missmary Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 ugh. unsatisfying dinner. Pork LOIN cooked in broth in the slow cooker (low fat! says mom), boiled carrots. Worse sleep. Sore shoulders, arms and lats from my morning WO with Max (that was awesome, though). Trying not to dwell on weird passive-aggressive sister-in-law behavior. I think she sees my weight-loss as judging her weight, somehow? Tip: It has nothing to do with her. I want to kidnap my niece and nephew for nutrition/fitness re-education camp. More "willpower" and "lots of running" is so not the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derval Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 My mam can be like that - I think your changes hold a mirror up to them & they see what they need to do ifywim. Mam will probably notice (and comment somehow) that I have gained 5lbs even though she could do with losing 35! argh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kb0426 Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 ugh. unnsatifying dinner. Pork LOIN cooked in broth in the slow cooker (low fat! says mom), boiled carrots. Worse sleep. Sore shoulders, arms and lats from my morning WO with Max (that was awesome, though). Trying not to dwell on weird passive-aggressive sister-in-law behavior. I think she sees my weight-loss as judging her weight, somehow? Tip: It has nothing to do with her. I want to kidnap my niece and nephew for nutrition/fitness re-education camp. More "willpower" and "lots of running" is so not the answer. If only the word could be spread that willpower cannot help you overcome food that is biochemically engineered to make us want more and more! I grew up thinking I was a failure for not being able to say no. It wasn't until quite recently that I came to realize that it wasn't my fault. Boiled carrots would make me want to stab my hand with a fork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 M, I feel you. Sorry you are dealing with this. If you ever kidnap those babies, can you please take my cousins to your camp? Every time I visit aunt's house my heart is bleeding as I see my older one making a meal for himself - pasta with meatballs from the pack covered (more drowning) in ketchup. Aunt used to say - but he is an active boy, that's ok. I want to scream - it's NOT about getting or not getting fat. Derval is 100% right. People feel uncomfortable because they always have excuses not to change. Next step - they think you know the magic trick, starve or do some crazy stuff. They spend so much time and energy trying to explain someones success so it won't disturb them. About weight loss. I actually had people writing to me that they don't like me losing weight, that I can't go against nature (nature would be zero education about nutrition and box of cookies available in copious amounts) and that I look ugly being thinner. I know you have friends who are supportive and happy for you. That's what matters. Have a good week, ok? P.S. Mmm boiled carrots. Swedish delicacy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted April 29, 2013 Moderators Share Posted April 29, 2013 I think she sees my weight-loss as judging her weight, somehow? Tip: It has nothing to do with her. I want to kidnap my niece and nephew for nutrition/fitness re-education camp. More "willpower" and "lots of running" is so not the answer. It's so heartbreaking to see kids getting set up to fail the same way we were, isn't it? But we're kinda hog tied when it comes to other people's kids. Especially when those other people are already suspicious of us and our "judgments." My mam can be like that - I think your changes hold a mirror up to them & they see what they need to do ifywim. Mam will probably notice (and comment somehow) that I have gained 5lbs even though she could do with losing 35! argh. In fairness, we all have tendencies to manage others when we can't seem to tackle taking care of ourselves. My mother plays the same tricks, criticizing the way I do or do not take care of my health when she's dying at 65 from kidney failure, diabetes, heart disease. I, of course, believe she could be doing a much better job with eating and exercise. . . . the projections are endless. I take comfort in whatever clarity I can get into this and remember to focus on me and not pick up other's stuff (projections, beliefs, etc.) that isn't mine. Sore shoulders, arms and lats from my morning WO with Max (that was awesome, though). Yay for sore muscles! I can't WAIT to get back in the gym and feel myself getting stronger. Good for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 I love you guys :wub: . That is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee Lee Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 My two cents: Clothes: always buy things that fit at that moment! Getting the stuff that's an itty bit too big now is easy (and cheap) to have tailored after the fact. That stuff that doesn't quite fit yet stands the chance to stare at you from your closet and make you feel like a failure if your squats have made your thighs too big for