Moluv's Afterglow

[Moluv]

Making the Top 5 list really changed my attitude. I forgot to add my top 5 treats though so here goes:

Raw honey for my tea

Daterolls

Kombucha (moved from the beverage category)

Coconut water (also moved from bevvies)

Bacon (sugar cured)

I mentally feel best with parameters on what a safe treat is. Otherwise I think it's too easy to pick up a chocolate bar, and sugar and chocolate are harmful to my GI tract. Not a suitable treat. More like a punishment.

Another change I would make to the list is lumping all coconut products together in the fat category and adding soaked nuts.

After just a few days of cleaning up I have dropped 6 lbs of water weight and have abs and a waist again. Last Wednesday was my first ballet class and I was so bloated and had a "stuffed sausage" look in my leotard. Ill have to snag another pic tonight (I have a new ensemble too) and hopefully see a difference that will help keep me on the straight and narrow. Now I understand that a body with a little fat on it is perfectly ABLE to learn ballet technique it doesn't mean that it feels good to stand in front of a full length mirror in skin tight gear in front of other people jiggling your way through class. I am motivated to achieve MY VERSION of svelte dancer body and that begins with avoiding things that irritate me and cause that awful bloating. So drinking wine and coffee, eating cheese and chocolate just puff me up. Very inflammatory. The way I look this morning is well fed but not inflamed. Now if I can just keep going in that direction ill be doing just fine!

[Moluv]

**f-bomb warning, enlarge at your own peril**

[Nadia B]

Stop teasing me, ballet fashionista. Now I want to go shopping to replace my washed to death leotard. Maybe I should copy you and make a coffee bank. 3$ each day I don't drink coffee I am so happy that you found the system that seems to work.

[mary-t]

You're doing an amazing job of sorting things out. I love your "five foods" lists, that is a great idea. And I'm so happy for you for pursuing ballet. That seems like such fun. I'm hoping to do the same with yoga the later part of the summer.

P.S. Chocolate is evil to me also. So sad....

[mary-t]

Oops, one more thing. What are the daterolls? How are they made?

[Moluv]

Thanks Mary-T

The daterolls I buy at the Natural Grocer are just mashed up dates sort of formed into a log and rolled in shredded coconut.

[Moluv]

Stop teasing me, ballet fashionista. Now I want to go shopping to replace my washed to death leotard. Maybe I should copy you and make a coffee bank. 3$ each day I don't drink coffee I am so happy that you found the system that seems to work.

Nadia, weren't you the one who told me I would be able to find pretty little things to help me feel more confident. I took that as a directive to SHOP.

I am so excited for tonight I tried on my ensemble FIRST THING THIS MORNING. It's nothing fancy but I do like it...see....just a white leo with a black skirt.

[Nadia B]

Correct You look great, skirt is adorable. Is leo a low back one? Some good releve prerequisite is happening down there too. Ha.

[Moluv]

Correct You look great, skirt is adorable. Is it low back one? Some good releve prerequisite is happening down there too. Ha.

Sadly, not low back. I have to wear a bra to tame my pendulous bosom so.....I do my best!

And also, again, thanks for encouraging me

[kb0426]

You look fabulous and like you are ready to have fun!

[Beets]

Super cute! Brings back memories.

I bought a leotard for a Halloween costume a few years ago and I never wore it. I've been seeing people wearing the deep-V ones with jeans--a la 70s style, a look I think is so sexy.

F yeah leotards!

Thanks so much for posting your ballet adventures here. So inspiring.

[Jtandi]

I want to make a 5 foods list. awesome idea.

you are so kind to post a "F* WORD AHEAD" disclaimer to your pic. I would've never thought to do it. I would've just said f*ck it.

and you look wonderful in your new ensemble!

[Moluv]

you are so kind to post a "F* WORD AHEAD" disclaimer to your pic. I would've never thought to do it. I would've just said f*ck it.

and you look wonderful in your new ensemble!

Haha most of the people that I know follow this log swear too, but there could be some tight-lipped lurkers out there!

And thank you, I felt great in it at class.

[Moluv]

I made all my food choices today based around wanting to feel/look my best for 6:45 ballet. I felt more adept this week than last and I'm excited to know I have 20 meals between now and next week to get stronger and longer. Avoiding inflammatory foods now has some meaning as I am more motivated than ever to improve range of motion, as well as avoiding that awful bloating that comes all too quickly and leaves all too slowly.

What I ate:

Meal 1 & 2 were one dish split in two- I browned a pound of ground lamb and added a handful of fresh blackberries at the end and smashed them and served this over a bed of aruglula. I ate the whole pound of meat over meals one and two, which seems like a lot, but I wasn't stuffed or anything.

Snack: 1 dateroll and closed handful of soaked cashews, pu-erh tea with coconut milk

Meal 3: veggie laden meatloaf (a fat slice plus crumbs from the pan), 3 red new potatoes and baby carrots boiled in bone broth with ghee on top

I drank a lot of water. Yay me.

