make me healthier (it might actually make me less healthy). I'm good like this. So I emailed Max and let him know that weight loss isn't on the list of goals anymore, and that my food and movement weren't going to change so lets just wait and see what happens just from changing my thinking. It is possible that I will continue to lose, or I might lose MORE because I think sometimes I restrict a little subconsiously and maybe now I'll be more likely to fuel my body properly, but hopefully I will be able to increase intake if I need to moving forward. And then I went shopping and tried on a million things and only bought one: grey skinny cords for fall. they look good! One step closer to being at peace with my body. Happy Sunday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calee Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Bravo bravo bravo! This is n excellent post about being done with the weightloss portion of this journey. I really applaud you for seeing where your efforts have gotten you, and for not always wanting more! How exciting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Yay! What a wonderful realization! Congrats on how far you've come. P.S. Isn't the weather glorious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Mary, you will get million karma points from Universe, I am sure. Your approach and honest posts helped me (and many other silent ones I believe) so much. There will be days for mind games. Those annoying "Too thin? Not thin enough? Says who?What do I think about it? Do I need to think about it?". Fortunately it's all far beyond appearance goals. Congratulations on starting an adventurous experiment "even more hot by accident". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 hi friends. So yesterday afternoon I had my first appointment with Max since I told him I was done with weight loss and it was kind of interesting. He said he had been waiting a while for me to come to this conclusion on my own, and that he thinks it's right and healthy. I do too, although I will probably always be self conscious and see imperfections in my body, that isn't the end goal of my eating or my exercise. I want to feel good, because feeling good helps me do what I want to do and be how I want to be (energetic, nice to be around, generous, you know?) ....and then I had a gathering at my house where I drank way too much wine . Now I'm suffering, but I don't think it's a big problem or a slippery slope. Other than the alcohol, I served them food that I could eat and enjoy--not whole30, but close enough for me on a special occasion--and no complaints. Everybody loved it, actually, so that was cool. I did marinated/grilled flank steak (coconut amigos, garlic, olive oil, honey); and baby potatoes, boiled first, then grilled just to get crispy and steam the insides; a giant salad with mescalin, shaved fennel, red onion, cherry tomatoes with lemon/olive oil/garlic dressing; chimicurri and aoli for putting on the meat or the potatoes or salad or whatever; berry crumble from practical paleo for dessert (with coconut milk ice cream). yum. now my hair smells like firepit, and I have a headache and I really need to eat something and get in gear to work all weekend. yay. lol. the process/journey continues... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Aside from the wine sounds like you had a great evening and I love reading your updates about where you are in your journey! I know I still need to lose some more weight but I'm kind of in a place where I'm not desperate to lose it. Does that make sense? Sorry you have to work all weekend. I will be working on more moving stuff myself. Yay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 Hi Bethany! It totally makes sense. and good luck with moving stuff. I'll be ok, headache is mostly gone and, as I said to my boss when he asked if we could have a meeting at 10am Sunday morning, It's a good thing I love what I do, and I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Welcome to the dawn of weight maintenance. So I did my October 1st weigh-in, and I've gained a small fraction of a pound in September. Then I put on my "new" black work pants that were a tiny bit snug not long ago and took note of the fact that the waist is now too big, although they fit pretty well in the thigh. I am ok with my current weight. I love that my body type is changing from what was always always an apple, to where my quads and butt are developed and my waist is smaller. I feel good about where I am right now. I have energy. I think I am eating right to fuel my body and my activities. It's good! carrying on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 It's been a little while, huh? Here's a random stream of consciousness for you: Things are going ok. Last week was my first week back at my actual job (after being loaned out for 5 months) and my former supervisor gave me a horrible cold as a going away present. LOL. I was pretty sick and actually took the whole week off workouts. I can't remember the last time that happened! I've been eating eating eating, basically as much good whole30 food as I can pack in, thinking that I need the nourishment. I've also been sleeping as much as possible (12 hours or more each night). badly needed. Hopefully that's done now. I went to kettlebells this morning, and, although I scaled back on weight, I did pretty well with the whole