them, even if the waist fits...or if you hit an annoying plateau for months at a time. Clothes, just like food, shouldn't have that much control over you. Also? people suck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Clothes: always buy things that fit at that moment! To be clear "almost too small" actually fits right now, just not a lot of room for going backwards . I'll wear them sometime this week, probably. and yes, people suck (except for the ones who are awesome ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Day 30?! What? Time to reflect. This month was good. I'm feeling really steady and peaceful, despite being slow at work (which usually makes me a little crazy). Weighed in this morning at the gym (no scale at home) and found I was exactly, to the decimal point, the same as I was at the Dr's office two weeks ago. So, I guess either I haven't lost any weight since then, or the scales in these two places are not calibrated the same or the difference is from a different point in my cycle or, or, or. I'm ok with it. In the past I would have avoided eating or drinking anything prior to the weigh-in, but this morning I took my supplements and ate my egg and had my coffee just like usual. Potentially "good numbers" weren't worth messing up my routine, so I feel good about that. Maybe this is where I land? Maybe that's ok? I don't know. I'm getting into a little scary territory here, with the sister-in-law (and other family stuff) and with my interaction in the world. I'm not invisible anymore, and it's a little uncomfortable getting noticed, but it's happening...not just overtly but more subtly, like instead of being ignored and bulldozed over by dudes at the meat counter it's "ladies first!" dykwim? Now is crunch time, because I want to get comfortable in this body and be ready for whatever body I will have in a month or a year because there is a lot I want to do and it is so much easier and nicer to do it when I'm healthy and strong. carrying on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Great post. It's funny how we sometimes feel better being invisable. I love that you recognize that and are determined to overcome it and be comfortable in your now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted May 1, 2013 Moderators Share Posted May 1, 2013 I'm not invisible anymore, and it's a little uncomfortable getting noticed, but it's happening...not just overtly but more subtly, like instead of being ignored and bulldozed over by dudes at the meat counter it's "ladies first!" dykwim? Now is crunch time, because I want to get comfortable in this body and be ready for whatever body I will have in a month or a year because there is a lot I want to do and it is so much easier and nicer to do it when I'm healthy and strong. carrying on. Word. This. Is. Gorgeous. Scale schmale. The transformation is immeasurable. Congratulations! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 made a batch of mayo as my "treat" for finishing another 30 days, so had chicken salad (with thighs...and cashews) for lunch yesterday, and tuna salad for dinner neither was as good as I remember and I'm kind of done with it now. mayo will probably go bad in fridge next to half-bottle of wine from several weeks ago. craving greens...BUT sprints were really really good this morning after all that extra fat yesterday, so maybe I've been under-eating a little? time to experiment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Peaceful is the best word in your report. At first it's scary, but you should learn to enjoy it at least a bit Send the mayo over, my Dad will be very happy! Did you do sprints in the snow?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Did you do sprints in the snow?!? it did snow yesterday, but it didn't stick. Sprints on the tiny track at my gym, but someday soon I'll be back to running up hills in my bare feet. I swear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beets Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Seems like you are having fun. Seems like your kitty is loving your new experiments, that's so cool. I remember when Liz Wolf from BB was saying that she made bone broth for her dogs etc and that they eat better than her. Watch out, paleo kitty may turn into a tiger in 30 days My dogs ate consistently better than people for years. I'd roast them a whole free-range chicken, get tired and order take-out for the people. We had a kitty (feral, taken home from the backyard of a bar at 4am, not a great idea) for awhile and I did the raw food thing. That cat was happy! But she hated our dog and kept attacking her. She has a happy home now, though no raw meat I suspect. Pet food is generally pretty vile. Not sure how alarmist it was, but I read a piece about dog food fat coming from rendered animals--like sick cows, euthanized pets (!!) and other incomprehensible "meat" sources. Actually, the sick animals -->> pet food thing I read in many places. (Which is why I make my dogs' food.) A good bra fit by a knowledgable person is a necessity! It is worth every last cent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kb0426 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 made a batch of mayo as my "treat" for finishing another 30 days, so had chicken salad (with thighs...and cashews) for lunch yesterday, and tuna salad for dinner neither was as good as I remember and I'm kind of done with it now. mayo will probably go bad in fridge next to half-bottle of wine from several weeks ago. craving greens...BUT sprints were really really good this morning after all that extra fat yesterday, so maybe I've been under-eating a little? time to experiment. I'll be right over . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 huh, it's been a few days since I've posted. plugging away. super busy volunteer weekend (both Saturday and Sunday), which is kind of a workout: the kids all know if they come running at me and jump I will catch them and swing them around, which is super fun, but not so easy when they are 4- and 5-year olds. regardless, yoga this AM followed by new data-collection activities. I've decided weight and body fat percentage are getting lonely on my spreadsheet, so added the following: 1) pullup; 2) deadlift; 3) 5 minute snatch test. Goals being 1) 1? some? any? please!? ; 2) 2x BW; 3) 100 with 12kg bell. This morning I achieved 1) 0 ; 2) 1.25 x BW; 3) 98 w/8kg bell. Obviously, I should be using a heavier bell... off to try to convince a bunch of kids to try jicama and guacamole. Same children yesterday ate bell peppers and cucumbers with homemade ranch, but obviously had never tried either ever before, sliced raw cucumbers being referred to as pickles. Can I have some more pickles!?! (at least they wanted more ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 Restless girl! Can I have some of your persistence? Little bit? Mail to Toronto please Did they like jicama? They should have, it's so crunchy and juicy. Couldn't help myself, so I am posting this link to an old Russian cartoon. It's about the lion who works in circus. He goes on vacations and dreams about rest and bananas. Then he meets a bunch of kids. He also has a kettlebell...sort of. Skip to the minute 11 if you decide to watch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 OMG. cortisol through the roof! I was just summoned for a private meeting with my bosses where they told me that I will be working for another firm for 3-months "on loan" starting Monday. Yes, this is way better than being laid off, and we have been slow, but yikes. oh, and they are a major competitor of ours, so I need to simultaneously "impress them" and "not give away our secrets" (depending on which of my bosses you ask). That shouldn't be too hard, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 O.U.C.H Sorry to hear. Don't let it mess up the sleep, no inhaler I hope. Just wait, sweet Mary, maybe these 3 months will be for the best. This all sounds scary but you just have no other option but to wait and see if the panic is worth it. Big hug! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted May 9, 2013 Author Share Posted May 9, 2013 It should be fine, really, and I should be happy--I am one of two being loaned out, because we had skills/experience they could sell to this other firm. everyone else is going on reduced hours/reduced salary. It's just stressful. Hey, as a person who ate roasted sweet potato cubes every morning for breakfast for 6+ months (even when my hands started turning orange), you know I love my routine...it will probably be good for me to shake it up a little. right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kb0426 Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 A big ugh which I will turn into a hug! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators LadyM Posted May 9, 2013 Moderators Share Posted May 9, 2013 As scary as this is, and as vulnerable as it may make you feel, my gut tells me it's going to ultimately give you an opportunity to shine in a new way--they'll see what you're capable of beyond what they've acknowledged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nadia B Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 If not - bring that kettlebell in the office and place it near the desk. Big shine enhancer Now who would have doubted that you are super qualified at what you do. You will do great. Changes are good and usually in very unexpected ways. Now you'll have sweet potato slices and not cubes. Same sweet potato, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmary Posted May 10, 2013 Author Share Posted May 10, 2013 urg. went out with co-workers and had a glass of bourbon at the bar. one. that plus a bike ride home in the cold and dark. oh and a less than stellar late dinner of applegate hotdogs and a few sweet potato cubes...leaves me feeling pretty hung over and headachy. pulling myself together and heading to the gym to break the news: farewell circus boy and flirty guy and uber fit and the persistent trainer. I'll see you all in three months. maybe. hopefully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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