I felt kind of sleepy after both meal 1&2 and while that could be because I ate the full 2 palms protein after each meal, I really don't think that's it. I'm worried that it's the raw arugula that is difficult to digest. When I was doing IBS protocol I was also following Chris Kressers advice to avoid the high in insoluble fiber veggies and even the ibs protocol has you cook everything after cutting into small bits. I was eating a lot of winter squashes and root veggies then and I did have a lot of energy and didn't get sleepy after eating- I was also eating 2 palms of protein most meals then too. And I was slimmer. I wonder, even though my digestion is very regular now, if I am over-burdening my digestive system with too many raw veggies or too much fiber. I may go towards all cooked veggies witha little less fiberous ones to test it out.

Thanks again for everyone on here reading my log and validating this work I am doing on myself. It really has helped me succeed. While I know M&D put all the work into research and implementation of this program, if I didn't have this forum for support I know I wouldn't have had such swift and profound paradigm shifts in my thinking and behaving. It really has changed my life and I am so so grateful for all who participate in it. :wub:

[Moluv]

Had one of those days where standing at the fridge looking for breakfast foods I just *knew* I was going to end up eating a bunch of wonky stuff. And I did.

Meal 1: thinly sliced 3 day old leftover GF sirloin steak (note: I am utterly disgusted by leftover steak, it smells like fermented blood, but I had no other meat thawed and wasn't about to eat eggs so....) sauteed with a bunch of garlic, onions and ginger to mask the flavor of the aforementioned fermented blood. Pureed butternut squash. I could only eat half the meat because, ew, and if I don't get my 2 palms at breakfast I'm just gonna be peckish all day. I just could not eat that meat.

Meal 2: Didn't want to waste that meat though so I threw it in the slow cooker with the leftover carrots and broth from last nights dinner, added more seasonings and by the time I came home for lunch that meat was pretty ok tasting as a soup. Added butternut squash to cream it up, and a little coconut milk. Pretty tasty, but on the small side.

snack: 1 dateroll and 2 closed handfuls of soaked cashews

snack: mini box of raisins and handful soaked almonds, 1 plantain tostada

Meal 3: (though it can hardly be called that) had to go meet late clients and missed regular dinner so when I got home I just stood at the stove picking at a roasted chicken. I roasted it with just coarse celtic sea salt and cracked pepper right on the skin, 400 degrees with no cover and let me tell you that skin was so salty and crispy it tasted JUST LIKE Kentucky Fried Chicken or some other such abomination of fried chicken. It was heavenly. I think I ate more skin than chicken.

On the upside I drank only water all day with the exception that one of my glasses of water had a splash of overly-fermented homebrewed kombucha which is more like vinegar. Watered down like that it was quite tasty. But no tea! No bevvies, just water! I love it when that happens.

All morning I was very energized and calm despite feeling some unnamed negative emotion. I just allowed those bad feelings to accompany me through my day without letting them call the shots, and that feels new and exciting and....mature. I was super-productive at work, having clients spaced far apart in the day I used my down time to begin a much procrastinated geometric wall mural in my office. I had painted a similar mural in my old office about a year ago when I was on ADHD meds and eating about 80/20 WAPF/SAD and the difference in my ability to concentrate, focus and even be able to break this large task down into appropriate steps was noticeably improved. Not only that but my enjoyment level working on this project was higher. I still took little breaks to socialize on the internet and things like that, but I stayed on task and got much further than I expected. I feel like a new person compared to that old me. What a beautiful thing.

[Beets]

I totally agree about l/o steak. It feels like such a waste to not eat it but as a l/o it is singularly unappealing. I usually end up giving it to the dogs.

That is great about your mural. I kept thinking when I felt human enough to go to my old psych I would get back on my anti-depressants and ADD meds. He was also my therapist and was helpful to me, though he is near my old office which is in a fancy area and requires (in my mind) nicer clothes than I can fit into. (Typical malfunctioning depressed brain: you don't look good enough to see your psychiatrist.) I never thought I could be highly functioning without those meds. But it occurred to me yesterday that I can. A mind-blowing thought.

[Moluv]

Beets- because of your suggestion on LadyM's log about weight loss hypnosis I purchased one on iTunes and listened to it last night. Amazing. It just reinforced what I've leaned/what I believe consciously and drove it into my subconscious. It was very practical, w30 friendly suggestions and patterns. The take away for me was really to stay calm (which seems to be linked to cortisol). It also reinforced the notion of scale weight not mattering in recomposing your body shape, releasing weight that you don't need and loving the way yor body looks. I can already feel a difference. It's only an attitude shift.

This is the guy:

On a side note: being hypnotized or semi-hypnotized made me really happy. When I was a teenager it was sort of a family hobby to hypnotize people. My dad had a book and he would do it at parties so there was a lot of laughing and joking and fascination. My brothers hypnotized me once and I hypnotized a neighbor kid once. Then, as a hobby, hypnotism lost favor with my dad and I've never done it sense. But I believe.

[Jtandi]

hmmmmm...hypnosis? I might try it. I can always use more relaxation in my life.