workout. I'm pondering the possibility that I might do better with one or two total rest days each week moving forward. What else? Spending a gazillion dollars on clothes (so many things are too huge to be worn in public at this point), and just realized I need a winter coat, so a gazillion dollars more will be spent. If I was sure I was sticking at this size it would be easier, but I don't really know how things will play out moving forward. Trying not to panic. I don't think I'm gaining weight right now (or losing) but I'll probably always worry about it. Ran out of thyroid meds this week (my Dr and I had talked about trialing eliminating those starting this fall). I was supposed to go in for blood work and talk with her before my prescription ran out but I haven't managed that yet. Torn about maybe requesting one more refil or just starting my trial now. I don't know...I like the idea of being off meds but I also don't want to reverse course at this point. I wish I could just trust my body to do what it is supposed to do. ok, off to play with kids and feed them snacks and hopefully still have energy left for a friend's birthday party tonight. I really want a nap. ha. 15 minute nap then off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 No more gyms musical chairs and madness at 5 am???? YAY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 Ok, so it's November 2013. October was interesting. I've relaxed a little bit which means occasionally I sleep through the 5am gyms madness (although usually I do not sleep through it ). I'm working on handstand and pullup and just did a deadlift workshop yesteday (new PR: 1.5x body weight*). AND, I've relaxed a little bit about food/drink which means mainly drinking a couple hard ciders or brandy hot toddies out with friends but also having a small serving of coconut milk ice cream or a gluten free co-op muffin once in a while. I don't know. I haven't weighed. My body keeps changing but I think that has more to do with loose skin tightening up than weight gained or lost (my new small clothes fit fine), I'll see tomorrow. Off Thyroid meds for two weeks now, with no noticible change in energy. *Deadlift Workshop was fun and mostly good, although I'm still trying to figure out what it is about me that makes people think I'm a novice exerciser. Two guys were going on and on about how great I am and how I picked up this skill faster than anyone they had seen before, etc. etc, and well, that's because it is NOT a new skill for me. I know what I'm doing, I just wanted more instruction. I DID take it really easy on the amount of weight early in the workshop because I knew I wanted to pull a PR later (hard to do after 2 hours of lifting heavy), so maybe they thought that was progress? I used to think this reaction had to do with my appearance/body, but I'm kind of averagish weight now, and there were some competitive weightlifters there who nobody assumed were novices (one of whom was considerably heavier than me. and very cool. and nice. and pulled 300lbs ). who knows. Oh and the big news: I've decided to sign up for online dating again. It's been a couple years, but at the very least I need some practice interacting with strange men (and not just all my close guy friends who already have wives and girlfriends) so, I reactivated my old account and was going to get some new pictures up but accidentally made my profile visible for about half an hour. I realized it after 2 dudes emailed expressing interest...so I guess there are guys out there interested in my old photos/self...I will be curious to see how it goes once I've updated everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberino21 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 The dead lift workshop sounds good - it's one of my most "feared" exercises, only because I've hurt myself doing it before. My form is a lot better now, but I still have a slight nerves doing them. 1.5 times bodyweight sounds impressive, too - well done! (Is that in lbs or kgs?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 (Is that in lbs or kgs?) Does it matter? As long as you measure both my body and the bar with the same units it would be the same I DID get chided at one point for suggesting that the bar weighs less at the top than at the bottom (of course, the bar weighs the same amount, but you DO have more leverage at the top, so it SEEMS lighter). thanks! In any case, if your form is good deadlifting can be a fantastic corrective exercise and actually prevent injury, but of course: form has to be good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberino21 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 It doesn't matter, I just wanted to work out what I could do but, Duh...I'm so silly! I was working out 1.5 times bw in lbs, but 2.5 times in kgs and thinking that was huge! Confusing myself...sorry! We've been training with our physio (and ex body builder) who is super picky about form/technique - he has helped a lot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Sounds like things are going well for you Mary! I think there is something to be gained from letting ourselves relax within reasons. Congrats on your PR! Good luck with your online dating. I never had great luck with those things when I was single. I met my husband in one of the most unlikely places for either of us to be...a karaoke bar. I fully believe in putting