[LadyM]

Beets- because of your suggestion on LadyM's log about weight loss hypnosis I purchased one on iTunes and listened to it last night. Amazing. It just reinforced what I've leaned/what I believe consciously and drove it into my subconscious. It was very practical, w30 friendly suggestions and patterns. The take away for me was really to stay calm (which seems to be linked to cortisol). It also reinforced the notion of scale weight not mattering in recomposing your body shape, releasing weight that you don't need and loving the way yor body looks. I can already feel a difference. It's only an attitude shift.

This is the guy:

On a side note: being hypnotized or semi-hypnotized made me really happy. When I was a teenager it was sort of a family hobby to hypnotize people. My dad had a book and he would do it at parties so there was a lot of laughing and joking and fascination. My brothers hypnotized me once and I hypnotized a neighbor kid once. Then, as a hobby, hypnotism lost favor with my dad and I've never done it sense. But I believe.

OK, so now I'm thinking I'll give it a try, too. . . .

[Beets]

People, I had my son in five hours and my daughter in one. I totally credit hypnosis and visualization, relaxation exercises like these. I mean, I am usually a nervous wreck, a worst-case-scenario freak scene but I was relatively calm during childbirth.

It works.

[Moluv]

Today I ate:

M1: cacao brew drinking chocolate with a dibbydab of raw honey and cm cream

Broth base soup with roasted chicken thrown in, baby chard, carrots, broc and fish sauce with splash of cm cream

M2: my favorite workday lunch: parking my car an eating 3 of the most delicious BBQ joint dry rubbed smoked ribs imaginable.

Snack: ginger goji Kombucha and a small bar of dark choc sweetened with dates. Awesome.

Now here is where things go south- after my lunch and snack I got a massage with My Lady and then had some relaxing time at home alone. Picked up kids and $&*+ got crazy- the 6 year old started puking in the car and then we picked up the little one who proceeded to have a 30 min fit bc we couldn't find his fave pacifier "pokey chupey". I got really stressed out by this and fell face first into the chocolate bar I had bought for my mil. I ididnt even feel bad about this. The whole time I was eating it I was like "thank goodness I just bought all this chocolate". I was sedated and then layed down with the kids and slept for 2 hours. I ate about 2/3 of that dark chock with sugar in it. Whatever. It was good medicine that I am grateful for.

After my nap I picked at the cold chicken for a while. Delicious. I'm out of veggies and all that puking hindered a store run so... I might heat up some frozen veggies or I might eat some more chocolate with some nuts. Hard to say.

I'm going to do my hypnosis then take melatonin. Grateful today for another amazing massage and yummy food and a sliver of me time before my kids demanded all of me at once.

[Beets]

I also had a kid-induced chocolate dive. Grocery shopping with 5yo jamming loose pickles (!) and m&m like candies from the bulk trail mix into his pockets, running away from me, whining.

Ugh. Food shopping alone is a true luxury.

But, yeah, I had similar thoughts about the chocolate.

[Jtandi]

oh yeah Beets - I saw your grocery shopping experience with the kids. dang kids. I sneak to the grocery store every time my kids are with grandma and grandpa.

Moluv - ugh. barfy kids. I am off to work today (I work as a nurse in the ER) and fully anticipate lots of barf. unfortunately it is not my own kid's. I would rather have NO barf, but if I'm going to deal with barf I would rather it be related to me.

[Moluv]

I smoked pot a few days ago and that was really fun but now that I think about it, it was after that that I started getting stressed out. I think that's what led to chocolate, which led to stress, which led to chocolate with sugar in it, which led to more stress, which led to wanting more pot, which thankfully I don't have and won't get. What a mess of chain reaction of bad reaction. It's just like what I've experienced with grains, dairy and eggs. I've read that smoking (versus vaporizing) sets off an immune response, which sounds similar to the leaky gut scenario which is why I feel the same cascade of negative emotional reactions. There is zero science on this that I can find. I think the whole "addiction" paradigm is dead wrong. I think the gut flora (a whole symbiotic organism residing in our bodies) is so little understood, the immune system so little understood. But I feel like I KNOW something deeply about this situation and despite what the general consensus may be, I am taking my new knowledge into decision making about what can come into my body. I won't avoid marijuana because of the high, which in and of itself has some positive effects, no, I will avoid it (and grains, eggs and dairy) to protect my precious immune system and gut flora balance. I will pamper myself today with clean food, a hot bath and a nap. This anxiety will pass, the sugar will exit my blood stream, stasis will return. Quickly. I will find myself in this position less and less frequently as I continue to gain knowledge about how things affect me.

[LadyM]

Man I love whining on the Internet so much more than just whining in my head. I can do nothing now but change. Permanently.

Well played, Mo. Well played.

Your horror stories are keeping my from desiring to reintroduce chocolate in any form. I was really into organic raw cacao powder and nibs before I started W30. They're technically compliant, maybe, but I imagine they'd be a gateway drug, so to speak, for me. Best to avoid for the foreseeable future. Thank you for the reminder!