yourself out there in whatever ways you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selene Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 There is a lot of inspiration here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted November 6, 2013 Author Share Posted November 6, 2013 There is a lot of inspiration here! Thanks Selene! Sometimes I forget how far I've come. Now for the November update: I finally had a chance to weigh in this morning. I hate how much anxiety I have surrounding this number--being afraid to weigh myself just in case I have a bad reaction. yuck. Anyway, I feel like it is important to do it considering that I stopped my thyroid meds last month, and I really want to maintain and this is one way to check and make sure that I haven't reversed course...once per month I grit my teeth and get on the scale. Weight maintenance confirmed: I lost two pounds. Hurray! Also: my deadlift last weekend was actually 1.65x body weight, not 1.5x...because I calculated that with my mental "it's ok if the scale says this" weight, but apparently not my actual weight, at least not today, or last month, or the month before. I weigh 10lbs less than that. That is also ok. Oh and an update re:the menfolk. I haven't gotten any new pics up, so my profile is still hidden, but this morning I had a small realization. Running out of clean workout gear, I showed up to hot yoga in my tiniest least-flattering (IMO) pair of shorts, the ones that cut right into the fleshy part of my upper thigh. And wouldn't you know it, but a dude who has taken that class with me a million times and never given me a second look, today gives me a look, then a second look, then a big flirty smile. I guess some people like those gross squishy parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted November 6, 2013 Author Share Posted November 6, 2013 Hey guess what: I'm a moderator now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 I was wondering how come that it didn't happen long time ago )))))))) Don't you dare to call any part of yourself gross. You taught me not to! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted November 6, 2013 Author Share Posted November 6, 2013 Don't you dare to call any part of yourself gross. You taught me not to! lol, Nadia! You are right, though. The squishy parts are awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kb0426 Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 Hey guess what: I'm a moderator now. Oh I want a love button!!! Awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Hey guess what: I'm a moderator now. Well deserved! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted December 2, 2013 Author Share Posted December 2, 2013 Hello Friends. I'm back from 10-days traveling (5 days road trip with my parents, 5 days visiting my sister), gearing up for a really busy stressful week, of some good things, some anxiety producing ones: my annual performance review; a banquet to recieve an award for a project I worked on; lunch with my supervisor from the temporary "loan" I was on (not sure why he requested this...); public meetings for a new project; a long overdue session with Max . Most of these are really positive things, and even the performance review is an opportunity for positive interaction, just dreading the need to be "on" and ready and confident and strong. My trip was good. It was so much fun to spend time with my neices (lots of gymnastics and rough-housing) and my sister and brother-in-law. The long drive with my parents was also mostly good--got to spend a LOT of time talking with my mom and getting caught up. Food at my sisters was fine, but food on the road was pretty rough. I have a new appreciation for how impossible it is to eat real food in most parts of the US (lots of iceberg lettuce salads and bunless commodity meat burgers) and I had to watch my father make HORRIBLE choices over and over again and suffer the consequences. He is a grown man, and I tried to be subtle in my coaxing but it just breaks my heart to watch this overweight, diabetic man eat waffles with "maple" (high fructose corn) syrup for breakfast because it is "free" with our hotel room, and then to watch his mood and energy levels swing wildly for the rest of the day. They did a whole30 last year, but rejected eating this way because they didn't lose "enough" weight and my mom didn't feel good. I suspect they were restricting calories and not eating enough good quality carbs (for mom, anyway), but I think I may have convinced them to try the 21-day sugar detox in January. Baby Steps. Anyway. Glad to be back eating my own food and doing my regular workouts. Returned with a couple huge bags of clothes that are too small for my sister (some I gave her 10 years ago when they were too small for me). Although I would love for her to be as healthy as she can be, I'm hoping we don't have to swap these back next year at this time. No regressing. slow steady forward progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I hope your week goes really well. Don't stress about it, just enjoy the roller coaster ride! I totally understand what you mean about your parents. I had to bite my tongue a lot while I was at home. Trying hard to educate without sounding like a know it all and just being an example. Keep up the great work and the example will shine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.